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  1. Filed in August, but have been separated since February. I am not going to wait to date. I’m happy.
  2. We have discussed that we are exclusive and we are calling each other bf/gf. I have zero contact with my ex and there are no restraining orders. My profile is very private, and I’ve blocked everyone that knows him. This is not to send a message to him.
  3. My therapist says I tended to “negatively engage” with my abusive ex. He definitely was abusive but I did push him. I think we were both unhealthy though. DV is a cycle. It’s hard to get out. I’m working on myself but I’m never ignoring the red flags that narcissist wave at the beginning of a relationship again. I grew up in a violent home so him being violent triggered me.
  4. DTMFA— got it from Dan Savage. Stands for dump the motherf**ker already. He sucks.
  5. Hey! I have a new boyfriend and things are going really well. I think I could love him soon. Do we need to be fb official? This seems silly, but I’m in my own head a lot about it. Is this important, or can I just wait until we are more serious, like engaged or something?
  6. Are you taking any medications? I think you might want to bring this up to your gyno next time you see them. Also, what revs you up when you’re alone? Maybe watch some porn together? Buy yourself some sexy lingerie to help yourself get in the mood? Getting a wax and wearing sexy lingerie helps me feel more sexy. Also, and I don’t know if it’s legal in your state, but marijuana is amazing for sex.
  7. Update: I’ve filed and stuck with it. Since then, I’ve made peace with the whole thing. I started dating again. Have a boyfriend now who is kind and doesn’t scream when he’s upset. Still dealing with the ptsd of having an abusive ex. Am still seeing a therapist to help me with my communication and with my anxiety. To anyone who is going through what I went through, it gets better. The feelings of loss are normal. It does eventually start to feel better, maybe not ever all the way better. I still get nervous when I can tell my bf is annoyed but I do grounding exercises my therapist taught me and tell myself that he isn’t my ex. I found someone I can be open and honest with. But if I didn’t, I’d be fine with being alone.
  8. Thanks everyone for most of the responses. I did not abuse him; he abused me. I feel very confused by what I’ve gone through. In response to the person who thinks that I am abusive for filing a restraining order, he filed one first to try and ruin my career even though he was physically and emotionally abusive. This is after I moved out and into my new place. He did this to try and silence me— to prevent me from telling anyone about the abuse. I filed one in return because if he ever did try and strangle me again I wanted the police to know who to protect. I take offense in being labeled as abusive when I have only ever been kind to him. In return I have been greatly mistreated. I’m being treated for PTSD because of this relationship. The trauma I have experienced, I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I am tying to go no contact with him. I have moments where I miss him and want to call him. And the emails are stupid of me; I get that.
  9. Married for less than 2 years. Ex progressed from mildly a jerk to a complete jerk. Everyday there was something I did wrong. Everyday he screamed at me. And every time I would tell him it was over I would change my mind and beg for him back. And every time he would act like he did me a favor. Even now— I have filed for divorce but I still want him to talk to me. We filed restraining orders against one another (and then dropped them). He has hit me and strangled me, and I can’t let him go. I just keep thinking that maybe he will change. Does anyone feel this way? I am so depressed all the time (seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist for medication and counseling). I recognize my behavior is not healthy but I don’t want to be divorced. Is there coming back from this? Has anyone been in this position and had an abuser recognize their abuse and change? I am trying to date but I am still emailing him once a week hoping he will change his mind and want to fight for me and not with me.
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