Hugs. I understand how hard it is to change that habit.
If writing the words help you, continue.
I hope you find a way to focus on the things that are in your life presently.
It is a hard battle. I would gladly help you in anyway possible. You are worth so much and have a precious soul and heart that is hurting. Know that people care. Know that you will get through this. Know you will be stronger at the other end.
Be strong.
Be present.
Be the beautiful caring soul you are!