Not sure what to do anymore...I care about her.

[Knight2001]

get out of there man for your own sanity. go no contact and block her from everything.

good luck

[Hawkman85]

I'm not expecting any responses to this post just venting...

 

Going no contact is very hard for me. I've become so used to text her and talking to her. I'm feeling stressed almost. I haven't talked to her in over 24hrs.

She has been trying to contact me however...asked if I'm mad?

[boltnrun]

Well, if you refuse to block her then yes, she will continue to try to make sure you're still standing on the sidelines waiting to leap whenever she wants you to.

 

I would respond with "If you ever decide you want out of your relationship, contact me. Until then, it's inappropriate for us to continue to communicate."

[Hawkman85]

That is very close to what I said...

I said, "although I still strongly care about and want to be with you. I've come to realize that what we have is a form of a toxic relationship where I'm nothing more then a doormat for you to walk on. The current relationship you are in is an abusive and manipulative one as well. I feel like you know that, but aren't really to accept it. Until the time where you can treat me with respect that I have shown you it's better we no longer talk at all. Although I will not block you from contacting me, but please respect my space."

[Purusha]

Great job hawkman! What you said was considerate to yourself as well as to her, made your boundary clear and expressed your opinion -very happy for you.

[Hawkman85]

I do have a small update, today she has sent me a message saying, "the past month and a half with him things have gone well. We aren't arguing as much and he's not drinking. I don't understand why you can't just be supportive of me with him and accept that there's a chance he may have changed."

 

My problem with this is that shes known to withhold certain truths about him in order to protect him, like saying he's not drinking at all. I think there's probably been a few time he's had a beer or 2 in the last month in a half. And this idea that he may have changed?? How many times can you give someone a chance to change this is probably the 12th 13th time she's said that....it's only a matter of time till he loses it on her.

 

I also found out he will be doing weekends in jail for his DUI, 90 days....

[johnnydanger]

I hate to tell you this, as I always try to be optimistic, but this girl sounds far gone because of the abusive relationship she is in. She will make up excuses to stay with her jailbird, as she is in a deep emotional fog. It's honorable you care and tried to help her.

 

Right now, unless you are ready to pull an all out Richard Gere from Pretty Woman rescue attempt, I would just write this off as way too much drama.

 

You've been a good man so far. When her brain is back in order from the damage done by her captor, and that guy is history, maybe she will look you up again.

[Hawkman85]

I hate to tell you this, as I always try to be optimistic, but this girl sounds far gone because of the abusive relationship she is in. She will make up excuses to stay with her jailbird, as she is in a deep emotional fog. It's honorable you care and tried to help her.

 

Right now, unless you are ready to pull an all out Richard Gere from Pretty Woman rescue attempt, I would just write this off as way too much drama.

 

You've been a good man so far. When her brain is back in order from the damage done by her captor, and that guy is history, maybe she will look you up again.

 

I agree.

 

I didn't respond to her after that message. I wanted to, but knew it wouldn't be healthy. I think she will try and make me her "weekend" guy once his weekend jail time starts. If that happens I will have to block her.

[Fun Boater 1]

I want to understand why?

Why would she keep going back?

Why won't she talk about it? I've called him a women abuser to her face and she gets mad....

I've asked her if she thinks her grandfather who served in WW2 would shake his hand knowing those hands were around her neck choking her? She just get mad. She won't admit she in toxic relationship. Bc he's been nice and sober for 4 weeks...

