I Only Plan to Live Here a Max of 2 Years - Dating?

[lifesatrip]

I am living somewhere where I got a job. I am not liking the area at all, and plan to move in 1 1/2 - 2 years. But I want to date and don't want to miss out on that aspect of life while I am here. And it is always possible that something could happen and I could find myself here for longer.

 

I'm in my late 20s, don't know many people here, and would like to try online dating. I am in a small town, but there is a (small) city with a large university about an hour and 15 mins away. I am wondering how to approach the online dating considering that I am not planning to be in this area permanently. I am not looking for a fling or meaningless relationship, but a substantive connection. This doesn't have to be the relationship of my life, but I don't want something too casual. (And if I did meet someone really serious I would be thrilled - assuming they are up for leaving the area someday).

 

I was thinking of joining OkCupid and trying to meet people in the city on the weekends (there is a really small pool of people in this town, and it would be nice to escape for day and eventually night trips on the weekend.) But I don't know if this is super practical. I don't imagine many people my age are looking for the same sort of thing, especially if it involves this type of commute. I'd appreciate advice on how to proceed.

[Jy1986usa]

I would see what's out there and have fun. If something does start getting more serious than just be honest with your partner and see what they say. Most people you date don't end up being long term commitments so cross that bridge when you get to it.

[lifesatrip]

I would see what's out there and have fun. If something does start getting more serious than just be honest with your partner and see what they say. Most people you date don't end up being long term commitments so cross that bridge when you get to it.

 

So you don't think I should say upfront on my profile that I'm only here 2 years, and what I'm looking for?

[Jy1986usa]

No. A lot can happen in two years. Not many people can convincingly say where or what they will be doing in two years. Again if you meet someone with potential and you think it's going somewhere then have a real conversation with them and convey your intentions. But for now it's not important.

[Ms Darcy]

I'm not sure why anyone would want to start up anything with that kind of commute.

[chitown9]

An hour and a half is not that bad of a commute, but I would expect to be the one to do that commute if I were in your shoes, and I would state that in my profile. I would not worry about the fact that you plan on leaving the area in two years because one never knows what will happen and the person that you meet may have leave the area too.:strawberry: chi

[sophie274]

I've been in a similar situation - living in a small town about 90 minutes away from a big city - and being geographically undesirable definitely hurt my dating options for online dating. I didn't see it as a huge deal since I didn't have much time to date on the weekdays anyway, but it's a harder sell to get a guy to date someone 1.5 hours away when there are tons of prospects less than a mile from their home. I think it's a much easier sell if you meet someone in person and the person can develop interest in you first.

 

I would suggest trying to meet people in your small town as well - join a gym, go to local events, volunteer locally, join some local clubs - and then also make trips up to the "bigger" city and see if you make any interesting connections.

 

I wouldn't mention wanting to move in a couple of years because plans can quickly change and many people would be fine with moving in a long-term relationship anyway. I would assume many students at the university are not from the area and may plan to move away after their studies as well.

[lifesatrip]

I'm not sure why anyone would want to start up anything with that kind of commute.

 

Well, I feel kind of trapped in this town, so I would not mind going to the city on weekends. But I do worry that someone in the city will not be so into the idea.

[lifesatrip]

An hour and a half is not that bad of a commute, but I would expect to be the one to do that commute if I were in your shoes, and I would state that in my profile. I would not worry about the fact that you plan on leaving the area in two years because one never knows what will happen and the person that you meet may have leave the area too.:strawberry: chi

 

Yeah, I plan on commuting up there on the weekends anyway, since there is not a lot to do in my town. I would not want or expect them to necessarily come here.

[lifesatrip]

I've been in a similar situation - living in a small town about 90 minutes away from a big city - and being geographically undesirable definitely hurt my dating options for online dating. I didn't see it as a huge deal since I didn't have much time to date on the weekdays anyway, but it's a harder sell to get a guy to date someone 1.5 hours away when there are tons of prospects less than a mile from their home. I think it's a much easier sell if you meet someone in person and the person can develop interest in you first.

 

I would suggest trying to meet people in your small town as well - join a gym, go to local events, volunteer locally, join some local clubs - and then also make trips up to the "bigger" city and see if you make any interesting connections.

 

I wouldn't mention wanting to move in a couple of years because plans can quickly change and many people would be fine with moving in a long-term relationship anyway. I would assume many students at the university are not from the area and may plan to move away after their studies as well.

 

Yeah, that is how I am imagining it will be. I will try to meet people in my town, but there are not a lot of young people, and it seems hard to find people here I click with I've joined a bunch of meet up groups in the city, so that could be another way to meet people there.

