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He asked me to forgive him. But idk


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I just recently split from my bf. It was a short relationship(3 mos.)but it was actually a happy one. He seemed perfect for me until now.


For starters, he just had a birthday recently (hes 34, im 33) i ended up taking him out to dinner thursday night. We had a nice time out and i got him a nice gift. The next day i noticed a change with him.


He used to call me before he went to work in the morning and on his breaks. But i didnt hear from at all until later that night. He texted me once.


Saturday i text him a cpl times and called once. He answered my call and we have a brief convo. but he didnt respond to my texts later that day.


When he doesnt reply back i got worried. Sunday i text him once and he still doesnt respond. Monday i text again and get no response.


By this time im very sad and can barely sleep over this situation. It wasnt until TUESDAY morning this a##hole sends me a 'good morning how have you been?' Text. Like nothing happened.


I proceeded to rip him a new one before he could even explain the lack of response. From saturday night-monday he was m.i.a!


I was expecting him to have some great explanation about a family matter, health scare etc. Instead he tells me something i said at dinner made him think i didnt want a serious commitment. (Im still confused about what gave him that impression)


He also said something about my parents judging him and im not standing up for him. I told him about a conversation i had with my mom picking apart his facebook. In hindsight, i shouldnt have told him about this.


But i had no idea he felt the way he did. He never bothered to share that with me.


But none of this excuses him ignoring me and putting me through some heartache for a cpl of days. I was still very angry, so i called it quits with him.


Later that day he called and texted several times(i didnt respond)


He left a voicemail apologizing and asked me to forgive him. He wants to work it out etc. But i dont know if he even deserves another chance after that.


I really felt horrible those days he intentionally ignored me.



Ps. This is the 2nd time he went m.i.a. the 1st time there actually was a serious family matter. (Confirmed it through one of his relatives) I didnt hear from him for 3 days. But i gave him a pass and a warning not to do that again.

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I think he does not want to do the whole "relationship" thing, but will go on dates with you and text and call on a casual basis when it suits. I think the birthday dinner freaked him out and he dosn'et want to committ to a full blown relationship.


When you pull away, he reels you back in, but hoping to keep you on that casual basis. It sounds like casual is not for you, so just say "adios".

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I too, have had a guy pull back after a really nice birthday dinner. I took him out, he said he had a great time, then went missing. I think if someone is not looking for a committed relationship, they may pull back at times like that when things start getting "real."

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Which doesnt make sense to me. Because he introduced me to his family and friends as his gf. and he talks about our future together. Hes never shyed away from talks about that.


We've been exclusively seeing eachother, going out on dates etc. The whole situation is weird for me.

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Which doesnt make sense to me. Because he introduced me to his family and friends as his gf. and he talks about our future together. Hes never shyed away from talks about that.


We've been exclusively seeing eachother, going out on dates etc. The whole situation is weird for me.


Don't ask me. I don't understand either. I don't know why he went MIA for those 2 days if he was otherwise consistently getting in touch with you several times a day. The only thing I know is that the anxious feeling you get when you are not hearing from someone and you don't know why is not a good feeling to have. And I wouldn't blame you for feeling upset or not understanding where his head is at.

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This is the 2nd time he went m.i.a.


i gave him a pass and a warning not to do that again.


Here is your answer, in my opinion.


I'm sorry, OP. I think you will do and absolutely deserve better.


Good luck.

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Youre right. Thanks.


Im going to try and move on from this.


hugs. sorry about it! It sucks that you went and did something nice for him on his birthday and he then disappeared that weekend. Blah. hang in there. Hopefully you meet a new guy who appreciates you.

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Look up the term "gaslighted," he's trying to misdirect you from why did he really go MIA and what was he doing when you couldn't reach him. Come on, no one is as sincerely apologetic as a liar.


You need to trust yourself more. He's done this twice now. You take him back, guess what? He'll keep doing it. No, what you said at "dinner" didn't make him go MIA and frankly his "overly sensitive, gosh you and your loved ones made me feel so bad about myself I had to disappear on you," a really kind of blatant attempt to control you and see if he can push on your boundaries.


Aren't you now finding yourself worrying about how "gee, are my parents that bad? Maybe I shouldn't take him around them," and "Gosh, I'm going to have to be careful what I say from now on..."


Those are not normal traits. They are the hallmark of someone who is manipulative in that he's making up imaginary problems, confusing you, and beginning the already not so subtle campaign of closing you off from your family to appease him.


I call bullship on his "Oh gosh, you hurted my widdow feewings." And I say that, because you are bewildered about this, and I agree, the things he says don't make sense. When someone is upset, and there's a legitimate cause, one usually knows it. I think your mom picked up on something there, and yeah of course he doesn't like it since she sees it.


Maybe take another look, but I just see some pretty big red flags of the "I'm going to gaslight you and turn this all on you, so you don't persist in knowing why I drop off the face of the earth periodically with no explanation." Normal people don't do that. They may get upset, they may fight, but you want the guy that can communicate about that and not try to lay a guilt trip on you over him giving you the silent treatment.


Ah, the silent treatment as punishment, there's yet another red flag.


P.S. Who in their right mind thinks "Gosh, this girl is taking out for my birthday and showing me a really nice time, she must not want to be with me/take us seriously?" That's a pretty ridiculous excuse in the face of the fact he had someone take him out for dinner on his birthday, something many people would be grateful and happy for. That's the other reason I think he's just being manipulative and not sincere. Normally a person would think that IF you had ignored their birthday, so again his excuses about that make zero sense.

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OP, if it were just the matter of him going MIA for a couple of days and you really like the guy, I'd tell you that you may want to forgive him. It's a new relationship, he maybe got a little scared when he saw that things were getting serious, and he started to pull away. However, he came back and he's sorry. In that case, it may be worth another shot, on the condition that this not become a regular pattern.


However, him making these lame excuses and trying to make it all somehow your fault is just ridiculous and it's a deal-breaker as far as I'm concerned.

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I'd take from this for my own head that it's never a good idea to tell a lover that your family has criticized him. That's manipulative and hostile, and it will erode whatever you've got with someone.


However, given that this guy has gone MIA before, it doesn't sound as though you lost very much beyond what you shelled out for his dinner.


Head high.

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