 

Why does she keep going back? There is NO rational, sane, or logical explanation or answer to this question. Something in her is broken and damaged and prevents her from breaking from the toxic/abusive guy. And your girl is in her early 20's! My most recent experience was with a woman in the exact same situation, but worse. And she's 41 years old and has had a string of toxic/abusive guys in her past which causes her to sabotage her healthy relationships - I was a victim of that. Currently, she is back with a total loser POS abusive loser who has beaten on her before, stolen from her, lied to her, cheated on her, repeatedly across the several times they have been involved over the years. Last Spring, before we began dating, she even got a 2 year restraining order put on him. After she pushed me away back in late November, guess what she did? She let him back in her life! And it's been chaos and misery for her since. We've stayed in touch, and she's turned to me a few times.. Her life sucks and she's in a very bad place. This guy won't leave and it's her house, and she fears calling the police because she fears she could get in trouble for violating the restraining order. It's a huge mess...but a MESS OF HER OWN MAKING... I still love her. Still cling to hope that she will "come around". However, I'm fully aware of that it is UP TO HER to change her situation and break the cycle. The "cycle of abuse" is very, very hard to break - regardless of how terrible the situation is. It is something in her psyche that causes her to remain with this guy, and has nothing to do with her. You can't fix her, even though you want to try, and that's admirable. But you just need to drive on with your life and live it as if she were never in it, or will ever be in it again. Stop reaching out to her, and stop being there for her when she calls on your to be the "emotional crutch". Until she totally breaks free from whatever hold her to this abusive/toxic dbag, there is NO future for you and her. There is nothing you can do except leave her alone and cut her off. Perhaps there is a future in store for you and her, but nothing can happen until she breaks free and fixes herself. Do you want to wait for that to happen? No, you don't, because it might never happen. Live your life, meet new women, date new women, sleep with new women, and keep your self emotionally available to a new relationship. Stay away from her, and stay out of this toxic mess that exists between her and her b/f. Nothing you can do to change it! Trust me, I've been through this and still going through it, but you've got to understand that you are helpless to change her and her situation. And her decision to remain with him is NOT a reflection on YOU. It's a reflection of her and her issues, whatever those may be.

 

One thing that DID bother me about reading your story is that you and this girl got off on a very poor footing to begin with that had nothing to do with her toxic/abusive situation. You started sleeping with her for months BEHIND this other guy's back? How does that make you feel knowing that she is deceitful and lacks integrity? She was seeing him, yet carrying on a sexual relationship with you? that would make me very uncomfortable and make me incapable of ever trusting her or taking her seriously as a healthy relationship partner. Just sayin!

[Wiseman2]

Excellent...

I said, "although I still strongly care about and want to be with you. I've come to realize that what we have is a form of a toxic relationship where I'm nothing more then a doormat for you to walk on. The current relationship you are in is an abusive and manipulative one as well. I feel like you know that, but aren't really to accept it. Until the time where you can treat me with respect that I have shown you it's better we no longer talk at all. Although I will not block you from contacting me, but please respect my space."

[Hawkman85]

Why does she keep going back? There is NO rational, sane, or logical explanation or answer to this question. Something in her is broken and damaged and prevents her from breaking from the toxic/abusive guy. And your girl is in her early 20's! My most recent experience was with a woman in the exact same situation, but worse. And she's 41 years old and has had a string of toxic/abusive guys in her past which causes her to sabotage her healthy relationships - I was a victim of that. Currently, she is back with a total loser POS abusive loser who has beaten on her before, stolen from her, lied to her, cheated on her, repeatedly across the several times they have been involved over the years. Last Spring, before we began dating, she even got a 2 year restraining order put on him. After she pushed me away back in late November, guess what she did? She let him back in her life! And it's been chaos and misery for her since. We've stayed in touch, and she's turned to me a few times.. Her life sucks and she's in a very bad place. This guy won't leave and it's her house, and she fears calling the police because she fears she could get in trouble for violating the restraining order. It's a huge mess...but a MESS OF HER OWN MAKING... I still love her. Still cling to hope that she will "come around". However, I'm fully aware of that it is UP TO HER to change her situation and break the cycle. The "cycle of abuse" is very, very hard to break - regardless of how terrible the situation is. It is something in her psyche that causes her to remain with this guy, and has nothing to do with her. You can't fix her, even though you want to try, and that's admirable. But you just need to drive on with your life and live it as if she were never in it, or will ever be in it again. Stop reaching out to her, and stop being there for her when she calls on your to be the "emotional crutch". Until she totally breaks free from whatever hold her to this abusive/toxic dbag, there is NO future for you and her. There is nothing you can do except leave her alone and cut her off. Perhaps there is a future in store for you and her, but nothing can happen until she breaks free and fixes herself. Do you want to wait for that to happen? No, you don't, because it might never happen. Live your life, meet new women, date new women, sleep with new women, and keep your self emotionally available to a new relationship. Stay away from her, and stay out of this toxic mess that exists between her and her b/f. Nothing you can do to change it! Trust me, I've been through this and still going through it, but you've got to understand that you are helpless to change her and her situation. And her decision to remain with him is NOT a reflection on YOU. It's a reflection of her and her issues, whatever those may be.

