katara42 Posted December 26, 2016 Author Share Posted December 26, 2016 Day 13 - part of me feels a bit deflated that he didn't try to contact for the holidays, but only a very small part. The ego part. The part of me that googled "will he ever regret losing a good woman?" (Spoiler alert: NO. Never saw me as a good woman. No reason to regret losing me. Sigh) I'm more glad he didn't, so I didn't have to wrestle with should I / how do I respond. But I'm MOST glad that I didn't try to text him. No agonizing over waiting for a response, no wondering if I'm blocked or is he ignoring me, no drama over what a response might mean, none of that. I remember how sickening that feels, and how it just kept me emotionally tethered to a bad situation. Instead I feel steadier. Yes I'm still sad and yes I miss having someone. I miss the good times. But I feel freer today. Could change in an hour, so I'll enjoy this feeling whole I can Link to comment
rosecolored108 Posted December 27, 2016 Share Posted December 27, 2016 Day 13 too. Stay strong! Link to comment
katara42 Posted December 27, 2016 Author Share Posted December 27, 2016 Day 14. Two weeks. I decided to konmari my closet (it's a decluttering process where you keep things that give you joy). So far about 3/4 of my stuff is in piles on the floor and I've cried twice. Haven't even gotten to the "get rid of" part lol. I suspect that will be more uplifting. It's been a process for sure, letting go of the ex. I can't keep waiting to be over it to live the rest of my life. I'll have to process while doing other stuff. I'm sad and part of me still wishes for the "I've been a fool" words to come from him. However 2 weeks is good. That's a good chunk of time. Link to comment
katara42 Posted December 27, 2016 Author Share Posted December 27, 2016 Ok well I watched "love actually" while putting stuff away and that was a TERRIBLE idea. Been sobbing but I hope it's going to be a cathartic experience. I miss him, in a way. I still will keep NC, I still understand it is the right thing, I'm just having a moment. Action movies only from here on in! Link to comment
rosecolored108 Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 The process can be long and difficult, but necessary. It is natural to miss him and keep some kind of hope that he will come back, telling you how much he misses you. However, it is not healthy to hold onto that hope. Keep moving on and focus your attention elsewhere. Have you picked up any new hobbies? Link to comment
katara42 Posted December 28, 2016 Author Share Posted December 28, 2016 The process can be long and difficult, but necessary. It is natural to miss him and keep some kind of hope that he will come back, telling you how much he misses you. However, it is not healthy to hold onto that hope. Keep moving on and focus your attention elsewhere. Have you picked up any new hobbies? Konmari! That's my new hobby. And it's pretty cool - it's the martial art of decluttering. I have 7 garbage bags of crap that came out of my closet / drawers. It was a good day, despite the crying. Hope yours was good too. Link to comment
rosecolored108 Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 Konmari sounds interesting...I have a lot of junk in my closet that I need to get rid of as well. Maybe I will try that! Shedding a lot of old junk probably helps you feel renewed and refreshed. Onto Day 14 for me. Stay strong over there. Crying can be a good thing...let the emotions out, just don't stay sad. After you have a good cry, do something positive...the konmari is probably good for that Link to comment
katara42 Posted December 28, 2016 Author Share Posted December 28, 2016 Shedding a lot of old junk probably helps you feel renewed and refreshed. There is something to be said for her (the expert) method. You decide if items give you a spark of joy. If they don't, then let them go with a little word of appreciation for the purpose it served for you. Sounds hokey i know, but its very charming to practice. She also says that many items come along for reasons we might not understand (the sweater you loved buying but never wore - that sweater's purpose - joy of purchasing - was meaningful but shortlived). So you can probably see where I'm going with this. My old relationship doesn't spark joy, so it's time to let it go with a word of appreciation for its purpose, whatever that may have been. That's why konmari is my new hobby. That's the message I want to reinforce to myself. Plus I get a tidier house after, and my mind is fully occupied Day 15. Link to comment
rosecolored108 Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 I might try it Link to comment
rosecolored108 Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 Day 15-feeling better but mornings are still hard. I am proud of my progress. Link to comment
katara42 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Share Posted December 29, 2016 Day 15-feeling better but mornings are still hard. I am proud of my progress. Congrats on day 15!!! Mornings are my hardest time of day too. I don't want to get up and I lay there, feeling sad. The second I wake up I think about him and the breakup. Sometimes I wake up from a dream about him. Or other weird unsettling dreams (i dont usually remember dreams, wonder what that's about). Once school starts back up (routine), I have a plan for that - getting up right away, doing some yoga, then my coursework. Going back to work will help too. But til then I lie in bed, sad. My oldest friend is coming for lunch with her mother today, with my mom too. That will be fun. Small repairs around the house are continuing. Day 16. Link to comment
rosecolored108 Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 That sounds fun! Stuff like that really helps, seeing friends and family. I have started to meditate in the morning and before I go to bed. It has helped with some of the depressing feelings. I would definitely recommend the yoga if you can fit that in...god luck with Day 16! Link to comment
