My mother tries to control and dictate my parenting and tries to parent my son

[abitbroken]

I do work I just don't work full time because child care is expensive and not only that but my sons only little for so long and before you know it he'll be in school and at that point I'd go back full time. I want to spend as much time with him as I can right now. And that means that most days it's nice were outside, if it's not nice out we're inside on the floor looking at books, or lining up his cars, or playing with kitchen spoons or whisks or any other kitchen utensil that wouldn't hurt him. It fascinates him. We watch movies he loves and tv shows he enjoys. We sit down together for breakfast lunch and dinner most nights and he enjoys his time with me and I don't want to take that away from him by sticking him in a daycare if I can afford for him to be home with me. He's very attached to me. And that doesn't come from me "abusing" him because I have never and would never abuse my son. Time outs are only for as long as he is old, which is two minutes. And he's doctor is the one who explained is perfectly acceptable. And after that I just explain those aren't nice words and we don't use them and we continue playing. The only time he really acts up is when he comes home from his dad's and that'll last a day or two. Anyone in my house who slips on a swear word and he repeats it, I can't scold him for that because it's not his fault

 

Unfortunately, if you are making the choice not to afford your own place because you want to spend more time with your son - living with your mom comes with it. its an either or. You either work a full time job with gainful income to afford your own place, and child is in a combo of daycare and Grandma or a relative's and you can call all the shots, or you work part time to spend most of the time with your child and you have to deal with living with your mom. Its basically that. You have to decide what you value more - spending all that one on one time with your son or calling the shots.

 

Also, when you move in back with your parents, you become a child again in a way in the family dynamic. You need to be VERY careful at the battles you choose to pick with your mom. If you give your kid a bath at erratic times, you either tell your mom "yup, he already had one" and don't make an issue out of it or continue the discussion or get your kid into a routine where bathtime is within a certain amount of time. Routines are what is going to make the transition easier after you marry. If your kid can count on meals being at certain times and bathtime happening sometime between 4-5 ever day (or whatever time),it creates security.

 

Also,, i have news...Grandparents spoil grandchildren. My grandparents never allowed us to do anything dangerous, but you betcha that we got that extra cookie - we even got to walk up to the bakery to pick it out - at Grandma's. Grandma had mints and pretzels out always. We got to drink soda from the character glasses. At home? nope. Soda was a Grandma thing. No candy dishes were out, etc. The struggle you are having is that Grandma is in your own home. honestly, if she wants to do the Grandma thing - your child will be more hurt by the tension that one could cut with a knife by the two of you butting heads than by getting a little birthday cake now and then form Grandma. If your child is clingy - does he play with other kids or see other family members regularly? Is there anyone you leave your child with besides you or your mother - like a sibling or friend with a kid his age or slightly older?

 

At any rate, I wish you luck, but remember, you can't be the lady of the house in your mom's house. It just doesn't work. And having more of a steady routine for your son is a good thing.

 

Anyone in my house who slips on a swear word and he repeats it, I can't scold him for that because it's not his fault

 

That's totally different from what you told us about putting hot sauce on his tongue. if you can't scold him for saying a bad word DO NOT SCOLD HIM FOR SAYING A BAD WORD. You might have changed your story because you were getting attacked. Believe me, you are doing harm with the hot sauce. I got my mouth washed out with soap once and i'll never forget it, but I was MUCH older, and i KNEW better. And i never did it again.

 

Your doctor may say time outs are "okay' but your doctor only means that they are not physically harmful. Your doctor is not a psychologist. Trust us, your 2 year old is not learning anything from time outs. He is being taught separation. And separation makes tiny kids insecure. They need to feel secure by being included and if you ignore the bad words like you *say* you are, there is no need for time out.

[journeynow]

You either work a full time job with gainful income to afford your own place, and child is in a combo of daycare and Grandma or a relative's and you can call all the shots...

You don't really call all the shots then, either, because you are not there to call the shots when your child is in another's care.

[itsallgrand]

It sounds like grandma is in some of the role of co parent. The two of you live there, she does some significant child care.

 

It's hard to establish grandma boundaries when you ask for more from a grandma than its really her responsibility o be doing.

 

Would you be able to afford working only part time if you weren't living there?

[thealchemist]

I can't believe people think a two year old isn't as smart as a dog. Or that they cannot comprehend punishment. Obviously lots of people without kids like to comment. My daughter is two and fully understands timeouts. I don't put hotsauce on her mouth when she says a bad word but to call it abuse is hilarious. I just totally ignore bad words because she says them for a reaction so I deny her that. Your parenting habits aren't bad and it sounds like most critics are childless. Easy to pass judgement from that high horse.

[j.man]

I can't believe people think a two year old isn't as smart as a dog. Or that they cannot comprehend punishment. Obviously lots of people without kids like to comment. My daughter is two and fully understands timeouts. I don't put hotsauce on her mouth when she says a bad word but to call it abuse is hilarious. I just totally ignore bad words because she says them for a reaction so I deny her that. Your parenting habits aren't bad and it sounds like most critics are childless. Easy to pass judgement from that high horse.

The vast majority of critics in this thread in fact have children. Your kid isn't as smart as a dog, either. Sorry bud. But if you wanna assume she is to justify lazy parenting, by all means.

[thealchemist]

You really should read up on cognitive development. Smartest dog is a border collie and they are nowhere near as cognitively developed as an average 2 year old. My daughter isn't ridiculiously advanced or anything.

[thealchemist]

I actually researched this and I was very skewed what I thought an average two year old was capable of. The bulk of the research says that the average 2 year old (24 months not 2-3rd bday) is as smart as a dog. You keep saying their aren't as smart as a dog but it actually says they are roughly equivalent. That is averages though, to think that you can blithely state that a person's child is not as smart as a dog because they are two is ludicrous. Many people on here might have children but you are the one being the most judgemental and it is quiet obvious you do not have children.