Jump to content

My ex wants me back a Third time? Am I just stupid?

Recommended Posts

My ex boyfriend and I dated for 1 year until he broke up with me because of distance and a lot of school work. We're both in our junior years at 2 separate universities, 3 hours a part. We're from the same hometown however and only live 5 minutes apart when on breaks and home for the summer. I still live at home, attending a local University while he goes to one 3 hours away. He could handle the distance and school work (demanding BFA program) and he also sited wanting freedom with friends to drink and party as a reason which was bull. After a few weeks of NC he talked to me again and we got back together. We dated for 3 more months until he got scared about going back to school and freaked out and broke up with me again. It's now been two months NC and he just texted me yesterday saying that I was right and I'm the love of his life and he's in it for the long haul and willing to give me as much time as I need to decide what to do because he's not going anywhere. He said his reasons for leaving were stupid and I deserve better so he understands if I don't want to talk to him, but I'm just really confused. Am I stupid if I become friends with him and take things really really slow to see where they go? What should I do?

We met our sophmore year of college at the same school. We had 2 classes together and sat in different rows and eventually we started talking not knowin we were both attracted to each other from day 1.

Please help me I'm so confused. I'm 21 as is he. I don't know what to do. My parents support me no matter what but friends dont.

Link to comment

It sounds like he wants on/off so he can switch between his freedom and when he wants you. It's up to you to decide if you want to be a yo-yo on a string. A fwb arrangement may work if you want to hang on.


Why would friends have to support you? What are they telling you?

We're both in our junior years at 2 separate universities he also sited wanting freedom with friends to drink and party as a reason. I stupid if I become friends with him and take things really really slow to see where they go?
Link to comment

Fool me once, fool me twice......


Probably best to move on already and actually focus on your uni and friends and meeting new guys there instead of wasting your college years in this kind of a yo yo now I want you now I don't "relationship".


The harsh reality is that he wants his freedom when he thinks he has a chance to do better than you. When it doesn't pan out, he is back trying to be with you. Rinse and repeat. As flattering as what he is telling you is, I'd tell him to hit the road and never come back. He may tell you flattering things in order to get you back and keep you hooked, but if he truly valued you like he claims, he would have never ever dumped you in the first place. You don't get rid of the love of your life just because you are busy with school. You figure out how to make it work.

Link to comment

Pretty much, yeah. Sorry to agree, but after a second chance I've learned the hard way - if it doesn't work out two times, then why on earth do you think doing the same thing again, and expecting a different result - is going to change everything? (That's also the definition of insanity.)


I had one of these on/off relationships like yours and did it for six years of six breakups and get back togethers before I realized he wanted me when he wanted me, and when he didn't want me and wanted to pursue other women I was supposed to just go away and wait until such a time as he was between women and needed me again to remind himself he could do better. Plus I think he just really liked the idea of cheating too, so yeah he was a bit nuts. And so was I, so I really can't cry about that because I obviously had issues too or I'd never have taken him back to begin with - definitely not six times.


I do believe in second chances if someone really makes amends to you and does some serious hard work to change, but that doesn't happen just because a) someone says it's "gonna" happen and b) it's all just supposed to magically be all right instantly, again no hard work or proof, just accept them at their word which has already proven not to be reliable and move on.


Harsh fact, is no relationship I have ever had, seen, read about or in any way have knowledge of in some 60 years has gotten better if two people just stuck with it while one of them kept breaking up to go pursue other people. All that does is put you in the position of backburner girl, which yes you should totally do the research on.


Ask yourself why you don't think you deserve better than a guy willing now to dump you twice to go out and have fun, and who feels he now deserves a third chance?


You aren't the "love of his life," or he wouldn't have left you in the first place, he'd have taken you with him. Plus I'm sorry, but he and you are not old enough to even know what that means. Say it on the other side of 60 or 70 or 80, and even then honestly I think it's a load of crap. It's just one of those pat phrases we like to toss out there to sound sincere, but no. Love of your life, is something your kids are, you will love them for your entire life no matter what. But a partner? I"m not so sure. I'm with the guy now that's the best relationship I've ever had, but the love of my life are my three boys. That's a constant that never changes and that's really what a love of life is.


This guy's love has not been constant, he has left you whenever he wanted to go have fun. If it were me I'd tell him he had two chances, and it's done. Goodbye. Then heal, move on, build up my own life, and decide you need more stability in the next partner that comes along. And yes, someone will. Make sure your own life is in order when they do.

Link to comment

Yes, it would be a completely stupid idea to date this man again. You have already tried two times to make it work with him and it did not lead to anything. He is saying nice things like that he is ready and willing to work on the relationship just to butter you up because he knows it will work in getting you back.


I had an ex who did the same thing. He would break up with me when things got difficult, wouldn't speak to me for a month or two then would send me a long winded text telling me how much he loves me, how he cares for me, and how he will do anything to be in a relationship with him again.


I would give him a chance after chance and what was the outcome? Absolutely nothing. He would work on being a "better man" for 2 wks then go back to his old habits.


I realized I was too available and too eager to give him a chance. You have to judge him based on his actions and not his words. Words are just empty promises that can easily be broken.


Tell him that the relationship is over, block him, and move on with your life. You will meet someone who knows your worth and doesn't pull childish stunts like that

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...