 

One thing that DID bother me about reading your story is that you and this girl got off on a very poor footing to begin with that had nothing to do with her toxic/abusive situation. You started sleeping with her for months BEHIND this other guy's back? How does that make you feel knowing that she is deceitful and lacks integrity? She was seeing him, yet carrying on a sexual relationship with you? that would make me very uncomfortable and make me incapable of ever trusting her or taking her seriously as a healthy relationship partner. Just sayin!

 

I fully understand what you are say about sleeping with her behind this guy's back...I guess the way she justifies it, is they were so on again off again that she didn't really care. And at the time she talked like she was going to leave him and start something with me. So I hung on to that. I really do care about her still. And it's like coming off of a drug. I want to talk to her text her see what's up I miss her.

 

Not this weekend but next weekend will be the his first weekend in jail. So I'm expecting she will contact me then....

 

I'm very nervous about it. The last I heard from someone close to her that I work with is he's not drank since the weekend of his second DUI so about a month and half ago. And she's convinced that he's changed

[boltnrun]

Are you hoping she cheats on him with you while he's in jail?

 

Let's say she does reach out because she cannot stand to be without a man at her beck and call for a couple of days. How will you feel every Sunday night when she goes home to get back in bed with him?

[Hawkman85]

Why does she keep going back? There is NO rational, sane, or logical explanation or answer to this question. Something in her is broken and damaged and prevents her from breaking from the toxic/abusive guy. And your girl is in her early 20's! My most recent experience was with a woman in the exact same situation, but worse. And she's 41 years old and has had a string of toxic/abusive guys in her past which causes her to sabotage her healthy relationships - I was a victim of that. Currently, she is back with a total loser POS abusive loser who has beaten on her before, stolen from her, lied to her, cheated on her, repeatedly across the several times they have been involved over the years. Last Spring, before we began dating, she even got a 2 year restraining order put on him. After she pushed me away back in late November, guess what she did? She let him back in her life! And it's been chaos and misery for her since. We've stayed in touch, and she's turned to me a few times.. Her life sucks and she's in a very bad place. This guy won't leave and it's her house, and she fears calling the police because she fears she could get in trouble for violating the restraining order. It's a huge mess...but a MESS OF HER OWN MAKING... I still love her. Still cling to hope that she will "come around". However, I'm fully aware of that it is UP TO HER to change her situation and break the cycle. The "cycle of abuse" is very, very hard to break - regardless of how terrible the situation is. It is something in her psyche that causes her to remain with this guy, and has nothing to do with her. You can't fix her, even though you want to try, and that's admirable. But you just need to drive on with your life and live it as if she were never in it, or will ever be in it again. Stop reaching out to her, and stop being there for her when she calls on your to be the "emotional crutch". Until she totally breaks free from whatever hold her to this abusive/toxic dbag, there is NO future for you and her. There is nothing you can do except leave her alone and cut her off. Perhaps there is a future in store for you and her, but nothing can happen until she breaks free and fixes herself. Do you want to wait for that to happen? No, you don't, because it might never happen. Live your life, meet new women, date new women, sleep with new women, and keep your self emotionally available to a new relationship. Stay away from her, and stay out of this toxic mess that exists between her and her b/f. Nothing you can do to change it! Trust me, I've been through this and still going through it, but you've got to understand that you are helpless to change her and her situation. And her decision to remain with him is NOT a reflection on YOU. It's a reflection of her and her issues, whatever those may be.

