Becoming friends with benefits with your ex?

[Sarahjb]

I'm not the type of person that would hook up with random people because I feel like that would be really uncomfortable. but I miss having some kind of intimacy in my life. The sex with my ex was always great so I thought why not?

I don't feel like I have any attachment to my ex anymore and I feel like I could do it without feelings coming back. After the break up he always tried to stay in my life as friends and still acted really caring and would ask me about my life. Give me advice about my problems ect and I know he would always be up for being friends with benefits because the attraction is still there the relationship just ened because we weren't compatable in other aspects but we still really cared about each other.

 

So I brought up the idea and he was up for it just like I knew he would be but ever since I mentioned it he has completely changed his tone with me. He dosnt ask me about my day or act caring. He was alot more friendly before. Now everytime were texting it's always about sex. I feel like he talks to me like I'm an object and it bothers me. Did he just lose all respect for me ever since I brought this up? I know its only sex and I never wanted it to lead to anything more but I don't just want to feel like an object either. I thought it was supposed to be friends with benefits not just "benefits". He's acting like a completely different person.

 

By the way i recently started seeing somebody else anyway that didn't work out. But while I was seeing the other guy my ex screenshot a picture of me with the other guy and sent it to me and start making fun of the other guy and he also mentioned how I'm only contacting him for sex now to fill a void because the other guy is gone. Could he be feeling bitter about that? He broke up with me so I don't see why he would care .

[Sarahjb]

Also just to add we haven't actually had sex yet we just talked about it but I'm seriously rethinking the whole idea now

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately sometimes you get exactly what you ask for. What's wrong with dating someone/looking for a real relationship rather than random hookups?

I brought up the idea and he was up for it. Now everytime were texting it's always about sex.

[Gary Snyder]

Those half-baked relationships are usually more trouble than they are worth. I would not do it.

[MrBean]

maybe before he was just trying to be friendly as he was in a relationship. get your expectations straight. the "friendship" boat has sailed, theres not going back to it now. friends with benefits is more of a "benefits" only.

 

if you want sex, why do you care how he behaves otherwise. if you dont it, just move on.

[DancingFool]

Friends with benefits.....it's not really about being friends it's about no strings attached sex and yes, it's just about sex.

 

Anyway, he is clearly not over you and was probably hoping for a reconciliation, but since you just offered sex with nothing else, yeah, he took the boyfriend benefits off the table. Not sure why that's a surprise.....

 

Honestly, fwb with a recent ex is about the worst idea ever. It's extraordinarily rare that both people are totally over each other and not interested in getting back together. There are all kinds of hurts, emotions, etc going on and they are going to be volatile. If you dumped him, then expect some serious retaliation in some form or another. Think about what you are doing to them - "hey I don't think you are relationship worthy, but I'd like to use you in lieu of a dildo". How on earth can you expect the other person to think that's cool and still treat you well?

[j.man]

I refuse to believe you thought this through and in the end up came up with "great idea."

 

This was never about FWB. This is using sex as a tool to get back together.

[Sarahjb]

I just don't understand why his while attitude has changed. He went from being really sweet and caring after the break up always checking up and wanting to see how I'm doing . Asking about my family would always bring up inside jokes and send me memes. Now anytime we talk about somthing other than sex he seems not interested and leave the conversation and he talks to me in a way I find very degrading.

[Sarahjb]

Dancingfool he ended it not me and we broke up months ago.

[Wiseman2]

Because you introduced the topic and he would rather have sex than be your male gal-pal or be in the friendzone. When you breakup, breakup and go no contact.

I just don't understand why his while attitude has changed. Now anytime we talk about somthing other than sex

[Sarahjb]

Because you introduced the topic and he would rather have sex and be your male gal-pal or be in the friendzone. When you breakup, breakup and go no contact.

 

 

 

I never asked for him to be my gal pal he was the one who always wanted that and would try to talk to me more than I would try to talk to him.

[DancingFool]

Dancingfool he ended it not me and we broke up months ago.

 

OK....even more simple. FWB = no strings attached sex. Since you showed willing, he doesn't need to be nice to you anymore, now it's just about sex. Why is this confusing to you? Do you really expect him to treat you like a gf and be all nice to you? Come on.

