Tired of being alone

[Maddyb12]

I work two jobs and go to school, I only have one night a week where I am off before 10pm and on those days I'm off at 6:00. My life is crazy but it's what's necessary for me until I finish my program for school (in a year and a half). I recognize I truly don't have time for dating, and most likely no guy will want to put up with my schedule but I still try to date-nothing ever pans out. Maybe it's me, maybe it's my schedule, I don't know but I'm still so tired of being alone. I guess there isn't a whole lot of a question here more venting. Do I just focus on my goals for the next year and a half and accept that I'm not an ideal person for anyone to date? Or do I keep trying? Feeling emotional and lonely tonight

[HedgehogParty]

...most likely no guy will want to put up with my schedule but I still try to date-nothing ever pans out.

 

You'd be surprised. There are many men out there who are willing to take things slow and let things develop over time. After all, isn't that how a relationship should progress? From what I'm reading, it's not that you can't find a guy, it's that you haven't found the right one. Next time you meet a guy who you're hitting things off with, explain to him straight up that you enjoy spending time with him but don't have a lot of time outside of your busy schedule to see him. If he's willing to go slow with you, then you're golden. You only have a year and a half left with your program, and after that you'll have a lot more free time. If a guy knows this and he likes and respects you enough, he'll be there for you.

 

On your end, since you don't have a lot of free time to see someone in person, there are many things you can do to keep the flame going. Morning and night texts, an occasional Skype session, little gifts mailed to each other. Get lunch or dinner with him on a break, go for a quick walk, let him visit you at work for a few minutes, etc. Personally speaking, I'd be totally comfortable doing this with a girl. If he cares about you enough, he'll make the effort. Dating is hard, but a little effort goes a long way. Keep your chin up!

[Person1001]

If a guy really likes, you he will put up w/your schedule and if you like him, you will find time for him. The desire needs to be there. My ex and I had a lot of free, more so him since he wasn't in school or had a steady, but he never made an effort to keep the relationship going (it was long distance). Do not stop living your life and not finding happiness because you feel that you are too busy.

[junebug123]

I think you are not ready for a relationship. I see this trend happen with people who claim they want a relationship, but then once they start dating soemone they aren't putting any effort into it.

 

Most likely the people you are trying to date notice that they are being put second or third in your life after school and work, maybe even after friends and family as well.

 

No one wants to be in that position, you can still focus on school and work and date people and it be fun. If you find someone who you trust and are willing to be open with. Good luck with that.

[Keyman]

I think you are tired from a hefty schedule, and this is causing you to feel like you want someone to put some effort in with you. You are giving a lot to your studies and work, and getting little in return at present beyond tiredness. There is a void within you that you desire to have filled, but I'm not sure if you really have the time and energy to put into dating.

 

Sure, you want guys to take you out, make you feel special, and that would certainly fill the hole, but then you have to give back, but you're tired and don't have the energy.

 

It's only another year and a half, just focus on what needs to be done for your future and it will all be righted in the end.

[Matto85]

I gotta go with what keyman said. Don't get me wrong being alone sucks. When I wasn't working or going to school I spent a lot of time just me, and that takes a toll after a while. Especially when everyone I knew got to go home to somebody. What I'm learning in my older age however, and this could sound totally wrong, is that being alone is better a good 80% of the time for the reasons keyman said. When the novelty of having someone wears off they might not be worth the time and energy required.

[James516]

First of all - high priase to you for working hard and making your goals happen. You clearly are an achiever. Achievers have to delay things sometimes. So you also are 100% correct that now is not the time for the dating. There's no reason to sugarcoat it about how some wonderful dude to going to show up and not care about a limited time slot, nor fizzle out due to that. You know the reality, it sounds a lot more frustrating to keep going through a pattern that will not work out.

 

Sometimes people focus too much on what they don't have, idealize it, when it may not be remotely close to that ideal. In other words, realize that there is an end goal to what you're setting out to accomplish, and when that times comes, you will have more time to invest in finding someone and the situation will be more open to having things be successful with that person.

[Maddyb12]

Thanks everyone you're all right. The thought of putting forth energy into a real relationship isn't something I could even really handle right now. I guess getting lonely just takes over my thoughts sometimes

[Batya33]

Do you have friends? Why are you lonely? I had very similar schedules to you at that age and I was never lonely and I lived alone. Do you work with people or on your own? Totally agree with James -you are a high achiever and it will definitely pay off.

