Some Words of Encouragement

[moodindigo91]

So, my ex and I, as many of you know, were still in contact after I moved. The first week, we were still going to "try" but it turned out to be a bunch of hours-long arguments because he was so mad that I left. This continued into the second week and in the third week he decided he was going to change massively and try to win be back (at this point I had given up). He kept saying he would be the man he needed me to be, and uplift me, and that he was sorry for everything he's done in the past and if he could have just one more chance he would prove to me he could be everything I ever wanted. He sent me flowers and chocolate to my job. I agreed to see him last night, we went for drinks and had a nice time. In the evening, I told him again that I wasn't in love with him and didn't want to be in a relationship right now, I had to watch as he cried uncontrollably. He keeps saying the pain is unbearable. We decided to go no contact. Today is the first day.

 

I am absolutely heartbroken after seeing his face...

 

As an aside, do you guys remember the old neighbor-friend who I hadn't talked to since the move? My last post was about possibly reaching out to him, but everyone was rightly very against it and I decided not to, and moved on surprisingly quickly from the momentary lapse of judgment. He texted me yesterday. I just thought I'd share that bit of irony.

[DancingFool]

Ah the crocodile tears. Hey you remember that you broke up and lived there for another year. He had a YEAR to prove himself, etc, blah, blah, blah. Remember what finally prompted you to move out? He started seeing someone else. Poor poor heartbroken guy.....mmmm yeah right.....more like poor guy who suddenly found himself alone as you finally wised up and left and the new girl kicked him to the curb faster than anticipated. Turns out dating sucks, he is not quite as desirable as he thought, and so why not try running to your ex and seeing if you can sucker her back in? That's all he really did here.

 

For the love of......stay NC forever with him. He was never worth what you put yourself through and talk about being taken for granted and taken for a fool. Yikes. If I were you, I'd be a little mad at him and also at myself for being so afraid to leave him......and turns out that life is actually quite good without him.

[moodindigo91]

 

For the love of......stay NC forever with him. He was never worth what you put yourself through and talk about being taken for granted and taken for a fool. Yikes. If I were you, I'd be a little mad at him and also at myself for being so afraid to leave him......and turns out that life is actually quite good without him.

 

Ah, DancingFool, I can always count on your for the right words. I am a little mad at myself, and I'm still even more mad at myself for still trying to jump in and be the savior he's projecting me to be. My friend says I have a "bleeding heart." But you are right, I was taken for granted all that time, he had so many chances to prove himself and failed each time. I should feel like a weight has been lifted.

[WithLove]

It's hard to break it off with someone that you've had a life with, even if you're not in love with him anymore. I did the same thing you did with my first ex. I did feel relief initially, but it hit me hard afterwards that it really had ended.

 

Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. Feelings these things is absolutely necessary to heal. Stay away from neighbor guy - it's too soon. Love yourself first.

[reinventmyself]

Ah, DancingFool, I can always count on your for the right words. I am a little mad at myself, and I'm still even more mad at myself for still trying to jump in and be the savior he's projecting me to be. My friend says I have a "bleeding heart." But you are right, I was taken for granted all that time, he had so many chances to prove himself and failed each time. I should feel like a weight has been lifted.

 

You didn't come this far to end up in another bad situation.

You need to develop an aversion to this stuff. . .Unless you want another bad trip around the block.

Take your time. Get stronger. Make better choices.

[DancingFool]

Ah, DancingFool, I can always count on your for the right words. I am a little mad at myself, and I'm still even more mad at myself for still trying to jump in and be the savior he's projecting me to be. My friend says I have a "bleeding heart." But you are right, I was taken for granted all that time, he had so many chances to prove himself and failed each time. I should feel like a weight has been lifted.

 

It has! Consider this is also why we are always telling people to wrap up all business and go NC after that. The ex's always know how to push our buttons and we all have a bit of a bleeding heart in us, sooooo NC is for your personal protection from further use by the ex. When in doubt, just remind yourself - he had a YEAR, a whole YEAR to turn that ship around and how did he do it? Well he started seeing someone else. He ain't worth another thought from you and you aren't going to be his go to gal every single time his new flame doesn't work out. Yuck.

[boltnrun]

Yeah, yeah. Every time my ex fights with his current girlfriend (the one he dumped me for), he contacts me. I am the ONLY one who really understands him and he LOVES me!!! Wants to SEE me! BS.

 

Don't buy it. Like the others said, he had an entire year to make changes and he CHOSE not to. Of course, he didn't believe you'd ever leave because you stayed for a year. Plus, after you left you slept over and kept seeing him.

 

Now it's real, and he is starting to believe you maybe aren't going to be available to him whenever he's between other women. And he wants you to be available when he's between other women. It's all about him.

 

How about stopping all contact and not dating him anymore? If you don't love him and don't want to be with him, continuing to see him will ensure you'll NEVER meet anyone else, because what decent man would want to be with a woman who's still dating her ex?