NC log - a place to vent

[Vivi0476]

Day 0 - the girl I told u guys about told me the ex has a new gf...I found her on fb and then text him to flip out on him. Now I don't want him. I know what he's about but I hurt. I hurt that I saw them together in her profile pic. I hurt that I was so easily replaced. I hurt. I feel like all this work I've done is for NOTHING. I'm so stupid....I'm so setback I might not go to work tomorrow....why do I hurt? Why do I care at all? This man is dangerous. He's her problem now. But I know she's getting that sweet kind part of him. The one I fell in love with. Also, she's older than his mother. He's 34, she's in her late 50s. Doesn't seem like his m.o. ugh why did I even listen?

[lovelyworld]

Day 0 - the girl I told u guys about told me the ex has a new gf...I found her on fb and then text him to flip out on him. Now I don't want him. I know what he's about but I hurt. I hurt that I saw them together in her profile pic. I hurt that I was so easily replaced. I hurt. I feel like all this work I've done is for NOTHING. I'm so stupid....I'm so setback I might not go to work tomorrow....why do I hurt? Why do I care at all? This man is dangerous. He's her problem now. But I know she's getting that sweet kind part of him. The one I fell in love with. Also, she's older than his mother. He's 34, she's in her late 50s. Doesn't seem like his m.o. ugh why did I even listen?

 

Ahh it's okay. I broke NC soo many times. We've all been there. It's so normal to make contact when you find out they're with someone else because it's so hurtful. I know we shouldn't care because it's over, but it still affects us. So she'll get that sweet side of him, but we all know it won't last forever, and she'll see his real side. And I find the age difference odd...does he like older women?

 

Anyway, just start again...it hurts but you know you've made progress in your almost two weeks, and you can make progress again.

[katara42]

Day 0 - the girl I told u guys about told me the ex has a new gf...I found her on fb and then text him to flip out on him. Now I don't want him. I know what he's about but I hurt. I hurt that I saw them together in her profile pic. I hurt that I was so easily replaced. I hurt. I feel like all this work I've done is for NOTHING. I'm so stupid....I'm so setback I might not go to work tomorrow....why do I hurt? Why do I care at all? This man is dangerous. He's her problem now. But I know she's getting that sweet kind part of him. The one I fell in love with. Also, she's older than his mother. He's 34, she's in her late 50s. Doesn't seem like his m.o. ugh why did I even listen?

 

The work you've done hasn't been for nothing. Letting go is a process, not an event. My heart goes out to you. You know he's a horrible person, but it still hurts.

 

She's just his next victim. She's not getting anything more real than he gave you. He still loves his addiction most.

 

I wish you strength tonight. Take care

[katara42]

And I find the age difference odd...

 

I find it odd too, esp based on his history

[lovelyworld]

Day 0 - the girl I told u guys about told me the ex has a new gf...I found her on fb and then text him to flip out on him. Now I don't want him. I know what he's about but I hurt. I hurt that I saw them together in her profile pic. I hurt that I was so easily replaced. I hurt. I feel like all this work I've done is for NOTHING. I'm so stupid....I'm so setback I might not go to work tomorrow....why do I hurt? Why do I care at all? This man is dangerous. He's her problem now. But I know she's getting that sweet kind part of him. The one I fell in love with. Also, she's older than his mother. He's 34, she's in her late 50s. Doesn't seem like his m.o. ugh why did I even listen?

 

And also, seeing your ex with a new person is the ultimate pain, #1 heartbreaking feeling...more than the breakup itself. It's what we are most afraid of, wishing it would never happen. Initially it's shocking, but you'll get used to the idea more and more. And once you get used to it, it will hurt less and less. My ex is with someone...I felt exactly the way you're feeling right now...but the idea of them it will hurt less and less each day. Now you don't need to wonder when he'll have a new gf...it happened. Now you can let go completely. She will experience all the negatives you've experienced with him.

 

I hope you feel better..much love

[Vivi0476]

That's what my bestie said she said "it can't hurt anymore than it does now. The pain only gets better after this"

[Kissa]

That's what my bestie said she said "it can't hurt anymore than it does now. The pain only gets better after this"

 

I like this one " World doesn't give a sh*t about what you going through " . No matter what, world doesn't stop, Sun is up every morning and we need to move on too, world doesn't stop cos of some idiots 🙂

[Vivi0476]

Day 1 - ground zero. Once again. I slept about 2 hours last night. I cried my face off. I am not proud of this but I text him about 10 times begging for him to get rehab and relationship counselling and come home. How embarrassing. He did what he was supposed to do and ignored me thankfully. Gosh the stupid $h*t we do when our hearts been ripped up...even if by some drunken, thoughtless, jerk.

