Jenn28 Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 When I met this guy I knew that he and I were completely different. I'm more conservative and he he is definitely more rough around the edges (to say the least) trying to make this as short as possible! I've known him since 2010 and we were dating but we sort of drifted apart in around 2013 after I found out that he had a baby on the way AND girlfriend without telling me. but we recently "rekindled" about 6 months ago and everything was going well. Well in May, I found out via Facebook that he had slept with his child's mother and I was very upset with him for a while. But silly me, I took him back after that. But around this time though I was becoming more and more emotionally distant because it's hard to me to forget that sort of thing. And the fact that he doesn't want to change as a person makes it no better. What I mean by that is that he hasn't had a job in YEARS, he doesn't have a car, and he would rather do low life things as opposed to being a man and taking care of his responsibilities. That is a huge problem for me amongst the fact that he slept around on me. BUT, I still took him back bc I really loved him😞 So since May, I have expressed to him many times how I felt and I have been trying to make things work with him as we are very different as I stated earlier. I work very hard everyday and take care of many responsibilities so I can't understand why a grown man can't do the same while also trying to rebuild my trust in him, so I've been distant because of these constant issues. (That was a little background on our r'ship) ...SO one day we were texting and he sent "Do you know who you're pregnant by? Tell the truth" 🤔🤔🤔 Obviously I'm not pregnant so clearly he meant to send this to someone else. Well before I could ask him about it he immediately sent another text that stated "Sorry, I meant to send that to my sister" ok! Cool beans. Although I still thought something was fishy I didn't mention it and I left it at that. I said to myself that if he wasn't being truthful it would definitely come out later. So anywho, just to be sure, I visited both his sisters' Facebook pages and there were videos of them drinking and taking shots!😳 Now at this point I know that neither one of them are pregnant and he obviously lied about trying to send that msg to one of them so who did the msg supposed to go to??!? So needless to say, I visited the page of his child's mother and what do you know, SHE IS PREGNANT. Now it makes sense. I'm sure he was trying to send her the message instead of his sisters but of course he didn't want me to know. So just by looking at her, she appears to be about 4 months preg. If that's the case then that's right around the time that I found out he and her slept together so I'm quite sure that he could be the father of this child as well. He doesn't even know that I know she is pregnant I haven't mentioned it to him because we are kinda not on speaking terms😕 Apart of me doesn't feel like it's my place to mention it anymore because I sort of broke things off with him yesterday for the other reasons but the other part of me wants to mention it because this did happen while we were together and I do sort of feel entitled to an explanation. But the thing that bothers me the most is that he didn't have enough repect for me and decency to atleast let me know that he could possible be having a child in a few months!! That's what makes me so sad. He mistakenly sent that text over a month ago so all this time we've talked and seen eachother, not once did he think he should tell me! I mean I know he may say that he didn't tell me because he didn't know if it was his or not but that's not an excuse! He knows he had sex with her around that time so he knows the possibility is there! What did he want to do, wait until the baby was born and then tell me he has a baby?!?! There's no way that he could think that would be better, no way!! I really need some advice on this, as I've stated earlier I kinda broke things off with him yesterday but I feel as thought this is a sign to just keep away from him for good. Even if the baby doesn't turn out to be his, Just the stress from this situation alone will kill me. And if it is his, that baby will be a constant reminder of his unfaithfulness and either way I can't deal with it. I really don't deserve this. I don't have any children and I'm not bringing this kind of stress and drama into his life and I really don't think he should be bringing it into mine. I know he loves me but that's just not enough. I'm concentrating on the facts and what's going on. I'm really hurt right now. I don't know whether to mention it to him or just let him continue to go about his life and I go about mine. I just don't think I can deal with it anymore. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 You may want to ask yourself it's it's worth him going back and forth like that. we sort of drifted apart in around 2013 after I found out that he had a baby on the way AND girlfriend without telling me. but we recently "rekindled" about 6 months ago and everything was going well. Well in May, I found out via Facebook that he had slept with his child's mother and I was very upset with him for a while. Link to comment
indea08 Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 1. He doesn't have a job 2. He "does low life things" (sell drugs?) 3. He doesn't have a car 4. He cheated 5. He never attempted to earn your trust back 6. He's willing to hide HIS BABY from you 7. He blatantly lied to youv(he meant to send to sister!? BS) How can you possibly stand, let alone LOVE, someone like this. Take off your rose tinted glasses and see him for the LOSER he is! Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 He lied to you about having a girlfriend and a baby on the way yet you felt it a good idea to allow him back in your life again? You thought a cheater and a liar was worth giving the time of day to? What science did he dazzle you with? Link to comment
Jenn28 Posted August 13, 2016 Author Share Posted August 13, 2016 Hello, what do you mean? You may want to ask yourself it's it's worth him going back and forth like that. Link to comment
Almira23 Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 So, what exactly is keeping you attached to this relationship? You just mentioned that he has no job, set goals, is a cheater, might have another baby on the way, cannot be trusted, and brings you emotional pain. I am really trying to figure out what's so good about him. Can you explain, besides that you love him? Link to comment
Jenn28 Posted August 13, 2016 Author Share Posted August 13, 2016 He is an all around decent guy. Now I'm not nearly as naive as I may seem to be! But I guess it's the way he makes me feel when we're together and how much he cares for me. Which I really don't think that matters at this point though because the good does NOT outweigh the bad.So, what exactly is keeping you attached to this relationship? You just mentioned that he has no job, set goals, is a cheater, might have another baby on the way, cannot be trusted, and brings you emotional pain. I am really trying to figure out what's so good about him. Can you explain, besides that you love him? Link to comment
