I cannot read this guy

[Tanzi]

Feel for the rest of us Greta..lol. It's what you get these days for the most part.." I'm an honest guy..I want to not be exclusive or serious right away and mess about..but I'm honest right?!?"

Lord help us

 

Oh my goodness!!! OHH ...EMM GEE!!! I've just had someone send me those EXACT words ..... "I'm an honest guy"!! Along with a picture of him in his tiny pants (too small to evidently contain what is supposed to be inside the pants) and another text saying "got any sexy pictures hun"!!!!!

 

Are you stealing my honest man SherrySher?

[SherrySher]

hahaha..."date they said...it'll be fun they said".....

[Tanzi]

hahaha..."date they said...it'll be fun they said".....

 

Best time of your life, I expect!

[TiredOfDating]

It sounds like he got a lot of advice telling him to not jump into anything, take it slow etc. Which is a good thing given the history. So actually it sounds like he trying to do the 'right thing' and follow the 'right steps' when reentering dating. So even if is is really into you he probably feels he should 'take things slow',etc.

 

Perfect example: yesterday he texted me and said "I was thinking about you last night as I fell asleep. It was really nice". This would have been right after our date Wednesday night.

 

He's not one of those overtly sexual types, which is the thing I like most about him. He NEVER brings up sex, never sexualizes any conversation we have. And he's gone from saying "I'm not ready to be exclusive" to saying "I just need to move slow on commitment".

[Wiseman2]

To be honest it sounds like you are sorta in the same place as far as taking it slow. He does sound quite into you based on words/actions, however it also sounds like he's trying to do the prudent thing and protect himself from falling too fast for anyone. Thus the 'mixed signals'

he texted me and said "I was thinking about you last night as I fell asleep. It was really nice". This would have been right after our date Wednesday night. And he's gone from saying "I'm not ready to be exclusive" to saying "I just need to move slow on commitment".

[Jabron1]

Feel for the rest of us Greta..lol. It's what you get these days for the most part.." I'm an honest guy..I want to not be exclusive or serious right away and mess about..but I'm honest right?!?"

Lord help us

 

Are you having a laugh?

 

Weak guys get browbeaten into monogamy. A modern monogamy that views men as interchangeable.

 

And you want to complain about a guy that doesn't want to be immediately exclusive?

 

You really don't understand how easy you have it. The entire game is manufactured for your convenience.

 

And you still moan XD

 

Any guy with 2 braincells to rub together isn't going to be in a rush to be exclusive. And he should only consider a serious, and committed, relationship with a high-interest woman - even then marriage will be off the table.

[TiredOfDating]

so, would it be too forward to bring up the topic of being exclusive or at least asking that he not sleep with anyone?

 

I have a bad habit of worrying about other people's feelings rather than my own, and I do think he needs to know that I'm feeling some attachment and need to have some idea of where his head is. if it ends, I guess it ends.

[Wiseman2]

Absolutely have the exclusive talk if you are having sex. It's not about him it's about respecting yourself.

so, would it be too forward to bring up the topic of being exclusive or at least asking that he not sleep with anyone?

[Ms Darcy]

He's fresh out of a 16 year marriage. You better believe dude's going down his dirty bucket list.

 

Dirty, freak nasty bucket list.

[TiredOfDating]

Absolutely have the exclusive talk if you are having sex. It's not about him it's about respecting yourself.

 

and that sometimes is an area I'm lacking in....respecting myself. I do feel like he's moving towards being exclusive, just in some of the communications we've had this weekend. He's initiating contact, telling me again how much he looks forward to being with me, how much chemistry we have and how even on our first date it was there, started with the pet names in greetings "hey baby".

 

Thanks to all for the input!

[Ms Darcy]

and that sometimes is an area I'm lacking in....respecting myself. I do feel like he's moving towards being exclusive, just in some of the communications we've had this weekend. He's initiating contact, telling me again how much he looks forward to being with me, how much chemistry we have and how even on our first date it was there, started with the pet names in greetings "hey baby".

 

Thanks to all for the input!

 

It just makes me shake my head when I read stuff like this. From your posts, this is what I take away.

