blueowl32 Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 So on a night out I met a guy through a friend (there was a bunch of us) This guy tried to make convo with me and as we were walking around the club he held my hand. We locked fingers and his fingers lingered on mine in an extremely flirty way. He asked if he could have my number or Facebook and I teasingly and drunkenly said are you looking for a gf ha, to which he said yes. Later we were sitting really close to each other and he said he wanted to kiss me and he leaned in and gave me a peck on the side of the lips then pulled back, saying he couldn't to this to me whilst I was drunk (and I was quite drunk). Long story short, he had my number but now it's almost been two days but he never texted me. He has however, added me on Facebook. Do I take this as a lack of interest? A point to note, I have a slight feeling our mutual friend (the one who introduced us to each other) might be interested in me, so I am not sure if this is relevant to anything. My question is does he sound like he's not interested? I am interested in him but I am very against taking the step of messaging a guy first. I mean, if he's only lukewarm interested and can't be arsed, then I don't want to initiate anything and just forget about this entirely. In my previous experiences, guys who got my number on a night out always text me right away the next day. So please confirm I am right in saying this guy is not interested in me. Thanks. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 I would not think that he is not interested. He may think you are more interested in the other guy. Who knows what he thinks? It has only been 2 days. Is there a chance that you might see him at the club again? chi Link to comment
blueowl32 Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 I would not think that he is not interested. He may think you are more interested in the other guy. Who knows what he thinks? It has only been 2 days. Is there a chance that you might see him at the club again? chi Thanks Chi. How many days should I give it before I conclude he's not interested? I was having fun with the other guy - as in dancing and talking, but that was only because he was my friend. And I did that with my other friends too. The guy friend (who I am not interested in) does flirt with me occasionally and texts me A LOT (I actually don't like it) and sounds to me he and the guy I am interested in do talk. So if the former is interested in me I suspect the latter might find out. I might see him again, if the group goes out again. But since he asked for my number I was expecting him to want to text/ get in touch with me. Initiating contact would be a bad idea, wouldn't it? Thanks again! Confused now... Link to comment
chitown9 Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 I have learned that people have their own agendas. It is very possible that the mutual friend guy to the one you are interested in that you and he have something going on....so that would definitely put the one you are interested in off...he may just be waiting to see how things pan out between you two, not realizing that he was fed a lie. When I was in high school there was a fellow who spread the rumor that he was taking me to the prom. He did not even ask me. He probably had a crush on me and was afraid to really ask me, but it he killed off anyone else who might want to ask me. I think that you will need to initiate some conversation with this guy. Give it a few more days and then just shoot him a message. I would just say something like...I like you drunk and I like you sober. How about you? Then there was the time my be friend withheld critical information from my boyfriend that kept us apart. Yeah! My best friend! You want to know why? Because she wanted him for herself. You are putting way to much on this not wanting to send the first message. Get over it. You just might find the conversation with him to be very enlightening. Then there was the time my best friend in high school was withholding critical information from my boyfriend that caused us to not speak to one another. You want to know why? Because she wanted him for herself. Yeah! My best friend. Betrayed by my best friend. Wow! Link to comment
blueowl32 Posted June 19, 2017 Author Share Posted June 19, 2017 It's the third day and he hasn't messaged. I will wait for a few more days. Thanks Chi for sharing your experiences Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 It's the third day and he hasn't messaged. I will wait for a few more days. I apologize if this sounds rude, but why are you waiting at all? So a guy asked for your number. Guys I meet at clubs, parties or meet-ups or wherever ask for my number quite often, and if I choose to give it to them, I don't sit around "waiting" for them to text/call. At this early stage in the game, frankly I don't care if they text or not, I met him once, had a nice chat and that's it! I have absolutely no expectations about it and imo neither should you. Sometimes he'll call or text asking me out, sometimes not. Believe it or not, I've had some guys call or text me WEEKS later even! To me, it's really not that big a deal until we actually go out on a date and get a real "feel" for each other to determine whether there's "something there." If not, that's okay too, it was only one date. My advice would be to put it out of your mind. Continue going out, meeting other men, and if he calls asking you out, and you want to go, then accept and go out. There are lots of other guys out there. Try to not be so focused on one guy who asked for your number. I hope he reaches out though, because it seems after meeting him once, you really like him. So good luck keep us posted! Link to comment
amj8858 Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 This is the 21st cemetery. Text him if your interested take what you want...: lol. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 This is the 21st cemetery. Text him if your interested take what you want...: lol. Did she say they exchanged numbers? I didn't see that they had only that HE asked for HER number. I could have missed it though, I read through this thread quickly. But yeah good idea to exchange numbers, assuming you feel a click with him upon first meet (which has happened to me). And if you feel like texting him, do so if you're feeing brave enough. lol I am still working on that "being brave" bit myself lol, I kind of like for the man to take the reins in the very early stages. Link to comment
