Thoughts, Rants, and Musings

[Jibralta]

16 hours ago, Jibralta said:

I used to do that all the time when stores would ask me for my phone number. Nine out of ten digits were correct. I just changed the last number to a six.

I just did it again today! Except it was a client's number that I had to submit in order to get a quote. This time, the last number was six... so I changed it to a five. 🤣

[Jibralta]

11 hours ago, Batya33 said:

New Years Eve 2004 I think it was I remember getting this huge pep talk from a woman friend as to why I should marry my current boyfriend -how her older sister had been in a similar situation -doubting whether her husband was the one -how she married him and ended up so happy to have done so, they had kids, lovely home etc.  I left our conversation energized -feeling pushed to make a great choice.

This reminds me of something that happened during my first and only time going to sleepaway camp. A couple of days before I left, this girl Candy tried to coax me into "going out" with this guy named Jared. I think he might have been a counsellor. I liked him as a friend and even thought he was cute, but I preferred liking him from afar lol. It just seemed like "going out" with someone was so major. People who went out with each other were making out, saying I love you... it was too much. I wasn't ready for that. So, I said to Candy, "But I don't love him." And she just guffawed and said, "Who cares about that?" I was at once embarrassed at myself and annoyed with her. I didn't go out with Jared, though. I think she forced me to talk to him and I think I let him down to his face, which felt awkward and sad. I never saw any of those people again. A pity, because we had a lot of fun for the short time that we knew each other. 

Your story also reminds me of something that happened to my mom when she was a teenager--actually, three things! I should preface this by saying that this was the 60s and that the Greek community that she was part of was very insular at that time. 

My mom used to date this guy, Chris (a Greek, of course). Apparently, he was thought to be quite the catch at the time. One night, at a party, a girl and her mother locked my mom in the bathroom and kept her there all night so that the daughter would have a chance to land Chris. I'm not sure exactly how things panned out when my mom was released from the bathroom, but she eventually was. And she continued to date Chris on and off. He turned out to be no big prize. 

The other two incidents are parts of the same overall situation. Basically, my grandparents coerced my mom into accepting an offer of marriage from a guy she wasn't that into. My mom ended up breaking off the engagement, shocking and shaming her family. Months later, my grandparents managed to convince her to see the guy again. After a couple of dates, he proposed. My mom once again accepted, under the pressure of my grandparents. And once again, she subsequently broke the engagement. This time, my grandparents made an even bigger deal out of being ashamed of her, covering her when they went to church, etc. 

[Jibralta]

We watched Big Trouble in Little China last night. Definitely one of my all-time favorites.

The night before that, we watched Ip Man. That was a great movie. I'd heard of Ip Man because I studied Wing Chun. But aside from him being Bruce Lee's teacher, I didn't know much about his story. It was really cool. 

[Jibralta]

This song is on loop in my head.

[Jibralta]

 

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[Jibralta]

I've had a completely crappy week. But I just saw this image of a fungus releasing spores and it reminded me of how big the world actually is.

[Jibralta]

 

[Jibralta]

 

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[Jibralta]

On my way to work yesterday, I missed my exit and had to drive three miles to the next exit in order to turn around. Once back on the highway, I gunned the engine and threaded my car from the right lane into the closing gap between the car in the left lane and the one in the middle lane. Then I floored it down the left lane, passing everyone else. I had no reason for doing this; I wasn't running late. It was just a wild burst of spirit.

The crazy thing is, as I was flying down the left lane, I FELT like I had pulled my little maneuver in front of a cop. I FELT it. I scanned the cars behind me and there was no cop. So, I settled into my lane and stayed the course. Not 30 seconds later, a state trooper came flying up behind me. I switched into the middle lane and he pulled up alongside me. I peeked over to the left with a guilty, contrite expression... maybe a slight grin. He was glaring at me, having slowed down his truck to keep pace with my car. Fortunately, he elected not to pull me over :D

As I meekly proceeded off the highway onto more local roads, this song came up on my Spotify queue and I laughed.

 

[Batya33]

24 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

On my way to work yesterday, I missed my exit and had to drive three miles to the next exit in order to turn around. Once back on the highway, I gunned the engine and threaded my car from the right lane into the closing gap between the car in the left lane and the one in the middle lane. Then I floored it down the left lane, passing everyone else. I had no reason for doing this; I wasn't running late. It was just a wild burst of spirit.

