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Everything posted by lifesatrip

  1. This guy sounds really sick, emotionally abusive, narcicisstic. Seems to have no respect for women and may take pleasure in causing women pain. Either that or he has a monstrously big ego and everything he does is about stroking his ego and his . Doesnt seem like he has an empathy or regard for you or probably any other women in his life. Get away from him ASAP.
  2. Thanks for your reply. Unfortunately, I'm not sure if this is going to go further because I am feeling kind of wary. To respond to your point, I wouldn't say the intimacy was nearly on the same level as the last time - was just hugging toward the end of the date and a tiny bit of kissing. The majority of the night we didn't touch really. That felt much more comfortable to me, but I am not sure if it's wise to keep dating him.
  3. Thanks, I appreciate your advice, it's another perspective to think about it from. He did say some other things though that have me questioning things. It seemed overly intense considering how long we have known each other. I'm feeling like there are red flags and warning signs but I don't know if I'm reading him correctly. If we do go out again I agree that it should be during day and no alchohol etc. :)
  4. I have to disagree a little with this. If you grew up in a family that didn't have proper boundaries you may have to go through a process of learning what healthy boundaries are. You may know on one level because some things feel good and others don't, but I know from my own experience that it took time away from my family to realize I was entitled to put up certain boundaries. Putting up appropriate boundaries can seem very counter intuitive and even wrong or unreasonable if you were raised without them. (Not saying this is your situation). I think it's good to read about it and explore it more.
  5. No, I wouldn't say this is accurate. It made me more relaxed that he wasn't trying to get in touch and move things forward too fast. (Of course some part of my brain has some anxiety wondering 'does he like me?') but I was not feeling smitten after that night together, was feeling super overwhelmed and a little panicked that it was moving super fast when we barely knew each other.
  6. I wish I could tell his level of genuine-ness. He comes accross as sweet and a little innocent but I feel like I have a history of attracting manipulative guys.
  7. Thanks for everyone's advice! I saw him again (he suggested we do something). I mentioned to him that things got too intimate too fast for me before and he said he didn't know where he stands toward me or something like that but enjoys time together etc. so I thought ok, he is not sure how he feels or what he wants with me, and I am not sure either so no harm in seeing each other again to see if there is potential. I was really nervous for some reason on the date and felt kind of closed off emotionally, but I enjoyed talking to him and was becoming more relaxed and interested in him as we spent more time actually talking and getting to know each other. (We had a couple of drinks which also helped with loosen things up). He definitely understood and respected the fact that I was not wanting to speed into physical intimacy again which was really nice. I really appreciated him taking that seriously and not trying to push. Toward the end of the night we kissed a little and then hugged a lot which felt really good but we did nothing other than that. I think because we had been drinking we were maybe being too affectionate in the way we were hugging. We were somewhat drunk at this point and then he started saying stuff that was really intense. I don't want to go into all details but basically was sort of future talk. (He didn't say he wanted to be with me forever but did say that things could possibly develop that way, and if they did he would be willing to prioritize relationship and make certain sacrifices. There was more but don't want to go into all details. I said we barely know each other and he got a little sheepish and said maybe i'm drunk. But then he said more. That is a huge warning signal/red flag in my brain and made me feel a bit panicked. So now I have some attraction and interest in him but also a ton of anxiety and the impulse to run in the opposite direction. He is from another culture and maybe the words have a different significance in his, but I don't know and don't want to bet on that. I don't know him well enough to trust him, could be trying to manipulate me or could be trying to rush into something fast without knowing each other, or maybe was just drunk, but my feeling is to back away. Do others see this as a red flag?
  8. Originally Posted by katrina1980 >>Wouldn't mind being friends and possibly open to fool around some if the moment is right …. Sounds more like you're seeking a man (him) to be an occasional FWB? I thought that too but it doesn't match. If the speed of their sexual progress was offputting why would she then turn around and want to be sex buddies? Why all this analyzing and need to be friends business? Why the stress about telling him it's over, but not really, well maybe friends and then maybe hookup... I realize I could be completely off but the first thought that went through my mind after reading that second post that i quoted was, anxiety wrote this post, because it's everywhere. Again could be way off, just the verbiage, I don't know that's where my head went Ha, you read me well. Have lots of anxiety about these types of situations, it sucks to hear it is so visible though
  9. Ha, you read me well. Have lots of anxiety about these types of situations, it sucks to hear it is so visible though
  10. Thanks. I finally got phone back saw that he had got in touch. I didn't want to reach out on dating site because was feeling inclined to cut my losses and move on and as someone else here posted it would be messed up to reach out just to reject. Now that some time has passed and I have had some space from him I do want to see him again, at least one more time and see what happens.
