NC log - a place to vent

[jdann]

I Love this thread Katara so thank you for sharing, it looks like you are really healing and its so good to see !

 

My break up was Start of november and we saw eachother once about 6 weeks ago. Since then I have been healing well but the other day found out through a friend she has been with her flat mate at uni for a while. A massive kick back to say the least the healing has reset Horrible finding out what she told me was lies.

 

But hey positive being at least I find out now then another few months down the line. Its gave me a bit of closure that makes me want to get over her now rather than getting back togther.

 

I hope we all get through this

[katara42]

I Love this thread Katara so thank you for sharing, it looks like you are really healing and its so good to see !

 

My break up was Start of november and we saw eachother once about 6 weeks ago. Since then I have been healing well but the other day found out through a friend she has been with her flat mate at uni for a while. A massive kick back to say the least the healing has reset Horrible finding out what she told me was lies.

 

But hey positive being at least I find out now then another few months down the line. Its gave me a bit of closure that makes me want to get over her now rather than getting back togther.

 

I hope we all get through this

 

Thanks! I am feeling better. Always a ways to go but thats true for everything. We WILL get through this.

 

Sorry to hear about the sucker punch to the heart. Those moments are the WORST. I like that you were able to find the positive side. We have no control over what happens just how we deal with it.

 

I appreciate so much that you're reading. The support and shared experiences found here has made all the difference. I hope you have a great day!

[GeekLover]

Day 68...but who's counting? Probably not him. Just found out this week he's still seeing the woman he told me he had gone out with a few times just before the split. None of this makes any sense to me. Up until the day before, he was still talking about a life with me, sleeping with me, telling me he loves me...then we have a fight and BAM! We break up over text and he sends me a goodbye email asking me to stop contacting him. 5.5 years! I keep thinking I'm going to wake up from this nightmare. I was doing so well, but just seem to be taking steps backward now. (And social media hasn't helped-I know), but even before I found out he was still seeing her, I was finding I was struggling more. I just don't know how to move forward.

[katara42]

Shocker! This morning I woke up feeling good. Like wow! What a relief. I think it's acceptance. Acceptance seems to be the key for me. The rest is all still crappy and hurts, I still have sad and angry moments but acceptance makes me feel free.

[Vivi0476]

Day 2 - I'm still sick. Still exhausted. Very weak. I must go into work today tho. Calling in is simply not an option if I want to survive just 2 days tho then I'm off for 3 days. My days off are both a blessing and a curse. I miss that mutha f-er when I'm here alone and my mind messes with me. I gott learn this shut those thoughts out. Here's to day 2

[GeekLover]

Day 70-(10 weeks)

It's amazing what a little exercise can do! I started hitting the gym again shortly after the split, but my heart wasn't in it. I barely broke a sweat. Now I'm starting to feel like me. I can almost guarantee he hasn't been trying to make any personal changes with himself. Living well really does feel good...

[katara42]

That is so true. Great reminder! I get feeling like life is crap then i go for a walk and i feel better. Course, i forget... or feel too bad to exercise.

 

My update - nothing new really going on. Im feeling pretty good the last few days. Like noticeably better, still up anddown. Have memories that hit me out of nowhere that upset me, i take a moment to feel it and just carry on once it passes. Progress.

[GeekLover]

Have memories that hit me out of nowhere that upset me, i take a moment to feel it and just carry on once it passes. Progress.

 

This exactly.

 

And this is the biggest thing I feel I can be proud about in comparison to him. I am taking my time to work on ME. To exercise, to reflect, to meet new people, to experience new things, and especially, to FEEL the pain and emptiness of our break up. Him? He had his cushion lined up just before our split and jumped to her. It's funny too...when we last spoke, he talked about how he felt he lost himself over the years and needs to find himself again, and how damaged he is. I guess he thinks he will find himself through a new relationship?

 

I can't help to think I'm starting to leave him in my dust...

[Vivi0476]

Day 3 - its my Friday. I have to remind myself to have stuff planned on my days off or I'll get into my head and mope. So I'm going to the my hound dog 🐕 and go for a ride tomorrow. Maybe we'll go find a nice dig park where she can run her short legs off and I can be distracted.

 

I will say this...I feel myself letting go. Finally. I'm in acceptance now. I feel like I'm kind of in a spot where I know this is best and its over. My good man isn't every coming back. The man that took his place is a wreck. Someone who talks a great game but scratch the surface and it all falls apart.

[sourhearts]

Day 70-(10 weeks)

It's amazing what a little exercise can do! I started hitting the gym again shortly after the split, but my heart wasn't in it. I barely broke a sweat. Now I'm starting to feel like me. I can almost guarantee he hasn't been trying to make any personal changes with himself. Living well really does feel good...

