NC log - a place to vent

[Vivi0476]

Day 11 - the amount of money I've saved since he's been gone has been incredible. Quite the testament to how expensive the bar life is. I could have been even more frugal and saved more. I'll try more frugality next week just to see, but I digress.

 

I feel myself growing away from him. Quickly. Initially I thought "omg this is going to take months/even years". Turns out it takes approximately 5 weeks to begin the process. I can't wait to see where I am at 10 weeks.

[katara42]

Vivi - this made me smile

 

Today I reclaimed my yoga practice. I'm not so bendy anymore but I'm feeling great.

[Vivi0476]

Vivi - this made me smile

 

Today I reclaimed my yoga practice. I'm not so bendy anymore but I'm feeling great.

I, too, am going to do some yoga. There's a new yoga gym opening next to my salon and I'm going to join. I was never bendy. Even after 2 years of daily yoga I'm too stumpy lol. But I loved it

[Vivi0476]

Day 12- I think I'm grinding my teeth at night while I sleep bc of anxiety. I wake up every day with a wicked headache.

 

Last night at about 9 I hear (what I thought was) his truck. Its dark and I can't see but the dogs start going bat shizz. Instead of being a little anxious but ready to talk, I grab my pepper spray and baseball bat and call the police. I had to call them back bc it wasn't him (thankfully). What I realized from that, was just that one night of being knocked out and having him bash my car into that rock with me in it while telling me he was going to kill me, frightened me enough that I don't ever want to see him again. I was shaking, I could hardly breathe, I put the dogs in the bedroom so he couldn't hurt them. When I think of him today I feel NOTHING but horror that he'll show back up and want to come back. I need to move.

[lovelyworld]

Today is day 5 NC for me, I don't know how I feel yet. But knowing you guys have made well past day 5 gives me hope. I was watching funny couple facebook videos last night, and it made me miss him so much. I'm nervous that I'll reach two weeks without getting a message from him as usual before. I'm nervous this will be really it. I'm afraid I'll be forgotten by him. But I hope I hope that in 2 weeks, I will care less about him contacting me.

[Vivi0476]

Today is day 5 NC for me, I don't know how I feel yet. But knowing you guys have made well past day 5 gives me hope. I was watching funny couple facebook videos last night, and it made me miss him so much. I'm nervous that I'll reach two weeks without getting a message from him as usual before. I'm nervous this will be really it. I'm afraid I'll be forgotten by him. But I hope I hope that in 2 weeks, I will care less about him contacting me.

He has not forgotten you. Nor will he. I think a lot of times they don't reach out from guilt. Breathe, go for a walk, or go buy yourself something pretty. Read (I'm reading warrior goddess training and its helping with me getting in touch with myself again). Live. Remember to live.

[lovelyworld]

He has not forgotten you. Nor will he. I think a lot of times they don't reach out from guilt. Breathe, go for a walk, or go buy yourself something pretty. Read (I'm reading warrior goddess training and its helping with me getting in touch with myself again). Live. Remember to live.

 

The fact that I think he's seeing someone is making me think he has forgotten me. Ahh, thank you for the response. I shouldn't go buy something pretty for myself lol, I have abused the retail therapy pass already! I was thinking of picking up a book to read, not a novel, but maybe a self-help book to feel better. I'll go look around today

[Vivi0476]

The fact that I think he's seeing someone is making me think he has forgotten me. Ahh, thank you for the response. I shouldn't go buy something pretty for myself lol, I have abused the retail therapy pass already! I was thinking of picking up a book to read, not a novel, but maybe a self-help book to feel better. I'll go look around today

I'm reading 2. The one I mentioned above, and The Universe Has Your Back. Honestly they seem to say the same stuff...but it helps when those negative thoughts creep in. Again, remember to live (I say this too myself all the time now and its helping me).

[katara42]

Day 12- I think I'm grinding my teeth at night while I sleep bc of anxiety. I wake up every day with a wicked headache.

 

Last night at about 9 I hear (what I thought was) his truck. Its dark and I can't see but the dogs start going bat shizz. Instead of being a little anxious but ready to talk, I grab my pepper spray and baseball bat and call the police. I had to call them back bc it wasn't him (thankfully). What I realized from that, was just that one night of being knocked out and having him bash my car into that rock with me in it while telling me he was going to kill me, frightened me enough that I don't ever want to see him again. I was shaking, I could hardly breathe, I put the dogs in the bedroom so he couldn't hurt them. When I think of him today I feel NOTHING but horror that he'll show back up and want to come back. I need to move.

