appalled and mortified

[sotiredofit]

So the guy I'd been seeing, I found out he did this podcast. He got interviewed by a woman he knew in high school. I am so mortified, I'm shaking. He mentioned me.

 

On the one hand he talked about how awesome I was, but then he mentioned how we broke up because I was getting attached, and he just wanted to be friends. He told the interviewer that, he wishes he had kept it to just friends (honestly we never WERE "just friends") but that I was hot and he couldn't resist.

 

Funny how he fails to mention that he led me on. After we slept together the first time, he didn't want me seeing other guys..he would call me every night for hours..

 

It was only last Sunday, after 2 months, when I got red flags that he seemed to date an awful lot of women then drop them for not having feelings (apparently he expects to be madly in love by the 2nd date--I found this out from just grilling him because he left me so confused when we broke up on Monday), when I brought up where we were headed, that he broke it off, saying he was afraid of hurting me and all this stuff. Dunno WHEN he was planning on telling me, because Sunday during the DAY, we planned to hang out again..

 

I am just so disgusted, I want to throw something. I cannot believe he told a complete stranger on a podcast, more than he told me about what was going on in his head when he broke it off. And made it clear he just thought I was "hot" and that's why he led me on. I can't even sleep, I'm so upset.

[Hollyj]

Why was this brought up in the podcast?

 

Be glad it was only a couple of months. Bullet dodged.

[jujusamples]

I'm not too sure why he mentioned you on a podcast and what advice you are seeking.

 

You could try and do a podcast and talk about him? Tell your version of the story. Yes, be glad you are no longer a part of this person's life.

 

What was it that he said that is hurting you so bad? The fact that you are too attached?

[Clio]

Things will be forgotten soon so no need to fret about the podcast. No need to fret about this guy either! He is so superficial that trying to analyze this is a total waste of time. He was/is a player. End of story. Next time you may want to clarify the relationship status before sleeping with the guy. Other than that, not much else you could have done. Sadly, creeps are a part of life; Just make sure that you exit their path the moment you find out. Block and delete.

P.S. And no more podcasts! Don't contact him. Pretend that he is dead.

[KMO7970]

What a jerk. Seriously.

[sotiredofit]

I'm not too sure why he mentioned you on a podcast and what advice you are seeking.

 

You could try and do a podcast and talk about him? Tell your version of the story. Yes, be glad you are no longer a part of this person's life.

 

What was it that he said that is hurting you so bad? The fact that you are too attached?

 

No, of course not!!! What hurts me is a) that he's talking about what happened between us to a complete stranger on a podcast, which is gonna get broadcast all over the freaking interwebs, b) he told her more about what happened between us than he did me c) he says a bunch of bs about how he wanted to be just friends but "she was so hot, I couldn't resist, so I blew the friendship"...

 

Apparently he knew after the 2nd day that he wasn't gonna go any further with this but led me on for WEEKS...so YEAH I am LIVID.

 

And I didn't write here asking for advice about what to do, I wanted to vent. It was 3a here and I had no one to talk to

[RainyCoast]

i hope he didn't use your actual name, did he??

[sotiredofit]

i hope he didn't use your actual name, did he??

 

No, thank goodness for that.

 

I blocked him on everything and told him I would literally like to forget he even exists.

[RainyCoast]

yup. sorry you chanced upon that. sometimes one steps in $%&/. wipe it off and keep going.

[SherrySher]

Is it enough now? What I mean is, has this guy hurt you and shamed you and treated you badly enough, to delete him and block him once and for all?

He has shown his true colours and he is a complete a hole. Do not allow this man to keep hurting you and hurting you.

Only you can be sure to never allow him near you again.

 

I really am sorry that he treated you this badly, I hope you never waste your time on him again and if nothing else, maybe it will help you go slower with dating and don't get so attached so early on until you know them for sure, which can take months.

[Wiseman2]

How did you come across this podcast and was he talking about dating and women in general? As long as you were not identified, he has the right to freedom of speech.

 

Stay no contact including no social media creeping or contacting him to tell him he's blocked etc. Let go. The less energy you assign to his post breakup musings, the better.

I blocked him on everything and told him I would literally like to forget he even exists.

[sotiredofit]

Why was this brought up in the podcast?

 

Be glad it was only a couple of months. Bullet dodged.

 

They were talking about dating, in general, and he said "I just ended it with this woman" bla bla

[lostandhurt]

I know you are a bit shocked by this podcast thing but it seems you are projecting your hurt into the wrong area.