 

1. You two are having sex.

2. He's told you he wants to "take it slow."

3. You are REALLY hoping his intentions are aligned with what you want.

 

The biggest racket in the world, in my opinion, is the brainwashing that says "taking it slow" includes sex. If "taking it slow" includes sex, then to me it means - "I want to have sex with you but I don't want to be responsible for the emotional commitment of a relationship. In other words, I don't want you to be my gf and start nagging me like a gf would."

 

The problem here is that I think you DO want a relationship and are coming to expect that from him based on his (short-term) actions. Relationships are always risky but there are ways to decrease some risks (1, not dating someone recently out of a marriage; 2, not dating someone who says he wants to take it slow and yet still have sex; 3, not dating someone who is both #1 and #2).

 

I do hope it works out for you. But in my observation, this guy is not a good prospect for a relationship at this point.

[TiredOfDating]

we are NOT having sex. we are physical with each other though, meaning kissing, holding hands, he'll rub my leg if we are sitting next to each other, or put his arm around me and play with my hair, he'll put his arm on my back when we are walking together. He walks me to my car every time we go our separate ways.

 

he connected with me on social media, and he's not racking up a bunch of women as new friends, he maintains a very small, realistic list of connections.

 

I get that it's easy to judge it one way without being privy to our actual conversations and the situation as a whole is what people are basing their responses on. But I know the conversations we've had on why he wants to move slow etc, and yet all the little contradictions between these "taking it slow" conversations. I'm getting attached because I like who he is, what kind of person he is (which could be an act, yes) and what I've learned about him thus far.

[Ms Darcy]

we are NOT having sex.

 

Good.

 

I get that it's easy to judge it one way without being privy to our actual conversations and the situation as a whole is what people are basing their responses on. But I know the conversations we've had on why he wants to move slow etc, and yet all the little contradictions between these "taking it slow" conversations. I'm getting attached because I like who he is, what kind of person he is (which could be an act, yes) and what I've learned about him thus far.

 

I get that when people post on here, they are looking for one type of advice over another. So, as it seems in this thread, you are more inclined to agree with the opinions that he's moving towards a relationship. But either way, ToD, any opinion is based on a judgment of what you are saying. We aren't privy to the full picture because he's not posting. But from what you've posted, you are inclined to want a relationship and to believe that he wants one too.

[SoulTaker]

and that sometimes is an area I'm lacking in....respecting myself. I do feel like he's moving towards being exclusive, just in some of the communications we've had this weekend. He's initiating contact, telling me again how much he looks forward to being with me, how much chemistry we have and how even on our first date it was there, started with the pet names in greetings "hey baby".

 

You do realize that the "hey baby" could also be a way to avoid calling you by the wrong name (which can happen when dating multiple women).

 

It's obvious that he has a plan, and is executing it. Where is your plan? Are you dating casual, or for a relationship? What is your timeline for when it needs to go to the next level. When things get to the point where he's now maneuvered himself to getting you into bed, are you going to first have the talk of being "exclusive"?

 

"Respecting yourself", includes having the mindset to be in control of the situation, and being prepared to know what to do before it happens (and not regret anything afterwards).

[Sportster2005]

Men seek sex first, relationship second.

 

 

Thanks for clearing that up, I've been doing it wrong all this time.

[katrina1980]

Thanks for clearing that up, I've been doing it wrong all this time.

 

Just my experience and also having five brothers helps me put stuff in perspective too.

 

But of course there are always exceptions.

[youareworthy]

Sportster,

 

Ha ha ha.

 

Ease up on the young'un, goofball! She is trying her hand at advising also.... and she doesn't have our advantage yet of being familiar with your dry humor.

 

Youareworthy

 

 

Katrina,

 

Sportster is teasing you for stating what has been obvious to most guys since puberty.

 

He knows precisely how men think about sex. He is always saying stuff like, "So I tried to get her to the next level physically. Hey, I am a guy. That's what guys do. I have to try at least." At age 54, Sportster has been around the block a time or two.

 

But you are completely right! Men and women ARE wired differently about relationships and sex. The opposite, really. It's a wonder we ever get together!

 

Youareworthy