katara42 Posted December 30, 2016 Author Share Posted December 30, 2016 Saw him walking down the street today, I was driving. (It's a small town, he was near my side street walking on the main street and working nearby - all on the up and up for both of us) Don't know if he saw me. I was surprised. Kind of set me back a little and I felt a bit blah during my visit with my friends. Meh. Breaking up sucks. Looking forward to seeing 2016 fade away. Link to comment
katara42 Posted December 30, 2016 Author Share Posted December 30, 2016 Day 17 - woke up kinda happy. Watched Harry Potter last night. Had a dream that I was a witch and cursed him. So stupid it has made me laugh. Thanks, unconscious night brain! What a relief to wake up smiling. Link to comment
rosecolored108 Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 Day 16 for me-my mood has improved since this morning. Looking forward to 2017 Link to comment
GeekLover Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 Day 47- Feeling really good; getting stronger every day; my head is clear and I feel I can think more logically now; of course I still miss him, but I don't feel sad anymore; it's time for me-self discovery and exploring this new path I'm on; if he comes back, so be it; if not, worst case, I will be a new woman with confidence, strength, and self love; I'm proud of how much progress I've made in just under 7 weeks, and I'm excited to see where I go from here; things can only get better Link to comment
katara42 Posted December 31, 2016 Author Share Posted December 31, 2016 Day 47, that's great congrats I'm struggling a bit today but I think I'm just tired from being around so many people over the last few days. Link to comment
katara42 Posted December 31, 2016 Author Share Posted December 31, 2016 Day 18 - friend called last night and now I have some plans for new years. Which is really helpful. Other than that, I try to remember to stay in the moment. I have a fun busy household chore kind of day ahead of me Link to comment
aloneindian Posted December 31, 2016 Share Posted December 31, 2016 Everyone, I broke up with my ex on Tuesday beacuse of his repeated cheatings and lyings yet found myself begging him to take me back till yesterday night. So today is my day 1 of no contact.When I wake up tomorrow morning it will start day 2. I have been trying to keep myself away from not writing emails to him as I have been blocked by him on Facebook messenge/whatsapp/instagram. I pray to God to give me strength to get over this guy fast. I have a new job to join on 1st February and hopefully I am not affected there because of this. Really scared of getting fired even. Link to comment
katara42 Posted December 31, 2016 Author Share Posted December 31, 2016 Everyone, I broke up with my ex on Tuesday beacuse of his repeated cheatings and lyings yet found myself begging him to take me back till yesterday night. So today is my day 1 of no contact.When I wake up tomorrow morning it will start day 2. I have been trying to keep myself away from not writing emails to him as I have been blocked by him on Facebook messenge/whatsapp/instagram. I pray to God to give me strength to get over this guy fast. I have a new job to join on 1st February and hopefully I am not affected there because of this. Really scared of getting fired even. All the best to you! You can do it, but it will be hard at first. I know I still struggle, but I also know it could not have continued with him. I don't have any advice, there is wonderful advice all over this site. Except to say that all we have is "right now". What's past is past, and the future hasn't happened. This is a journey you take alone, with support from your friends and the strangers here. Time does dull the ache. Link to comment
GeekLover Posted December 31, 2016 Share Posted December 31, 2016 One day at a time. Cry, vent here or to friends, seek professional help if you need to, write letters to him (but don't send them), read up on articles to help you understand your feelings better right now, pick up some new hobbies (or perhaps old ones you may have ditched while you were dating your ex). Pretty soon the fog will dissipate and you will begin to see things more clearly. You don't have to stop loving him, but take comfort in the fact that NC is best for both of you to recover from a highly emotional time. Day 48 for me...trust me, it does get easier. I still think of him constantly, but I am no longer in pain. My best advice: Allow yourself to feel all the emotions that come with the break up - sadness, anger, guilt, betrayal, confusion...whatever. Let them roll through you like waves on a beach. Slowly but surely they will settle. Link to comment
aloneindian Posted January 1, 2017 Share Posted January 1, 2017 My day 2 of NC starts today.It is so hard though. I have been thinking about him all morning since I woke up. I keep on thinking about the time we last met and think of what I could have done to have him stay in my life. Will this go away? I dont know anything now, I just want to forget him. Link to comment
katara42 Posted January 1, 2017 Author Share Posted January 1, 2017 Will this go away? I dont know anything now, I just want to forget him. Hey - yeah day 2 sucks. Each day sucks a little less. I remember hitting day 5 (the SECOND time for breakup) and thinking "is it only day 5??" But you must recognize what an untenable position you were in with that relationship. Emotion aside, the underlying current for you was pretty horrible. I hope that makes it easier. What makes it easier for me is dealing with the reality that my ex doesn't miss me a bit. I would recommend doing that. Just get that straight and the rest comes easier. Anyways I'm rambling... Happy new year to you!! Like that quote from the exotic marigold hotel movie.... Everything will be OK in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end. It's not the end Link to comment
katara42 Posted January 1, 2017 Author Share Posted January 1, 2017 Day 19 - going to konmari my books today. Lots of messages on my phone this morning, none from the ex which surprisingly was a relief. Was easy to not contact him. Things are looking up for sure Link to comment
Trinity11 Posted January 1, 2017 Share Posted January 1, 2017 I have to ask, what is konmari...I googled and found nothing much. Youre folding your books? what haha? Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.