partner?

[sommerswerd]

So there is this girl I met in my college class. We started talking to each other because we had the same interests. One day after class I ran into her and we ended up talking for over an hour. We started doing this every week after class, meeting up and talking. Time seems to fly by during our conversations. One day, I asked her to go check out a museum with me. She agreed but she could only stay for 3 hours because of schoolwork. We ended up hanging out for 4 hours. The semester soon ended but we agreed to keep in touch.

Over a two week period we went out a couple more times. She always responds promptly to my emails/texts and is always happy to see me. Sometimes the day might not work for her but we would schedule a different day or time to meet up. The last time, she invited me to a concert happening at night. She told me that she was happy that I came but I noticed that she was more easily irritated during the date. A couple days later I asked her if she still wanted to check out this movie with me that she previously agreed to. She replied that she unfortunately can't go. A couple of days later I told her that there is a movie event that is coming up that I wanted to take her to see. She replies that that she is already going to that event with her partner. I was shocked because in all the time I spent with her, she never at all mentions a boyfriend or that she was seeing someone.

[gebaird]

She was clearly interested at first and wanting to appear single. Perhaps she was seeing you both at the same time and chose the other guy.

 

So sorry. It doesn't sound to me like you did anything wrong. She just wasn't up front with you -- at all.

[JaggerJim]

Wow! what a player!

 

Best she showed you her true colours now, than after.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this, she really led you on. I wouldn't be her friend or communicate with her after this.

[Capricorn3]

I think she's lying about the "partner". She didn't want to go with you and was letting you down easy. Not nice. You can do much better. Ignore her. Full NC.

[sommerswerd]

She was clearly interested at first and wanting to appear single. Perhaps she was seeing you both at the same time and chose the other guy.

 

So sorry. It doesn't sound to me like you did anything wrong. She just wasn't up front with you -- at all.

I remember twice asking her to do something during a weekend and her reply was she is usually busy during the weekends, without elaborating on it. Maybe that was a sign.

I haven't kissed her yet so I wonder if that had anything to do with it.

[CrystalBNY]

When she went on the date and you noticed she was more easily irritated that sounds to me like she got turned off by some aspect of you and rather than not be polite she just kept it to herself. Rather than fake further interest in you she decided to just turn down future dates.

[KantSleep]

Seems pretty thoughtless. Drop a grenade in the room, then leave - my interpretation of what she did.

[sommerswerd]

When she went on the date and you noticed she was more easily irritated that sounds to me like she got turned off by some aspect of you and rather than not be polite she just kept it to herself. Rather than fake further interest in you she decided to just turn down future dates.

 

It felt more like she was trying to pick a fight with me. She invited me to a classical music performance, which I am a newbie of. When we were chatting about it, she would look visibly annoyed when I wasn't able to answer her questions or asked her "dumb" questions.

Later on she got mad when she pointed out something in the program and I told her I didn't know what that is. She was like "weren't you paying attention when I was telling you about it!" Turns it out was something she described to me earlier but she never told me the title of and that title was what she was pointing at in the program. When I told her that, her expression when back to normal.

During the intermission, I asked her what did she think about the performance. She glared back at me saying "you don't think, you feel." She criticized me for not showing emotions. When I told her that she can tell me what she is feeling, she refused as if I wouldn't understand her.

Lastly when it ended we both had to go the restroom. When I was done with the men's bathroom, I walked over the ladies restroom which was on the opposite side of the hall and waited for her by the door. Turns out she was already done and was waiting for me by the front entrance. When she finally saw me she angrily asked where the hell I was. Throughout the incidents, I tried to respond in a calm and collected manner and not in anger.

[CrystalBNY]

Yea, pretty much what I said, she was irritated by you

[CrystalBNY]

She lacks the patience/tolerance to deal with you. It seems as though she wants you to be more sharp, attentive and quick witted but you just don't get it

[Wiseman2]

She sounds insufferable. You dodged a bullet.

she would look visibly annoyed when I wasn't able to answer her questions or asked her "dumb" questions. Later on she got mad when she pointed out something in the program and I told her I didn't know what that is. When she finally saw me she angrily asked where the hell I was.