[lifesatrip]

The other problem is I don't have my own car. My mom will lend me hers sometimes. I am torn between buying a car (with a loan), or saving my money to get out of here sooner. I'm starting to feel really depressed/isolated by the lack of socializing I've been doing here in this town. I could put myself more out there though, which I plan to do. But making friends is not easy for me, and I don't click easily with most people. So I'm kind of freaked out. I don't want to spiral downwards and get really depressed if I can't make friends and meet people.

[Wiseman2]

Ok don't state anything in your profile however it would be best if it gets past a few dates to mention this twist:

plan to move in 1 1/2 - 2 years.

[lifesatrip]

Thanks for the responses. I've got another question for those who are familiar with online dating - should I use okCupid or Tinder - or both?

 

Have never used tinder, have used OkCUpid, but in a different location.

 

(I don't want a casual relationship, though it doesn't have to be my future life partner - just something with some substance. And I will probably be trying to date people who live over an hour away - this is the nearest city).

[Wiseman2]

Both. You can always delete the app if you don't like it. The style of dating is determined by the two people even if an app has a reputation for being this or that way.

- should I use okCupid or Tinder - or both?Have never used tinder, have used OkCUpid, but in a different location.

[Jibralta]

Slightly different situation, but I did a two-year hiatus from dating when I started graduate school. Made all sorts of friends, but didn't get involved romantically. I did it so that I could focus all of my energy on school, but the unexpected benefit was that I made some really solid friendships. Just thinking that might be an option for you, especially if you are in a strange place where you could possibly end up staying. Good friendships open a lot of doors.

[lifesatrip]

Slightly different situation, but I did a two-year hiatus from dating when I started graduate school. Made all sorts of friends, but didn't get involved romantically. I did it so that I could focus all of my energy on school, but the unexpected benefit was that I made some really solid friendships. Just thinking that might be an option for you, especially if you are in a strange place where you could possibly end up staying. Good friendships open a lot of doors.

 

Thanks. I definitely do want to focus on making friendships, and will. But I have been single more than I've been with someone and the thought of not dating anyone for two years makes me pretty depressed.

[Jibralta]

Thanks. I definitely do want to focus on making friendships, and will. But I have been single more than I've been with someone and the thought of not dating anyone for two years makes me pretty depressed.

 

I see. Ok. Well, let it be your playground then!

[abitbroken]

Don't troll the campus and nearby bars for 19/20 year old college students. Use the area to try new things like cultural events or take an extension class. Make whatever friends you can make. But before I'd date, I'd either get my car situation under control or I'd try to meet women closer to you. But honestly, late 20s, I'd expect you to have a car unless your area was a subway town.

[abitbroken]

The other problem is I don't have my own car. My mom will lend me hers sometimes. I am torn between buying a car (with a loan), or saving my money to get out of here sooner. I'm starting to feel really depressed/isolated by the lack of socializing I've been doing here in this town. I could put myself more out there though, which I plan to do. But making friends is not easy for me, and I don't click easily with most people. So I'm kind of freaked out. I don't want to spiral downwards and get really depressed if I can't make friends and meet people.

 

You will need a car in 2 years, right? How does not having a car help you get out of town faster? You can't always take other opportunities like overtime, a side job, other hobbies when you have to ask mom for the car. Either stick your nose to the grindstone and don't spend any money or get a car and take on other volunteer or professional opportunities on the side to beef up your resume and make some social contacts. Remember, you are going to be 30 living with mom and with no car and it is harder to snap out of that rut just like that.

 

Its worth getting a car and doing something on the side to put a little extra money away than sitting around being depressed because you have no freedom

[lifesatrip]

Don't troll the campus and nearby bars for 19/20 year old college students. Use the area to try new things like cultural events or take an extension class. Make whatever friends you can make. But before I'd date, I'd either get my car situation under control or I'd try to meet women closer to you. But honestly, late 20s, I'd expect you to have a car unless your area was a subway town.

 

No worries there, I am not interested in guys that age. Hopefully there will be some grad students closer to my age.

 

I will try new things, joined about 15 meetup groups there last weekend, and will start trying them out - mostly to try to find friends since there is not a lot going on more locally.

 

I hope the car thing will not be a huge issue, but I know it might be. I've just prioritized other things over having a car (like travel abroad to gain language skills). And now I ideally want to have some savings and pay down some student debt before getting a car, though I might just get one if necessary.

[lifesatrip]

You will need a car in 2 years, right? How does not having a car help you get out of town faster? You can't always take other opportunities like overtime, a side job, other hobbies when you have to ask mom for the car. Either stick your nose to the grindstone and don't spend any money or get a car and take on other volunteer or professional opportunities on the side to beef up your resume and make some social contacts. Remember, you are going to be 30 living with mom and with no car and it is harder to snap out of that rut just like that.

 

Its worth getting a car and doing something on the side to put a little extra money away than sitting around being depressed because you have no freedom

 

Those are good points, thanks. You are probably right. I guess I feel it will be hard to do a lot of work on the side and still have time to meet and get to know people. But maybe there is a compromise.