He's not speaking to me after argument

[Sesese]

I admit I was in the wrong and I can be quite moody, especially the time of the month. Anyway we had a fantastic week this week since it was valentine's and we seemed completely happy.

I hadn't heard off him much Friday or Saturday since he was busy moving things about.

Anyway after hardly hearing off him, Saturday night I had a text saying he might go out with his friends (which is fine but I was a bit miffed that was the first proper thing he text me) so I rung him to say we haven't spoke properly in 2 days, thought we'd have a catch up but he was really quiet with me so it turned into a massive argument about his communication skills.

Anyway we said we'd talk about it Sunday so he can have a good night out.

Come yesterday, we were fine at first then it was brought up. I said I felt hurt I'd hardly heard off him and that's the first thing he text me. It got more heated and he said if you're unhappy maybe you should question the relationship to which I got angry and cried about how that didmt cross my mind. He said he can't deal with the negativity and he doesn't know if we'll be okay but he just wants to sleep because he's humgover.

I kept nudging him for a cuddle (he kept pushing me away)

This morning he got up and saw he was able to text his friends but not speak to me. i ask "are we going to be okay? I'm sprry" to which he says "I don't know, I don't want to talk about it, I'm pissed off, tired and feel sick because you've kept me up all night and I have to go to work"

I got teary since I don't deal with confrontation well and kept repeating I don't want to break up which I know is desperate but it's so distressing not knowing what's happening with our relaionship. I said "I just want reassurance" he said "you don't deserve reassurance, you started the argument, it's your fault. I'll speak to you when I'm ready. You can't start an argument and just apologise", and I said "everybody argues it's normal." Anyway I drove home crying my eyes out.

 

I know he won't text me later because hes done this before and can hold a grudge for ages. I said that to him and he said "I probably won't speak to you after, I'll probably go home sleep and hopefully go swimming".

I text him when I got home saying "I'm sorry for my moods and everything and it was totally my fault. You're my best friend and I can't lose you so text me when you're ready and I'll give you space. I love you so much"

I haven't heard from him; this has happened loads before where he's ignored me after an argument but I feel like this is the one to end it. I just want it all sorted so we can be happy

I'm 21, he's 24 btw

[Hollyj]

Don't text him anymore. You both handled it poorly.

 

If he has communication issues, then this is something that needs to be addressed, when you are both in a better place. The silent treatment is very manipulative.

 

You need to deal with your insecurity issues.

 

Do not reach out, again. You are looking pathetic and needy.

 

You two, do not sound good together.

[MissCanuck]

I agree with Hollyj, you both have poor communication skills.

 

He could have met you half-way in terms of talking, and you could have stopped badgering him to speak when it was clear he wasn't going to. The dynamic between you two isn't healthy at all, and as Hollyj also points out, the silent treatment is a form of manipulation. That isn't cool of him, at all. Stop trying to get in touch with him, and give yourself a cooling-off period.

 

It might be time to step back and really re-evaluate this relationship. It doesn't sound like you're very happy and he just sounds annoyed.

[Sesese]

But like I said, we have been amazing. It seems silly to break up after an argument sInce all couples argue.

Yes I dealt with it wrong but it was high emotion, I should have let it go. But there's also no need for him to ignore me. It's really distressing and if you care about someone aren't you supposed to want to sort it?

It's making me anxious that I know I won't hear from him all day and it's only 10am here!

If he was going to break up with me I'd rather not be kept on a hook

[MissCanuck]

But like I said, we have been amazing. It seems silly to break up after an argument sInce all couples argue.

Yes I dealt with it wrong but it was high emotion, I should have let it go. But there's also no need for him to ignore me. It's really distressing and if you care about someone aren't you supposed to want to sort it?

It's making me anxious that I know I won't hear from him all day and it's only 10am here!

If he was going to break up with me I'd rather not be kept on a hook

 

Then that should tell you what you need to know about his true feelings. If he in fact wants to end it, then he doesn't feel the same way about you that you do about him. And if he doesn't want to talk about it, you can't make him. Mature, respectful communication is critical in any relationship and you two are severely lacking in that department. You don't know when to lay off, and he responds immaturely. You can't really expect him to soothe you and reassure you when he's angry and doesn't want to talk. Pushing for that was unwise. I get why you did it, as you are afraid he's done, but you have to start choosing your moments more effectively. The way you interact with each other and resolve conflict isn't working and it's damaging your relationship in a significant way.

 

If this has happened "loads", you need to ask yourself why you keep tolerating it. You need to redefine where your boundaries are.

