katara42 Posted January 1, 2017 Author Share Posted January 1, 2017 I have to ask, what is konmari...I googled and found nothing much. Youre folding your books? what haha? Oh. Rosecolored108 and I had a discussion about it earlier on this forum. It's a decluttering method that is particularly relevant to my current experience I'm surprised there wasn't much on Google. Link to comment
katara42 Posted January 2, 2017 Author Share Posted January 2, 2017 Day 20. What a difference. I'm not waking up super sad. He's not the first thing I think of. I feel surprisingly good. I'm glad the holidays are over since they were so loaded emotionally. It took some work to stay on track. Now life goes back to normal. Link to comment
katara42 Posted January 2, 2017 Author Share Posted January 2, 2017 Had a weird half hour where I got really anxious about him. Hit me out of the blue. I rode it out, it has subsided now. Not sure what it was about. Maybe little echoes of feelings I wasn't ready to deal with before? I didn't like it. It's been 3 weeks since we talked, 20 days no contact, 11 days since he fired me a "just saying hi" text that I didn't respond to. But who's counting lol I miss him, then I wonder about how maybe I don't really miss him, I'm just lonely. And my ego is still bruised. Link to comment
katara42 Posted January 3, 2017 Author Share Posted January 3, 2017 Day 21!! Somewhere I've read that it takes 3 weeks to make a new habit. Or to break an old one. Anyways, 21 days feels significant. Like I've achieved something. I definitely feel better. By no means do i feel fine or "over it" fully, but man I feel better. If you're thinking about NC, I say do it! Do it for you! Get your pride back Back to work after holidays and I can't wait. Link to comment
RayF Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Each day sucks a little less. Been thinking about this it's a common thing that's said about a break up... I don't know if this is true. I find that I often am feeling set back... I'll go a few days feel better or be distracted, or whatever and then for no reason, or a specific reason, or a life event, or just due to even more time from not speaking or talking to this person you loved so much that I find myself all of a sudden feeling way worse than I did a few days ago. I don't think it sucks a little less each day... I think it's the kind of thing where collectively it takes months or years or whatever to reflect back on it to realize how much time has passed and how your life or you or perspective has changed to a point where the past is the past. I think the point is you have to get used to feeling a huge loss and a feeling of sadness and emptiness in your life. it's just going to be a part of you now, and to combat it you need to be as positive as possible, fill your life with new things and people. One day your priorities will have shifted so much it will open room for a new love and the person will be a distant memory. But the loss is not replaceable, it simply becomes a empty hole that's part of your past. That's what I've found anyways Link to comment
katara42 Posted January 3, 2017 Author Share Posted January 3, 2017 Been thinking about this it's a common thing that's said about a break up... I don't know if this is true. I find that I often am feeling set back... I'll go a few days feel better or be distracted, or whatever and then for no reason, or a specific reason, or a life event, or just due to even more time from not speaking or talking to this person you loved so much that I find myself all of a sudden feeling way worse than I did a few days ago. I don't think it sucks a little less each day... I think it's the kind of thing where collectively it takes months or years or whatever to reflect back on it to realize how much time has passed and how your life or you or perspective has changed to a point where the past is the past. I think the point is you have to get used to feeling a huge loss and a feeling of sadness and emptiness in your life. it's just going to be a part of you now, and to combat it you need to be as positive as possible, fill your life with new things and people. One day your priorities will have shifted so much it will open room for a new love and the person will be a distant memory. But the loss is not replaceable, it simply becomes a empty hole that's part of your past. That's what I've found anyways Haha yeah I guess so... but if you've read back you'll see that I certainly have struggled with set backs. You kinda focused on one comment there. Again, since ppl don't read back, gets to be onerous with so many posts i guess, this is my second break up with the same guy for the same reasons so I'm starting further down the path. But i stand by that it does suck less every day lol. Longer stretches of not feeling sucky, like seconds more light per day after solstice. Maybe you dont notice for a bit, til a chunk of light has accumulated, and you realize "hey this time last month it was still dark". But we all have our individual journey and it's different for you. For me, i think that the pain of going back to feeling sucky is magnified after feeling free. Like painkillers wear off and you're feeling "again with this crap????" That's the worst part for me, backsliding into feeling miserable. Part of the process tho. Anyways I couldn't face each day without feeling like it's going to be better. Cause it does get better Link to comment
ShatteredMan Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 In short, my ex and I dated from the previous August to about early July this year. By mid-August, I discovered that she was involved with a new guy. I lost my mind, became massively depressed, constantly checking to see if the new guy was over at her place, FB, etc. I ended up in therapy (which has helped mildly) but am still doing the checking to see if his or her cars are out there each night. I started dating a new girl but because I'm still hung up on the ex for reasons I can't explain except that I really thought she was the "one", had been a good friend for ten years prior to our relationship, and had hoped that we'd be engaged by now. She started pulling away/"breadcrumbing" me in June and by July, I was sick of this behavior. We mutually ended it but I figured we'd just get back together after a month or so of NC. Boy, was I wrong. So I ran into my ex (who lives upstairs) on NYE as I was on the way to a party. I've been NC for about 4.5 months - she's still with the new guy (which says to me it isn't a rebound) and I'm dating some new women (but can't get her out of my mind). As I was passing her coming down the stairs, she said "Oh, Happy New Year!" in a semi-happy-to-see-you tone. I responded "Happy New Year...." somewhat gruffly, didn't look at her and jumped in my car and sped off. I don't know if I've done a good thing or a bad thing. I still have this thought in the back of my mind that we can reconcile if the opportunities are right......and I don't know why I can't get rid of these thoughts. Link to comment
