My boyfriend won't let me go out or hang out with my family?

[alaskajane]

We've been together for a year. It's not that he won't let me go out per say, but he guilt trips me to the point where if I did I'd feel like anyway and we'd fight when I got home. I used to go clubbing all the time when I was single, now I haven't been in over 10 months because the last time that I did he broke up with me. He says I was 'feral' before I met him and settled down. Tonight I wanted to go to karaoke with my sister but he cracked it big time and then said he didn't want me to go out with his family for dinner anymore like I was supposed to and that he doesn't want anything to do with my sister. I do everything with his family but he does nothing with mine, he says he doesn't want our families to hang out unless they have to like at a birthday party. He says they're embarrassing. I get my family are inappropriate at times but they're my family and I can't chose who I'm related to.

 

He said if I continue to invite my family over he will move out. Since being with him he's made me cut off all of my friends but one. Some of them were bad people and treated me horridly and that's fine but now my only friends are his friends and I feel like I can't talk to anyone when we've had problems because they were his friends first and they'd most likely tell him or stand up for him. I love him so much and don't think I could be without him but I feel like it's always his way or nothing. What do I do?

[Snny]

I used to go clubbing all the time when I was single, now I haven't been in over 10 months because the last time that I did he broke up with me.

It would be considered a blessing that's he dumped you. Really.

 

I have been clubbing while engaged and without my fiancé just to relax with friends. Let my hairbrush down. My fiancé (husband now) respected and trusted me that I wouldn't go off making out with some drunk person or allow them to grope me while I'm on the dance floor.

 

He says I was 'feral' before I met him and settled down.

Uh... he's compared you to a wild, undomesticated cat/dog? Oh hell no.

Also, this speaks volumes. This exactly means that he doesn't accept you for the way you are and wants YOU to change. HE won't change.

 

He ain't worth getting back together for. He doesn't trust or respect you. He needs to go.

 

Tonight I wanted to go to karaoke with my sister but he cracked it big time and then said he didn't want me to go out with his family for dinner anymore like I was supposed to and that he doesn't want anything to do with my sister. I do everything with his family but he does nothing with mine, he says he doesn't want our families to hang out unless they have to like at a birthday party. He says they're embarrassing.

Major, major red flag. So not only is he picking your friends, but ALSO your family.

 

This man is abusive. Get rid of him. Don't listen to his guilt trips or threats because they are empty words. This guy has made it super clear that he's not going to change his attitude, but wants control over changing you. He's very disrespectful.

[j.man]

He said if I continue to invite my family over he will move out.

I'd say it's time to make inviting your family over a daily occasion then.

[Snny]

I'd say it's time to make inviting your family over a daily occasion then.

 

Yes!! Do it!! Push that loser out of your home!! Oh man he made it easier to get rid of. Thank god!!

 

Please tell me the place you have is under your name. It would make things easier.

 

Seeetheart, boyfriends come and go. You will always find another one who will be better than the the last. Family is always with you through the good and very crappy times. You will find someone so much better than this guy.

[MissCanuck]

Dump this clown.

[Seraphim]

Only abusive people cut you off from family members. It is a textbook hallmark of an abuser.

[alaskajane]

I can see what you said about him not changing. He's expected me to change so much to fit what his ideal partner is but he isn't willing to change in the slightest. Thank you so much for your comment, its a relief to not be told that it's my fault for once and that someone can actually see that there is something wrong. For a long time I've thought this is how relationships are since this is my first serious relationship. I've glad to hear its not supposed to be this way.

[alaskajane]

Thank you so much honestly, your support and kind words mean a lot.

[Socalgal94]

I can understand if you are the super flirty type cause my bf gets anxious when I go out n there's drinks involved. But he trusts me so he tells me to go have fun but don't over do it. Sounds like he just wants to control you. And never put a guy over your family.

[Fudgie]

Partners who isolate you from your family are abusers, plain and simple. I had this happen to me. He didn't want me to see my father, mother, or siblings. He would get angry if I went to see them. I started to lie about not seeing them when really, I was going over to see them. Lying about seeing my family, absolutely freaking ridiculous. I ended that relationship.