Did he break up with me? Need inputs thanks!

[lolita]

Hi everyone,

 

I can't believe I m back here in the forum for another guys story! To fast forward, I have been talking with this online guy since Christmas it was casual talk until end January, we had not met yet because he says he had never went on a date with a girl met online and wanted to make sure that when he does it's for the right fit.

 

Our talk started to be very intense after wards and our first phone conversation did last 9h! Then it became like phone conversation all the time for hours and hours. We connected so well and love to talk to one another. We are very similar although sometimes we don't understand each other it's weird.

 

We finally met in March, we went on a couple of fun dates together and always treated me like a princess. One night he came to my apt and offered me to take me on a trip and he said he would ask me for something during the trip.

We finally went on a trip and he offered me a ring asking me to be his official girlfriend. I was litterally over the moon because I really like him and started to have very strong feelings. We had an amazing time during the trip. We saw each other couple of days later after the trip all was good, daily talking etc.

Then we had plans to meet last weekend and he canceled on me on the Friday asking to postpone to the next day. The next day he told me he was too busy with work but that he would try to come to see me Sunday afternoon.

 

That Sunday I texted him and he took like hours to reply. He never mentioned coming to my place anymore and got really deceived.

We started again one of long conversation that turned sour because of me starting to act insecure and thinking that he canceled on me maybe to see other girls. I Acted like an idiot.

 

The next day, Monday I sent him a text apologizing for being insecure and acting crazy on him.

 

He replied in a short way that he isn't sure anymore if he wants to be in a relationship that he hasn't been himself for so long. ( cos he always was in long relationship) he offered to talk later about it.

 

That evening I texted him that I was home if he wanted to discuss our fight of Sunday night. He replied that he doesn't know anymore that I scared him acting crazy and that it was better to leave the convo for the next day.

 

I was crying because he wouldn't tell me if it was over or not I begged him to at least talk to me for like a few min but he said we talk tomorrow I don't want to hurt you and think that all is fine and that we talk soon.

 

Since Monday I have no news. I did text him the following day and tried to call him twice. Nothing

 

So I stopped texting him since Tuesday and now we are Friday and still no news.

 

Should I take it as a break up? Or he just needed some space ? He hasn't removed me from social media and he hasn't updated anything either.

 

Should I relax and think he will come back when he is ready? How long you guys need to process and think of wanting to be in a relationship?

Should I wait another week before reaching him out?

I m confused he asked me to be his girlfriend and now disappeared.

[rosephase]

You met him once?

[lolita]

No I said we went on a couple of dates! Then he took me to a trip and we saw again each other after the trip

[rosephase]

No I said we went on a couple of dates! Then he took me to a trip and we saw again each other after the trip

 

It sounds like he's either done or punishing. No reason to try and stay with him either way.

[Annia]

Hi everyone,

 

I can't believe I m back here in the forum for another guys story! To fast forward, I have been talking with this online guy since Christmas it was casual talk until end January, we had not met yet because he says he had never went on a date with a girl met online and wanted to make sure that when he does it's for the right fit.

 

Our talk started to be very intense after wards and our first phone conversation did last 9h! Then it became like phone conversation all the time for hours and hours. We connected so well and love to talk to one another. We are very similar although sometimes we don't understand each other it's weird.

 

Red flag - too much online connection (hours talking, too much time talking before meeting and interacting in person, etc) builds a false sense of connection that is more than often not based on reality and real bases. Then you meet the person and conflicts between the online persona and real persona, expectation problems, giving too much too soon, etc are very usual outcomes.

 

We finally met in March, we went on a couple of fun dates together and always treated me like a princess. One night he came to my apt and offered me to take me on a trip and he said he would ask me for something during the trip.

 

This seems too much too soon only after two dates.

 

We finally went on a trip and he offered me a ring asking me to be his official girlfriend. I was litterally over the moon because I really like him and started to have very strong feelings. We had an amazing time during the trip. We saw each other couple of days later after the trip all was good, daily talking etc.

Then we had plans to meet last weekend and he canceled on me on the Friday asking to postpone to the next day. The next day he told me he was too busy with work but that he would try to come to see me Sunday afternoon.

 

Seems too soon and too much after only a couple of dates in person. He came too strong too soon.

 

 

 

That Sunday I texted him and he took like hours to reply. He never mentioned coming to my place anymore and got really deceived.

We started again one of long conversation that turned sour because of me starting to act insecure and thinking that he canceled on me maybe to see other girls. I Acted like an idiot.

 

As usual with people who come too strong too soon he starts to withdrawal because no one can keep this level of intensity for too long and also because a very intense flame can only burn for so long. As a result the relationship starts to turn into a push and pull thing and your insecurities arise.

 

The next day, Monday I sent him a text apologizing for being insecure and acting crazy on him.

 

He replied in a short way that he isn't sure anymore if he wants to be in a relationship that he hasn't been himself for so long. ( cos he always was in long relationship) he offered to talk later about it.

 

That evening I texted him that I was home if he wanted to discuss our fight of Sunday night. He replied that he doesn't know anymore that I scared him acting crazy and that it was better to leave the convo for the next day.

