Why is he playing with my mind?!!!

[Rozanne]

Well - the saga to my incredibly complicated life continues!

 

Please feel free to look at my old posts for some background.

 

In a nutshell, my boyfriend and I broke up a couple of months ago - he had slept with another girl. We tried to work things out for a bit but he ended up finishing it with me.

After a lot of crying, begging, snivelling on my part - I started to see the upside of things and even went on a date with a new guy.

 

 

As soon as my ex found out that I was dating, he started sniffing about again. He came round to my house yesterday morning and we had a talk and basically managed to get everything sorted out. We agree to take it slow and to start appreciating each other again. I was skeptical but I wanted to give it a go. So, all was well - we even ended up having sex (stupid - I know!)

 

Then.....last night I got a answermachine message from him saying that he really needed to speak to me, he was worried that we had made a huge mistake and to call me as soon as I could. An so I called, and called and called. No response.

 

 

I keep on wondering what he is thinking.

Is he confused or is he just trying to get back at me for dating other guys?

And why does he always do this right before I've got a big University deadline?

 

Any insight would be much appreciated!

[Lonley26]

It seems like as soon as he thinks you are gone he tries to reel you in again. They seem to do that and then as soon as he gets you again he doesnt want you anymore. My x is doing that to me now although I decided not to give in to her unless she really proves to me that she wants to be with me and that will be hard for her to do. Stay strong and resist the temptation to give in to him. go on dates if you think you are ready. Go on with your life and if he wants to get back with you make hi work. If he really want to get back with you he will do anything he has to to prove it. People seem to want what they cant have especially if they once had it. Good Luck

[RayKay]

He wants what he can't have - but more specifically he wants to ensure that you are still wanting HIM. Finding out you had gone on another date probably bruised his ego slightly - where was the snivelling, begging girl that could not live without him before?....

 

I think you should just walk away if he does not return your call and let you know what he is talking about. He cheated on you and broke up with you and if he wants you back he'll work hard to get back in your good graces. But I think you should also really evaluate whether he deserves you back or not - you do deserve someone who is faithful and is 100% sure they want to be with you

 

Focus on your deadline and your studies and don' t put your life on hold for this guy anymore. If he wants you back that bad he'll let you know it, but even then he may find that you are a much stronger woman then he had anticipated.

 

Good luck.

[SouthernSon]

It's entirely possible he is using you to have a sort of "safety net", someone he can always fall back on for a relationship. That or some people just like having control of others.

[Beec]

He wants what he can't have

 

That hits the nail on the head.

 

And as soon as he knows he can have you, he doesn't want you anymore. If you ever let this guy back in, you must not let him in quickly. You must make him work and make him work and make him work. The psychology of it is his unconscious thoughts that: if you are that easy for him to get, that he can do it in a few hours, then you must not be worth having. Humans are not simple creatures.

[codaaurora]

Humans are not simple creatures.

 

I think this is the best possible answer I have ever seen!

 

I'm going through something similar and you know what? While I love him and would LIKE to have a chance for a future, I'm really not so desperate about it anymore! I've decided that he needs to work for me and if he doesn't then he's not worth MY time. I'm tired of being his "Beck and Call" girl. Let him use his much younger girls for that. I got over that kind of stuff in my mid-twenties and to be honest, I'm tired of playing that game now.

 

I wish you all the luck in the world and the best advice I can give to you? NO CONTACT!

[Tulula]

And as soon as he knows he can have you, he doesn't want you anymore. If you ever let this guy back in, you must not let him in quickly. You must make him work and make him work and make him work. The psychology of it is his unconscious thoughts that: if you are that easy for him to get, that he can do it in a few hours, then you must not be worth having

 

Sounds like my ex. I recently let him back into my life, BUT, I didn't make myself as available to him as I'd done in the past. I was besotted with this guy at one time, (he knew it) and I'd fall into his arms at his every whim. He'd come back from the past seeking the girl I had been, he expected that upon hearing from him, I'd fall back into his arms, but he got a shock! What he found was a much stronger woman, a woman who'd moved on, had her own life, etc, etc and it kinda pissed him off that he was no longer the 'be all and end all' of my life as he'd once been. Needless to say, this particular ex didn't want to do the work involved to win this 'new woman' over.....so IMO he couldn't have been that 'into me' anyhow. He thought it would have taken no work on his part whatsoever!!

 

It must really be a blow to their egos, when they are rejected by a woman who once upon a time would have followed them to the ends of the earth and who worshipped the ground they walked upon, LOL!!

 

I reckon the best thing you can do, is sto stop worrying about what he's thinking and get on with your life. If he *REALLY* wants you, he'll do the work that it takes to win you back. If he doesn't, then he aint worth your time anyway.