katara42 Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 In short, my ex and I dated from the previous August to about early July this year. By mid-August, I discovered that she was involved with a new guy. I lost my mind, became massively depressed, constantly checking to see if the new guy was over at her place, FB, etc. I ended up in therapy (which has helped mildly) but am still doing the checking to see if his or her cars are out there each night. I started dating a new girl but because I'm still hung up on the ex for reasons I can't explain except that I really thought she was the "one", had been a good friend for ten years prior to our relationship, and had hoped that we'd be engaged by now. She started pulling away/"breadcrumbing" me in June and by July, I was sick of this behavior. We mutually ended it but I figured we'd just get back together after a month or so of NC. Boy, was I wrong. So I ran into my ex (who lives upstairs) on NYE as I was on the way to a party. I've been NC for about 4.5 months - she's still with the new guy (which says to me it isn't a rebound) and I'm dating some new women (but can't get her out of my mind). As I was passing her coming down the stairs, she said "Oh, Happy New Year!" in a semi-happy-to-see-you tone. I responded "Happy New Year...." somewhat gruffly, didn't look at her and jumped in my car and sped off. I don't know if I've done a good thing or a bad thing. I still have this thought in the back of my mind that we can reconcile if the opportunities are right......and I don't know why I can't get rid of these thoughts. Oh my heart goes out to you for your story. I can't imagine living so close, I'd be checking for cars too. I had to block him on fb so I wouldn't check it (not because he would contact me). Being that close must never give you a chance to forget about her. I would struggle being so close - have you thought about moving? You say you can't explain why you're still hung up on her... do you mean you don't know why? I'm still hung up on my ex too, just a little, and like you I still have that little "reconcile" hope even tho I know it's not going to happen for us. Fortunately, I'm rarely reminded of him, rarely see him tho we technically work together (different sites). Take care of yourself. Link to comment
katara42 Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 Day 22. Struggled yesterday despite being at work. Had 2 fast glasses of wine on an empty stomach and went for dinner at my folks. That helped. Link to comment
membername Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Had a weird half hour where I got really anxious about him. Hit me out of the blue. I rode it out, it has subsided now. Not sure what it was about. Maybe little echoes of feelings I wasn't ready to deal with before? I didn't like it. It's been 3 weeks since we talked, 20 days no contact, 11 days since he fired me a "just saying hi" text that I didn't respond to. But who's counting lol I miss him, then I wonder about how maybe I don't really miss him, I'm just lonely. And my ego is still bruised. Happy new year everyone. This post clicked with me...I'm well into my NC on day 56 and while I know he was just not a nice person. I dont want to get back and I don't love him anymore persay. I find myself missing him. Like a space is there. I would miss something nice he did or said.. and I wonder why do I miss this fool... And I think maybe cause I've been in constant contact with this person for a little over 2yrs. It is quite an adjustment. I'm still pushing forward. I do still have some not so good days even now and just want to reach a point to where he is out of me fully. Link to comment
ShatteredMan Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Happy new year everyone. I'm still pushing forward. I do still have some not so good days even now and just want to reach a point to where he is out of me fully. I think we all do. I have some weeks that go well and I only think about my ex one or two days.....then I obsess about her for three days straight..... At 5 months, you'd think this would be over.... Link to comment
katara42 Posted January 5, 2017 Author Share Posted January 5, 2017 Day 23. Slept on the couch. Looking forward to the weekend so I can be alone and work on my house. Feel tired a lot, down, and winter weather is not helping. Link to comment
x17c6 Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 You've done so well to go 23 days NC. I'm on day 3 and the 20's seem like light years away Link to comment
katara42 Posted January 5, 2017 Author Share Posted January 5, 2017 You've done so well to go 23 days NC. I'm on day 3 and the 20's seem like light years away Some days fly by and some don't. The first few were the worst, then I kinda got used to it. Today for no reason, I heard someone's text notification in the office. It was annoying me, and I suddenly remembered the time he stood in the kitchen (open floor plan) with his phone on the counter, open text screen so notifications wouldn't sound, and he was having a sneaky text convo with someone. I didn't bother asking who. Now I'm gutted but it will pass. What an @$$hole. What a jerk. What was I thinking? Link to comment
GeekLover Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 Day 53 today. I had a terribly emotional day yesterday. Today is better, but I find I'm fighting the temptation to contact him. I'm emotionally exhausted. Link to comment
katara42 Posted January 6, 2017 Author Share Posted January 6, 2017 Day 53 today. I had a terribly emotional day yesterday. Today is better, but I find I'm fighting the temptation to contact him. I'm emotionally exhausted. Did you make it thru the day? No judgement, I'm just curious Link to comment