ControlDenied Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 What does it say about you that you are attracted to this looser? Link to comment
Almira23 Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 You can always find someone, who makes you feel exactly like that maybe even better and who won't cheat on you. He seems to have a long drawn out history with his ex. Hypothetically speaking, lets say this child is his. How would you feel when he starts spending a lot of time with her, so that he can see the child? A newborn baby requires a lot of time and care. He may not spend as much time with you as he did before. What if he sleeps with his baby mother again during one of those times? You can't really say he won't do it considering it's highly probable due to his history with her. Link to comment
Almira23 Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 You may say he's a decent guy, but it's clearly evident he still cares for his ex and is not done with their relationship just yet. Link to comment
ControlDenied Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 To me it tells me that you dont value yourself enough, or that you dont believe you are worthy of a better man Link to comment
Jenn28 Posted August 13, 2016 Author Share Posted August 13, 2016 I honestly don't think he wants her I just think that it is convenient for him, to be truthful. But you are 100% right about that fact that he'd be spending a lot of time with the baby and could very well have sex with her again. I definitely don't want to have to worry about that everyday. Letting go is just really hard but I am hanging in there. So do you think I should mention it to him or just chalk it up to the break up and leave things as is?You may say he's a decent guy, but it's clearly evident he still cares for his ex and is not done with their relationship just yet. Link to comment
Jenn28 Posted August 13, 2016 Author Share Posted August 13, 2016 I value myself very much. It's just sometimes we want people to see in themselves what we see in them. & They don't always see it so things like this happen. To me it tells me that you dont value yourself enough, or that you dont believe you are worthy of a better man Link to comment
Almira23 Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 At this point, I would just let him know that you are aware that he did not tell you the truth about his ex girlfriend being pregnant. That and with him cheating on you has caused you to not to trust him anymore or feel secure in the relationship. Then I would block him and go strict no contact. Link to comment
Jenn28 Posted August 13, 2016 Author Share Posted August 13, 2016 I'll definitely give that some thought. Thank you so much you don't know how much you've helped😊At this point, I would just let him know that you are aware that he did not tell you the truth about his ex girlfriend being pregnant. That and with him cheating on you has caused you to not to trust him anymore or feel secure in the relationship. Then I would block him and go strict no contact. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 He is an all around decent guy. Now I'm not nearly as naive as I may seem to be! But I guess it's the way he makes me feel when we're together and how much he cares for me. Which I really don't think that matters at this point though because the good does NOT outweigh the bad. 1. He doesn't have a job 2. He "does low life things" (sell drugs?) 3. He doesn't have a car 4. He cheated 5. He never attempted to earn your trust back 6. He's willing to hide HIS BABY from you 7. He blatantly lied to youv(he meant to send to sister!? BS) Where is decent covered in this list? I guess you have never met a decent man. Sets your standards much higher than this loser! Link to comment
Hollyj Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 I value myself very much. It's just sometimes we want people to see in themselves what we see in them. & They don't always see it so things like this happen. That's co dependent talk! Link to comment
ControlDenied Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 Jen, run as far away as possible from this looser please! You are very lucky is not you that is pregnant. Block him from everything. Link to comment
Almira23 Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 No problem. I know it can be difficult because you have invested so much time and emotion into someone. I have been in a couple of instances like that before where I was with someone who I was nowhere near compatible with in terms of the same goals and morals. I still stuck around and put up with it only to be heartbroken in the end. It is a co dependent thing, but trust me, you will be much more happier if you walk away. When you have time to think about the relationship without your thoughts being clouded by emotion, you will then realize how no good this person is for you. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 What I mean by that is that he hasn't had a job in YEARS, he doesn't have a car, and he would rather do low life things as opposed to being a man and taking care of his responsibilities. That is a huge problem for me amongst the fact that he slept around on me. ^ What advice would you offer a friend in regards to the above? Link to comment
Jenn28 Posted August 13, 2016 Author Share Posted August 13, 2016 I would definitely tell them to run in the opposite direction ^ What advice would you offer a friend in regards to the above? Link to comment
Jenn28 Posted August 13, 2016 Author Share Posted August 13, 2016 You're so right and I'm actually seeing it for what it is! That's co dependent talk! Link to comment
Jenn28 Posted August 13, 2016 Author Share Posted August 13, 2016 Well you'd have to know him to know exactly what I mean. He's not ALL bad but the good just doesn't measure up, unfortunately. 1. He doesn't have a job 2. He "does low life things" (sell drugs?) 3. He doesn't have a car 4. He cheated 5. He never attempted to earn your trust back 6. He's willing to hide HIS BABY from you 7. He blatantly lied to youv(he meant to send to sister!? BS) Where is decent covered in this list? I guess you have never met a decent man. Sets your standards much higher than this loser! Link to comment
Hollyj Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 Two kids and this loser does not have a job! Nothing decent about that! Is that you want for yourself? Some creep that doesn't support his kids? Why do you feel you deserve so little in a man? Why not seek a trustworthy, drug-free, goal-oriented and employed partner? Why would you want someone that has nothing to offer, except other women's children and a possible jail sentence. What's attractive about this? Link to comment
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