I asked my long distance BF for a break...

[JA0371]

Today, was one year and six days since I met and fell in love with my bf who lives Long distance.

We have travelled to see each other over the year various times. He has bought me flowers, for my bday, Vday and most recently sent beautiful roses to my job for our one year anniversary. He is an awesome LD boyfriend. The issue is I don't know that he is going to eventually ever want a more permanent relationship. I have NO doubt that he loves me. I love him too. H calls me his best friend . I just know after one year of dating LD I need and want more. Phone calls and FaceTime are just no substitute for a real relationship.

 

Today I told him I want a break. I want him ..and me to decide what we want. We talk literally 3-6 times a day. He mostly calls me but sometimes the calls are just quicky calls...which is fine but every day it gets harder and harder. It's not enough. Im feeling burnt out from the distance. I also don't feel like this is ever going to move forward if I continue this. He knows where I stand and is not happy with my decision but willing to do this. After we hung up he sent me a text...." I cannot stop loving you". I didn't respond.

 

 

I guess I just need some positive support.... I know I need to be strong.

[Giblesp]

It gets to a point with long distance relationships, where the physical distance has to be closed in order for it to continue.

 

If neither of you can move to the others country, it might be best to part ways. Otherwise the frustration you are feeling now could grow into resentment.

[JA0371]

It gets to a point with long distance relationships, where the physical distance has to be closed in order for it to continue.

 

If neither of you can move to the others country, it might be best to part ways. Otherwise the frustration you are feeling now could grow into resentment.

 

I agree....

I live in Florida.

He lives in New York...we've discussed moving. I guess Im just getting impatient..I know easily a year can

Turn into two....etc... And I don't have the luxury of waiting it out.

[Giblesp]

There has to be a real reason to want to move there also, or the other to come to your part of the country. It cant be just about moving for the other person, as that can put strain and expectations on a relationship. Not impossible, but a move or receiving someone who is moving to you, should be done with great care.

[JA0371]

There has to be a real reason to want to move there also, or the other to come to your part of the country. It cant be just about moving for the other person, as that can put strain and expectations on a relationship. Not impossible, but a move or receiving someone who is moving to you, should be done with great care.

 

My mom and sister actually live about an hour or so from him...I wouldn't ever move to another city soley for another person....I know the risks.

[WombatShadow]

This break could be good for you (though I personally don't agree with them; either you're with someone or you're not). I agree that those quickie phone calls suck. Have you thought about having fewer communications, but making sure they're ones that matter? Quality over quantity can help. I'm definitely Queen Hypocrite on this point, seeing as I drove my ex away by demanding more communication, but what I really wanted was a connection and I mistakenly thought that more frequent calls and texts could fill the void that was left by unmeaningful communication.

 

Take some time and then talk to him to see if he'd be willing to get on board with this plan for the immediate future. You also need to decide if you'd be willing to move to him and if he'd be willing to take you in (or vice-versa). Don't just talk about it, make serious plans. You can't stay LD forever.

[JA0371]

This break could be good for you (though I personally don't agree with them; either you're with someone or you're not). I agree that those quickie phone calls suck. Have you thought about having fewer communications, but making sure they're ones that matter? Quality over quantity can help. I'm definitely Queen Hypocrite on this point, seeing as I drove my ex away by demanding more communication, but what I really wanted was a connection and I mistakenly thought that more frequent calls and texts could fill the void that was left by unmeaningful communication.

 

Take some time and then talk to him to see if he'd be willing to get on board with this plan for the immediate future. You also need to decide if you'd be willing to move to him and if he'd be willing to take you in (or vice-versa). Don't just talk about it, make serious plans. You can't stay LD forever.

 

Thank you....I am going to try and make the most of this 'break' amd yes, I will definetely bring this point up to him. I've already pretty much told him how I feel and where I stand. He definetely didn't see this coming even though he knew I was becoming more frustrated. I just don't want to jump right back in simply because I miss him so much. It has to be a purposeful break. If that makes any sense?

[WombatShadow]

It does make sense. Use this time wisely. Seek counsel from people you know in real life (those who you can trust implicitly, of course), do some soul-searching, and if you decide you want to try and make things work, maybe do some research on the realities of moving to him and vice versa, so you at least have a grounded realism to start with.

 

Good luck figuring things out, dear.

[abitbroken]

So he writes me this loooong text about how Im crazy/ psycho and how I must have been drinking ....etc mind you this is at 8:30-9:00 am. Basically calling me crazy because i didn't answer the phone thinking I was pissed.

 

After that I told him to just stop texting me....

 

Nothing since . I sent him an email explaining my side...but nothing.

He is traveling today, so not sure he read it yet.

 

Should I just wait to hear from him ? Assume we are broken up??

Im kinda mad that he blew me off then got mad at ME.

