Stella Sleepwalks Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Oh where oh where do I begin?! I am part of a group of four girl friends. We all met 4 years ago and our lives have changed a lot since we cemented our friendship. S - S has got engaged. She is marrying her fiancé in December and asked the three of us to be her bridesmaids. K - K has got married and has a baby now who just turned one. J - J has just gone through a divorce. She has been in a new relationship for about 15 months.... J is the problem! J has always been a bit secretive. She has had several relationships since filing for divorce but we always knew who she was seeing. She can be a bit fickle.... one minute she would be madly in love and the next she had cut all ties. It didn't really matter to us because she always made time for us and we found her love life pretty fun to listen to considering we're all in long term relationships and are out of the dating pool so to speak. We would all rather she was out enjoying herself than sat in moping over her ex-husband. Anyway, we would see each other every three weeks or so. We went on holiday together and in December 2015, S surprised us all by asking us to be her bridesmaids when we met for Christmas lunch. We were all so excited and made loads of promises to help her with the wedding.... But by March 2016, J revealed that she had a new boyfriend and literally dropped off the radar. I would say in the last year we have seen J a total of three times. She would not tell us who she was seeing and every time we made plans to meet up (particularly difficult for K who has childcare issues) she would drop out giving pitiful excuses on the day such as "I'm getting my car MOT'd" or "My new phone is getting delivered today". So we started meeting up without her. It was clear to us that something was wrong with her relationship because she admitted after telling a hundred different lies about why she couldn't tell us who this guy was, that he had ordered her not to tell us. Specifically, not to tell me. I found out who it was.... it wasn't hard to figure out in the end and I'm not surprised he wants me kept in the dark. He has form for financially abusing vulnerable women. Leaving them in mountains of debt. I know of one girl who was left with debts she couldn't pay so her father had to bail her out. J has just had her divorce settlement through and she has now bought a house with this guy. I'm not sure if he has invested any money in the house but he was living with his parents so I don't believe he has. S is at her wits end because she cannot get her to commit to the wedding preparations such as going for a bridesmaid dress fitting and J won't tell her his name for the wedding invitation. It's put her in a really bad position because she doesn't want this guy to come to her wedding now but doesn't want to fall out with J. We have now confronted her with who we believe he is and she has looked us all dead in the eye and said it's not him. She looks like she has lost weight. She looks ill and I heard she's been hospitalised with stress and depression last year. We don't know where she lives anymore. S contacted her a few days ago and said she was sorry but she doesn't think she is committed enough to be her bridesmaid and J accidentally posted in our group message confirming that the guy she was seeing is who we all suspected. She has since texted us all separately asking to meet up like there is nothing wrong and I have not replied. K has also not replied and S is struggling to keep the peace. I feel like while she is with this man there cannot be a friendship because she has chosen to lie to protect him rather than tell the truth to help herself. S met up with her this weekend and told me and K that J's phone never stopped ringing and it was him telling her not to say anything about him. J has admitted to S that she knows this guy has a hold over her but she's not happy and is very stressed. J wants to meet me but I'm frustrated with her and think too much damage has been done. I have messaged S to say I will only see her when we have bridesmaids meetings and I don't feel the need to see her for any other reason now. I wouldn't be able to hold my tongue and I know I would divulge what a snake he is and that could ultimately cause tension at the wedding which is the last thing I want to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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