Girl Is Pregnant

[JohnGotti]

Okay, so I've got a feeling this will get a lot of mixed reviews but I'm just gonna put it out there.

 

I'm 24 years old, single male and currently studying full time on a 4 year course that I've only just started. I work part time but they money isn't much and what ever I do get is spent on groceries or bills. Luckily my dad owns the apartment and he is okay with me not paying rent while I study as long as I pay everything else related to the apartment and my life. He's a very strict educated but religious guy.

 

I was seeing this girl for around 6 months but we were never officially together. I still saw other girls and I'm sure she saw other guys. Unfortunately, she ended up having sex with my best friend. At the time I wasn't bothered because we weren't official and I couldn't put the blame on my friend because he wasn't aware of how it'd really make me feel. It almost killed me mentally because after it I realised I actually liked her more than I thought.

 

I never fell out with my friend over it but deep down it was the worst feeling ever. I still spoke to her after it and after a while we decided to have sex again because we both enjoyed it. We still weren't official because I could never fully commit now knowing what she had done and what would the other choice be? Lose a best friend? I didn't want to lose friends over a girl so we just made the relationship solely based on sex.

 

She fell in love and I'm not gonna lie I liked her a lot too but I could never bring myself to go any further than sex because of what had happened. I could barely go a day without it popping into my head and feeling terrible. As a result of this never being able to commit I'd often go out and hook up with other girls and I'd tell her about it just so she didn't think I was messing her about. I felt it's better to be honest than bare face lie, especially since we're not in a relationship together so it shouldn't matter. She always acted like it was okay but on several occasions if I saw her drunk she would attack me. One time ripping out a piercing I have and another time slicing a cut in my arm by pushing me into a cabinet when I wasn't expecting it. No matter how rough or violent it got I couldn't bring myself to hit her back just because how I was raised so I'd just take the slaps and shoves til she calmed down.

 

Eventually she comes to me and says she's pregnant. To me it seems like I was tricked by her, maybe as a way for me to commit fully to her knowing a baby is on the way maybe I'd drop the past and be her boyfriend. She was suppose to be on the coil and we used protection too. Anyway... Once she announced it I thought she would be smart enough to know we can't raise a child in our current situation.

 

She's decided to keep it and at first I did something I really regret. I said some things that were selfish in a way of perhaps convincing her to get an abortion but I shouldn't have done that.

 

This girl has no job, no future, no friends anymore (as all her friends are in solid relationships or having kids) and she lives at home with her mum. She's also quite well known as being a bit of a .

 

I have ed up in a colossal way. She's having her 12 week scan on the 3rd and I'll be going to it. The thing is I'm not ready for a child, not ready to support it financially and I'm definitely not in any way close to being in a relationship with her.

 

I feel like the child is going to be at a disadvantage even before it's born just because of this situation. What's she gonna tell the kid when they're older? Me and your dad were never together cause I went and ed his best friend? How do I continue my friendship with this friend of mine and raise my kid with all the past being there.

 

Right now I feel alone, as if once this child is born I'll no longer have my friends as they know this girl is crazy and advised me to avoid her when I can.

 

I can't get with her either because of obvious reasons.

 

I just don't know what to do. She said she's happy raising it herself but I'm sure that's a lie. She's trapped me now and I feel like I can either sink or swim.

 

I know this is selfish but I genuinely feel like suicide sometimes as I know my dad will probably disown me or kick me out my apartment when he finds out.

I've battled depression for around 10 years and I've only just started to feel better about life recently and then this happens.

 

What happens next? Someone slap some sense into me or tell me to go kill myself. I'll go do whichever is best.

[limichelle]

Hey,

 

I think you need to try to convince her to put the baby up for adoption she is being very selfish! If she won't and wants to raise it, I'm going to give you advice i never thought I would be giving. My advice you don't owe her anything! If she wants to raise the baby let her do it all by herself! She will soon learn how hard it is. Tell her you won't be helping her raise the baby if she decides to keep it because you don't think it's fair for the kid so you want no part of it.

 

I never advise this usually because I feel the guy should step up. However you were taken advantage of and manipulated and she's the moron who is selfish.

 

I would just get away from her as fast as you can. I know my advice will be looked down by most.

 

Lisa

[annie24]

I think you should get a paternity test when the baby is born. It may not be yours because you said you and her were never exclusive. If it is your child, then you have an obligation to take care of it. good luck

[jujusamples]

You used protection and she's on the coil, the chances of getting pregnant is pretty slim. However, it can happen but based on your posts, she sleeps around so the baby might not be yours? I've actually seen that happen to some of guy friends before. Get a paternity test as soon as the baby is born! If the baby turns out to be NOT yours, ditch her immediately. If the baby turns out to be yours, maybe adoption would be a good option in this situation.

 

Your FWB is abusive and I don't think it's safe for her to raise a child. She shoves and pushes you, who knows what she will do to the baby. She sounds very emotionally unstable as well. I don't blame you for being concern.

