Current boyfriend/girlfriend

[Blue Spiral]

My first girlfriend was exactly my height; my second girlfriend was a little shorter than me. I'm perfectly comfortable with women that are taller than me, but the opposite isn't true, sadly.

 

If I'm talking with a woman online, and she asks what my height is, I always tell the truth. Nine times out of ten, the woman either stops talking with me or immediately loses interest for vague reasons.

[Quidam]

Im 5"11 she was 5"4

[John John]

If I'm talking with a woman online, and she asks what my height is, I always tell the truth. Nine times out of ten, the woman either stops talking with me or immediately loses interest for vague reasons.

 

I get dates in general so it's fine. But this has happened to me before (on sites/apps where my height either wasn't explicitly listed, or they just forgot to check it, asked me, and were let down lol).

 

One girl on Tinder in her little "profile" said "every guy on this app seems so concerned with how tall she is." I wrote her and explained the good reasons that many of us guys are concerned with it. She was one of the very, very few women out there who seemed to not care.

 

Again, this is coming from someone who has been relatively successful in dating/online dating. Height is very important to many women (a lot more than many of them will care to admit). I liked the Weight Watchers commercial that looks out for us guys though 8)

 

Anyway, don't want to derail this thread, so back on topic (although I don't really think I'm off topic...).

[Snny]

I'll elaborate on this. I'm 5'5" and my fiancé is 5'2", or, as I like to call it, "jockey size".

You had me at Jockey. He must also have the skills of one as well

 

Sorry, you had it set up for me. Couldn't help it

 

 

My problem wasn't finding men insecure about their height, but I got the tall genes and it tends to intimidate guys. Not many women are above 5'7

[happpybear]

I'm 5'7" on the nose, my boyfriend is at least and inch shorter, actually I suspect that he is closer to 5'5".

 

We both don't care that I am taller. I asked him once if it bugged him that I am taller, and he said no, and that he's a leg man, so.....

 

And I don't care that he is shorter, I have always preferred men closer to my height and have never had a bf who was over 5'9".

 

I did once find lifts in my bf's dress shoes....I discovered this one day by accident. So, even though he seems cool about his height, I sometimes wonder how secure he is. And I know he has hinted in the past about women rejecting him because of his height...which incidentally worked out quite well for me

[happpybear]

I just want to know when women got so tall....lol

 

I'm of German stock, there are some tall ladies (and gents) in my family especially on my dad's side, i'm one of the shortest at 5'7" (though my mom is 5'5"). I don't know if pple are just getting taller with each generation, i'm inclined to think not because I have great aunts in their 80's, and my maternal grandmother who where always taller than me (though they are shrinking with age)

[Seraphim]

I'm of German stock, there are some tall ladies (and gents) in my family especially on my dad's side, i'm one of the shortest at 5'7" (though my mom and 5'5"). I don't think it's a generational thing, I have great aunts in their 80's, and my maternal grandmother who where always taller than me (though they are shrinking with age)

I come from many short French Canadian women and even shorter English women. Lol. There was only ONE reputably tall woman in our family 3 generations ago , she was 5'9" and her sisters were all 5' or under. Until my nieces came along my family pretty much had tiny women. My brother married a 6 foot Polish girl.

[Moontiger]

I'm 5' 6" my boyfriend is a solid foot taller, by far the tallest person I have ever dated. I actually almost ended out first date because when I saw him I felt very uneasy about his height. I look at him and thought "Geez, this guy could easily kill me!" We meet online, I don't remembering reading what his height was on his profile so I must not have been paying attention to that part of it. I felt unsafe on a date with a guy that tall. But, I continued the date, he turned out to be a sweet, funny, intelligent guy. We have been together over a year now.

 

 

EDIT: Just want to add, the most attractive man I have ever seen in my life was 5' 5". We were in undergrad together and he could have had his pick of women. Literally 90% of the women on campus were drooling over him. He was insainly physically attractive and that nicest guy you would ever meet. He ended up falling very hard for an insane chick who played with his emotional and by the end of school he was little bitter. I wonder what would have happened if he had picked a different lady to date.

[John John]

I'm 5'7" on the nose, my boyfriend is at least and inch shorter, actually I suspect that he is closer to 5'5".

 

We both don't care that I am taller. I asked him once if it bugged him that I am taller, and he said no, and that he's a leg man, so.....

 

And I don't care that he is shorter, I have always preferred men closer to my height and have never had a bf who was over 5'9".

 

I did once find lifts in my bf's dress shoes....I discovered this one day by accident. So, even though he seems cool about his height, I sometimes wonder how secure he is. And I know he has hinted in the past about women rejecting him because of his height...which incidentally worked out quite well for me

 

This entire post makes me love you even more happybear. You are the quintessential catch, and I admire you not only for bucking the trend of 90% of women wanting 6"2" and taller but also being cool with the fact that your bf may not always be so secure about the height thing. Many women would have immediately penalized or broken up with him upon discovering the lifts, because they immediately go into "you're not confident 24/7/365, that's a requirement of men, grrr!!!!" Maybe more women should be like you and be empathetic that many short men (myself included, although I've been starting to give much less of a sh*t, since I do ok for myself) have complexes about it (thanks to 90% of women and society in general, we have good reason to not be entirely ok with it all the time - even though I genuinely recognize the value in not caring), however well we may hide or attempt to hide it. He's a lucky man!