 

One thing that DID bother me about reading your story is that you and this girl got off on a very poor footing to begin with that had nothing to do with her toxic/abusive situation. You started sleeping with her for months BEHIND this other guy's back? How does that make you feel knowing that she is deceitful and lacks integrity? She was seeing him, yet carrying on a sexual relationship with you? that would make me very uncomfortable and make me incapable of ever trusting her or taking her seriously as a healthy relationship partner. Just sayin!

 

Also, thank you for taking the time to write.

[Hawkman85]

Are you hoping she cheats on him with you while he's in jail?

 

Let's say she does reach out because she cannot stand to be without a man at her beck and call for a couple of days. How will you feel every Sunday night when she goes home to get back in bed with him?

 

That's what I'm saying. I'm aware of how I feel and I know what not to do. Which is sleep with her or give her any kind of support. She makes her own choice. I'm just saying it's hard. I care about her. But I do know better...

[Fun Boater 1]

Again, SHE is responsible for her own actions, and responsible for her decision to remain with a guy who treats her like sh*t. You can try to be her "white knight" all you want, but there is very very little you can do to influence her decision. And yes, you are right, IT MAKES NO SENSE. Read my story if you are interested. My "whack job" ex-gf who I am still in love with has many of the same issues and is in the same situation, but far worse, because she knows he's a dbag, knows it will never work out, knows he hasn't changed. There has recently been violence, and she has recently turned up at my house - again, swearing she's "done", wants us to get back together..etc..etc..crying me a river, was adamant about making him leave this time (after he wrapped a cable chord around her neck...). Three weeks ago. No change. He's still there. So tread very carefully and protect yourself. I would advise staying away and resist falling into the trap of seeing her/sleeping with her while her b/f is in jail on weekends. It's just going to lead to trouble and possibly worse. Remember, that the only possibly way for anything to "rekindle" between you and her is if she totally and permanently gets rid of this other guy - the bad guy. Only then can there be any possibility for you and her to have a proper relationships. And it's totally up to her to make that decision. Here's my link to my thread if you are interested. My situation is much like yours, but 15+ years older, and the dynamic is much the same.

[johnnydanger]

If i may ask, what is it specifically you are attracted to most in this woman? Is she really hot physically? I know what you about it feeling like a drug, as attractions can be very potent and make both men and women do crazy things sometimes. Perhaps it would also be good for you to try and find another girl as the antidote

[Hawkman85]

If i may ask, what is it specifically you are attracted to most in this woman? Is she really hot physically? I know what you about it feeling like a drug, as attractions can be very potent and make both men and women do crazy things sometimes. Perhaps it would also be good for you to try and find another girl as the antidote

 

I would yes she very beautiful. And very sexual. She's an amazing kisser...Over and above that I can't describe it. Anytime we've spent together has been happy and fun for both of us. Just being with her makes me feel good. Touching her holding her cuddling with her talking to her. Our sense of humor and sarcasm are the same. I can go on. But over all when we're together it just feels right. Idk how else to put it.

 

Once after we spent the weekend together out of the city...we got back and he was blowing up her phone asking when and what time she'd be home. I asked her why? And she said "he needs someone to be there for him. He's got no one." This was before his 2 DUIs. And I said but he treats you like all the time.

She responded with, "I know. But he's needs someone to talk to. To help him. He tells me stuff he won't tell anyone else."

 

Even now. I can tell she's not happy. That she just goes through the motions and tells ppl that she's happy.

