Talking to another guy?

[Butterflyxx]

This guy in my school added me on Snapchat (social media app where you can chat), and we were talking about general school topics. He then started talking about cuddling so I deliberately ignored the message. He then messaged me again & he was complimenting me, but my response was 'haha aw', to show my disinterest. Plus, a few days ago he liked a picture of me and my boyfriend so I presumed he knew I was in a relationship. He then asked if I wanted to play a game, either to flirt or to play 8 ball pool online, so I obviously said to play 8 ball pool. Once we played, he then mentioned cuddling again & asked if I wanted to flirt, so I told him I had a boyfriend & that I'm sorry if I gave him the wrong impression.

 

I am paranoid that my boyfriend will find out that I was talking to this guy. I didn't flirt back and I deliberately called him names such as 'mate' and 'pal' to show a friendship. In addition, I presumed he knew I was in a relationship as it says I am on Facebook and instagram.

 

My boyfriend doesn't already trust me because when we weren't together I kissed another guy & once he found out I lied about it (so he wouldn't get upset), and so if he finds out about this, he won't believe me & he will automatically think I was flirting with this guy etc.

 

The reason why I replied to his message in the first place was because my boyfriend has friends from uni who he snapchats who are girls, so I didn't see the problem if I had guy friends, and I thought he knew I was taken so he wouldn't flirt.

 

Have I done anything wrong and what shall I do? I don't know whether to tell my boyfriend about it or not. I'm really worried. Please help!

[JaggerJim]

Did you really just want to talk about school topics, or do you enjoy attention from other males.

[Butterflyxx]

I didn't see it as anything else. Yeah sure, attention is nice but I didn't think it was right he was being really flirty. I feel really bad for giving him the wrong impression & I did think he knew I was in a relationship.

Am I a bad person? What do I do?

[j.man]

You didn't show a single ounce of disinterest. You kept on entertaining every one of the guy's advances by continuing to speak with him, playing online games with him, etc.

 

No, don't tell your boyfriend. There's no reason to. If you're happy in your relationship and are just soaking in the attention recreationally, then just do a better job asserting your boundaries and stop speaking to men who are vocally interested in you. If you are unhappy with your boyfriend, it may be best to leave him so you can freely explore other interests.

[JaggerJim]

You just stop talking to him. Just tell him you have a boyfriend and it's just easier if you guys don't talk anymore. Just tell him that's how you feel.

[Butterflyxx]

You just stop talking to him. Just tell him you have a boyfriend and it's just easier if you guys don't talk anymore. Just tell him that's how you feel.

I have done that now

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like playing games to get back at each other. You are responsible for leading other guys on when you enjoy the attention and the revenge so don't really want to shut that part down. Do you want your bf to find out to make a point that 'hey, you talk to girls so i'll talk to guys'?

The reason why I replied to his message in the first place was because my boyfriend has friends from uni who he snapchats who are girls, so I didn't see the problem if I had guy friends, and I thought he knew I was taken so he wouldn't flirt.

[JaggerJim]

Well you don't need to tell your boyfriend. Just don't really strike up anymore "friendships" with other guys and you'll be right.

[boltnrun]

Is this the boyfriend you broke up with in November? The one who seldom made time for you and who you've had a couple of breakups? Or is this a new boyfriend?

 

If it's the same boyfriend and he's still not giving you enough attention, maybe that's why you liked it when this other guy pursued you.

[Butterflyxx]

You didn't show a single ounce of disinterest. You kept on entertaining every one of the guy's advances by continuing to speak with him, playing online games with him, etc.

 

No, don't tell your boyfriend. There's no reason to. If you're happy in your relationship and are just soaking in the attention recreationally, then just do a better job asserting your boundaries and stop speaking to men who are vocally interested in you. If you are unhappy with your boyfriend, it may be best to leave him so you can freely explore other interests.

 

I understand now, I feel so bad. I won't tell him I'm just scared that somehow someone will tell him & my boyfriend will get really mad and upset, as well as not trust what I'm saying.

I didn't flirt with him, nor did I compliment him etc. He knew I wasn't interested in flirting because I ignored his message and he apologised for being too forward.

[Butterflyxx]

Is this the boyfriend you broke up with in November? The one who seldom made time for you and who you've had a couple of breakups? Or is this a new boyfriend?

 

If it's the same boyfriend and he's still not giving you enough attention, maybe that's why you liked it when this other guy pursued you.