[Maddyb12]

Do you have friends? Why are you lonely? I had very similar schedules to you at that age and I was never lonely and I lived alone. Do you work with people or on your own? Totally agree with James -you are a high achiever and it will definitely pay off.

 

I have many friends. When I'm not working and have time off I am with friends or family, I feel happy in all those aspects of my life I just wish I had someone to share it with. Is that so crazy? Miss having a connection with a special person I guess.

[Wiseman2]

If you are upfront about this and your free time (so they don't think you're using the "busy signal" excuse) Why not date, it's fine.

I work two jobs and go to school, I only have one night a week where I am off before 10pm and on those days I'm off at 6:00.

[Batya33]

I have many friends. When I'm not working and have time off I am with friends or family, I feel happy in all those aspects of my life I just wish I had someone to share it with. Is that so crazy? Miss having a connection with a special person I guess.

 

Not at all but I'm not sure why you referred to feeling "lonely" if you have many friends.

[Maddyb12]

Not at all but I'm not sure why you referred to feeling "lonely" if you have many friends.

 

I guess most my friends are in relationships, and I live with my sister and her boyfriend. Feel like I'm surrounded by couples makes it more noticeable not having someone. But I have single friends as well who I go out with when I have the time.

[Jp1001]

Why not do some online dating to see what's out there? Maybe all you need right now is someone that can have a great conversation with?

[Matto85]

That's not crazy at all. In the end of the day it's something I really wish I had. I wish finding someone was as easy as just simply finding someone.

[Maddyb12]

Why not do some online dating to see what's out there? Maybe all you need right now is someone that can have a great conversation with?

 

I'm not very interested in online dating. Last time I tried I found men who were just looking for a hook up and one who strung me along for months with no intention of meeting up. So I guess if I'm being honest I'm not putting too much effort into trying to find someone.

[Jp1001]

I'm not very interested in online dating. Last time I tried I found men who were just looking for a hook up and one who strung me along for months with no intention of meeting up. So I guess if I'm being honest I'm not putting too much effort into trying to find someone.

 

Then maybe all you need is a good close friend that you can talk to regularly? Maybe a roommate? Or this forum to be able to just speak your mind.

[mustlovedogs]

If you do OLD you need to go about it the correct way. Don't chase (or respond to) the men that post shirtless selfies or send overly flirty first messages. Make sure you present yourself non sexually (so no bikini pics). Don't do things like Tinder or POF. I do OKCupid and very rarely get guys who just want a hookup.

[Batya33]

I'm not very interested in online dating. Last time I tried I found men who were just looking for a hook up and one who strung me along for months with no intention of meeting up. So I guess if I'm being honest I'm not putting too much effort into trying to find someone.

 

Don't date online. Use online sites to contact men who you can meet in person ASAP in a public place if the first phone call goes well -one or two emails, one or two phone calls. Several of my friends met their spouses/SOs through on line sites.

[Maddyb12]

Then maybe all you need is a good close friend that you can talk to regularly? Maybe a roommate? Or this forum to be able to just speak your mind.

 

I guess that's true. I feel blessed to have the friends I have so I don't know why I get so lonely sometimes.

[Maddyb12]

If you do OLD you need to go about it the correct way. Don't chase (or respond to) the men that post shirtless selfies or send overly flirty first messages. Make sure you present yourself non sexually (so no bikini pics). Don't do things like Tinder or POF. I do OKCupid and very rarely get guys who just want a hookup.

 

I have only used match and still ran into this problem. I think maybe my schedule makes me easy to be a "booty call" but I want more.

[Jp1001]

I guess that's true. I feel blessed to have the friends I have so I don't know why I get so lonely sometimes.

 

But like you said maybe it's just a reaction of seeing couples around you that makes you feel lonely. At the end of the day, although you have a busy schedule if you feel this way you will have to through yourself out there to either do more online dating or just getting lucky in meeting a random stranger that may end up being your companion. At this point it's all worth a try.

[mustlovedogs]

I have only used match and still ran into this problem. I think maybe my schedule makes me easy to be a "booty call" but I want more.

 

Interestingly enough I never had luck on match. OkCupid has been best for me. It's worth a shot anyway.

[Batya33]

I had a crazy/unpredictable/busy schedule when I met men through on line sites. I met over 100 men in person. Be clear about when you can meet and whether it needs to be tentative, show up on time unless it's a true emergency, and be positive as far as "I can meet at these times" rather than when you can't.

[Sportster2005]

Look for a male counterpart who is extremely busy, but is looking to meet a gal in a similar circumstance. Your chances might be low, but if you don't your chances are zero.