 

This morning I'm still really upset. I dry heaved like 4 times. I'm afraid to drink my coffee but with about 2 hours of sleep I need caffeine to function.

 

This all feels like such a mess. Sorry for the incessant whining...I hurt.

[lovelyworld]

Day 1 - ground zero. Once again. I slept about 2 hours last night. I cried my face off. I am not proud of this but I text him about 10 times begging for him to get rehab and relationship counselling and come home. How embarrassing. He did what he was supposed to do and ignored me thankfully. Gosh the stupid $h*t we do when our hearts been ripped up...even if by some drunken, thoughtless, jerk.

 

This morning I'm still really upset. I dry heaved like 4 times. I'm afraid to drink my coffee but with about 2 hours of sleep I need caffeine to function.

 

This all feels like such a mess. Sorry for the incessant whining...I hurt.

 

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You're not whining, you're hurt. I know how humiliating it feels when you text so many times pouring out your heart and thoughts and also get ignored. I've done the same. But I don't regret it now because I have to get my crazy out in order to not repeat it. You'll get through this...their relationship might not even work out. Just continue healing...and I truly hope you feel better soon.

[katara42]

Day 1 - ground zero. Once again. I slept about 2 hours last night. I cried my face off. I am not proud of this but I text him about 10 times begging for him to get rehab and relationship counselling and come home. How embarrassing. He did what he was supposed to do and ignored me thankfully. Gosh the stupid $h*t we do when our hearts been ripped up...even if by some drunken, thoughtless, jerk.

 

This morning I'm still really upset. I dry heaved like 4 times. I'm afraid to drink my coffee but with about 2 hours of sleep I need caffeine to function.

 

This all feels like such a mess. Sorry for the incessant whining...I hurt.

Please don't think you're whining. Get it all out here. I wish I had advice or anything that would make you feel better, but the only way out is through. You're in my thoughts. Be gentle with yourself

[lovelyworld]

Day 7. Officially one week. I kept myself busy that I didn't get a chance to get too sad about him. But now, I'm thinking. I wonder if he'll ever text me again? What if he doesn't. Ahhh. This thought is what I want to get rid of most.

[Kissa]

Day 7. Officially one week. I kept myself busy that I didn't get a chance to get too sad about him. But now, I'm thinking. I wonder if he'll ever text me again? What if he doesn't. Ahhh. This thought is what I want to get rid of most.

 

He will, they all do at some point. Take the NC time to heal and become a bette you, so when he does contact you, to see that you were not dying without him(even if was the case, he doesn't need to know). There is nothing more attractive than a strong, confident women. You should do it for you first, but use him as a motivation, now is time to design the "dream you", take that as a task until he contacts you.( he will trust me, even if at some point you might not need it anymore)

[katara42]

Day 7. Officially one week. I kept myself busy that I didn't get a chance to get too sad about him. But now, I'm thinking. I wonder if he'll ever text me again? What if he doesn't. Ahhh. This thought is what I want to get rid of most.

I wonder all the time if I'll hear from the ex and i agree - i hate it and feel like I'm betraying myself. Ack! I know that not hearing from him is a blessing. I have made it virtually imposible for him to contact me, though i doubt he is trying (i dont mean that in a sucky way, just that im not fending off contact). Thats a whole 'nuther level of drama.

 

No, better to hear nothing. to be discarded and forgotten. Now that the drama "addiction" has worn off and i remember that i used to feel good, i really want to reclaim feeling good. It helps spur me on towards "recovery".

 

And yet, my heart beats double time when theres a knock on my door, or my neglected landline rings. I still want the satisfaction of being "the best thing that he ever lost". But, heres the thing. He doesnt think of me as the best thing. i dont even think he hates me. I think hes completely indifferent, and that stings more than being hated. I was just some interchangeable generic woman that for a while had the dubious distinction of being his main. Sigh. Just a pot, as one youtuber said. If one pots dirty they just pull out another one. I was nothing special. Thats what i struggle with the most. I meant nothing more than any other woman in his life, and he was not picky. He took anything, literally anything. Gross. What does that say about me?. To him i was the same as every other woman. Yep that gets me right in the ego. Humbling. More. I feel shamed. Embarrassed.

 

So yeah even though the proud part of me wants what it wants, validation maybe, I'm so grateful for every day i dont see or hear from him, i dont see his name, his car, i dont run into his friends, i don't know what is being said about me, nothing. i mostly wish he didnt exist.

