PC96 Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 A girl and I have been showing mutual interest in each other for a little over a month. A few days ago, we brought up past relationships and she began to cry about the person she previously dated. I'm not exactly sure what to do in this situation. First and foremost, I don't want her to feel uncomfortable around me because of the situation. I'm not sure if I should contact her casually(as I usually would) or directly(as in addressing her crying and letting her know that it's okay) or let her contact me. Also, I've put up some barriers in my emotions because I'm not sure how I feel about getting close to someone who is still upset about a past flame. She is incredibly sweet and I like her but I'm not sure if I should invest too much. Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated. Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth66 Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 To me it sounds like she might need a little bit more time to get over him. I would let her contact you but if I were you I wouldn't immediately start getting romantic with her. If you end up dating immediately it might just be to fill the void of her ex and you don't want to do that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scoe141 Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 I wouldn't invest in anything until you know she's over him. Even if she says she is, actions speak louder than words. If you could remain friends without hurting, then feel free to do so. However if it starts to become difficult due to your feelings, then I'd back off until the time is right. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snny Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 A few days ago, we brought up past relationships and she began to cry about the person she previously dated. Describe the conversation with more detail. What exactly did you said? Because this is topic that has to be trended very carefully. It can be a Pandora's Box of ugly and raw facts/feelings that make you wish you never opened. There's a saying... some things are really best left unsaid. And this example shows. If she is crying over an ex... that's a huge red flag. She's not over him and she is treating you as a rebound. I would have some second thoughts about this relationship if I were you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PC96 Posted April 3, 2017 Author Share Posted April 3, 2017 Thanks Scoe141. I agree with what you and Beth66 wrote. I would love to continue this with her sometime in the future but for the time being how would you guys back off? I'm leaning towards being direct and honest by letting her know that I would love to continue seeing her in the future, but only when she feels completely ready. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snny Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 Thanks Scoe141. I agree with what you and Beth66 wrote. I would love to continue this with her sometime in the future but for the time being how would you guys back off? I'm leaning towards being direct and honest by letting her know that I would love to continue seeing her in the future, but only when she feels completely ready. "I appreciate you disclosing me your personal stories about your previous relationships. I am so sorry you are hurting, but I am very concerned that you still haven't gotten over your ex. I do not want to be treated like a rebound here. I do not want to push this relationship onto you since you are clearly not ready, but I am hear to listen if you need an ear." Honesty is the best policy. Quietly bow out after this. Do not fall for "no no, I'm really ready!" There's no way she could of faked crocodiles tears over that piece of information. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nsolo Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 "A few days ago, we brought up past relationships and she began to cry about the person she previously dated." This is something you want to avoid early on in a developing relationship, though it sounds like you're just friends with her. Especially when dating, you want to keep things light and fun in the beginning. It is, however, good to know that she isn't over that past guy. I went on a date with this one woman not too long ago who I met in a coffee shop. When I met her, she had mentioned that she was recently divorced, but I still pursued a date with her. On the date she started talking about her ex, how she's over him, how he is a good man, but that she couldn't take it anymore, and so on. I did my best to steer the conversation away from the ex, but she kept bringing him up, talking about how she was happy and how she was over him. I didn't ask her out again. If I were in your boat, I'd distance myself more and more. If she's really interested in you, then she'll pursue you. Don't be her friend, because that's not what you want. If you want to keep hanging out with her, make a move, and sooner than later. Kiss her. Think Nike. "Just do it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaggerJim Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 I have not experienced this, but if I did ,I'm not sure how I would handle it. Did you hug her? I think you'd have to stop dating her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
limichelle Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 I agree that you need to let her know that you appreciate her opening up but you don't want to be something to fill the void of not having her ex. That she needs to sort through her emotions. Lisa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sportster2005 Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 A girl and I have been showing mutual interest in each other for a little over a month. A few days ago, we brought up past relationships and she began to cry about the person she previously dated. I'm not exactly sure what to do in this situation. First and foremost, I don't want her to feel uncomfortable around me because of the situation. I'm not sure if I should contact her casually(as I usually would) or directly(as in addressing her crying and letting her know that it's okay) or let her contact me. Also, I've put up some barriers in my emotions because I'm not sure how I feel about getting close to someone who is still upset about a past flame. She is incredibly sweet and I like her but I'm not sure if I should invest too much. Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated. Thanks! I would leave her. She's obviously not over him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 Oops. Your instincts are excellent about putting up boundaries. She's still hung up on this guy. So don't get friendzoned and be the shoulder to cry on and never get involved with someone who keeps talking and crying about their ex. Do you think they'll get back together?we brought up past relationships and she began to cry about the person she previously dated. I've put up some barriers in my emotions because I'm not sure how I feel about getting close to someone who is still upset about a past flame. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted April 4, 2017 Share Posted April 4, 2017 Thanks Scoe141. I agree with what you and Beth66 wrote. I would love to continue this with her sometime in the future but for the time being how would you guys back off? I'm leaning towards being direct and honest by letting her know that I would love to continue seeing her in the future, but only when she feels completely ready. How long has she been broken up with him? Was this a husband or a BF? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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