 

Wow, good on you!! I can't wait to push that far out. Your ex, like mine. Has his little cushion to lean on. Even though, "I need to be alone, waaaaa waaaaa." Like someone said in a thread to me, I do feel like I'm carrying the cross of our broken relationship and it HURTS. He has an easy distraction though. That's sick.

 

May I ask, in your 70 days of NC, has he reached out at all and you ignore?

[Quidam]

Today is hard, its been weeks since I had some free time, I miss her, I can't contact her not anymore what as been done can't be fix... well it could but that would require crazy amount of effort on her side and I have no control over this... she moved on even if its not right.

 

No contact is still healthier than running after somebody in a relationship, living with a new family under his roof.

 

Life is unfair..

[GeekLover]

May I ask, in your 70 days of NC, has he reached out at all and you ignore?

 

Nope. Not once. The last I heard from him was 70 days ago. I received a "final goodbye" email where he asked me to stop contacting him or he'd block me, along with a bunch of other BS.

 

I never replied.

[katara42]

Nope. Not once.

 

That's good! Mine has reached out twice. So much easier when he doesn't. I try to make it fun like "oh gotta block you there" lol

[katara42]

Approx one month two weeks NC

 

Woke up this morning dreaming of him. He has so sinister in the dream, doing regular things but the whole thing had an ominous air.

 

I've been remembering things about our time together, mostly times that I accepted his bs stories. They come to me in flashbacks, I feel shame, I feel hurt, and then I shake my head at how ridiculous the whole situation was, and I carry on.

 

The cool thing is I don't dwell on it, I don't fight it. It feels natural. Like the brain says "acknowledge this" - all these little things that he said didn't happen. All the times he hurt me in ways that he denied. That he wouldn't take responsibility for. The longer I'm out the more I realize that the guy just wasn't right in the head. And there was nothing I could have done about it. I'm forgiving myself.

 

I've never had a boyfriend or a breakup like this. I feel so much stronger now, more like myself. I feel good. I hope I never have to deal with him again.

[Vivi0476]

Day 4 - I've been reading about spousal abandonment today. Apparently its a fairly common thing for narcissists to do. They abandon a life to recreate a new one. I believe that is what he's done. The people he traded me in for are extremely young, no goals, no ambition so they worship him. The whole time he and I were together he'd forge these friendships only to cast them aside when they no longer suited his purpose.

 

Part of me is relieved bc I realize now that he's never coming back. Ever.

[katara42]

Day 4 - I've been reading about spousal abandonment today. Apparently its a fairly common thing for narcissists to do. They abandon a life to recreate a new one. I believe that is what he's done. The people he traded me in for are extremely young, no goals, no ambition so they worship him. The whole time he and I were together he'd forge these friendships only to cast them aside when they no longer suited his purpose.

 

Part of me is relieved bc I realize now that he's never coming back. Ever.

 

The relief that it's over is a good thing. Nice to feel something uplifting in a sea of " just happened???"

 

I haven't yet felt that relief. I still feel on edge. It will be a long time before I stop looking over my shoulder. Not every minute or anything, but today I had a msg on my voicemail at work that was a pocket dial. The song i could hear was "jennie's got a gun" and I immediately got paranoid. I know logically it wasn't him, but I felt threatened nonetheless.

 

He's not contacting me, not in any way I'm aware of. I worry for the day down the road that (if) he does. And that's just dumb of me - who cares if he does? Why waste my time? Every day I don't hear from him I feel freer. This time around the silent treatment is awesome!

 

My relief comes when I'm not thinking of him, or from thinking about something so ridiculous he did that I laugh at him. He really thought he was smarter than me when I was just over indulgent.

 

Meh I'm rambling on, sorry. I hope you are able to find some peace even if for a short time. I hope you're doing nice things for yourself. Take care, thinking of you

[Vivi0476]

Day 5 - I'm already starting to lose track of counting. This is my new normal now. If only I was back to 100% post-flu. I am better, but I am still easily fatigued.

 

I wonder if he ever thinks about me? Or if he's just relieved I'm gone? Why do I torture myself with these thoughts?

 

Today I'll hang my new pendant lamp and straighten up the house (if I don't lose strength halfway thru) and I'll read. I love to read.

 

I ask though at what point does my new normal not feel so....sad? 😢

[katara42]

Day 5 - I'm already starting to lose track of counting. This is my new normal now. If only I was back to 100% post-flu. I am better, but I am still easily fatigued.

 

I wonder if he ever thinks about me? Or if he's just relieved I'm gone? Why do I torture myself with these thoughts?

