jmann45 Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Ive been dating a girl for about a month now. we started off as being friends for about 3 months, then started dating a month ago. im 22, she is 24. She has been through many more relationships than me and admits that she used to be alil on the "crazy" side when she was younger (about a 1-2 years ago). She used to tell me sexual stories when we were just friends, and they were pretty crazy. She and i have not yet had sex and she said that she does not want to. Which i respect. Shes taken me to her house, and her bed a numerous amount of times. Shes very flirtatious with everyone in public. The first few times in her bed, she allowed me to touch her and she did it back and we were very sensual. But the last couple times, she pulls my hand away when were in her bed. She tells me not to do anything, and we only kiss. She explained that she didnt allow her ex to touch her either and they dated for 6 months. he ended up leaving her because he said that he was annoyed of the fact that he had to leave with blueballs everytime. She said that the last time she had sex was about a year ago and it was a f-buddy who she messed around with for a year. With all this being said, it confuses me that she doesnt even want me TOUCHING her anymore. it makes me feel like she has someone else for that, and she has me for the emotional support. Although she seems like a nice girl, you never know. She explained to me that she wants to stop having sex and does not want a sex partner for a very long time because this last guy who was her f-buddy cheated on her with many other women, and that broke her down. She says that its wrong to even look at someone sexually.. because the bible says so. But then again she wants me to take her out to the club some time so she can dance on me. How does this logic work?? She said she still enjoys going out clubbing ect during the summer. If im correct, thats where women dance on men, and i am almost 100% positive, that she does that every time she goes. Shes looked at by many men where ever we go. Is that not sexual? To dance on someone? Im not understanding this logic. Someone please advise me. PS: She has told me that i look so sexy when i *blablabla*.. was that not sexual? I brought up the fact taht she was sensual in bed the first couple times and her response was "well people make mistakes". She has had sex with every guy shes been with, excpet this last guy who left her, and myself. Are we not special enough ? Link to comment
gebaird Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 It sounds like she may be a bit psychologically broken in this area. Betrayal and abuse can have that result. If you're looking for physical intimacy, you may want to look somewhere else. Otherwise you could be in for a long and frustrating year. Link to comment
BlarneyStone Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 She's damaged goods. Walk away, my dude. Link to comment
Wolfshook Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Damaged mate,reaaly damaged. And I'm not talking about you two not having sex after a month, she raises all kinds of red flags. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Wow.....she is seriously mentally and emotionally damaged. She needs serious therapy NOT boyfriends or relationships. She is not capable of anything normal or sane in that department. Of course she is not going to make any sense to you. Don't expect someone that messed up to be normal, rational, and consistent. As others already said, RUN don't walk from this mess. If you stick around, you'll become just as damaged and in need of a shrink yourself and it will take a long time to return to the sane world. Damaged people will always drag you down to their level, you will never fix them or drag them up to yours. It's a one way street and a destructive one to anyone fool enough to stay involved. You see nutty behavior, you run and don't look back. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 She has a lot of problems that you won't be able to fix, OP. You need to end it. What's the fun in having a partner you're not even allowed to touch or look at in a romantic way? It's not going to work. My guess is that while she may have been hurt by a previous guy, there's a lot more to her behaviour and beliefs than just that. I think if you stayed, you'd discover there's more she hasn't disclosed. Consider the fact that she might not be telling you the full truth, either. Sounds like there are a lot of missing pieces here. Link to comment
jmann45 Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 So im getting this advice.. to leave her because she is damaged goods and i wont be able to help her. But just out of curiosity, arent most of us damaged goods once we come out and tell people what and how we really feel deep down? Im sure everyone would be calling me "damaged goods" if i told them exactly how i felt about certain things. I get that a relationship is suppose to be FUN, filled with emotions ect. But in all honesty i enjoy my time with her. My point is, how would it benefit HER if i leave her? How should i leave her without leaving her with the thought that i left her because she told me that she didnt want me touching her or to have sex? What should my excuse be? I want to leave her knowing it will benefit her, an d only then would i feel okay with it. How can i explain that she doesnt need a relationship right now? We are going on a long road trip for about 8 hours this upcoming friday. Should i tell her that we should go as just friends? And that i feel more comfortable having her as my friend? Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 What should my excuse be? You don't need an excuse. Simply tell the truth: "Sorry, it's just not working for me". End of story. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Btw OP, are you 21, 22, 23, or 24? You age keeps changing? (just curious). Link to comment
jmann45 Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 Btw OP, are you 22, 23, or 24? You age keeps changing? (just curious). i dont like putting my exact age for privacy purposes, but it gives the reader a close idea of my age. thats all that matters. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 i dont like putting my exact age for privacy purposes, but it gives the reader a close idea of my age. thats all that matters. It's just that when one sees all this fluctuation in age, it makes one wonder about what else is misleading/deceiptful. Link to comment