katara42 Posted January 6, 2017 Author Share Posted January 6, 2017 Day 24. I am with my thoughts. I feel contempt, anger, loss, and amusement. And it's still early lol I don't mind feeling these things, any way I've looked at the relationship over the last few months I've come back to one thing. It's over unless he wants a relationship. The rest is meaningless. While this hurts like h3ll I support his right to live his life however he's happiest. And that's the way it is. I'm moving on, accepting that. Idk what I'd do if he turned around professing to be a changed man. It's not fair that he has to change. I'm not talking about mutual compromise, the little give and takes you do to keep the other happy. I gave him more than I should have for what he was giving back. Still wasn't enough. Was I really worth so little to him that he thought he deserved it? With nothing in return? I wasn't a perfect girlfriend. But I was the best I could be. I was a good and faithful partner. I tried my hardest. He wanted to be friends. We tried that. But he was never really a friend, we weren't friends first, it's not how we interacted. We were friends in a sense yes, but friends plus. There was nothing to revert to. We never talked daily, we didn't do holidays or nights out. Anyways I'm just kvetching. Thinking about it doesn't solve anything and I hope this isn't on my mind all day. Remembering that will help me stop. Getting close to 4 weeks. That's good. Time helps. Just feeling good for longer stretches before you remember. That's progress Link to comment
GeekLover Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 Did you make it thru the day? No judgement, I'm just curious I sure did. I don't know why I'm hitting a wall all of a sudden. Maybe the holidays are catching up to me. Link to comment
katara42 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 Day 25. After a somewhat rough day yesterday I'm back on track. Making some short term life goals. Link to comment
GeekLover Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 Day 55 here. Looking forward to getting back to work and regular routine on Monday. I think that will help. Link to comment
katara42 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 Day 55 here. Looking forward to getting back to work and regular routine on Monday. I think that will help. 55 days! You're a legend at what point does counting NC days become something you let go of? I'm wondering if at some point it hinders healing by continuing to dwell on it. I'm nowhere near close enough, but one day I hope to be. Link to comment
Roselynn1 Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 Been thinking about this it's a common thing that's said about a break up... I don't know if this is true. I find that I often am feeling set back... I'll go a few days feel better or be distracted, or whatever and then for no reason, or a specific reason, or a life event, or just due to even more time from not speaking or talking to this person you loved so much that I find myself all of a sudden feeling way worse than I did a few days ago. I don't think it sucks a little less each day... I think it's the kind of thing where collectively it takes months or years or whatever to reflect back on it to realize how much time has passed and how your life or you or perspective has changed to a point where the past is the past. I think the point is you have to get used to feeling a huge loss and a feeling of sadness and emptiness in your life. it's just going to be a part of you now, and to combat it you need to be as positive as possible, fill your life with new things and people. One day your priorities will have shifted so much it will open room for a new love and the person will be a distant memory. But the loss is not replaceable, it simply becomes a empty hole that's part of your past. That's what I've found anyways Love this post! Exactly what I'm feeling... Will go days being fine and then for no apparent reason back to feeling like a huge part of you is missing. Thanks for this, it's all part of the process. Link to comment
GeekLover Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 55 days! You're a legend at what point does counting NC days become something you let go of? I'm wondering if at some point it hinders healing by continuing to dwell on it. I'm nowhere near close enough, but one day I hope to be. I wouldn't say I'm a legend, but thanks. I actually don't have much of a choice. He has asked me to not contact him, so I am giving him his space. I have changes to make on my end, so I'm in no position to reach out anyway. And deep down, I know he has healing to do. I have hurt him, as he has me. By the end, we were just destroying each other. But for now, I am working on letting go and continuing to move my life forward without him. Link to comment
Whitey111008 Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 I'm only on day 5 of NC and this is by far the worst day so far. I so wanted to message today, so many unanswered questions. But I haven't and won't. Going to have to see her tomorrow to drop the children off, dreading that! Feels like another dagger to the heart everytime I see her. I just want to go outside shout as loud as I can then walk back in! Arghhh!! Everyone who is way further on than me I admire you for doing it, it gives me hope it can be achieved and will get easier. Until the divorce, which cannot be done for another 5 months. That may set me back if I'm not healed by then. Link to comment
membername Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 I'm only on day 5 of NC and this is by far the worst day so far. I so wanted to message today, so many unanswered questions. But I haven't and won't. Going to have to see her tomorrow to drop the children off, dreading that! Feels like another dagger to the heart everytime I see her. I just want to go outside shout as loud as I can then walk back in! Arghhh!! Everyone who is way further on than me I admire you for doing it, it gives me hope it can be achieved and will get easier. Until the divorce, which cannot be done for another 5 months. That may set me back if I'm not healed by then. It does get easier. But You still have your down days. But just remember, you were fine before she came in your life and you will be perfectly fine without her. When my marriage ended 4yrs ago I really had no idea how I was going to move forward..I was alive but it felt like my life ended. And here I am, pushing thru nc from another disappointment. Life goes on and time helps, but you will be ok. And I do believe things happen for a reason. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.