 

I was crying because he wouldn't tell me if it was over or not I begged him to at least talk to me for like a few min but he said we talk tomorrow I don't want to hurt you and think that all is fine and that we talk soon.

 

Since Monday I have no news. I did text him the following day and tried to call him twice. Nothing

 

So I stopped texting him since Tuesday and now we are Friday and still no news.

 

Should I take it as a break up? Or he just needed some space ? He hasn't removed me from social media and he hasn't updated anything either.

 

Should I relax and think he will come back when he is ready? How long you guys need to process and think of wanting to be in a relationship?

Should I wait another week before reaching him out?

I m confused he asked me to be his girlfriend and now disappeared.

 

Even if your insecurities scared him I think this was bound not to work because of the redflags I wrote. The fact that he came too soon too strong can mean several things that are not right to have a good and lasting relationship: he's too insecure or you were a rebound and then he backed of because the ex came around or something like that or he realised he was giving too much too soon before actually knowing you.

 

Either way I'd take this as a break up and deal with it in such a way by not reaching to him and going full NC... maybe even blocking him because you're in a very emotional place not to do so. I wouldn't beg or plead anything. He broke up with you and now you move on in your own terms and stop waiting for him to come around or a false sense of closure that only you can give yourself.

 

For real, take him for his words + actions. They scream not wanting to be in a relationship, not being relationship material and not being in the right place of mind and time to be your boyfriend and evolve the relationship into something more. He's shown you where he's at and everything you need to know... you don't need any more talks.

[Wiseman2]

To much, too soon, too fast. Too much talking before meeting. A lot of red flags. It sounds like there were no definite plans only 'if he's not busy".

 

Why jump to the conclusion that he's cheating? It sounds like he was on the rebound possibly on/off with an ex.

 

Unfortunately it sounds like he's done. Stay no contact. He's told you his reasons and was probably fading or on the fence the weekend before that.

We started again one of long conversation that turned sour because of me starting to act insecure and thinking that he canceled on me maybe to see other girls.He replied in a short way that he isn't sure anymore if he wants to be in a relationship that he hasn't been himself for so long. That evening I texted him that I was home if he wanted to discuss our fight of Sunday night. He replied that he doesn't know anymore that I scared him acting crazy

[reinventmyself]

Situations like this that often start too fast, end just as fast.

I'm sorry, I would safely say he's likely done.

Don't try to contact him anymore.

. . Next time be leery with someone who tries to fast track you.

It often has nothing to do with you but some unmet need that are trying to feed.

[lolita]

But you all seem to say it was too fast which wasn't the case we waited more than 2 moths before meeting each other.

 

We went on like 5 dates before taking a trip. I don't think it was too soon when you literally talk everyday with a person. You start knowing that person even when you don't see each other that often.

 

We were getting along well whenever we would spend time tgt. I don't think I was a rebound to him. He said he had not been in a relationship for a while. He chased me a lot too before agreeing on meeting each other.

 

I m giving space to think through and his last words were that I have to think everything was ok and that we would talk soon.

 

But I agree with all of you for not texting him anymore

[Annia]

But you all seem to say it was too fast which wasn't the case we waited more than 2 moths before meeting each other.

 

We went on like 5 dates before taking a trip. I don't think it was too soon when you literally talk everyday with a person. You start knowing that person even when you don't see each other that often.

 

We were getting along well whenever we would spend time tgt. I don't think I was a rebound to him. He said he had not been in a relationship for a while. He chased me a lot too before agreeing on meeting each other.

 

I m giving space to think through and his last words were that I have to think everything was ok and that we would talk soon.

 

But I agree with all of you for not texting him anymore

 

Too fast after meeting you in person for the first time. Too soon before interacting with you in person consistently for enough time to want to jump in into a relationship.

 

Texting someone is not equivalent to truly get to know someone. I also have this tendency to create this illusion that texting a guy everyday in huge amounts means that we're bounding but sometimes that's not really like that. Now I don't feel like being attached to my phone and I prefer to make most of my decisions based on the consistent time together because I know that if I don't do this more often than not I'll not be making the most sensible decisions.

[sadgirl23]

When you said you acted crazy, what kind of things were you saying and doing?

 

If you were him how would you feel hearing those things?

 

If you've only known each other this long and already he is not willing to work on a it together, do you think he will in a year's time?

[SherrySher]

You freaked him out by getting too serious too soon and getting over bearing and insecure when you had only been seeing each other a short time. I think it's over.

I'm sorry.

[lolita]

Where was i unsecured ! he was the one giving me a ring to officialize our relationship. I was never the one pushing for it! You guys don't read properly! It's frustrating!

One said it was a texting thing when I clearly stated we would talk daily over the phone for hours !

It sad that you come to this forum to get support but ppl don't really read through!

[boltnrun]

Where was i unsecured ! he was the one giving me a ring to officialize our relationship. I was never the one pushing for it! You guys don't read properly! It's frustrating!

One said it was a texting thing when I clearly stated we would talk daily over the phone for hours !

It sad that you come to this forum to get support but ppl don't really read through!

 

In your original post you said you acted insecure and crazy.

 

We do read.

[SherrySher]

I sent him a text apologizing for being insecure and acting crazy on him.

 

This is where my opinion came from and you were the one who wrote this in your original post.