[JohnGotti]

She has slept around in the past but ever since she slept with my best friend she changed completely. Stopped talking to any boys even though we weren't together, if she was ever out she'd be texting me wanting to see me rather than meet anyone else. She basically said she understood that we would never be together but that she wanted to prove to me she wasn't the same girl she was. So I'm 99% sure she wasn't with anyone else at the time she got pregnant.

 

Thanks for reading the post and your replies.

 

Unfortunately she had the full power here. She won't put the kid up for adoption and she wouldn't go through an abortion. She is violent when she's drunk but I can't say she's ever done anything out of the ordinary sober. She doesn't drink much by the way. Her whole focus now is the pregnancy and nothing else.

 

In a way I want to be a dad but I couldn't imagine with her. She'll use the child against me and anything I do won't be good enough I don't think. If I was to date somebody and she herself wasn't dating anyone I'm sure she'd be jealous. This girl is head over heels for me and is having my kid so I just don't see what will happen next.

[j.man]

You're about 10 steps further than you need to be. If you know for a fact you wore a rubber (that you provided, not one she could punch a hole into) and that she was on the coil, you have every reason to plausibly doubt it's yours. By all means, should paternity be established by DNA, follow through on your duties to the fullest, but beyond that, it's simply a bridge that doesn't need crossing until you get there.

[jujusamples]

She has slept around in the past but ever since she slept with my best friend she changed completely. Stopped talking to any boys even though we weren't together, if she was ever out she'd be texting me wanting to see me rather than meet anyone else. She basically said she understood that we would never be together but that she wanted to prove to me she wasn't the same girl she was. So I'm 99% sure she wasn't with anyone else at the time she got pregnant.

 

Thanks for reading the post and your replies.

 

Unfortunately she had the full power here. She won't put the kid up for adoption and she wouldn't go through an abortion. She is violent when she's drunk but I can't say she's ever done anything out of the ordinary sober. She doesn't drink much by the way. Her whole focus now is the pregnancy and nothing else.

 

In a way I want to be a dad but I couldn't imagine with her. She'll use the child against me and anything I do won't be good enough I don't think. If I was to date somebody and she herself wasn't dating anyone I'm sure she'd be jealous. This girl is head over heels for me and is having my kid so I just don't see what will happen next.

 

Not sure why you are still making up excuses for her. All you have to do is get the paternity test. Of course prepare for both directions in the meantime. You could share custody of the child, you don't need to raise the child together.

 

I'm sorry but I don't think ANYONE should EVER be violent, sober, drunk or whatever! I will still consider it as physical abuse.

[Matt3939]

You did state you used protection. Condoms? And not using just her walking upstairs really fast while drinking apple juice thru a straw. If so I agree with the above. I wouldn't take her word that she's on any birth control. Specially if you know she's sleeping with other guys.

[Capricorn3]

I think you should get a paternity test when the baby is born. It may not be yours because you said you and her were never exclusive. If it is your child, then you have an obligation to take care of it. good luck

 

I totally agree. Cross the bridge when you get to it. If the DNA test proves it's yours then you follow through on all your obligations.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this she sounds like trouble. Get a lawyer and do nothing until she can prove paternity. Stay away from this. Do not go to any of these appts with her.

 

If it's yours, pay child support (it's based on your income) and that's it.

on several occasions if I saw her drunk she would attack me. One time ripping out a piercing I have and another time slicing a cut in my arm by pushing me into a cabinet when I wasn't expecting it.she's pregnant. She was suppose to be on the coil and we used protection too. She's decided to keep it

[JohnGotti]

What I mean to say is we did use protection on occasions and other times we didn't but she was 'supposed' to be on contraceptives. Maybe she lied, I don't know. I realise it's my fault too because in the heat of the moment things would just happen with the thought in my head she can't get pregnant. Clearly she is now pregnant so time to move past that. I should always be wrapping my ...

 

I'm 90% sure it's mine. I'm friends with her friends and we stayed in contact a lot during the time she fell pregnant. She was mostly with me at that point and the times she wasn't we would be texting so I pretty much knew she wasn't with anyone else. I don't believe the child will be anyone else's other than mine. Like I was saying, her friends are all decent people and I'm sure one would've said something by now if they had any doubt it was mine. Either way I'm 90% sure and I think if I dodge appointments and don't show my face til a DNA test this could be really bad in future if I decide to have a role in the child's life.

 

She's insisted she's happy to block me completely on everything and I don't need to take any part in the baby's life.

 

I'm just completely lost right now. Really not happy at the minute and it's effecting everything I do with college/work/friends etc. Just a matter of time before I need to tell my family too who by the way nobody in my family history that I know of has ever got a girl pregnant without being in a relationship or married so I'm gonna look like a right ******. Anyone else been in any situation anywhere similar to this?