[Sarahjb]

No I never expected anything from him but he was the one who always put the effort to be in my life after the break up I guess I'm just surprised at how his attitude has changed dramatically

[Wiseman2]

Maybe he wanted a f buddy all along and that was the only reason he keep in touch. So now he has that he doesn't have to pretend he really cares anymore. If he really cared he wouldn't have broken up, right?

 

Don't suggest sex as a tool to get him back...you'll get sex back but not him. In all that time he was pretending to care did he ever once mention getting back together?

No I never expected anything from him but he was the one who always put the effort to be in my life after the break up I guess I'm just surprised at how his attitude has changed dramatically

[DancingFool]

No I never expected anything from him but he was the one who always put the effort to be in my life after the break up I guess I'm just surprised at how his attitude has changed dramatically

 

He dumped you, so he never really cared. He only sweet talked you to set up the NSA, now that you fell for that, he won. No need to waste effort in sweet talking you, just sex.

[Sarahjb]

Maybe he wanted a f buddy all along and that was the only reason he keep in touch. So now he has that he doesn't have to pretend he really cares anymore. If he really cared he wouldn't have broken up, right?

 

Don't suggest sex as a tool to get him back...you'll get sex back but not him. In all that time he was pretending to care did he ever once mention getting back together?

 

 

 

 

 

 

I actually don't want to get back together and he dosnt either and I know for a fact nothing would come out of it and I think not relationshipsure end for lots of reasons. You don't just automatically not care about them anymore maybe you just have different wants in life. There was lots of things about us that clashed. We are opposite in alot of ways but we still cared about each other. I wouldn't want to get back together because deep down I know it wouldn't work in the long run. But maybe you're right about him trying to get sex all along. Somthing is definitely up. But I do think he's angry that I start seeing someone else otherwise he wouldn't of messaged me asking about it and saying I'm trying to use him

[greta96]

If you want to have sex, there's plenty of guys out there looking for just that. Just go on Tinder and you could have a sex partner by the end of the day.

Doing the FWB thing with your recent ex who broke up with you is just not smart. Do you enjoy being demoted? Because most people I know wouldn't, it's insulting. Like, you were not good enough for him to be in a relationship with, but you're good enough for effing?

He changed because he wanted you as a f*ck buddy all along, and he sweet talked you to get just that - which you were more than willing to consider. He no longer has to do anything boyfriend-like, and that includes telling you nice things, be there for you, ask about your day, etc. It's a wham-bang-thank you ma'am type of arrangement, and if you go through with it you'll be the one getting the short end of the stick.

 

Up to you though.

[MrBean]

But I do think he's angry that I start seeing someone else otherwise he wouldn't of messaged me asking about it and saying I'm trying to use him

 

if you are done with him, why do you care if he is angry?

 

if he is angry, wouldnt he be the one who should be telling you because he was the one who broke off?

 

if he is not, so he doesnt care, and you dont care,.....then ----

 

 

 

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[Wiseman2]

Agree. This is why it's a horrible idea to be friends with an ex. It may be better to go no contact and deal with your own real friends and start dating/looking for a relationship.

But maybe you're right about him trying to get sex all along. Somthing is definitely up

[Wolfshook]

Wow , fwb with ex is like drilling a hole in submarine. Disaster about to happen in "hold my beer" range.

 

Why dont you look up for some nice guy that will treat you propperly?

[Sarahjb]

I guess because like I said I wouldn't feel comfortable with strangers off tinder ect. I don't wanna spend my time making good akward conversation and getting to know each other. Having an ex there is just convenient. Also I don't want a relationship at the moment but I agree with what people are saying that it's a bar idea

[Wiseman2]

Then find a real bf not hookups? Why are fwb and hookups the only options for you?

I don't wanna spend my time making good akward conversation and getting to know each other.

[QWit]

You messed up. Soon as you said FWB, his friendship cap flew off. You are willing to give him a prize (free sex with no commitment and no chance of getting back together). Don't settle for that to keep this person in your life. Time for you to take some space from him because does not seem you are over him.. This is a horrible idea if it's an attempt to get him back.. Just don't do it because it will hurt worse if your feelings get stir up (and they will) and he still doesn't want to reconcile. Take some space from him.

[boltnrun]

Well, you kind of offered yourself as a sex toy, therefore he's going to treat you...like a sex toy.