 

It's the same boyfriend. He is doing a better job, we see one another 3 or so times a week and he is trying really hard so it's nothing he's doing wrong to make me seek other guys attention

[vesper]

I wouldn't worry about it. Sounds to me like maybe you are interested in the other guy and just trying to make excuses to stay with your current boyfriend. Maybe you should have a hard think about what you really want to happen with the other guys and your current BF.

[Butterflyxx]

Well you don't need to tell your boyfriend. Just don't really strike up anymore "friendships" with other guys and you'll be right.

He has friends from university that are girls that he talks to, I thought I was just doing the same until he started to try and flirt. I feel so bad

[Butterflyxx]

I wouldn't worry about it. Sounds to me like maybe you are interested in the other guy and just trying to make excuses to stay with your current boyfriend. Maybe you should have a hard think about what you really want to happen with the other guys and your current BF.

 

Truthfully I do like other guys attention. I always have & I don't know why. I don't think it's right to flirt though. I do love my boyfriend etc.

I feel bad for not stopping this guy when he started to mention cuddling, instead I changed the subject

[vesper]

Maybe its just hormones or boredom put you should try to figure it out. It is NOT ok to flirt with other guys when you have a boyfriend and are in a committed relationship;

[Butterflyxx]

Maybe its just hormones or boredom put you should try to figure it out. It is NOT ok to flirt with other guys when you have a boyfriend and are in a committed relationship;

 

That's why i didn't flirt as I knew it was wrong! I admit, I do like other guys attention, but I know that when he started trying to flirt I told him I was in a relationship.

My boyfriend will get mad if he finds out (if someone tells him), and I'm scared if he won't trust me and he'll get mad. What do I do?

[boltnrun]

Well, you did choose to continue to talk to him after he flirted and suggested "cuddling".

 

If your boyfriend finds out, will you lie or tell the truth?

[Butterflyxx]

Well, you did choose to continue to talk to him after he flirted and suggested "cuddling".

 

If your boyfriend finds out, will you lie or tell the truth?

 

I will tell him the truth, I don't want to cause more trouble.

Ughhh I feel so so bad!!

[vesper]

That's why i didn't flirt as I knew it was wrong! I admit, I do like other guys attention, but I know that when he started trying to flirt I told him I was in a relationship.

My boyfriend will get mad if he finds out (if someone tells him), and I'm scared if he won't trust me and he'll get mad. What do I do?

 

I would recommend NOT telling him. No need to make him feel bad if there is nothing going on between you and the other guy.

[JaggerJim]

There is nothing to tell. There is nothing to tell from the flirting guy either. Nothing happened.

[Butterflyxx]

I would recommend NOT telling him. No need to make him feel bad if there is nothing going on between you and the other guy.

 

True. I just think that if he was to find out and I didn't tell him, then he'd think I was hiding something, whereas if I was honest and told him what happened then he'd believe me.

In the past he's said that if a guy tries to flirt that I tell him.

[vesper]

True. I just think that if he was to find out and I didn't tell him, then he'd think I was hiding something, whereas if I was honest and told him what happened then he'd believe me.

In the past he's said that if a guy tries to flirt that I tell him.

 

How would he find out? Explain the circumstances, I.E. who would tell him?

[Butterflyxx]

How would he find out? Explain the circumstances, I.E. who would tell him?

 

The guy I was talking to, is friends with this girl that my boyfriend used to be friends with. I'm just paranoid that somehow she will tell my boyfriend

[boltnrun]

Are you secretly hoping your boyfriend will find out and get jealous?

 

With all the issues you've had in the past with not getting attention from him, is this some kind of ploy to get him to think someone else is interested in you and therefore he'll step up his game?

[Jibralta]

You're not a bad person.

 

There's nothing inherently wrong with enjoying male attention or flirting. You're human.

 

My suggestion is to tell your boyfriend what is going on with this guy.

 

Yes, I know that your boyfriend does not trust you. You betrayed his trust, so his feelings are justified. But he has to make a choice. It is not fair for your boyfriend to hold the past over your head and also expect the relationship to move forward. You should be able to communicate with him. You should be able to tell the truth without being called a liar. If he can't trust you, he should let you go.

 

On the other hand, if you care about your boyfriend's feelings, you should be very mindful about interacting with this other guy. And you should be prepared to cut off communication with him if that's what your boyfriend wants. I don't think that would be an unreasonable request for your boyfriend to make, given the way that the other guy keeps steering your conversation towards flirting and cuddling.