I thought it was going well, but she ghosted me after a "good" first date?

[kel224]

I went on a date a few days ago with a girl I met on Tinder (we're 28/29, not college aged). We messaged for a couple of weeks before the meet up. It was only a couple of messages a day or so, but she was enthusiastic to meetup and apologized if it took her a while to reply.

 

We went to a new coffee place for the date. I thought it went well. 2 hours of solid conversation, with her asking lots of questions. Both of us smiling, and her laughing at some of my jokes (that whole thing). At one point, she asked me what my week was looking like (I thought she was indicating she wanted to hang out again?). I walked around the neighborhood with her after coffee before taking her to her car. She said she had a good time, and we made eye contact a bit longer than usual as we parted. I mentioned something about how work is busy for me but that we should hang out later in the week to let her know I liked her, but I didn't make plans.

 

I texted her later that night, and she replied quickly and still with enthusiasm ("OMG, me too!!!" kind of thing). We were talking about a podcast we both like. This continued the next day, until she suddenly just stopped responding to my last text (my last text wasn't a question, but I was obviously trying to keep the banter going). I was going to ask her on a second date, but then she kinda just ghosted me.

 

It's been several days now. I didn't message her again, don't want to seem desperate (I struggle with balancing seeming desperate vs. aloof...). This is the first time I've been excited about someone in a long time, so I'm a little bummed. And I was feeling great again putting myself out there after my relationship ended horribly last year. IDK if I did anything wrong, or if she was just being super nice and I read the whole situation wrong? I think I can try to get in touch with her one more time to try and meetup again before calling it a total loss, right?

[used2blue]

Let it go. You tried. Don't over try.

You didn't have to do anything wrong.

It just wasn't mutual.

Move on.

[Krankor]

At this point I don't think there would be any harm in inviting her out to another date, but do just that; invite her out for a date. Don't just sit and text back and forth.

 

If you don't hear back, move on. In the future, I wouldn't recommend coffee or lunch dates. That's what friends do; you aren't trying to be friends so don't start out on that foot.

[maccerz]

As Krankor said, there's no harm in sending her another text! But make sure to ask her on a date after the 2nd or 3rd text, dont drag the texting conversation out. Either way you'll have your answer and you can either start planning the date or accept that she's no interested and move on.

And if it is a case that she's not interested it's doubtful that you did anything wrong, sometimes the spark just isn't there! Don't let it get you down, keep putting yourself out there, that spark will appear with someone!

[used2blue]

Nobody deserves to be ghosted!

[KantSleep]

I listen to a radio show feature called "Blown off" everyone morning. The person who is blown off calls the radio show about how they were ghosted after a "great" date, and they get the person on the phone who blew them off, to hear the reason why. Oftentimes the reason for the ghosting is unbelievable. One girl blew off a guy because he ate too many of the chicken wings at dinner and didn't leave enough for her (she said if he is "selfish" with his food, he is likely selfish in other areas). One girl didn't understand why she was blown off after a great dinner date. Well, it was because she felt the need to bring her teacup dog in her handbag to dinner. Another girl weighed her food in front of her date and wondered why she was ghosted. You can't make this stuff up. The reasons are endless. You may never know. I guess it couldn't hurt to put a final text out there, saying something like, hey, how have you been? Keep it light. If she doesn't respond, you know for sure she isn't interested, but the "why" is something you may never know...

[j.man]

I don't consider not getting a response after a first date "ghosting." Slightly immature, sure, but in my mind that's just a silent rejection.

 

Really, though, not that I encourage texting sprees at any time early on, it was more OK to before as that really was the only capacity you two knew each other in. After the date, you should've simply asked her out. You met up. No one wants to pretend to be pen pals again. Be a grown man and get the ball rolling.

[used2blue]

I don't consider not getting a response after a first date "ghosting." Slightly immature, sure, but in my mind that's just a silent rejection.

 

Really, though, not that I encourage texting sprees at any time early on, it was more OK to before as that really was the only capacity you two knew each other in. After the date, you should've simply asked her out. You met up. No one wants to pretend to be pen pals again. Be a grown man and get the ball rolling.

