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lifesatrip last won the day on May 22 2013

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  1. This guy sounds really sick, emotionally abusive, narcicisstic. Seems to have no respect for women and may take pleasure in causing women pain. Either that or he has a monstrously big ego and everything he does is about stroking his ego and his . Doesnt seem like he has an empathy or regard for you or probably any other women in his life. Get away from him ASAP.
  2. Thanks for your reply. Unfortunately, I'm not sure if this is going to go further because I am feeling kind of wary. To respond to your point, I wouldn't say the intimacy was nearly on the same level as the last time - was just hugging toward the end of the date and a tiny bit of kissing. The majority of the night we didn't touch really. That felt much more comfortable to me, but I am not sure if it's wise to keep dating him.
  3. Thanks, I appreciate your advice, it's another perspective to think about it from. He did say some other things though that have me questioning things. It seemed overly intense considering how long we have known each other. I'm feeling like there are red flags and warning signs but I don't know if I'm reading him correctly. If we do go out again I agree that it should be during day and no alchohol etc. :)
  4. I have to disagree a little with this. If you grew up in a family that didn't have proper boundaries you may have to go through a process of learning what healthy boundaries are. You may know on one level because some things feel good and others don't, but I know from my own experience that it took time away from my family to realize I was entitled to put up certain boundaries. Putting up appropriate boundaries can seem very counter intuitive and even wrong or unreasonable if you were raised without them. (Not saying this is your situation). I think it's good to read about it and explore it more.
  5. No, I wouldn't say this is accurate. It made me more relaxed that he wasn't trying to get in touch and move things forward too fast. (Of course some part of my brain has some anxiety wondering 'does he like me?') but I was not feeling smitten after that night together, was feeling super overwhelmed and a little panicked that it was moving super fast when we barely knew each other.
  6. I wish I could tell his level of genuine-ness. He comes accross as sweet and a little innocent but I feel like I have a history of attracting manipulative guys.
  7. Thanks for everyone's advice! I saw him again (he suggested we do something). I mentioned to him that things got too intimate too fast for me before and he said he didn't know where he stands toward me or something like that but enjoys time together etc. so I thought ok, he is not sure how he feels or what he wants with me, and I am not sure either so no harm in seeing each other again to see if there is potential. I was really nervous for some reason on the date and felt kind of closed off emotionally, but I enjoyed talking to him and was becoming more relaxed and interested in him as we spent more time actually talking and getting to know each other. (We had a couple of drinks which also helped with loosen things up). He definitely understood and respected the fact that I was not wanting to speed into physical intimacy again which was really nice. I really appreciated him taking that seriously and not trying to push. Toward the end of the night we kissed a little and then hugged a lot which felt really good but we did nothing other than that. I think because we had been drinking we were maybe being too affectionate in the way we were hugging. We were somewhat drunk at this point and then he started saying stuff that was really intense. I don't want to go into all details but basically was sort of future talk. (He didn't say he wanted to be with me forever but did say that things could possibly develop that way, and if they did he would be willing to prioritize relationship and make certain sacrifices. There was more but don't want to go into all details. I said we barely know each other and he got a little sheepish and said maybe i'm drunk. But then he said more. That is a huge warning signal/red flag in my brain and made me feel a bit panicked. So now I have some attraction and interest in him but also a ton of anxiety and the impulse to run in the opposite direction. He is from another culture and maybe the words have a different significance in his, but I don't know and don't want to bet on that. I don't know him well enough to trust him, could be trying to manipulate me or could be trying to rush into something fast without knowing each other, or maybe was just drunk, but my feeling is to back away. Do others see this as a red flag?
  8. Originally Posted by katrina1980 >>Wouldn't mind being friends and possibly open to fool around some if the moment is right …. Sounds more like you're seeking a man (him) to be an occasional FWB? I thought that too but it doesn't match. If the speed of their sexual progress was offputting why would she then turn around and want to be sex buddies? Why all this analyzing and need to be friends business? Why the stress about telling him it's over, but not really, well maybe friends and then maybe hookup... I realize I could be completely off but the first thought that went through my mind after reading that second post that i quoted was, anxiety wrote this post, because it's everywhere. Again could be way off, just the verbiage, I don't know that's where my head went Ha, you read me well. Have lots of anxiety about these types of situations, it sucks to hear it is so visible though
  9. Ha, you read me well. Have lots of anxiety about these types of situations, it sucks to hear it is so visible though
  10. Thanks. I finally got phone back saw that he had got in touch. I didn't want to reach out on dating site because was feeling inclined to cut my losses and move on and as someone else here posted it would be messed up to reach out just to reject. Now that some time has passed and I have had some space from him I do want to see him again, at least one more time and see what happens.
  11. My goal right now for dating is to make and experience connections with people whether they be short or long term. (Long term is ideal but probably not practical as I will be moving soonish). I think I can enjoy a casual encounter if there is more than just sex, but a genuine desire to connect with the person on other levels albeit not necessarily a deep romantic level. This is where I am coming from on this. And connecting doesnt have to involve sex but that can be wonderful if the chemistry is right and we both feel sufficiently comfortable and on same page.
  12. If you guys think I'm being self serving or playing games let me know.
  13. It's hard for me to know if this is fair or not, but it is just the early stages of dating so I'm trying not to take it too seriously, he seems to be the type to pursue something undefined as well.
  14. (I don't think he's head over heels or anything).
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