The crazy thing is, as I was flying down the left lane, I FELT like I had pulled my little maneuver in front of a cop. I FELT it. I scanned the cars behind me and there was no cop. So, I settled into my lane and stayed the course. Not 30 seconds later, a state trooper came flying up behind me. I switched into the middle lane and he pulled up alongside me. I peeked over to the left with a guilty, contrite expression... maybe a slight grin. He was glaring at me, having slowed down his truck to keep pace with my car. Fortunately, he elected not to pull me over

As I meekly proceeded off the highway onto more local roads, this song came up on my Spotify queue and I laughed.

 

I'm glad it ended up being a safe situation!

[Jibralta]

Well, I have changed jobs again. I am working for Bill now!

It's funny how things work out sometimes. Meeting Bill started my journey of the last five years. I had inadvertently put my resume out on zip-recruiter, and he reached out to me:

On 3/12/2018 at 12:56 PM, Jibralta said:

I have a job interview on Thursday. It was kind of an accident.

If you have followed this journal, you may recall that my career path had shifted from architecture to more of a planning and engineering track. That wasn't completely intentional, and I wanted to steer it back to architecture. So, I tried to embrace the opportunity. 

At that time, Bill wanted hire me part time and eventually make me full time. So, I worked for Bill a few nights per week, in the evenings after I put in my hours at my full time job.

However, it only lasted a couple of weeks. Through that same zip-recruiter fluke, I ended up with a really nice job offer from a third company. I ended up leaving my full time job and also leaving leaving my moonlighting gig with Bill.

On 4/30/2018 at 11:55 AM, Jibralta said:

Yesterday, I gave my notice to my part time employer. I can no longer work for him because I have to sign a non compete agreement. It was ridiculously hard to write the email because I felt bad. He is a small business trying to grow, and he has limited resources.

He took the news well, but I think he is kind of miffed at me. He said, “I am disappointed that things did not work out the way I had hoped for, with you coming on full time as we discussed..”

But I did keep in touch with Bill, and he kept in touch with me. In 2020, when I finally reached the limits of my patience with my job, I reached out to him:

On 2/21/2020 at 1:13 AM, Jibralta said:

So, I did what any rational human being would do and emailed the architect (Bill) I moonlighted for two years ago. Subject line: So.... Are you guys hiring?

.....I checked my email around noon and Bill had responded. He said that if I could hang on a bit longer, he could probably make me an offer.

I ended up getting laid off about a month later. Bill threw some work my way, which was pretty cool. But since he hadn't made me a solid offer, I ended up taking a job with another company. Bill knew that I had been looking and seemed to take it in stride:

On 5/21/2020 at 5:50 PM, Jibralta said:

I let Bill know later that afternoon that I would probably be accepting the job with the other company:

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I mentioned a week or two ago that I interviewed with an architecture/engineering company. They've offered me the job and I think I'm going to take it. Starts Monday [i lied so he didn't give me anymore work] and for the first 4 months I will be travelling on and off to upstate NY to do land surveying (never did this before). After that, I will work for them as an architect. It's been great working for you and your team. I like all of you guys, and I'm sorry that the timing is off (once again). But maybe I will be able to help you out here and there in the near future.

 

.... yesterday he reached out to arrange payment, and the end of the conversation went like this:

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Thank you again for your help. I'm not happy that I am losing you a second time!!

That job lasted for a year. It was an awesome experience even though it turned out to be a huge dumpster fire. At the end of that year, I was freaking DESPERATE to find a new job.

On 2/5/2021 at 3:48 PM, Jibralta said:

I was thinking about reaching out to an architect, Bill, who I've worked for a couple times in the past. I'm hesitant though, because I backed out of the fulltime position twice now. It would be sort of embarrassing to reach out a third time. I feel like he probably wouldn't trust me anymore!

Bill actually reached out to me just as the dumpster fire really started to get going. But he didn't move fast enough. I ended up with multiple really good offers and accepted a position with another company:

On 4/10/2021 at 3:58 PM, Jibralta said:

The bittersweet part of all of this, of course, is Bill. I did really hope that we could work together. But alas, it seems that is not in the cards for us. 

