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Relationship and exes

Irelle

By Irelle
in Relationship Advice

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Irelle Newbie

Irelle

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Hello guys,

Lately, more and more, I started to feel disgust about the idea/fact, that before me, there were other people well...inside of my girlfriend. I feel really sad. I do not know why suddenly now, but I do know, that only by thinking that other men "marked" her from the in-, and outside, make me wanna vomit.

I would like to discuss this and hear others people (both male and female) opinion.

Maybe some ideas, maybe how to get rid of those thoughts etc?

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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

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You are a virgin, right? Go find yourself a virgin. Are you from a macho or restricted culture where virginity and being 'the first' is a big deal? You should not be dating her or having sex with her. You are lying to yourself and her.

 

Stop using her for sex when you can't handle it. By the way, animals "mark" territory, not humans so stop thinking of her as a "marked " animal, that's what's "disgusting' here. You need some major therapy to learn to respect women...

that before me, there were other people well...inside of my girlfriend. other men "marked" her from the.
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Irelle Newbie

Irelle

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Why does that "disgust" you?

 

Don't focus on past relationships or past sexual experiences. If you really like someone, remind yourself of why you like them and work to make your sex like with them good.

 

I have no idea, otherwise I would know the issue myself...

 

Thats the thing, she brought them up a few times. Like showing me texts from her exes texting her.

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Irelle Newbie

Irelle

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You are a virgin, right? Go find yourself a virgin. Are you from a macho or restricted culture where virginity and being 'the first' is a big deal? You should not be dating her or having sex with her. You are lying to yourself and her.

 

Stop using her for sex when you can't handle it. By the way, animals "mark" territory, not humans so stop thinking of her as a "marked " animal, that's what's "disgusting' here. You need some major therapy to learn to respect women...

 

she used the term mark a few times, so it just got stuck to the idea.

 

I love her, I just can not seem to get over the fact that other men were in her past...

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Irelle Newbie

Irelle

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That kind of weird. Why even go there????? If I would have a problem like that is if i knew a specific guy she had sex with and I really disliked him. Even then I'm probably thinking "she's with me now" and probably get more confident.

 

I do not know why I am thinking about this, or more like overthinking...I just wanna try to understand how I can handle it.

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Irelle Newbie

Irelle

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She is currently with you right now, is she not? I really don't care about a woman's sexual past and frankly, I'd rather be with someone who has had some experience. Intimacy is much like dancing. And if your partner doesn't even know how to two step... uhg...

 

yes, we are together and I can not talk to her about that obviously.

I do not know what is going on, I just wanna try to manage it.

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Irelle Newbie

Irelle

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Break up. You can't have a relationship and withhold sex, what's the point? Especially since it comes from her TMI and your "disgust".

 

But its not only her, its especially her! Of course the same thought applies to other women, but I do not want other women, I just need mine, but I do now know why those thoughts about her exes appeared from one day to another.

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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

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Agree. You can't go on thinking of your gf as an over-traveled highway, or any women for that matter.. Is the issue jealousy about her exes?

Tell her to stop showing you those texts, as they obviously make you uncomfortable. It sounds like a psychological issue; maybe see a therapist? You may have some issues with possessiveness or control that you need to examine.
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Irelle Newbie

Irelle

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Tell her to stop showing you those texts, as they obviously make you uncomfortable. It sounds like a psychological issue; maybe see a therapist?

 

You may have some issues with possessiveness or control that you need to examine.

 

I asked her why she shows me that stuff and she said "no reason. Just to show you that I am over"....

 

I may not, I do have possessiveness and control issues, which I am trying to work on.

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Irelle Newbie

Irelle

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Agree. You can't go on thinking of your gf as an over-traveled highway, or any women for that matter.. Is the issue jealousy about her exes?

 

I am jealous, but not in this case. She can go out with friends, etc etc, but I do not seem to be okay with her past...

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Zaphod Community Regular

Zaphod

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Hello guys,

Lately, more and more, I started to feel disgust about the idea/fact, that before me, there were other people well...inside of my girlfriend. I feel really sad. I do not know why suddenly now, but I do know, that only by thinking that other men "marked" her from the in-, and outside, make me wanna vomit.

I would like to discuss this and hear others people (both male and female) opinion.

Maybe some ideas, maybe how to get rid of those thoughts etc?

 

Don't be a prat about it mate.

 

How to get rid of those thoughts? Perhaps use a bit of rationality and reason.

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browser Newbie

browser

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You say to yourself, "we've all got histories", and "the guys that got there before helped her gain the sexual knowledge and experience to give you more pleasure"

 

Be thankful. I know I am every time I get one of those amazing BJs. She didn't learn that from reading books.

 

They're gone, you're still here.

 

It was like a big contest and you're the winner. So what if the trophy has been handed around a few times, right now it's on your shelf. Or in your bed.

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katrina1980 Grand Master

katrina1980

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Some men view their girlfriends as possessions, that they have some sort of "territorial rights" over.

 

I've dated a couple of guys like that, did NOT last long (needless to say).

 

I find that attitude abhorrent.

 

Anyway, OP is this how you feel about your girlfriend?

 

Like she's your possession that you have territorial rights to?

 

Just asking cause when you use words like she's a "marked" woman, it lends itself to that conclusion, like these men have "marked YOUR territory."

 

And it pisses you off, repulses you.

 

I could be wrong (just asking you to explore the possibility).

 

But if you do feel this way, pls get yourself some help because that type of attitude is very off-putting to many women, many people.

 

And it often escalates into an even more egregious attitude which in some cases includes becoming verbally or emotionally abusive.

 

Once you resolve those feelings, chances are you will no longer feel repulsed by these things.

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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

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Agree. OP, certainly you've read threads here about divorced people or dating people with kids, etc.. obviously they've all have sex before and find love and no one feels "tarnished". It sounds like the mindset of immaturity and inexperience. So there is hope that you will grow out of this mindset.

What about your past? She could think the same thoughts. Op everyone has a past. If you want this to work I suggest you get help to leave the past behind.
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