Cold feet? Should I walk away?

[sophielove111]

I asked my boyfriend if he was happy with our relationship last night. (We have been together 8 months). He said he feels like at this point in out relationship we should be moving in together but he's not ready. I said I wasn't ready either. He said he doesn't want to string me along as he doesn't know when he will be ready.

 

He said he wants to spend more time doing his hobbies. He also said he feels the spark has gone between us. Our relationship at theach beginning was so intense and processed really quickly.

 

I don't know if we have spent too much time together and killed it. He says he loves me and doesn't want to loose me. He says he doesn't know what to do.

 

He's been married before and they moved in and got married quite quickly so I don't know if he is basing our relationship timeline on that.

 

He says the spark has gone but we are very physical still.

 

I love him so much and don't want to loose him. I said I will give him some time to think. Do I end it?

[Matt3939]

The honeymoon period is over. That can be OK though. Do you 2 enjoy being together? Nothing really wrong except for a blah feeling? Maybe surprise each other with something a bit new.

[sophielove111]

Yes. He said he loves being with me, that's why this is so confusing. We don't argue and there isn't any other issues

[MissCanuck]

The spark shouldn't already be dead after such little time together.

 

How often do you see each other?

[KantSleep]

Well, I wouldn't be sticking around if my BF said the spark is gone and he wants to spend more time on his hobbies. I would take a break. Maybe that will wake him up, maybe it will end it. But sadly it sounds like you don't own his heart.

[nutbrownhare]

Unfortunately, we're given a totally unrealistic picture of the way relationships should be by the media, popular fiction, films and a whole host of other sources.

 

The intensity at the start of the relationship cannot possibly last; in fact, it's only once the infatuation and romance ("the spark")have died down that you can really get to know each other, and start to build a genuine relationship which stands a chance of enduring. If you both love each other and don't want to lose the relationship, that's a good start!

 

Others may disagree, but eight months is way too soon to be talking about moving in together; research has shown that it takes at least two years for people to be completely open with each other, and to stop concealing aspects of themselves that they don't want the other person to know about. THAT'S when you can make a realistic decision about your future together, though you can have a general sense as to whether or not you're in it for the long haul long before that.

 

If he wants to spend more time on his hobbies, this doesn't mean AT ALL that he wants to end the relationship. It's a signal to you that you now need to spend more time on your own interests, and develop yourself as a person independently of the relationship. This will give you a much fuller life, as well as being a more well-rounded and interesting partner.

 

It really would be a pity if you ended it now, just when it's starting in earnest...

 

Here's an article which explains all this much more fully:

[Wiseman2]

Whoa, 8 mos of dating is way too soon to talk about moving in together. When someone says "I don't want to string you along" it means they are checked out of the relationship.

 

He's trying to tell you it's over if he "wants more time for hobbies" and tells you "the spark is gone"

 

At 8 mos the infatuation wears off and sometimes things fizzle and incompatibilities become clear. It sounds like you wanted much more commitment than he did. What inspired you to have the "are you happy" relationship talk? What have you noticed lately?

We have been together 8 months. He said he feels like at this point in out relationship we should be moving in together but he's not ready.He said he doesn't want to string me along as he doesn't know when he will be ready.He said he wants to spend more time doing his hobbies. He also said he feels the spark has gone between us.

[Pretzel]

Sorry to hear that, i imagine that would feel really disappointing. I would try new things to shake things up a bit if it's gotten a bit dead beat. New places, fun dates, etc. And do give him more space so he feels he can still work on himself as a person and spend time on his hobbies.

 

If that doesn't improve things, you could suggest going on a break to push him to make a more sure decision. Only if that's what you are willing to accept if he agrees to it.

[Betterwithout]

how long has he been divorced? Is he really over the break up?

There also may be a chance he seeing similar patterns to his ex and is getting anxious about it. As others have mentioned 8 months is still new to move in together.

As he takes up hobbies, you should do the same and see what happens next.

Maybe time is the most important thing your relationship needs to fully flourish.

[SooSad33]

Not moving in together after 8 mos is okay... my son took almost 2 yrs to move in with his gf. never feel a need to rush into all that.

 

THIS is what is a problem.. >> "He also said he feels the spark has gone between us. Our relationship at theach beginning was so intense and processed really quickly."

 

The physical apsect is easy... always! But an actual 'relationship' takes time & effort.. to see IF you are compatible.. or not.

 

Dont think he's got in in him.. and things are fading

 

I suggest you back off.. everything. Give him time & space,, yes.

and if he says he misses you after a few days.. or week.. means nothing.. it's just cause he's bored/lonely.

Dont give in.

 

if it's not happening.. then it isn't. Respect yourself! Accept it's not working.. and work on healing.. then move on with your life.

This has been enough time spent.. on a relation that's not working out.

[sophielove111]

I broke up with him. He said he doesn't want to give up his spare time for me and can see us never moving in. He said I could wait to see if he changes his mind. It would be prolonging a dead end relationship.

[Ms Darcy]

Well, I wouldn't be sticking around if my BF said the spark is gone and he wants to spend more time on his hobbies. I would take a break. Maybe that will wake him up, maybe it will end it. But sadly it sounds like you don't own his heart.

 

I know, right?!

[Betterwithout]

Thanks for the update sophielove111.

Sounds like you made the right move. Might be more pain staying compared to pain in leaving.