 

This is from a March thread from you. Honestly, I would not make any major changes for a guy who calls you psycho or who accuses you of drinking for expressing your feelings.

 

My ex used to say "stop talking, you must be hungry..." to invalidate me and to say i just was off because i was hungry.

 

I think the distance is making you think he is better/this relationship is better than it is. Just my two cents. A break is good - but do you really want to make major changes with him or do you really want a close by relationship with someone and making him into that close by relationship might not be the answer?

[Carus]

Doesn't everyone move to Florida eventually anyway? lol

 

Hope it works out for you JA. I don't have much to add except that I agree with what the others have already said.

[MissCanuck]

Do you want him to move to you?

[SherrySher]

That's what I was wondering too, what is it that you want and what are you willing to do?

[JA0371]

Do you want him to move to you?

 

Not to minimize my own job but my bf actually has a pretty high position with his company at the moment and I wouldn't ask or expect him to give that up. I have actually only considered moving closer to him. Not with him. My mother and sister live there as well, so I do at least have family there too. Im thinking of all the realistic angles...and I by no means think living together will solve ALL our issues. I am really trying to be grounded in my thinking.

[Clarisse]

So, when you ask him what he has in mind for a timeline of moving closer together, what is his response? Does he have any idea of when he will be ready?

 

I was in a long distance relationship for two years with a similar distance as you for about half the time, and different continents the remainder. He moved to be near me two years ago (his home town too). We lived apart for a year, then he moved in with me. We are going strong. It certainly wasn't easy during the time we were apart, but knowing it was temporary made a huge difference. He was also able to visit me every other month, even when we were separated by an ocean.

 

Long distance relationships are do-able but only if there is a plan (and timeline) to be together. Otherwise, it isn't sustainable, in my opinion.

 

Good luck, JA. There's nothing wrong for taking time to think or asking for what you need.

[JA0371]

Today a guy who has been asking me out for months asked me if I would like to hang out at the beach with him. I actually considered going except for the fact that he is overtly flirty on Facebook with other women, and he is knda over the top with his texts. If I reply to one of his texts, he literally sends me a three paragraph text back....and we have never gone out once.

 

Ugh. I ended up taking my dog to the park..lol.

This has been my day....

[Ms Darcy]

Not to minimize my own job but my bf actually has a pretty high position with his company at the moment and I wouldn't ask or expect him to give that up. I have actually only considered moving closer to him. Not with him. My mother and sister live there as well, so I do at least have family there too. Im thinking of all the realistic angles...and I by no means think living together will solve ALL our issues. I am really trying to be grounded in my thinking.

 

I am just wondering why don't you just plan to move. I mean, would you want to live near your family regardless of the relationship?

[abitbroken]

So he writes me this loooong text about how Im crazy/ psycho and how I must have been drinking ....etc mind you this is at 8:30-9:00 am. Basically calling me crazy because i didn't answer the phone thinking I was pissed.

 

After that I told him to just stop texting me....

 

Nothing since . I sent him an email explaining my side...but nothing.

He is traveling today, so not sure he read it yet.

 

Should I just wait to hear from him ? Assume we are broken up??

Im kinda mad that he blew me off then got mad at ME.

 

This is from a March thread from you. Honestly, I would not make any major changes for a guy who calls you psycho or who accuses you of drinking for expressing your feelings.

 

My ex used to say "stop talking, you must be hungry..." to invalidate me and to say i just was off because i was hungry.

 

I think the distance is making you think he is better/this relationship is better than it is. Just my two cents. A break is good - but do you really want to make major changes with him or do you really want a close by relationship with someone and making him into that close by relationship might not be the answer?

 

Just reposting this....any thoughts on this point that i brought up? care to comment? Is this guy worth it?

[musician05]

I am going through the same thing as you are right now me and my just now ex live 5 hours away from each other she lives in dallas and i live in austin and we ended things earlier this week and i cannot stop loving her but something tells me she wanted a break for another reason and i think it's from her or she met another man the reason i say this is when i first met her she was on the heavy side and now after going to the gym she lost weight and started getting attention from men just she started changing she wasn't the same woman anymore and slowly it broke me heart i tried really hard to make our relationship work she kept distancing herself from me and she wasn't loving anymore and now she's on a weekend vacation partying up not even thinking about me she told me that she needed a break from us and that i wasn't trying but i thought i was since she never did seem bothered by it before we would see each other every month so i thought everything was great and i remember she used to tell me babe you're never going to lose me i am not going anywhere i love you

[chitown9]

It seems that the ball is in your court, honestly. Since you have family near him, it also seems that you need to move to him. There are more reasons for you to move than for him to move. Can you find a job easily where your family lives?

 

It is time for this thing to move forward. You have already thought about seeing another man, and would have if there were certain factors not present. You were somewhat tempted. Don't you think that your boyfriend has similar opportunities? chi