Nowheretorun Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 I have been in a relationship with my partner for 10 months now. I had an important health appointment to attend (scan to rule out anything serious). I understood he couldnt come with me as he had to collect his child from school. I was ok with this. I did however notice that during the day he made little contact with me until 5 minutes before i was called in. I was angry so did not answer his call. I called him after to say all was ok but i was very brief. He noticed i was off amd he text me asking if i was ok. I explained that i didnt feel very supported and was hurt as when he had a health scare i was very supportive and encouraged him to seek medical advice. I even took him to see a doctor. He seemed to think i was crazy and so i said what i had to say and put the phone down. 2 days later we have spoken briefly but things clearly not the same. By this time i have calmed down but somehow it feels like he is unhappy with me. I decided to snoop on his childs mothers facebook page and realised the day i went for my scan she also posted on facebook that she had that day didcovered she has cancer. I do not know her but understand how awful this must be for her. At the same time i am now understanding that my partner must also be aware and would explain the vacantness in him. He does not know i have checked his ex's facebook. In fact he doesnt even know i know who she is. Its the woman detective in me. I guess this will bring a range of emotions for him. They split up around 18 months ago. My hurt is that he has withdrawn from me without telling me whats up i thought he could tell me anything. Secondly i am mature enough to give him space as im guessing he is working out his emotions and maybe wants to support her but doesnt want to upset me. Or perhaps realised that he still loves her. I really like this man but feel i would be stupid to sit in the background while he supports her. I think id rather let him go and we just be friends. What should I do? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 In my humble opinion I think you overreacted. A scan is not painful and it's to rule out anything serious -you felt well enough to get there on your own -why would he need to come with you or to call you during that day - he told you in advance that he cared, that he would have come if he didn't have to pick his child up. As far as his child's mother being diagnosed with cancer- yes, that is a big deal for his child and therefore for him. Confronting him with what you did for him isn't a good look either -doesn't really motivate him to have a healthful discussion. I think you should apologize and move on from this. Link to comment
Nowheretorun Posted April 30, 2017 Author Share Posted April 30, 2017 In my humble opinion I think you overreacted. A scan is not painful and it's to rule out anything serious -you felt well enough to get there on your own -why would he need to come with you or to call you during that day - he told you in advance that he cared, that he would have come if he didn't have to pick his child up. As far as his child's mother being diagnosed with cancer- yes, that is a big deal for his child and therefore for him. Confronting him with what you did for him isn't a good look either -doesn't really motivate him to have a healthful discussion. I think you should apologize and move on from this. I didnt say he had to come with me perhaps you misread. And i didnt confront him with what i did for him. Again you have not read this properly. I am informing the audience of what i did for him so that u understand why I feel there was lack of support. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 I didnt say he had to come with me perhaps you misread. And i didnt confront him with what i did for him. Again you have not read this properly. I am informing the audience of what i did for him so that u understand why I feel there was lack of support. "I explained that i didnt feel very supported and was hurt as when he had a health scare i was very supportive and encouraged him to seek medical advice. I even took him to see a doctor. " So you did bring up what you did for him. It doesn't mean he needs to do the same exact thing for you especially since the health scare might have been different and it sounds like he wasn't willing to seek medical attention and you were. I do not understand why you felt he should contact you during the day of your appointment - as I wrote (perhaps you misread?) you weren't in pain and a scan isn't painful. He did contact you right before -why was that not sufficient for you? Link to comment
Nowheretorun Posted April 30, 2017 Author Share Posted April 30, 2017 My grammar was incorrect. Im typing on a phone and have visual impairment! Link to comment
Tinydance Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 Sorry but I also think you overreacted. I don't know his situation with his ex, as we don't know the full story. However I don't actually see how he was not being supportive? I mean he did actually message you right before the scan showing his concern, right? Does he work, was he at work? If he was picking up his child then he was driving? I think you kind of can't see the forest for the trees in the sense that you got fixated that he didn't contact you earlier in the day but you're missing the fact that he DID actually contact you. You sound jealous of his ex which is understandable because they have a child together and they broke up only eight months before you started dating him. I think that may or may not mean he still loves her though. If they were together a long time and are friends for the child's sake, that might just mean he really cares about her and he's just concerned and worried. I mean don't forget cancer is very serious (may be fatal) and she is actually his child's mother. Understandably he may be worried he'd become a single parent taking care of the child all alone. I'm friends with two of my ex's (no kids) and if they got cancer I'd be really worried too. I think if you're not comfortable with this whole situation then yeah you may have to break up with him. However on his part I actually don't think he's doing anything wrong. If he's friends with his ex for the child and wants to be supportive to her with her cancer then I think it's a bit selfish of you to say it's not fine. I don't think it necessarily means they are still romantically involved but he's just there for her as a friend. If you're not OK with this then maybe next time don't date a guy who already has kids. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 My grammar was incorrect. Im typing on a phone and have visual impairment! Thanks. Then I'm not sure what part was incorrect. Link to comment
j.man Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 Unsupported for a scan that turned up fine? Sorry, but you're a grown woman perfectly capable of handling her own personal medical issues. He did right to leave you to it but follow up with you. It's you who played games. But maybe it's best to let the relationship go, particularly if you're going to assume him supporting the mother of his child now diagnosed with cancer to be in any way a competition with you. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 I don't understand????? You did not know the results, so why would he need to contact you before the scan. OVERREACTED! Don't you think you are jumping the gun with the ex! What type of cancer? How bad? Link to comment
melodysparks Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 If you wanted him there, you should have told him you wanted him there. Men aren't mind readers. You can't tell him it's okay and then freak out on him later. That's some dramatic nonsense. I bet he's quiet right now because he's wondering if he should break up with you. And I think he should. What business is his ex's cancer diagnosis to you? If I were you, I'd just be normal, let stuff go, and apologize for your behavior. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 Unfortunately after only 10 mos of dating, it seems he's got too much on his plate to have the kind of relationship you want. It may be best to cut your loses now as he has a tough road ahead with his son and the son's mother. You started dating 8 mos after they split up? the day i went for my scan she also posted on facebook that she had that day didcovered she has cancer. They split up around 18 months ago. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 I also think you over-reacted, OP. He did call you, and it was a scan. Sure, I can understand you were nervous but I think you're taking it too personally. I am curious, why was your instinct to run to his ex's FB page and check it out? Have you previously felt there's something more to them than being exes? Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 You are making things better for yourself or the relationship by playing detective and trying to piece the puzzle together before talking to your SO. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.