 

Today I'll hang my new pendant lamp and straighten up the house (if I don't lose strength halfway thru) and I'll read. I love to read.

 

I ask though at what point does my new normal not feel so....sad? 😢

 

Good to hear you're doing things for you.

 

For me... well I still feel sad. Last night I was really hit with memories - they seem to be coming fast and furious lately. Not memories of nice times, memories of the absolute garbage he put me through. Times he looked me in the eyes and lied. Ugh upsetting memories.

 

I do find tho that I feel more better than bad now. And tonight I've barely thought about him at all. So there you go, no rhyme or reason. I work pretty consciously at staying grounded.

 

Your brain is in chaos right now. The messed up brain chemicals calm down pretty quick, in a few weeks or so. If you think of a snow globe, all shook up - that's you brain at breakup. That's the reptilian brain telling you you're going to die. But if you wait a bit (and don't keep shaking it), everything slowly starts to settle.

 

I hate going thru all this, but I'm definitely pleased with where I am. By no means am i healed but I'm no longer feeling debilitated. It's a long and thankless road.

 

I hope this helps. We are cheering you on

[Vivi0476]

Day 6 - for some reason the realization that he's completely gone and abandoned me made me really anxious yesterday. I thought it'd make me feel better but it didn't. Which tells me I'm still in denial stage about the breakup. Don't get me wrong, I don't actually want him back...I want him to want to come back so I can reject HIM. Apparently I'm 14 years old again. In the meantime I'm doing stuff around the house, spending time with friends and talking to people I haven't heard from in almost 10 years. Today, my plan is to shower (lol yes some days I need to make a plan to get out of bed let alone shower) put on some makeup, do my hair, and go shopping for stuff I need around the house. Stuff that he'd hate. Pretty, vintage, rockabilly style stuff that he'd have vetoed if he were still here. And then I'm going to put a box of his stuff in the dumpster. If he didn't love it enough to take it with him, then it's no longer his. And this house is too small to be used as a storage shed.

[ShatteredMan]

^^Time and distance. That's really only thing that has helped me.

 

A lot of what you're saying above I felt too. Its been five months of hell on earth since she moved on with someone else a month after we broke up. The fun part is that she lived above me until two weeks ago. I couldn't help but know when the new guy was over every time.

 

I ended up spending $300K on a house to get the hell away from her. What really sucks is that I always envisioned that we would be doing these things together.

 

Now that I'm in the new place, I'm still feeling the urge to swing by the old apartment ( I still have the keys for another two weeks) just to see if the new guy is still coming over.

 

I know that its over. She never contacted me after the breakup. The urge to check out her FB page and our old parking lot is starting to subside....but its taken five months and the beginning of a new relationship to move on.

 

I was listening to Metallica's "Until It Sleeps" the other day and it sounded like the depression, anxiety and anger that I've been dealing with for the past months.

 

While I'm feeling better now, I say to all of you that are still dealing with the

 

depression

anxiety

anger

sleepless nights

days in the office where you can't concentrate on what you're doing

social events where everyone is having a good time but you

holidays and time with family where all you can think about is what your ex is doing

fighting urges to stalk them

wondering how you will ever meet someone that will fill the time and void that they used to occupy in your heart and mind

 

It gets better. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. This pain will fade and new things/people/experiences will come to you IF YOU LET THEM. I know its hard. You're only human but you're stronger than you think.

 

Do something everyday FOR YOURSELF. This doesn't mean getting drunk, high, pigging out in front of the TV, staying in bed thinking about your situation. Be better than the person you than you were -- the real person you left behind in that relationship.

 

Time and distance will only work if you do things for yourself: Get up. Go somewhere. Do something new. Talk to new people. Go to the gym. Look for a new job or place to live. Your house/apartment will turn into the prison of your mind if you let it!

 

The only person that can fix this f'd up situation is YOU. I truly was "shattered" and am turning the corner on all of this myself. You can too.

 

 

Thank you all who have helped me here. Thank you for letting me know that I wasn't the only one in pain.

[Vivi0476]

^^Time and distance. That's really only thing that has helped me.

 

A lot of what you're saying above I felt too. Its been five months of hell on earth since she moved on with someone else a month after we broke up. The fun part is that she lived above me until two weeks ago. I couldn't help but know when the new guy was over every time.

 

I ended up spending $300K on a house to get the hell away from her. What really sucks is that I always envisioned that we would be doing these things together.

 

Now that I'm in the new place, I'm still feeling the urge to swing by the old apartment ( I still have the keys for another two weeks) just to see if the new guy is still coming over.