 

What an awful feeling. I would have done the same thing. Are you thinking of seriously moving? You did nothing to deserve feeling afraid.

 

I remember reading somewhere that feeling afraid is totally normal after. I feel afraid sometimes and so far there has been no reason for me to feel like that.

 

Onward we trudge.

[katara42]

Today is day 5 NC for me, I don't know how I feel yet. But knowing you guys have made well past day 5 gives me hope. I was watching funny couple facebook videos last night, and it made me miss him so much. I'm nervous that I'll reach two weeks without getting a message from him as usual before. I'm nervous this will be really it. I'm afraid I'll be forgotten by him. But I hope I hope that in 2 weeks, I will care less about him contacting me.

I remember day 5 being one of the worst lol. It does get better. Cyber hugs, keep posting.

[Vivi0476]

What an awful feeling. I would have done the same thing. Are you thinking of seriously moving? You did nothing to deserve feeling afraid.

 

I remember reading somewhere that feeling afraid is totally normal after. I feel afraid sometimes and so far there has been no reason for me to feel like that.

 

Onward we trudge.

Yes I'm really considering it. It's just so insanely expensive where I live right now with the population explosion I don't know if I can afford it. I don't want to be house poor. But last night with my heart in my throat wondering what was going to come walking thru that door really scared me.

[lovelyworld]

I'm reading 2. The one I mentioned above, and The Universe Has Your Back. Honestly they seem to say the same stuff...but it helps when those negative thoughts creep in. Again, remember to live (I say this too myself all the time now and its helping me).

 

I'll definitely read one of those. I just got done working out, and every song that came on pandora reminded me of him. Doesn't matter if it was a happy song or not, it's like I related every song to him. I will remember to live. It's not fair he's living his life happily while I'm sitting here writing about him...

 

thanks, much love

[lovelyworld]

I remember day 5 being one of the worst lol. It does get better. Cyber hugs, keep posting.

 

Yes today isn't good...i creeped on his facebook page..seeing that he's fine made me feel like I'm soo behind. How is he okay? How is he not hurting? How is he not thinking of me?

But you know, at least seeing how happy and fine he looks motivates me more to keep NC, despite it getting to me

[theanongirl89]

1 year since he broke up with me. 8 months of NC at all.

 

It's so hard. I still miss him. Why is it so hard while he's happy? I truly loved him with all of me. I had two dates but I just... I can't. I don't feel like it, guys.

 

He's also been a year with his new girlfriend. I just... I just feel alone with all these memories, while he's truly truly happy and I'm miserable.

 

Is it crazy I'm still hurting this much?

[Vivi0476]

1 year since he broke up with me. 8 months of NC at all.

 

It's so hard. I still miss him. Why is it so hard while he's happy? I truly loved him with all of me. I had two dates but I just... I can't. I don't feel like it, guys.

 

He's also been a year with his new girlfriend. I just... I just feel alone with all these memories, while he's truly truly happy and I'm miserable.

 

Is it crazy I'm still hurting this much?

I don't believe there's a right or wrong way to mourn. I do think maybe some therapy could help tho.

[theanongirl89]

I don't believe there's a right or wrong way to mourn. I do think maybe some therapy could help tho.

 

I tried therapy for 4 months and it really helped. I will go again as soon as I can, but in fact I have good days... Today it's a bad day because it was 1 year since everything happened.

[Vivi0476]

Day 13- almost to that 2 week mark. I covered up his name yesterday. I had his name just kinda tiny behind my ear. Its something we did on our wedding day (he has mine on his wedding ring finger. I assume its been burnt off by now) but I covered it yesterday. It hurt like a mofo but now it feels good...the sting will go away just like the bad memories of him.

 

A couple of days ago his buddy that he's been running amok with broke up with his girl who's 7 months pregnant! His reasoning...he's been effing up so bad he doesn't want to drag her and their daughter thru that. She contacted me bc she knows of course that we split up. I told her that they were going to land in prison together and that he did her a favor. She's so young, and scared. I wish I could say something to make her feel better. I told her about this place and NC. We'll see if she shows up here. Poor thing.