[Hawkman85]

Again, SHE is responsible for her own actions, and responsible for her decision to remain with a guy who treats her like sh*t. You can try to be her "white knight" all you want, but there is very very little you can do to influence her decision. And yes, you are right, IT MAKES NO SENSE. Read my story if you are interested. My "whack job" ex-gf who I am still in love with has many of the same issues and is in the same situation, but far worse, because she knows he's a dbag, knows it will never work out, knows he hasn't changed. There has recently been violence, and she has recently turned up at my house - again, swearing she's "done", wants us to get back together..etc..etc..crying me a river, was adamant about making him leave this time (after he wrapped a cable chord around her neck...). Three weeks ago. No change. He's still there. So tread very carefully and protect yourself. I would advise staying away and resist falling into the trap of seeing her/sleeping with her while her b/f is in jail on weekends. It's just going to lead to trouble and possibly worse. Remember, that the only possibly way for anything to "rekindle" between you and her is if she totally and permanently gets rid of this other guy - the bad guy. Only then can there be any possibility for you and her to have a proper relationships. And it's totally up to her to make that decision. Here's my link to my thread if you are interested. My situation is much like yours, but 15+ years older, and the dynamic is much the same. ]

 

I've actually read your story a few times. And it's very much similar.

 

Thank you for posting. I'm glad you took the time.

[boltnrun]

I can guarantee she will contact you once he starts his weekend jail sentence. She will cry and say she's lonely and needs you to comfort her. But as soon as the weekend's over, she will ditch you and get right back in bed with him.

 

I am encouraged by how you seem like you aren't going to fall for this.

[Hawkman85]

I can guarantee she will contact you once he starts his weekend jail sentence. She will cry and say she's lonely and needs you to comfort her. But as soon as the weekend's over, she will ditch you and get right back in bed with him.

 

I am encouraged by how you seem like you aren't going to fall for this.

 

I'm definitely aware of how I feel and how going back and sleeping with her will do me zero good mentally. And I'm also aware that she will contact me. I'm glad I've found this web site as a way of venting and a reality check.

[ThatwasThen]

Has he changed?

Not within that short period of time and extensive therapy.

Do you think he's being genuine or using her?

He's probably being genuine but due to his addiction to alcohol and his anger management problems he'll repeat just like she will.

Is there anything I can do or should do?

Yes, get yourself away from her. Stop taking her calls, and don't get involved in their business. If he finds out you have slept with her, he'll sucker punch you too, or worse. She has problems that she needs to be in therapy to overcome. You can't help her and you'll never convince her that she can do better then him. She's using you never mind is he using her.

 

She doesn't love her self currently and even if she did leave him for you, her current state will ensure that she is not a good partner to you or anyone else. She has much healing and nurturing of her inner child to do before she's ready to be a good partner to anyone.

 

Also I don't understand why she keeps going back? The time we spent together was amazing. We got along so well. Had fun it was romantic the sex was amazing and passionate...we really care about each other and still so.

 

Those of us with good personal boundaries don't understand why YOU keep going back to her. Are you afraid of commitment so you attach to those that are not free to be with you?

[Hawkman85]

Not within that short period of time and extensive therapy.

He's probably being genuine but due to his addiction to alcohol and his anger management problems he'll repeat just like she will.

Yes, get yourself away from her. Stop taking her calls, and don't get involved in their business. If he finds out you have slept with her, he'll sucker punch you too, or worse. She has problems that she needs to be in therapy to overcome. You can't help her and you'll never convince her that she can do better then him. She's using you never mind is he using her.

 

She doesn't love her self currently and even if she did leave him for you, her current state will ensure that she is not a good partner to you or anyone else. She has much healing and nurturing of her inner child to do before she's ready to be a good partner to anyone.

 

 

 

Those of us with good personal boundaries don't understand why YOU keep going back to her. Are you afraid of commitment so you attach to those that are not free to be with you?

 

I haven't spoken to her in about 3 weeks. I've put up my boundaries. I just know his court date is tomorrow and he will probably start jail time this weekend.

 

That being said I think about her everyday.