[Vivi0476]

Day 2-went to my friends house after work last night. Her house is awesome but I have so many memories there of a better time. When we first met her/him the 4 of us were always together. Always cooking or in the back yard around the fire. He'd always toast to "his beautiful wife" when we'd pass the bottle of mead around the fire. I cried and cried and cried. It was cathartic, but I could see him everywhere. Where we sat, where we slept, where we ate. It's like I could still feel that good part of him there. That beautiful part before he started drinking. When we were still in love. It kills me to think she's getting that good part of him. I drank tea with my friend, who coincidentally, is broken up with her man currently. Having my friend helped. So the 4 of us are fractured...we're down to 2 women drinking tea and crying and romanticizing our previous relationships. I know what we're doing. We're living in the past, not reality. But I need to mourn him as if he died. I need to mourn the ghost of our relationship. Today I hurt again. Not as much as yesterday when I found out about his new gf...but I hurt.

[lovelyworld]

He will, they all do at some point. Take the NC time to heal and become a bette you, so when he does contact you, to see that you were not dying without him(even if was the case, he doesn't need to know). There is nothing more attractive than a strong, confident women. You should do it for you first, but use him as a motivation, now is time to design the "dream you", take that as a task until he contacts you.( he will trust me, even if at some point you might not need it anymore)

 

See the thing is it was an on and off relationship for 2.5 years, and this has been the longest break between us. and this was the most humiliating break for me because I actually wanted him back. it's really over, i believe so with all of my heart. but I just wonder if he'll ever contact again? I suppose I just want to know that he has thought of me, even if we do not get back together. I don't want to be the first to make contact ever again. I honestly think on and off relationship breakups are the worst because you keep comparing every breakup to the last one and in your head you think it will workout, and when you realize wow it's really over, it hits you hard. Like how come he doesn't want me back this time and blah blah? it's so unhealthy. The longer this NC is going to keep going, the more I'm unlikely to forgive him for letting it end this way.

 

But I'm working on me. I feel calmer. I don't really get the urge to message him at all because I've said enough and got my crazy out. But I do get emotional thinking about if I'll never hear from again and that he seems really happy.

[lovelyworld]

I wonder all the time if I'll hear from the ex and i agree - i hate it and feel like I'm betraying myself. Ack! I know that not hearing from him is a blessing. I have made it virtually imposible for him to contact me, though i doubt he is trying (i dont mean that in a sucky way, just that im not fending off contact). Thats a whole 'nuther level of drama.

 

No, better to hear nothing. to be discarded and forgotten. Now that the drama "addiction" has worn off and i remember that i used to feel good, i really want to reclaim feeling good. It helps spur me on towards "recovery".

 

And yet, my heart beats double time when theres a knock on my door, or my neglected landline rings. I still want the satisfaction of being "the best thing that he ever lost". But, heres the thing. He doesnt think of me as the best thing. i dont even think he hates me. I think hes completely indifferent, and that stings more than being hated. I was just some interchangeable generic woman that for a while had the dubious distinction of being his main. Sigh. Just a pot, as one youtuber said. If one pots dirty they just pull out another one. I was nothing special. Thats what i struggle with the most. I meant nothing more than any other woman in his life, and he was not picky. He took anything, literally anything. Gross. What does that say about me?. To him i was the same as every other woman. Yep that gets me right in the ego. Humbling. More. I feel shamed. Embarrassed.

 

So yeah even though the proud part of me wants what it wants, validation maybe, I'm so grateful for every day i dont see or hear from him, i dont see his name, his car, i dont run into his friends, i don't know what is being said about me, nothing. i mostly wish he didnt exist.

 

I feel the same way you're feeling. I really do feel that we were addicted to the drama. I was so addicted to my on and off relationship that I knew we'd get back together and then breakup again. For 2.5 years, that was my life...and I was used to it. And now, for the first in a long time...it's just calm.

 

and ah...you definitely hit a spot there saying that he doesn't even hate you, he's just indifferent. I feel my ex is the same way now. He's just indifferent. Like a robot, honestly. Any type of emotion is usually a good thing. I wish he hated me. I can't wait until I feel indifferent towards him. There are some moments I dislike him...but never hate.

 

I'm relating to so much to what you're saying about your ex. By now, I only want to hear from him just so I know I mattered to him. That he still thinks about me. That I really was special to him. And my ex was picky and not picky at the same time. He loved attention from girls. When I first met him, I was so confident in myself....right then and there I thought to myself "why is this guy flirting with me, he's not even my type...I'm out of his league" haha...I just knew I was too good for him. He knew it too. But bam, he charmed me. I loved him so much. He was afraid of losing me...he'd always show me off to everyone, he'd say all the sweetest things, he'd get worried when I got mad that I'd leave. Then the first time he broke up with me, I was shocked. I thought the ball was in my court this whole time...after that I just became weak to his games. I fell hard for him. We broke up and got back together, and again and again. It was alll soooo stupid. Every time we got back together, I wondered when we'd break up again. I had 0 trust in him. I knew he'd talk to other girls behind me. He was just a flirt. Can't be stopped. I miss when he used to wonder if I'd be talking to other guys, but after he became sure I was too loyal, he got too comfortable. Idk why I'm saying all of this...I guess it bothers me that at first I didn't even want him, and now he's the one who feels indifferent about me.