  11. My goal right now for dating is to make and experience connections with people whether they be short or long term. (Long term is ideal but probably not practical as I will be moving soonish). I think I can enjoy a casual encounter if there is more than just sex, but a genuine desire to connect with the person on other levels albeit not necessarily a deep romantic level. This is where I am coming from on this. And connecting doesnt have to involve sex but that can be wonderful if the chemistry is right and we both feel sufficiently comfortable and on same page.
  12. If you guys think I'm being self serving or playing games let me know.
  13. It's hard for me to know if this is fair or not, but it is just the early stages of dating so I'm trying not to take it too seriously, he seems to be the type to pursue something undefined as well.
  14. (I don't think he's head over heels or anything).
  15. Thanks for all of the comments. I just want to set a couple of things straight. A couple days went by after our intimate night and he hadn't texted me and I didn't know if he would or not. Right after the encounter I was kind of disgusted with myself for letting it get too hot and heavy too soon. But I do have attraction for him. I am genuinly intrigued by his personality but also have some fears about potential red flags. I'd like to get to know him more on a human level and not just a sexual level and I would like to put that more to the forefront of our interactions. If that is in the forefront and it feels right, I might be into more heavy physical intimacy but I don't know him well enough to say yet. So I want to go out with him again but I told him that I was overwhelmed with how fast things went and am hoping to have a more low key hang out with him. I don't know what will happen but the more space I have away from him the more open I feel to wanting to see him again. Yes, I am lukewarm but we have only had two dates and that is not enough. Plus, I don't think he is necessarily looking for something very serious, he may be moving soon. So I will see him again and see where it goes... Hopefully will be ok.
  16. I would like to explore a friendship but I feel like it would be insulting to him to tell him that too.
  17. Thanks! I don't have him on social media at all. I wouldn't mind seeing him again and part of me wants to, but it went too fast with him intimacy wise both times I saw him and I definitely have reservations about dating in a serious way. Wouldn't mind being friends and possibly open to fool around some if the moment is right but that sounds messy and probably bad idea.
  18. I recently started using a dating app and went on two dates with a guy (last weekend and the weekend before). I don't think we are a match but I did really enjoy the time we spent together and liked him as a person. We spent the night together last time - didn't have sex but very close. He said we should definitely get together again and I agreed (was unsure in the moment - the lack of certainty might have come across). I have been without a phone for three days and hope to have a phone back by Friday (need to get a replacement). Not sure if he has messaged me or not and while I don't think it would be wise to continue to see him I really don't want to accidentally ghost him. I don't know if I will be able to see any messages sent when I do get a phone back. I could reach out to him on dating site just to say hi and say I don't have a phone but this would be mixed signals. (Not even sure if he is truly interested). I wouldn't mind being friends with him but not sure if that is realistically a possibility. I would appreciate advice! Thanks!
  19. I really admire you posts reinventmyself! (here and on other parts of the forun). Reading your posts is inspirational
  20. I know she slapped him, but it sounds like the scratches are from her trying to get away from him when he tried to rape her. Either way, this guy is an extremely abusive person and you need to get away from him. Please seek help from a local domestic abuse center or hotline in order to get advice on how to leave. This is a US national hotline: 1-800-799-7233.
  21. Yes, leave him. This guy is 100% abusive and the longer you are with abusive people the harder (and potentially more dangerous) it can be too leave.
  22. Whoa, you seem angry at this woman. She might just want to take things slow. As a female I can relate to this. I have lived this dynamic with men I've dated. One guy thought I wasn't allowing the relationship to grow organically - that was not true - he just assumed that what felt normal for him would feel normal for me. I felt like he was trying to force things too quickly. After being hurt myself, I want to go really slow in my next relationship. I have done flings, but if I am getting involved with someone who I might be able to see serious potential with, I will try to put the breaks on and go slowly. The reason for this is that sex intensifies everything - I don't want to have sex until I really feel I have bonded with someone and there is mutual trust and respect. And that takes time to develop. Maybe you two are incompatible in how you approach sex and sex timelines. It doesn't mean she isn't sex positive, doesn't necessarily mean she is stringing you along, and it doesn't mean she is trying to force things. She may just dance to a different step.
  23. I hear you can make good money teaching English in South Korea, and decent money teaching in Taiwan. A lot of people do that for a year or two and then travel around Asia or another place with what they saved. WWOOF and Help Exchange and Workaway are also good sites to find volunteer work, but some places charge a fee (and many don't). Whether they charge or not is often based on the region you go to and its economic level. You also have to be quite careful. I have used two of these sites, and did have a bad experience once with someone who could have easily hurt me if he wanted to.
  24. I agree that it depends on what experiences you want to have. Are you into the idea of backpacker culture - meeting people from around the world at hostels? Do you want to get to know people locally? Do you want to go somewhere with a different language? Some places will be more impenetrable if you don't speak the language, and others, such as India or some European countries will have many English speakers even though it is not the main language. You can also do a language exchange for a relatively low cost in some countries, which can be a good way to be more immersed, though some programs are too touristy. Do you want to visit a developing country?
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