jmann45 Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 It's just that when one sees all this fluctuation in age, it makes one wonder about what else is misleading/deceiptful. Why would i make anything else misleading when i want some solid advice? everything else is accurate. the only thing that isnt, is my age. and that is because with the amount of fluctuation im using, it doesnt effect the story on which i really need advice. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 How should i leave her without leaving her with the thought that i left her because she told me that she didnt want me touching her or to have sex? What should my excuse be? I want to leave her knowing it will benefit her, an d only then would i feel okay with it. How can i explain that she doesnt need a relationship right now? If you decide you want to leave, there are no judges or juries to whom you must build a case in order to get out of this. It makes no sense to hold fantasies of performing a good deed by breaking up with someone. All relationships being voluntary, we're allowed to simply decide that we want out. We can either be honest or soft shoe our way out, but we all need to play the role of 'Bad Guy' in order to exit a relationship that doesn't work for us. People aren't projects that we need to clean up or fix before we're free to go. The girl has revealed new information that substantially alters the agreement of any relationship you intended to have with her. You get to decide whether to accept those new terms, or not. This doesn't make you a villain, and it does NOT obligate you to play social worker with someone who may need professional help. If you opt to exit, you can be truthful, "I like you, but you've changed the terms of this relationship in ways that I don't agree to, so it doesn't work for me." If she accuses you of only wanting sex, you can be honest, "While sex isn't the only thing I want from a relationship, as a healthy 23 year old guy, yes, the only kind of committed relationship I'm willing to pursue includes sex. If you ever change your mind about your position on this, you can let me know. If I'm still available then, we can meet to catch up. Otherwise, I wish you the best." This would not be you 'adding to' her current level of damage. If no sex is a parameter she's setting, she'll need to learn how to pursue guys who share her belief in abstinence with that criteria up front. Pulling a bait-and-switch by being sexual then shutting down isn't even ethical, much less the right way to build a relationship. Head high, her problems are not yours just because you tried to date her. Link to comment
DaNgeRTasTiC Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 You're in the friend zone man. How important is having sex with this girl? Doesn't sound like she wants it. Find a girl that wants you like you want her. Link to comment
Pretzel Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 If physical intimacy is important to you in a relationship then I would look elsewhere. Sure, you can stick around because you enjoy spending time with her, but i don't see how that would lead to a fulfilling relationship. If she's still the same way in a year's time, would you still be happy to basically be celibate? And in fact- not celibate by choice.... but because you are forced into the idea! I understand you are respecting her wishes, but in a balanced relationship, your wishes would be respected as well. Link to comment
jmann45 Posted January 27, 2017 Author Share Posted January 27, 2017 If physical intimacy is important to you in a relationship then I would look elsewhere. Sure, you can stick around because you enjoy spending time with her, but i don't see how that would lead to a fulfilling relationship. If she's still the same way in a year's time, would you still be happy to basically be celibate? And in fact- not celibate by choice.... but because you are forced into the idea! I understand you are respecting her wishes, but in a balanced relationship, your wishes would be respected as well. In all honesty I just don't understand the logic behind it. A girl who looks like her with fake body parts to make herself look attractive up to the point where a guys first thought is to bone her, and wearing extremely revealing clothing. Then looking for a guy who doesn't want sex until marriage, and doesn't want anything except kissing and cuddling in bed. I don't know if I'm the stupid one or if there was something extremely wrong with her head. Link to comment
jmann45 Posted January 27, 2017 Author Share Posted January 27, 2017 By the way we have been nc for over 2 weeks now. I asked for a little break and she said it would be better if we break up. I didn't take it well and met up with her 2 days after she said that, we talked and she no longer wanted the relationship. I said it's cool and we never talked after that. I saw her with another guy in her car driving a week ago. I Just passed by them. I just can't help but think if I wasn't enough, or if she's gonna give his new guy everything. Or treat him like she did to me. Link to comment
Pretzel Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 By the way we have been nc for over 2 weeks now. I asked for a little break and she said it would be better if we break up. I didn't take it well and met up with her 2 days after she said that, we talked and she no longer wanted the relationship. I said it's cool and we never talked after that. I saw her with another guy in her car driving a week ago. I Just passed by them. I just can't help but think if I wasn't enough, or if she's gonna give his new guy everything. Or treat him like she did to me. That shouldn't be your concern. For whatever reason, it didn't work out. And as for logic- there is no logic behind it. So why do you want to invest your time in someone who is so confusing and contradictory? There are plenty of wonderful women out there. Stick to NC so you can let others into your life. You'll thank yourself for it later on! Link to comment
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