My experience at my last job was largely positive. But I did have frustrations. In May, I finally decided that it was time to move on again. I had this feeling that I've felt before:

On 5/3/2020 at 9:42 AM, Jibralta said:

It finally came down to the pull that I felt. The dark, swirling, water-pull. I felt it rushing back past me, coiling and building up behind me. I knew it was time to leap the way I leapt when I wanted to catch a wave in the ocean. Where that wave took me didn't matter. It was my moment. It felt right.

I knew it was time. I hopped on to LinkedIn and lo and behold: Bill was hiring! 

As it turns out, the fourth time is the charm. 

(I hope, lol)

[Batya33]

I hope so too!! Congratulations!  Great story.

[dias]

Congratulations Jib 🙂 Good luck in your new job 🙂

[Jibralta]

18 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

I ended my first serious relationship when I realized I was starting to stray emotionally. I was 17, and my relationship had only lasted 18 months at that point, but I understood that it wasn't fair to my partner. I loved him and respected him enough to let him go. 

I love this song, but it's really the video that I connect with. Running around with boy 'friends,' falling in love, falling out of love (unwilling to stop myself from doing so--not unable, unwilling), deliberately walking away from love and security to see what else is out there (I felt like I absolutely had to; it was required (by who? by me?)), dealing with the reality of my decisions (mistakes? maybe, maybe not), understanding and indulging in nostalgia a little but not turning back, not needing to turn back.... nostalgia is like a power source, it gives me catharsis. And I think this video captures that so well.

 

[Jibralta]

We watched 1917 on Tuesday night. I liked it so much that I watched it again last night. I think this is my favorite scene in the whole movie:

 

[Jibralta]

I have so much admiration for Jimmy Carter 🙂

[boltnrun]

2 hours ago, Jibralta said:

I have so much admiration for Jimmy Carter 🙂

What I find interesting is he is ranked as one of the ten worst US presidents ever on many rankings, but years after his presidency he became a well respected statesman and ambassador representing the US. I would say he's beloved now. 

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, Jibralta said:

I have so much admiration for Jimmy Carter 🙂

I also admire their marriage and admire her !  

[Jibralta]

On 2/15/2022 at 7:17 AM, Jibralta said:

At the end of my spin class this morning, the instructor started giving us a pep talk, and talking about how grateful she is to be here with us every morning blah blah blah. I put my head down and thought, Oh brother. Please, please stop. But then she said, "I want you to take the next minute and a half to focus on one thing that you are grateful for." And even though I find her a wee bit annoying, I didn't let that stop me from following her instructions. 

I couldn't help but think of the many, many things that I am grateful for: a wonderful partner, a happy home, living in a great neighborhood within in walking distance to my job, within walking distance to my personal trainer and my spin class. My health, being able to afford some perks and luxuries, having zero debt, having a wonderful (if maddening) family, having solid, uncomplicated friendships that don't require a lot of maintenance, having good relationships in general. Being resilient, being able to change, having insight, knowing how to forgive, avoiding bitterness, being tough and strong, having abilities, being optimistic, getting smarter and wiser with age. Having a great sense of humor and laughing at everything.

That was a great exercise that I should do more often.

Scrolling through here looking for another post, I found this one. I still hate pep talks in spin classes, but it is still good to pause and reflect on all of the good things in life. 

[Batya33]

15 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Scrolling through here looking for another post, I found this one. I still hate pep talks in spin classes, but it is still good to pause and reflect on all of the good things in life. 

In February 2008 after about 22 hours of labor including around 8 in the hospital there was this Cheerleader Nurse with this high pitched voice cheering me on to keep pushing in the hopes of my having a natural birth.  I was exhausted, had a maternal fever, and was trying to suck on ice chips.  I love and appreciate nurses I promise and this was just too much.  So finally I said probably loudly "can you please just chill!"  From what my husband said she got looks from the other attendants as in "yes, chill.  now."  

Later she was in the OR with me when I had my near emergency c-section - I saw her and was like oh....... apparently she apologized to my husband for being over the top while I was having the procedure.  