 

I know that its over. She never contacted me after the breakup. The urge to check out her FB page and our old parking lot is starting to subside....but its taken five months and the beginning of a new relationship to move on.

 

I was listening to Metallica's "Until It Sleeps" the other day and it sounded like the depression, anxiety and anger that I've been dealing with for the past months.

 

While I'm feeling better now, I say to all of you that are still dealing with the

 

depression

anxiety

anger

sleepless nights

days in the office where you can't concentrate on what you're doing

social events where everyone is having a good time but you

holidays and time with family where all you can think about is what your ex is doing

fighting urges to stalk them

wondering how you will ever meet someone that will fill the time and void that they used to occupy in your heart and mind

 

It gets better. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. This pain will fade and new things/people/experiences will come to you IF YOU LET THEM. I know its hard. You're only human but you're stronger than you think.

 

Do something everyday FOR YOURSELF. This doesn't mean getting drunk, high, pigging out in front of the TV, staying in bed thinking about your situation. Be better than the person you than you were -- the real person you left behind in that relationship.

 

Time and distance will only work if you do things for yourself: Get up. Go somewhere. Do something new. Talk to new people. Go to the gym. Look for a new job or place to live. Your house/apartment will turn into the prison of your mind if you let it!

 

The only person that can fix this f'd up situation is YOU. I truly was "shattered" and am turning the corner on all of this myself. You can too.

 

 

Thank you all who have helped me here. Thank you for letting me know that I wasn't the only one in pain.

Thank u...hearing that there is light at the end of the tunnel does help. It truly does. I was listening to Hank 3 yesterday and so much of his crazy helbilly music has a twinge of how I feel...and how I will feel. Do you know what my biggest fear is? That once he's done running amok with these 20-somethings, and his trucks been repoed, and there's no other place to go and I'm all healed and moved on and back to the woman I was when I met him, only better bc I walked thru heck and out the other side? That he'll show up here a broken man. I won't know how to reject him at that point. That's why I think you're right...I need to move back to the city. I don't want him to find me, and his mother told me she felt he'd come looking for me once he's lost everything. Ugh.

[ShatteredMan]

Here's something worth reading on "treating the pain of a breakup".

 

I know that it doesn't give much solace while you're still in pain. For those of us that are climbing out of the ditch full of pain and anxiety and as a byproduct, rediscovering what truly great people we are (and are starting not to care that our ex's did not realize this), it kind of tells you that by doing some of these things -- you've made the right choice to leave the wreckage behind, pick yourself up and take steps down the road of life to better days and times.

 

Y'all stay strong. The light at the end of your tunnel is coming. Be ready for it.

[Angieeee]

Shatterman, reading this explains everything I'm going through. I got a promotion at work but idk if i can take it since my anxiety is really bad. This is day 11 of no contact. I broke down at work during lunch. Ugh i miss her

[Angieeee]

I really enjoyed reading your experience with no contact. My gf of 3 years dumped me July 2016. I begged and contacted her almost every week until we reconnected Aug until Jan. 4. She said she didnt love me anymore. Idk if you guys have seen 500 days of Summer but before and after the break up she would watch it almost everyday. The reason i know aftwr the break uo is because i saw it on her snapchat before she blocked me. Well idk if that helped her make her mind up but she said " i dont think you love me" i begged her for a week until her brother texted me and told me " she doesn't want you anymore, listen to what I told you in the summer and let the ship sail". I tried to deny it and texted her rigght after and she said " you have so much love to give but its not for me". I asked to call her and she said "sure" . ihad bought us tickets to a concer next month and i begged her to think about it. Then I heard someone laughing in the background. She said "no, welll i got to go I'm with my friend. Well I had ordered a band shirt from etsy and I still texted her after the phone call if she received it. She said yes! I stilll asked her if she wanted to meet me for lunch. Well lets say she read it but didnt reply. Then I started no contact and I have not heard from her. She owes me money from a concert and said she will pay me back next week. I still havent heard from her. She still views my instagram stories and has liked a fb post from a group we are both in. *sigh*

I miss her like crazy. Only good thing this week is i got a promotion at work

I'm barely on day 11 of no contact. I keep checking my texts wishing to hear from her

[Vivi0476]

Day 7 - geez I made it a whole week without trying to get a rise out of him or some answers. I know that's too much to ask.

 

While I've only been NC for 7 days he's been gone a whole month today. Its been a whole month since he decided to ball up his fist and right hook me, and ram my car into a boulder with me in it. I'm sorry I keep reliving that here but it helps me remember and keeps my anger 🔥 fiery hot. I don't want him! I don't. I want to have never met him. Here's to 1 month with him gone and 1 week with NC.