 

Now I believe I was nothing special to him. I was just an experiment. Now he's chasing another girl. I do think our ego is bruised here. I just want to know I mattered. But I know hearing from him isn't going to bring the satisfaction that I want to feel. I feel so stupid that I feel weak. He really changed me, and not for the better.

 

But every NC day that goes by, I feel myself getting back to the girl I used to be before him. If only there was a way we can get rid of that time period with our exes and all of the memories! IF ONLY. ah.

[GeekLover]

Day 82...

Still going...still hate it every day, but still going. I've had 2 dates so far, and another one this weekend. They just make me feel worse, but at least I'm trying to move forward. It's going to be a really long time before I can give myself to anyone again.

[lovelyworld]

Ah day 8 is over. I'm getting the urge to message him right now, I haven't had the urge to message him at all in the past 8 NC Days. But tonight...so many feelings. so I decided to get on here instead. I was going to send "hey. Thinking of you. Hope you're doing well."

 

Someone give me reasons to not message him again..not tonight, not tomorrow, not anytime soon. I'm afraid I'll have my weak moment.

[Kissa]

Ah day 8 is over. I'm getting the urge to message him right now, I haven't had the urge to message him at all in the past 8 NC Days. But tonight...so many feelings. so I decided to get on here instead. I was going to send "hey. Thinking of you. Hope you're doing well."

 

Someone give me reasons to not message him again..not tonight, not tomorrow, not anytime soon. I'm afraid I'll have my weak moment.

Think that by messaging him you give him the though he has "power" over you, you increase his confidence level. People want what they can't have, if you're not there, unavailable, you create attraction. Don't give him the satisfaction knowing you miss him.

Give him time to miss you, to wonder what you're up to and if you moved on.

[lovelyworld]

Kissa, I know you're right, but it's so damn hard tonight. but by nc, I swear it's working in his favor...I'm wondering what he's up to and if he's really moved on completely and if he thinks of me.

but I'm not going to do it. No.

[Vivi0476]

Kissa, I know you're right, but it's so damn hard tonight. but by nc, I swear it's working in his favor...I'm wondering what he's up to and if he's really moved on completely and if he thinks of me.

but I'm not going to do it. No.

Yes...I'm struggling with NC too bc I feel like he's just getting off the hook and getting everything he wants.

[lovelyworld]

Yes...I'm struggling with NC too bc I feel like he's just getting off the hook and getting everything he wants.

 

Girl it's hard. Easy for them. And on top of it all I'm on my period (sorry if TMI) so my emotions are out of this world this week..I get emotional every day.

Btw I picked up the book you told me about..so far it's nice. Also, I've been listening to this song "I wish I could break your heart" by cassadee pope. I relate to it so much. It does the thinking for me that I don't overthink while listening to it.

[Kissa]

Kissa, I know you're right, but it's so damn hard tonight. but by nc, I swear it's working in his favor...I'm wondering what he's up to and if he's really moved on completely and if he thinks of me.

but I'm not going to do it. No.

 

Of course he is thinking, he is a human too, it's natural. And more space you'll give him, more he'll think, as he is expecting you to contact him, shoke him and don't do it.

My ex contacted me on day 17th of NC, so keep it going girl.

If you want and have time watch her videos, she helped me lots, she's very genuine, not like all other youtubers that just wanna sell their BS programs.

 

 

Chin up , girl!!!💪🏻

[Vivi0476]

Of course he is thinking, he is a human too, it's natural. And more space you'll give him, more he'll think, as he is expecting you to contact him, shoke him and don't do it.

My ex contacted me on day 17th of NC, so keep it going girl.

If you want and have time watch her videos, she helped me lots, she's very genuine, not like all other youtubers that just wanna sell their BS programs.

 

 

Chin up , girl!!!💪🏻

Ha! I love this girls YouTube channel I just subscribed. I think I'll watch these everytime I consider breaking NC.

[Kissa]

Ha! I love this girls YouTube channel I just subscribed. I think I'll watch these everytime I consider breaking NC.

 

This is the best video, to be honest I watched it every day during 2 weeks, helped me going through NC