[Pretzel]

I think the thing that stuck out to me most was also that you say it happens 'loads of times'. That isn't a healthy pattern to keep repeating. As much as you insist that you had an amazing Valentines weekend, wouldn't you prefer to be in a relationship where it were 'amazing' most of the time without the big 2-3 day long anxiety-ridden exhausting arguments as well? What might seem 'amazing' is just in contrast to the bad stuff. So the good stuff suddenly seems extraordinary, when actually it should be your regular norm.

Regardless of whose fault the argument was, you should tell him when he gets out of his 'mood' that you want to be with someone who is open to communicating and working through problems rather than to tolerate a silent treatment. Men are generally less communicative and expressive as women and like to sleep things off and deal with it in the morning, but he's taking it to an extreme level and it seems a bit mean. I assume that's because of the frequency of your pattern and he's a bit fed up with it- could well be his last straw.

I agree with the others that you don't sound happy and he sounds very annoyed and it doesn't seem like a good fit. It's of course up to you what you do. Just make sure that you can change your pattern if you continue seeing each other, and see if he is open to reflecting on his own behavior as well so that you can work through problems in a healthier way.

[j.man]

He's done with the drama. Sorry, but if you're the one raising arguments, he's within his right to take his space, especially if it's a frequent thing and he knows that, realistically, there's no long-term resolution to be had and you two hashing it out would only serve to restart the cycle. And it's not as though you've been flat out stonewalled. He's let you know clearly he's taking his space and how much he feels he needs. If it's not something you can deal with, I'd refer to the advice he offered:

 

"if you're unhappy maybe you should question the relationship"

 

This isn't about his "communication skills." It's about his communication style. He doesn't feel the need to constantly call or text, particularly when he's busy. He doesn't need to be nagged about it. If anyone in this situation is manipulative, I'd say it's you. Raising arguments and then pushing for cuddles and reassurance isn't cool. You don't put someone in a defensive position and then expect them to be supportive.

 

How long have you two been together?

[tattoobunnie]

So instead of reaching out to him on either Friday or Saturday prior to him letting you know about him going out with friends, you bash how he didn't take the initiative to text beforehand? You are calling the kettle black.

 

I think you both are not strong in communications. I'd stop texting. By what he is saying, he is tired of the drama you stir up. You could have reached out to him, but instead waited, and waited till you exploded all over him because it wasn't a romantic text.

 

Also, blaming it on PMS or your "moods" is really telling him you don't take any accountability for being a jerk to him. Every woman on the planet has had PMS; it's not a license to be cray-cray.

[Krankor]

It's hard to tell without witnessing you two in action, but it kind of sounds like he could do with a touch more kindness, patience, and understanding, and you could do with a touch less pushy pain-in-the-buttness.

 

Either way, he's kind of over it with you at the moment, right or wrong. The best thing to do is to give him plenty of space and let him come to you if/when he's ready.

 

The silent treatment is wrong but it isn't always a manipulative punishment. Sometimes people just can't deal with the drama anymore and shut down.

[Hollyj]

He's done with the drama. Sorry, but if you're the one raising arguments, he's within his right to take his space, especially if it's a frequent thing and he knows that, realistically, there's no long-term resolution to be had and you two hashing it out would only serve to restart the cycle. And it's not as though you've been flat out stonewalled. He's let you know clearly he's taking his space and how much he feels he needs. If it's not something you can deal with, I'd refer to the advice he offered:

 

"if you're unhappy maybe you should question the relationship"

 

S

This isn't about his "communication skills." It's about his communication style. He doesn't feel the need to constantly call or text, particularly when he's busy. He doesn't need to be nagged about it. If anyone in this situation is manipulative, I'd say it's you. Raising arguments and then pushing for cuddles and reassurance isn't cool. You don't put someone in a defensive position and then expect them to be supportive.

 

How long have you two been together?

 

Sorry, but you're not addressing his part. He is being manipulative and punishing in the way he responds, and this is immature and cruel. They re both wrong!!!!

[tattoobunnie]

Sorry, but you're not addressing his part. He is being manipulative and punishing in the way he responds, and this is immature and cruel. They re both wrong!!!!

 

Based on her post, it appears they were texting this morning. So not sure how he's being manipulative or punishing. We really don't know what happened prior that he may not have texted her for a while. And since she has specific expectations that he cannot understand as far as how much and when to reach out to her, they may not be a good match.

[Hollyj]

Based on her post, it appears they were texting this morning. So not sure how he's being manipulative or punishing. We really don't know what happened prior that he may not have texted her for a while. And since she has specific expectations that he cannot understand as far as how much and when to reach out to her, they may not be a good match.

 

"I know he won't text me later because hes done this before and can hold a grudge for ages."