[lovelyworld]

Day 13- almost to that 2 week mark. I covered up his name yesterday. I had his name just kinda tiny behind my ear. Its something we did on our wedding day (he has mine on his wedding ring finger. I assume its been burnt off by now) but I covered it yesterday. It hurt like a mofo but now it feels good...the sting will go away just like the bad memories of him.

 

A couple of days ago his buddy that he's been running amok with broke up with his girl who's 7 months pregnant! His reasoning...he's been effing up so bad he doesn't want to drag her and their daughter thru that. She contacted me bc she knows of course that we split up. I told her that they were going to land in prison together and that he did her a favor. She's so young, and scared. I wish I could say something to make her feel better. I told her about this place and NC. We'll see if she shows up here. Poor thing.

 

Congrats on almost hitting the two week mark! And I'm glad you got his name covered...it doesn't deserve a place.

 

And wow, your ex's friend sucks. I hope the girl is coping well...I'm sure it's so much harder when you have this responsibility coming your way and and dealing with breakup. Hope she joins this place to talk about her feelings.

[lovelyworld]

Today is day 6 NC. 1st day of Feb, two weeks till valentine's lol. He'll probably celebrate it with the girl he's talking to. I keep thinking of how we met...was getting me down. Songs get me down too. But over all, today so far is not so bad. Going to hit 7 days tomorrow, one week, yay.

[Vivi0476]

Today is day 6 NC. 1st day of Feb, two weeks till valentine's lol. He'll probably celebrate it with the girl he's talking to. I keep thinking of how we met...was getting me down. Songs get me down too. But over all, today so far is not so bad. Going to hit 7 days tomorrow, one week, yay.

I know that feeling. I'm sure mine will be celebrating with some new chick. Here's the thing...how are you going to celebrate? I'm going to go to a painting class where they serve drinks and teach u to paint a picture. Start planning something just for u. Maybe something u like doing that he hated?

[lovelyworld]

I know that feeling. I'm sure mine will be celebrating with some new chick. Here's the thing...how are you going to celebrate? I'm going to go to a painting class where they serve drinks and teach u to paint a picture. Start planning something just for u. Maybe something u like doing that he hated?

 

Ooo, your valentine's day actually sounds fun! I have nothing planned, I just want that to pass like the wind. Before my relationship with him, I used to buy presents for everyone in my family to feel the love. I might do that.

[katara42]

I've lost count again.

 

Been up and down the last little bit. Yoga releases all sorts of stuff. I keep returning to the same feelings and thoughts, but each time I'm more detached and it hurts less. Like an upward spiral - still circling the same ground but further away with each pass.

 

Dating doesn't interest me right now, but I haven't met anyone.

 

Valentine's day is coming up - again no fond memories to make me feel bad. He never did anything for special days. Usually would pick a fight right before and disappear. Christmas, birthdays, etc. I'll be with some old friends for a birthday on the 14th and that will be just what the doctor ordered.

 

My stage right now is wishing I'd never met him. I can't feel zen about it, no "people come to teach us lessons". Not feeling it. I wish I'd never heard of him.

[lovelyworld]

Like an upward spiral - still circling the same ground but further away with each pass.

 

Ahh I love this line.

 

And I also wish I'd never met my ex. I was mentally and emotionally better before I met him. I was a different person. So calm and collected. I loved life. I was positive. I had this inner peace. I was bubbly, happy and outgoing. Now I'm trying to get back to my old self. That's what I keep thinking every time I get sad he's not in my life anymore.

[CrossX96]

Ahh I love this line.

 

And I also wish I'd never met my ex. I was mentally and emotionally better before I met him. I was a different person. So calm and collected. I loved life. I was positive. I had this inner peace. I was bubbly, happy and outgoing. Now I'm trying to get back to my old self. That's what I keep thinking every time I get sad he's not in my life anymore.

 

Feeling this EXACTLY right now.

[lovelyworld]

Feeling this EXACTLY right now.

 

Well then, I have hope we will both gravitate back to our old selves the longer they are out our lives. If we were amazing people before they got in the pic, then we can be in the near future without them. It's so hard, and I'm not one to talk because I do miss the memories with my ex. But I miss myself more than I miss him.