[Fun Boater 1]

 

This is a very dangerous assumption for you to make, and it's a huge assumption. You really have no idea if she is happy or not. How do you know she's "going through the motions and tells people she is happy" Has she TOLD YOU she is unhappy? Don't jump to this conclusion! Obviously there is something about this other guy, piece of "sh*t" that he is; that keeps her connected with him and prevents her from kicking him to the curb - and if he truly is an abusive, dbag, loser, and terrible person then she wouldn't be so hesitant to get rid of him would she? Because that's what any sane, rational, and self-respecting girl would do - NOT put up with his antics, abuse, and overall horribleness. She's refusing to cast him aside, happy or unhappy, and that's what YOU need to focus on, and that's why you need to distance yourself from this girl and let her sort out her own mess. And it is a mess - a mess of HER OWN making. Why settle for the crumbs she throws at you? You can't possibly be content with this situation? Have you tried flat out telling her something along the lines of "I love you. I want to be with you. Please feel free to contact me when you are serious about a relationship with me and when you have truly gotten rid of this other guy and are emotionally available to me. I would love to date you again and be with you. However, until you change your current situation with this other guy, I need to move on with my life".... Something like that? I think you did now that I remember from earlier posts. If you have, you need to stick to that and let her come to you, but only if she is DONE, and I mean DONE, with this loser. While he exists in her life, there is NO future for you and her whatsoever. Zero. Unless you are happy with being her "emotional crutch" back-up guy who she can run to and lean on when he pulls his crap with her. And as far as your desire to be her "weekend guy" while he serves his weekend jail time, ask yourself if you are really comfortable with that scenario? Because from what you just posted above

Just being with her makes me feel good. Touching her holding her cuddling with her talking to her. Our sense of humor and sarcasm are the same. I can go on. But over all when we're together it just feels right. Idk how else to put it.

- you have serious feelings for this girl and I can't see you being cool serving as her "other guy". Because that is what you are right now to her - the "other guy". I know this hurts. I know it totally sucks. But again, you have to accept that it is up to HER, not you. Your feelings don't matter at all in this issue, not to her they don't. And this also hurts, I know all too well. She could kick him to the curb at any time. Why doesn't she do it? She is just making excuses for him and if he's the kind of guy you describe, he knows exactly what to say to her to twist things around and make her feel bad, and probably make her feel like it's all HER fault....because that's what guys like him do - He is most likely a master manipulator and control expert who knows how to keep her under his thumb. And the fact remains, there is nothing you can do about it, sadly. So just don't assume that she is truly "unhappy". If she were totally miserable, unhappy, ,fearful of him...etc..e.tc.... she would have gotten rid of him long ago. Let her go, if not entirely, just stop contacting her and being there for her. Believe me, she will notice. Perhaps the thought of losing you will spur her to take action towards removing him from her life. Perhaps it won't. But either way will be good for you because it will allow you to focus on your own happiness and moving on, meeting new people...etc... rather than staying obsessed and stuck worried about her happiness. Obviously, she is not worrying about YOUR HAPPINESS, is she? I'm not trying to sound like a pr*ck here, but I've been there, and I"m still kind of "there" regarding the woman I love. But I have finally reached the point where I'm going to stop reaching out to her and being worried about her situation. However, in my story, I am truly worried about her safety and her sanity.....but still there is nothing I can really effectively do to push her to break her cycle with her abusive idiot loser, and I have accepted that. I've started to focus on MY HAPPINESS...which is what is truly important. Yours is as well! So turn this around and make this about YOU, not her, and maybe then you will see this in a clearer perspective! Obviously she is causing you much pain and anguish or you wouldn't be bringing this here to this Forum. Does she even care how much pain and anguish she is causing YOU? Ask yourself that question. It's a valid question. Again, it's about you and YOUR OWN HAPPINESS, Hawkman! And your interests need to come first over hers. - Until she gets rid of this other guy, stay away from her and leave her alone, buddy!