 

Not everyone works the same way. It's not about being grown up or not grown up.

 

The OP stated his beliefs and feelings. He acted on them.

 

He can also stand on what he did.

[ParisPaulette]

Text her one more time for a date. If she doesn't respond then move on to your next date. OLD is the sales cold-calling of dating, so you will need to understand it's a numbers game to some degree and lots of people are not going to buy, no matter how nice they are or say they will soon - metaphorically speaking. And if someone falls silent no matter how great it seemed at first glance then something didn't mesh, BUT I think you are prematurely deciding she's ghosted you. Not everyone is a big texter, maybe she feels that since you've dated you should now be more about lining up that next date.

 

So ask, the worst she'll say is no or nothing. And you can then move on and keep dating and don't get discouraged. Most of us don't get the perfect person who is a complete fit right out of the box, even if we've had great first dates. Those are not the be all, end all of whether it's going to go somewhere. When you've had half a dozen great dates and your contact and affinity/attraction are growing then you can say there's something there.

 

So don't get discouraged, just one more ask then move on and keep dating.

[Careerchoice]

Don't be so sensitive and re-initiate the conversation. Do not ask her out again right off the bat! You have to gauge how she's responding to you. It's been several days so you have to see how receptive she is.

[ManyDates]

Always trust your gut - I am NOT for the "send one more text, you'll get your answer". Sure send one more text, and get rejected and a lie why they are bailing. If her enthusiasm has waned then let her go, she's a big girl and knows how to get in touch with you - but she won't.

[Careerchoice]

Sure send one more text, and get rejected and a lie why they are bailing.

There's literally no risk of losing anything in sending another text.

[notalady]

What do you mean "but then she ghosted"? If you didn't ask her on a second date, she didn't even have a chance to "ghost" or otherwise?

 

It's possible she got tired of texting back and forth without you asking for a second date. Or the conversation came to a natural end and she saw no need to keep it going, so didn't respond further to your last message (if that's what you mean by ghosting). It's very possible she's waiting to be asked out again and you didn't ask.

 

Only way to gauge someone's real interest is whether they ask you on a date and on the other side, whether they agree to going on another date. Then actually show up and act interested during the date. Texting pattern is not an effective way of gauging interest.

 

If you like her, ask for another date. If she hesitate or use excuses like I'm so busy or agrees but later cancels, then you know she's not interested. If she agrees and goes on another date, then great.

[notalady]

Re-reading the chain of events, I would most definitely say she didn't "ghost" you. Your last text wasn't a question and she didn't see the need to respond. And you didn't message further either nor ask for another date, so.... it pretty much came to a natural end. Now, one could argue that if she's interested, she would've kept the conversation going, or initiate another conversation since you haven't messaged for several days. But not everyone operates that way. A lot of people would take your lack of asking for a second date as lack of interest and not bother with initiating further conversation (ie "if he's interested he would've asked me on a second date, he hadn't for days so...I'll leave things as it is"). I would say that's likely, as it sounds like she wasn't all that into texting even before you met, takes a while to respond, only a couple of messages a day. It's not like you were having long drawn out texting sessions all day long before and now it suddenly stopped.

 

Anyway, I would just ask for another date, you'll find out either way.

[Wiseman2]

Ok the date went well. So ask her out rather than all the texting.

I mentioned something about how work is busy for me but that we should hang out later in the week to let her know I liked her, but I didn't make plans. I was going to ask her on a second date. I think I can try to get in touch with her one more time to try and meetup again before calling it a total loss, right?

[saluk]

Ok the date went well. So ask her out rather than all the texting.

 

Yeah, I'd give it another shot. She could be waiting for you to actually ask her out again instead of all the attempts at banter.

 

If you actually ask her out and THEN get no response, then she is ghosting you. But even then, after only one date... it's really not that big of a deal. It's not that hard to have a fun 2 hour date with someone you later realize is probably not a good fit. At that point, it's a little lame to just not respond, but that can also be really awkward when you have only seen the person one time.

 

If you are ghosted, then be glad that you didn't have any further time wasted with the wrong person.