Just going from what she provides us. Is ages a day, or several?

[tattoobunnie]

He didn't text her on Friday or Saturday during the day, and she blew up on him, so I'm not sure what ages means to her

[Hollyj]

He didn't text her on Friday or Saturday during the day, and she blew up on him, so I'm not sure what ages means to her

 

Me either.

[Sesese]

For all the people being y about the situation, is it not understand that we made plans to see each other Saturday afternoon, he told me Saturday morning that he was moving stuff about in his room then later on when I rung, slipped up and said he was in bed all day which led to an argument. Were all human, all couples have petty arguments but usally they're made up.

Last night we sorted the argument then he brought up saying I should question the relationship which Brought more tension. He then proceeded to tell me not to speak to him, to sleep on the other side of the bed and if I say one word he'll kick me out the house. Of course I'm going to be upset when my boyfriend says that to me.

I havent heard off him today. I'm sorry that I have standards and actually want a boufriend who communicates with me rather than ignores me and leaves me in limbo. If he's going to dump me then do it just don't leave me waiting.

 

For all the people talking about our communication and whether were right for each other, we've been together for over 2 years, 99% of that we are very happy and in love, always laughing, go on holidays,

But yes we have the odd petty argument like most people but he deals with by ignoring me (which happens every time), I'm only asking this question because he seems more serious this time and I'm worried my relationship is over and wanted advice on how to deal with the silent treatment.

[Hollyj]

If you had plans, and he blew you off, then that's inexcusable.

 

Why in the hell would you sleep in his bed after speaking to you like that???? I would have been out of there! Stop allowing people to treat you like this!

 

Get some couples counseling if the relationship is not done.

[Krankor]

For all the people being y about the situation, is it not understand that we made plans to see each other Saturday afternoon, he told me Saturday morning that he was moving stuff about in his room then later on when I rung, slipped up and said he was in bed all day which led to an argument. Were all human, all couples have petty arguments but usally they're made up.

Last night we sorted the argument then he brought up saying I should question the relationship which Brought more tension. He then proceeded to tell me not to speak to him, to sleep on the other side of the bed and if I say one word he'll kick me out the house. Of course I'm going to be upset when my boyfriend says that to me.

I havent heard off him today. I'm sorry that I have standards and actually want a boufriend who communicates with me rather than ignores me and leaves me in limbo. If he's going to dump me then do it just don't leave me waiting.

 

For all the people talking about our communication and whether were right for each other, we've been together for over 2 years, 99% of that we are very happy and in love, always laughing, go on holidays,

But yes we have the odd petty argument like most people but he deals with by ignoring me (which happens every time), I'm only asking this question because he seems more serious this time and I'm worried my relationship is over and wanted advice on how to deal with the silent treatment.

OP, I'm not trying to be "y", but I think I'm seeing a little of the attitude here that he may be getting tired of. After all, people are taking the time to weigh in and offer their honest opinions on your situation the best they can based on what you've described, and instead of being grateful you're being kind of "y" about it.

 

Your boyfriend isn't handling this in a very constructive way, but everything about how he's handling it screams "over her crap." That's my honest opinion based on experience.

 

How you handle it is to give him plenty of space to either come back around or, unfortunately, just keep going the other way. But if you make some big effort to "fix" this it will probably further push him away.

 

He is being a bit of a jackhole right now. You have to decide for yourself whether or not to let that go under the circumstances.

[Sesese]

I was not trying to have an attitude in my last post, I was giving more detail to the situation, sorry if it came across like I had an attitude,

And spelling mistakes are coming from writing on an iPhone.

 

Anyway a little update, he didn't want to speak to me last night and told me to leave him alone.

What I don't understand is on the Internet it tells you to let your partner calm down even if it takes weeks but how is this fair on the other person who wants to talk? So basically, like a child in the mood, the partner throws a tantrum and doesn't speak and the other partner is supposed to just let it be even though the situation is causing them to be full of anxiety and sadness? It doesn't seem right. And the way he's acting is causing me to give up since all I've been doing Is crying and I've got headaches and not eating but I'm expected to wait til he's ready. But what about when I'm ready?

 

I know people are saying that he's sick of me but I'm not the wicked witch of the west and nor am I a pushover. Perhaps I'm the one that's sick of the lack of communication and being ignored

[MissCanuck]

Honestly, it sounds like he is leaning towards ending the relationship. Rightly or wrongly, he is clearly at the end of his rope with this.

 

Cooling off after an argument is one thing. Being given the silent treatment for days on end is quite another. No, you shouldn't need to tolerate weeks of silence and threats of being kicked out if you say one more word.

 

So, why do you?