[Hawkman85]

 

This is a very dangerous assumption for you to make, and it's a huge assumption. You really have no idea if she is happy or not. How do you know she's "going through the motions and tells people she is happy" Has she TOLD YOU she is unhappy? Don't jump to this conclusion! Obviously there is something about this other guy, piece of "sh*t" that he is; that keeps her connected with him and prevents her from kicking him to the curb - and if he truly is an abusive, dbag, loser, and terrible person then she wouldn't be so hesitant to get rid of him would she? Because that's what any sane, rational, and self-respecting girl would do - NOT put up with his antics, abuse, and overall horribleness. She's refusing to cast him aside, happy or unhappy, and that's what YOU need to focus on, and that's why you need to distance yourself from this girl and let her sort out her own mess. And it is a mess - a mess of HER OWN making. Why settle for the crumbs she throws at you? You can't possibly be content with this situation? Have you tried flat out telling her something along the lines of "I love you. I want to be with you. Please feel free to contact me when you are serious about a relationship with me and when you have truly gotten rid of this other guy and are emotionally available to me. I would love to date you again and be with you. However, until you change your current situation with this other guy, I need to move on with my life".... Something like that? I think you did now that I remember from earlier posts. If you have, you need to stick to that and let her come to you, but only if she is DONE, and I mean DONE, with this loser. While he exists in her life, there is NO future for you and her whatsoever. Zero. Unless you are happy with being her "emotional crutch" back-up guy who she can run to and lean on when he pulls his crap with her. And as far as your desire to be her "weekend guy" while he serves his weekend jail time, ask yourself if you are really comfortable with that scenario? Because from what you just posted above - you have serious feelings for this girl and I can't see you being cool serving as her "other guy". Because that is what you are right now to her - the "other guy". I know this hurts. I know it totally sucks. But again, you have to accept that it is up to HER, not you. Your feelings don't matter at all in this issue, not to her they don't. And this also hurts, I know all too well. She could kick him to the curb at any time. Why doesn't she do it? She is just making excuses for him and if he's the kind of guy you describe, he knows exactly what to say to her to twist things around and make her feel bad, and probably make her feel like it's all HER fault....because that's what guys like him do - He is most likely a master manipulator and control expert who knows how to keep her under his thumb. And the fact remains, there is nothing you can do about it, sadly. So just don't assume that she is truly "unhappy". If she were totally miserable, unhappy, ,fearful of him...etc..e.tc.... she would have gotten rid of him long ago. Let her go, if not entirely, just stop contacting her and being there for her. Believe me, she will notice. Perhaps the thought of losing you will spur her to take action towards removing him from her life. Perhaps it won't. But either way will be good for you because it will allow you to focus on your own happiness and moving on, meeting new people...etc... rather than staying obsessed and stuck worried about her happiness. Obviously, she is not worrying about YOUR HAPPINESS, is she? I'm not trying to sound like a pr*ck here, but I've been there, and I"m still kind of "there" regarding the woman I love. But I have finally reached the point where I'm going to stop reaching out to her and being worried about her situation. However, in my story, I am truly worried about her safety and her sanity.....but still there is nothing I can really effectively do to push her to break her cycle with her abusive idiot loser, and I have accepted that. I've started to focus on MY HAPPINESS...which is what is truly important. Yours is as well! So turn this around and make this about YOU, not her, and maybe then you will see this in a clearer perspective! Obviously she is causing you much pain and anguish or you wouldn't be bringing this here to this Forum. Does she even care how much pain and anguish she is causing YOU? Ask yourself that question. It's a valid question. Again, it's about you and YOUR OWN HAPPINESS, Hawkman! And your interests need to come first over hers. - Until she gets rid of this other guy, stay away from her and leave her alone, buddy!

 

She's told me she's not happy. She's told me one of the reasons she stays with him is bc she thinks he needs her that he's got no one else. She worries about him like a mom worries about their child...

 

She's told me in the past that she loves me. That she wishes she met me first but She feels responsible for him. But he says things like he's going to kill him self if she leaves him. Knowing full well her best friend kill her self after her BF broke up with her. So he like messing with her...

[Hawkman85]

But it's like I've said. I've cut her off and haven't talked to her in about 3 weeks. This weekend will be a test I feel. I'm going to a bachelor party at least. So I should be distracted. Just can't drunk text her...