Yup.  Pep talks.  I love the Attitude is Gratitude and for the last 20 plus years I do my best nightly to say a short prayer and think of at least 3 things -usually very small things -I am grateful for.

Thank you for sharing the memory!

[Jibralta]

10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

So finally I said probably loudly "can you please just chill!"  From what my husband said she got looks from the other attendants as in "yes, chill.  now."  

Later she was in the OR with me when I had my near emergency c-section - I saw her and was like oh....... apparently she apologized to my husband for being over the top while I was having the procedure.  

Aw. It's good that she understood. 

I had a similar situation many years ago, at a dude ranch, where nobody understood lol.

We were 'learning' how to throw a lasso. I put "learning" in quotes because how well can you really learn a skill like that in an hour? Probably not very well at all, but I at least wanted to get the hang of it. 

WELL. Every time it was my turn to throw the lasso, this other guest started hooting and hollering and cheering me on. He really was trying to be supportive and positive, but it was messing with my concentration and pissing me off.

Maybe this is a function of my ADHD, but when I focus on something, I really, really FOCUS. When I'm in that zone, and someone inserts themselves into my path, I'm like a linebacker. I'll just mow them down. It's like someone standing between me and a meal. I don't have the ability to be polite, even if I know it's right, even if I want to. The tactful part of me is pinned down and helpless.

I guess around the third time it was my turn to throw the lasso, my patience with my cheerleader came to an abrupt end and I yelled at him to stop. I have no idea what I said. I didn't curse or anything, but I definitely yelled, and it was like I threw a bucket of cold water over him. Over everyone.

Then I took my lasso and my roping target and stomped off to the other side of the stable where I practiced (poorly) by myself, without any guidance. This was even more frustrating, because I knew I had made a stupid choice and ruined my own chances at learning.

The cheerleader-man and, in fact, most of the cowboys running the outfit were annoyed with me and distained me as some kind of ill-bred northern barbarian girl. But I could ride a horse as well as or better than them, so I could hold my own lol.

[Batya33]

12 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

I guess around the third time it was my turn to throw the lasso, my patience with my cheerleader came to an abrupt end and I yelled at him to stop. I have no idea what I said. I didn't curse or anything, but I definitely yelled, and it was like I threw a bucket of cold water over him. Over everyone.

Yes -I hate when people are tone deaf or believe in one-size-fits all especially with young kids learning new stuff "ok hustle hustle!" at a kids soccer game - treat people individually and less is more.  I would have been frustrated too!

I love that you learned lasso and I love reading about the skills you have I never will (I took a few English riding lessons many years ago at Club Med Mexico!)

[Jibralta]

I found this image of a B-17G that had been shot down off the coast of Vis Island, Croatia during World War II. The pilot perished but the crew survived, and it reminded me of the article I found about my biological grandfather--my mother, Ellen's, father.

He was in a plane crash in the Gulf of Mexico, in 1942. The pilot, a survivor of the Battle of Java, was killed. My grandfather was wounded, but managed to swim almost all the way back to shore.

On 8/7/2021 at 5:07 PM, Jibralta said:

Howard was a career military man, and moved around a lot in his life. I think that's how he ended up in Texas. When he was 21, he survived a plane crash in Corpus Christi Bay and swam almost to shore before being picked up. Howard passed away in 1995, when I was 18. 

When I flew out to Texas for Ellen's memorial service last October, I learned more about Howard. He was a tall, powerful man. He was an aircraft mechanic stationed on aircraft carriers. He could identify a plane flying overhead by the sound of its engine. When his friend was trapped in a munitions fire on the ship, it took six men to hold Howard down and keep him from running in after his friend. The memory of his friend dying in that fire haunted Howard for the rest of his life. 

This article talks about "deep cuts" on Howard's back. My uncle told me what those were. When Howard's plane crashed in the Gulf, he got impaled through the flesh of his back on the parachute racks. Howard had to pull himself up off the racks as the plane was sinking. Then he swam through salt water with those wounds. My uncle said that the scars on Howard's back were terrible, and he winced at the memory as he told me. His sisters winced, too.

This is a photo of Howard holding my uncle. I think it was taken in the 50s, possibly in Guam. It makes me smile. My new-found cousins shared this one and many others with me.