amj8858 Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 Did she say they exchanged numbers? I didn't see that they had only that HE asked for HER number. But yeah good idea to exchange numbers, assuming you feel a click with him upon first meet (which has happened to me). Exchange numbers and if you feel like texting him, do so if you're feeing brave enough. lol I am still working on that "being brave" bit myself lol, I kind of like for the man to take the reins in the very early stages. They are on each other's Facebook. Link to comment
amj8858 Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 Be brave the worst anyone can say is no. Then move on. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 I apologize if this sounds rude, but why are you waiting at all? So a guy asked for your number. Guys I meet at clubs, parties or meet-ups or wherever ask for my number quite often, and if I choose to give it to them, I don't sit around "waiting" for them to text/call. At this early stage in the game, frankly I don't care if they text or not, I met him once, had a nice chat and that's it! I have absolutely no expectations about it and imo neither should you. Sometimes he'll call or text asking me out, sometimes not. Believe it or not, I've had some guys call or text me WEEKS later even! To me, it's really not that big a deal until we actually go out on a date and get a real "feel" for each other to determine whether there's "something there." If not, that's okay too, it was only one date. My advice would be to put it out of your mind. Continue going out, meeting other men, and if he calls asking you out, and you want to go, then accept and go out. There are lots of other guys out there. Try to not be so focused on one guy who asked for your number. I hope he reaches out though, because it seems after meeting him once, you really like him. So good luck keep us posted! Took the words out of my mouth. Totally agree and no, don't text. Not because of the century we're in, but because the ball is in his court- he said he wanted your number, let him use it. I do the same thing when I'm trying to make new friends in my newish city (usually "mom friends") - I've texted/messaged a lot with women I meet through moms groups and often they're very enthusiastic/interested until it comes time to actually making an effort to plan to meet - so I put myself out there, offer the times we're available, I'm as flexible as possible but also specific so it doesn't come across as "want to have coffee sometime" - and then it's that person's turn to respond, step up to the plate and actually make a plan. When i was dating many men asked for my number and seemed interested and never followed through. My follow up suggestion would be that if you're interested in meeting people stay sober so that you can give the exact impression you'd like to including the boundaries you're most comfortable with. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 Be brave the worst anyone can say is no. Then move on. Very true! What's funny is that I might advise a woman ask a man out first (did so on another forum awhile ago), and have all sorts of very good reasons why she should, when I have trouble doing that myself! I should follow my own advice!! LOL Assuming I really click with him upon first meet, which for me is very VERY rare. And frankly, whenever I've clicked with a man like that upon first meet, HE has always contacted me first, rather quickly too. Otherwise, my attitude is he's another man I met and had a nice chat with who asked for my number. I just put it out of my mind until I actually hear from him and we go out on a date. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 Very true! What's funny is that I might advise a woman ask a man out first (did so on another forum awhile ago), and have all sorts of very good reasons why she should, when I have trouble doing that myself! LOL I don't think it's about bravery in this case. I've asked men out, no big deal. In this case has nothing to do with gender or dating. He said he wanted her number and seemed pretty focused on that. So, it's his turn to follow through and actually call her. Nothing wrong with calling him just gives the impression that she's a bit desperate/impatient, etc. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 I don't think it's about bravery in this case. I've asked men out, no big deal. In this case has nothing to do with gender or dating. He said he wanted her number and seemed pretty focused on that. So, it's his turn to follow through and actually call her. Nothing wrong with calling him just gives the impression that she's a bit desperate/impatient, etc. Very true, I was talking more about if they exchanged numbers, leaving it open as to who would contact who. Link to comment
amj8858 Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 This isn't very complicated. If she's interested make a move it's not that hard Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 This isn't very complicated. If she's interested make a move it's not that hard Nothing wrong with calling him just gives the impression that she's a bit desperate/impatient, etc. Think I might have to bring this topic up at the next weekly meet-up (discussion group) I attend every Tuesday evening. It would make for an interesting discussion! Although I have a funny feeling the men will all say they would LOVE it if a woman calls them first, asks them out. They always do, and then when she actually does, he's like uh, meh. lol But who knows! Link to comment
blueowl32 Posted June 21, 2017 Author Share Posted June 21, 2017 it's almost a week and he never texted me. i feel sad Link to comment
amj8858 Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 it's almost a week and he never texted me. i feel sad Well at this point move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea Link to comment
blueowl32 Posted June 26, 2017 Author Share Posted June 26, 2017 Should I message him first or not at all? Link to comment
Birdie Posted June 26, 2017 Share Posted June 26, 2017 OP you just made a thread upset about another guy! Stop seeking validation from men, take some time away from dating and work on your self esteem and developing a positive self image Link to comment
blueowl32 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 OP you just made a thread upset about another guy! Stop seeking validation from men, take some time away from dating and work on your self esteem and developing a positive self image Thanks Birdie.. I am trying to do both at the same time. If I work on my self esteem before I date, I might end up being single and still a virgin at 50 years old.... lol Link to comment
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