 

You are pissed because he used you. This is what this guy does and will continue to do.

 

Everything he said to you and her is total BS! There are probably 10 other women that could have heard that podcast and think he was talking about them too.

 

He meets a woman, gets them into bed and then starts planning his exit strategy so he can get out without looking like a jerk that uses women just for sex and then dumps them.

 

It sucks being used and I am sure it sucks giant monkey butt to have him broadcast what he thinks happened but in the end if you continue to stew over this he continues to win and your life is continually hurt until you can let it go.

 

Don't let him control your emotions any longer. Accept that you were used for sex and that all his words and excuses are just a cover for him being a huge D-bag.

 

Lost

 

PS Look at the bright side. You were just called HOT on a podcast!!!

[sotiredofit]

I know you are a bit shocked by this podcast thing but it seems you are projecting your hurt into the wrong area.

 

You are pissed because he used you. This is what this guy does and will continue to do.

 

Everything he said to you and her is total BS! There are probably 10 other women that could have heard that podcast and think he was talking about them too.

 

He meets a woman, gets them into bed and then starts planning his exit strategy so he can get out without looking like a jerk that uses women just for sex and then dumps them.

 

It sucks being used and I am sure it sucks giant monkey butt to have him broadcast what he thinks happened but in the end if you continue to stew over this he continues to win and your life is continually hurt until you can let it go.

 

Don't let him control your emotions any longer. Accept that you were used for sex and that all his words and excuses are just a cover for him being a huge D-bag.

 

Lost

 

PS Look at the bright side. You were just called HOT on a podcast!!!

 

Believe me, being "hot" isn't all it's cracked up to be. I never know if a guy is sincere or, like this a$$hat, just using me for sex.

[JaggerJim]

You just haven't met the right guy yet.

[sotiredofit]

You just haven't met the right guy yet.

 

Well, the dating pool is cesspool. It's a jungle full of broken people.

 

I do give myself credit that i no longer make rationalizations to stay with people who are messed up like this one. But I've wasted the first 3 months of this year dating really messed up guys.

 

Before I met THIS one, I dated a guy from OKCupid who, we had the BEST first date ever. Best second date too. Then on the 3rd date I find out he is hooked on this abusive ex. We ended up spending HOURS after that date, talking about HER. OMG. I ran for the hills.

 

Then I met THIS guy on FB in btwn the 2nd and 3rd date of Mr. "hooked on ex."

 

I got to know him for a month. Then dated him for a month. He lived 2 hours away so I drove up 3 weekends of that time to see him. And on weekdays we would talk every night. Sometimes for 3-4 hrs.

 

The ONE thing I needed to know right away, tho is the ONE thing he didn't tell me. Had he told me "I have to fall in love with a woman right away or it's not gonna happen" I would've dropped him like a hot rock. I did not find this out til after we ended things.

 

Instead, he strung me along for a month. We were even making future plans that last day we spent together. But that night, something was nagging at me so I initiated the "where is this going" talk. That's when he ended things because "I'm terrified I'm gonna hurt you." Yet he was still very romantic with me even while we were breaking up. It was so weird.

 

None of it became clear to me until the last cpl of days when he and I had some email convos that cleared things up more, and I heard that AWFUL podcast, where he made it clear he'd just wanted to be friends but strung me along "BECAUSE SHE'S SO HOT."

 

ugh

 

So..3 months wasted, with boneheads. I was married for 10 years. 12 years later..had several dysfunctional rel'ships that I stayed in way too long. Now I'm smarter and wiser but I'm running out of time to find the right person. I'm giving up.

[lostandhurt]

I think you didn't waste 3 months because you learned a great deal not only about guys like this but about yourself and what you want and don't want and can spot it much sooner. That is a major plus.

 

Here are some good things I see:

 

You are attractive

You can attract men

You can get dates with men

You know what a good relationship should look and feel like

You are fine tuning your BS meter

 

In dating these are all good traits to have but you are right that there are a lot of broken people in the dating pool and those that are not broken may be less than genuine about what they want. This isn't just men either. There are plenty of women out there with honesty issues, drama, broken, insecure, play games and use sex to get what they want.

 

Remember it is called "Dating" not "Relationshiping" (I made that word up) for a reason, you have to date and weed out the ones that aren't for your life and put time and effort into the ones that might be a good fit for you.

 

What do you mean by running out of time?

 

And the Hot comment was meant to be humorous in finding a bright side to the podcast episode.

 

Lost