[JaggerJim]

I'd flee for the hills

[abitbroken]

So there is this girl I met in my college class. We started talking to each other because we had the same interests. One day after class I ran into her and we ended up talking for over an hour. We started doing this every week after class, meeting up and talking. Time seems to fly by during our conversations. One day, I asked her to go check out a museum with me. She agreed but she could only stay for 3 hours because of schoolwork. We ended up hanging out for 4 hours. The semester soon ended but we agreed to keep in touch.

Over a two week period we went out a couple more times. She always responds promptly to my emails/texts and is always happy to see me. Sometimes the day might not work for her but we would schedule a different day or time to meet up. The last time, she invited me to a concert happening at night. She told me that she was happy that I came but I noticed that she was more easily irritated during the date. A couple days later I asked her if she still wanted to check out this movie with me that she previously agreed to. She replied that she unfortunately can't go. A couple of days later I told her that there is a movie event that is coming up that I wanted to take her to see. She replies that that she is already going to that event with her partner. I was shocked because in all the time I spent with her, she never at all mentions a boyfriend or that she was seeing someone.

 

It could be that she thought your overtures were friendly only and you had very different ideas on what going somewhere went. I went with classmates to things all the time and it wasn't a "date" at all. Partner could mean a few different things. Normally, a college aged woman doesn't call her boyfriend her "partner". "Partner" unless it means lab partner, usually implies someone they are living with/dating in a more serious and domestic way or that she is lesbian. I wonder if she is gay and you didn't pick that up or that she meant a different kind of partner (her partner on her music project). Either way, I would let it go. Be normal friendly with her when you see her. You could leave it for her you know if she wants to do anything again or just decide you don't really want to see her because she's irritating.

[sommerswerd]

She lacks the patience/tolerance to deal with you. It seems as though she wants you to be more sharp, attentive and quick witted but you just don't get it

Considering the fact that she invited me to the event and classical music is something I know almost nothing about, I don't see how I could have acted any differently. And it wasn't like I badmouthed and dismissed classical music in anyway during our conversations or wanted to remain ignorant about it, I was actually curious in wanting to learn more about it. I even told her that I don't even remember the last time I attended something like this. Also, she only told me about the event the morning of it.

[sommerswerd]

It could be that she thought your overtures were friendly only and you had very different ideas on what going somewhere went. I went with classmates to things all the time and it wasn't a "date" at all. Partner could mean a few different things. Normally, a college aged woman doesn't call her boyfriend her "partner". "Partner" unless it means lab partner, usually implies someone they are living with/dating in a more serious and domestic way or that she is lesbian. I wonder if she is gay and you didn't pick that up or that she meant a different kind of partner (her partner on her music project). Either way, I would let it go. Be normal friendly with her when you see her. You could leave it for her you know if she wants to do anything again or just decide you don't really want to see her because she's irritating.

 

She is 27, I believe. I don't know the details of her living arrangement and situation besides the area of the city that she lives in. In all our encounters which have been one-on-one, I have often teased/flirted with her with occasional light physical contact. She often laughs at my dumb jokes.

In her message, in addition to writing that she is already going to that event with her partner, she added "maybe I will see you there?" Yeah, no way I am going anymore, curious as I am.

[abitbroken]

Considering the fact that she invited me to the event and classical music is something I know almost nothing about, I don't see how I could have acted any differently. And it wasn't like I badmouthed and dismissed classical music in anyway during our conversations or wanted to remain ignorant about it, I was actually curious in wanting to learn more about it. I even told her that I don't even remember the last time I attended something like this. Also, she only told me about the event the morning of it.

 

People who go to listen to classical music go to listen to it - meaning that they talk in between pieces or at intermissions. If you were asking a bunch of questions during each movement and therefore she was missing out on the experience, I get that she might be a little short with you. Do you go to a play and ask all about how the special effects are done? No. you wait for intermission or a later meetup to ask questions about it.

