cllove3 Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Hi! Thanks for reading my post. I would love to hear everyones opinion on this one because, I have been knocked on my ass. Ten years ago the love of my life and I broke up, because we just were not ready to be where the relationship was taking us. He shutdown and I got emotional. We were living together and I packed up and moved. Since that day we have both had other relationships but always seemed to find our way to each other via email, texts, phone calls. We talked about how much we cared for each other and apologized for both of our mistakes. We remained friends, that love each other. We have also never lived in the same city since the day i left. I have been married and had a child. He has never been married and has a child from a relationship prior to us. I have never stopped loving him and he has told me that he will always love me and i will always have a place in his heart. Flash forward ten years. (We haven't seen each other since the day I left) I was going out of town for business and it was going to be within a few hours of him I told him about it and left it up to him if he wanted to see me. He of course did. We continued to communicate occasionally and talking about our upcoming visit with each other. He is not one to show to much emotion but he was excited about it, as was I. The weekend was amazing! I secretly hoped that it wouldn't go well so that we could move on from each other once and for all but, it didnt. It was wonderful to be in his company and hear about all of the new things going on with him. He still made me feel like I was the only one that mattered in the entire world, we laughed and held hands and enjoyed being in the moment with one another. We never talked about anything to deep during the visit. I just wanted to enjoy the weekend and let it be the weekend. When it came time to say goodbye, we hugged. He cried, like really cried. He kissed me and then said he needed to go. I watched him drive away. I told myself that is what real love feels like. I immediately got a text message from him "i hate this. I will always love you" We continued to exchange text, no serious talk, over the next few days. Then I lost my cool! I asked him "where we go from here?" "does he want to see me again" Basically terrible question after question. He responded with "i dont know" and "Neither of us are in any position to move to be with each other". I knew that but hearing it just ripped my heart out. I guess I hoped that he would see me and never let me go again but, he was right. We live across the country from each other and have our own careers and lives. I realized that I over stepped and decided to back away. 5 days after we saw each other, I saw on fb that he was in a new relationship. I sent him a text and told him that I wished him nothing but the best. He responded letting me know that this just happened in the last day and that they were together earlier this year but they always fight but they weren't together when we saw each other. That he definitely has feelings for me and enjoyed our weekend together. I ultimately just want him to be happy and so i let it be what it was. 5 days later, he texts me "well her and i are no longer talking". I wanted to jump up and down and scream!! But a few hours after he sent that I finally got up the nerve to respond. "sorry to hear that". A few hours later I sent a funny meme and we exchanged a couple of texts about it. Since then *crickets* I haven't heard from him in 5 days. I feel like this is good for me because, i am trying to accept that we can't be together and that love just isn't enough. Is it possible that he is doing the same? I just don't understand how you can walk away from such a connection with someone else. Any thoughts? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Sorry to hear this but it sounds like the best he can (continue) to offer is an emotional affair. He may be on/off with her.I asked him "where we go from here?" "does he want to see me again" He responded with "i dont know" and "Neither of us are in any position to move to be with each other". I saw on fb that he was in a new relationship. he texts me "well her and i are no longer talking". A few hours later I sent a funny meme and we exchanged a couple of texts about it. I haven't heard from him in 5 days. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Are you still married? It sounds like you helped him make the commitment to his gf. I'm sorry, but he does not love you. Link to comment
Clio Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 He doesn't feel the same as you. That's how he can walk away. Simple as that. He is a practical person. He recognises the obstacles so he doesn't invest any unfounded hopes in a future with you like you seem to do. As it takes two and he is clearly not onboard, I would let this one in the past. And if you are in fact still married, you seriously need to focus on that. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 It's time to move on from this. Link to comment
charity Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Honestly...what a player. Don't waste another minute on him. This is not love, its a fantasy. And its one sided. Link to comment
Hawnfawn Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 This is heartbreaking because you're so close to possibly getting your happy ending. The biggest obstacle here, though unfortunately, is not the distance but rather the man. If he can't actually commit to a fair and honest relationship with you, then why would you let distance be the dividing factor? Have him figure himself out and figure out what he wants because "so close yet so far" after 10 years (!!!) is not good enough. Link to comment
Crystal Clear2 Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 I would walk away. You're in for more heartbreak keeping in contact with this guy. Link to comment
cllove3 Posted January 25, 2017 Author Share Posted January 25, 2017 I am going through an amicable divorce. I have a young child and I would not take my son from his father or my family. He has a really great job and has a few family members that depend on him and a child there. A part of me believes that he is a no good player. The other part, saw the emotion take over this man when we said goodbye and remembers all that we have been through the last ten years. Why would someone stick around that long? Truly, after knowing him a majority of my life, I think the issue is that love is not enough for us to be together and he has a difficult time feeling any type of emotion let alone expressing it. So in order to not feel sad, he got with someone else. I don't agree with that at all but I understand it. That is why I haven't contacted him. I was just looking into some insight. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Unfortunately, for him it's not reality. It's just a fantasy he enjoys indulging in for a bit until he returns to the real world. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 No matter how amicable this can give you an unusual range of emotions that are intensified. People can cling or push away or both or perceive things in a romanticized light to feel better about the pain of breaking up a family, etc.I am going through an amicable divorce. Link to comment
evad1 Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 I am going through an amicable divorce. I have a young child and I would not take my son from his father or my family. He has a really great job and has a few family members that depend on him and a child there. A part of me believes that he is a no good player. The other part, saw the emotion take over this man when we said goodbye and remembers all that we have been through the last ten years. Why would someone stick around that long? Truly, after knowing him a majority of my life, I think the issue is that love is not enough for us to be together and he has a difficult time feeling any type of emotion let alone expressing it. So in order to not feel sad, he got with someone else. I don't agree with that at all but I understand it. That is why I haven't contacted him. I was just looking into some insight. Well the good thing about a fantasy is you never have to worry about the illusion being broken. Sounds romantic. That's how you'll always get to remember it. ] Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 I am going through an amicable divorce. I have a young child and I would not take my son from his father or my family. He has a really great job and has a few family members that depend on him and a child there. A part of me believes that he is a no good player. The other part, saw the emotion take over this man when we said goodbye and remembers all that we have been through the last ten years. Why would someone stick around that long? Truly, after knowing him a majority of my life, I think the issue is that love is not enough for us to be together and he has a difficult time feeling any type of emotion let alone expressing it. So in order to not feel sad, he got with someone else. I don't agree with that at all but I understand it. That is why I haven't contacted him. I was just looking into some insight. I think you need to stop making excuses, and face reality. This fantasy has kept you hooked, all these years! Link to comment
Jibralta Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 A part of me believes that he is a no good player. The other part, saw the emotion take over this man when we said goodbye and remembers all that we have been through the last ten years. Why would someone stick around that long? Truly, after knowing him a majority of my life, I think the issue is that love is not enough for us to be together and he has a difficult time feeling any type of emotion let alone expressing it. So in order to not feel sad, he got with someone else. I don't agree with that at all but I understand it. I highly recommend that you stick with your first thought: Player. Or at the very least, not relationship-worthy. He's on-again-off again with another woman and he complained about it to you. Not good. You haven't seen him since the day you left, ten years ago. All this business about him remembering "all you have been through" and taking refuge in the arms of another (lesser) woman is romanticizing the situation and making excuses for him. The truth is, he didn't stick around. After you finally saw each other again after ten years, he seemed pretty indifferent to the idea of getting back together with you. I think he's just stringing you along to satisfy his ego. Focus on getting through your divorce and don't derail by falling into this guy's "poor me" trap. Link to comment
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