 

Some people use light contact and joke to be friendly - so your behavior may not have come across as wanting to date her. Interesting though, I would have guessed that she said "partner" as a polite way to blow you off. But maybe its possible she never thought you were interested, nor expressed interest in more than friends. I can't tell you how long people in my classes did things together one on one and there was no dating involved. She could have an extra ticket and didn't want to waste it.

 

I would just say hi if you see her and her partner (whether its project partner, lesbian girlfriend or whomever) and move on in your feelings to try to meet other women.

[JaggerJim]

People who go to listen to classical music go to listen to it - meaning that they talk in between pieces or at intermissions. If you were asking a bunch of questions during each movement and therefore she was missing out on the experience, I get that she might be a little short with you. Do you go to a play and ask all about how the special effects are done? No. you wait for intermission or a later meetup to ask questions about it.

 

Some people use light contact and joke to be friendly - so your behavior may not have come across as wanting to date her. Interesting though, I would have guessed that she said "partner" as a polite way to blow you off. But maybe its possible she never thought you were interested, nor expressed interest in more than friends. I can't tell you how long people in my classes did things together one on one and there was no dating involved. She could have an extra ticket and didn't want to waste it.

 

I would just say hi if you see her and her partner (whether its project partner, lesbian girlfriend or whomever) and move on in your feelings to try to meet other women.

 

Why? She's a total cow.

[katrina1980]

 

It felt more like she was trying to pick a fight with me.

 

When we were chatting about it, she would look visibly annoyed when I wasn't able to answer her questions or asked her "dumb" questions.

 

Later on she got mad when she pointed out something in the program and I told her I didn't know what that is. She was like "weren't you paying attention when I was telling you about it!"

 

During the intermission, I asked her what did she think about the performance. She glared back at me saying "you don't think, you feel."

 

When I was done with the men's bathroom, I walked over the ladies restroom which was on the opposite side of the hall and waited for her by the door. Turns out she was already done and was waiting for me by the front entrance. When she finally saw me she angrily asked where the hell I was.

Throughout the incidents, I tried to respond in a calm and collected manner and not in anger.

 

Oh for cryin out loud, this chick sounds controlling, arrogant, condescending, rude, patronizing, shall I continue?

 

As for you responding in a "calm and collected manner," dude you should have told her to KISS YOUR A$$ and walked out.

 

Why do you care what she thinks of you?

 

She sounds horrible.

[sommerswerd]

People who go to listen to classical music go to listen to it - meaning that they talk in between pieces or at intermissions. If you were asking a bunch of questions during each movement and therefore she was missing out on the experience, I get that she might be a little short with you. Do you go to a play and ask all about how the special effects are done? No. you wait for intermission or a later meetup to ask questions about it.

 

Some people use light contact and joke to be friendly - so your behavior may not have come across as wanting to date her. Interesting though, I would have guessed that she said "partner" as a polite way to blow you off. But maybe its possible she never thought you were interested, nor expressed interest in more than friends. I can't tell you how long people in my classes did things together one on one and there was no dating involved. She could have an extra ticket and didn't want to waste it.

 

I would just say hi if you see her and her partner (whether its project partner, lesbian girlfriend or whomever) and move on in your feelings to try to meet other women.

 

Nope, we only talked before the performance, the intermission, and afterwards. I know it is rude to do otherwise. I don't even take out and check my phone when I am with her. I even feel awkward taking out my phone when I am in the company of friends. Also, the times we went out on a "date", I made sure to dress nicer than normal and paid for her when we ate together, except one time when she quickly ordered before I could decide.

She is a foreign student from a slavic country so maybe her definition or understanding of the word "partner" is different.

I am not sure if it makes any difference, but the performance was a free event.

 

Oh for cryin out loud, this chick sounds controlling, arrogant, condescending, rude, patronizing, shall I continue?

 

As for you responding in a "calm and collected manner," dude you should have told her to KISS YOUR A$$ and walked out.

 

Why do you care what she thinks of you?

 

She sounds horrible.

I've noticed glimpses of this side of her but not to this extreme degree and under these normal circumstances. It was almost like she turned into a totally different person to me.

[Wiseman2]

Why? She's a total cow.

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