 

Also, I will say, I know a few guys who wear lifts not so much because they're insecure about their own height but because many pants don't fit them properly. I'm a bit taller so don't have this problem as much (and I don't ever wear lifts, refuse to lol), but when you're under 5'6" you either have to get all your pants hemmed or sometimes wear lifts to make them not touch the floor.

 

EDIT: Just want to add, the most attractive man I have ever seen in my life was 5' 5". We were in undergrad together and he could have had his pick of women. Literally 90% of the women on campus were drooling over him. He was insainly physically attractive and that nicest guy you would ever meet. He ended up falling very hard for an insane chick who played with his emotional and by the end of school he was little bitter. I wonder what would have happened if he had picked a different lady to date.

 

This is what I like to hear 8)

[happpybear]

Lol, yeah, the pant thing makes a lot of sense. Never thought of that. And the lifts are only in his dress shoes which he only wears at work or if we have to go to a formal function. At first I thought maybe it had to do with the fact that he has to client-face, so just to give him a leg-up so to speak...I don't know if that makes sense lol.

 

I was surprised when I found them, and I did briefly agonize over "what it all means" lol. I even wrote a thread on here about it! I was surprised because he just doesn't seem all that bothered with his height or any other perceived physical flaws..like he comes across as very secure in himself. I know that he was savagely bullied growing up because of his height and bad acne, and glasses and he had an "Enrique Iglesias" mole on his face (which he did remove for superficial reasons). So I know he carries scars. But don't we all? Really? Even if we were not bullied by others, in my experience, I've found that us humans are really good at berating ourselves for not meeting some physical "ideal". And it often never really stops, our bodies change constantly, every year there's another new wrinkle etc. It's just our attention to it that changes. I used to agonize over my flaws, now I just sort of don't care. I think about the things I don't really like, and sometimes wish things were different, but I don't really let it interfer with my happiness now. I thought my BF was the same, so that's why I was shocked. And if he is a little insecure about his height, well he is just like everyone else. It only becomes a prob if it consumes you

 

PS, I would thank you for your post JJ, but my ancient BlackBerry doesn't let me thank anymore, lol.

[John John]

Lol, yeah, the pant thing makes a lot of sense. Never thought of that. And the lifts are only in his dress shoes which he only wears at work or if we have to go to a formal function. At first I thought maybe it had to do with the fact that he has to client-face, so just to give him a leg-up so to speak...I don't know if that makes sense lol.

 

I was surprised when I found them, and I did briefly agonize over "what it all means" lol. I even wrote a thread on here about it! I was surprised because he just doesn't seem all that bothered with his height or any other perceived physical flaws..like he comes across as very secure in himself. I know that he was savagely bullied growing up because of his height and bad acne, and glasses and he had an "Enrique Iglesias" mole on his face (which he did remove for superficial reasons). So I know he carries scars. But don't we all? Really? Even if we were not bullied by others, in my experience, I've found that us humans are really good at berating ourselves for not meeting some physical "ideal". And it often never really stops, our bodies change constantly, every year there's another new wrinkle etc. It's just our attention to it that changes. I used to agonize over my flaws, now I just sort of don't care. I think about the things I don't really like, and sometimes wish things were different, but I don't really let it interfer with my happiness now. I thought my BF was the same, so that's why I was shocked. And if he is a little insecure about his height, well he is just like everyone else. It only becomes a prob if it consumes you

 

PS, I would thank you for your post JJ, but my ancient BlackBerry doesn't let me thank anymore, lol.

 

 

I feel like I need to hop on a plane to Canada to not only meet you, but your bf and take him out for a beer. He sounds awesome. And I can totally relate. I was savagely bullied too, including for Enrique moles (had them removed when I was around 12 due to bullying, but I wanted them gone regardless). I know what it's like. God, people are so cruel. Still deal with the side effects every day (maybe that's why I frequent ENA lol).

 

I'll have to read the thread about that. I don't know what your bf does for a living, but I also know a 5'3" guy at my old job who regularly wore lifts. I know this because he was my career mentor, and I had just gone through a breakup and I guess I brought up the height thing (we were talking both about our career and women, and how height definitely impacts both). Granted I'm not as short as this guy, but he said something to the effect "my wife is 5'10". I don't care about my height in and of itself or with women, but other men definitely have an image in their head of what a "man" in business should look like." Hence the lifts.

[happpybear]

Lol yeah he's pretty awesome!! And yes, the "man in business" perception thing is exactly what I was trying to imply in my post. There are studies that suggest that taller men are promoted more and make more money than shorter men. Stupid really, it should be based on merit and appearance should play no part

[wsim]

I am 5'7" and my girlfriend is 5'4". She has dated guys a bit shorter than me before.

[Moontiger]

So, Dougie, I'm curious, what the reason being the thread?

[youareworthy]

For 30 years I was 5'6", and my favorite boyfriend was 5'8". Now I am 5"4 and he is 5'7". To me, he was and is the perfect height.

[IAmFCA]

For 30 years I was 5'6", and my favorite boyfriend was 5'8". Now I am 5"4 and he is 5'7". To me, he was and is the perfect height.

 

Ouch, two inches! That's a few vertebrae!

[youareworthy]

I know, right?

 

There is some degenerative disk disease in my family. Two of my sisters have worse cases; one has had surgery to fuse four vertebrae together. She has had chronic pain since her early 30s and now she is 60. Poor love!

 

I just have one disk that is affected, and I have no pain from it at all. I am very fortunate.

[Batya33]

I care about it less than I used to, but society and women have done a fine job of making men below, say, 5'10" feel absolutely worthless (at times). But I understand it. Attraction is a sharp knife that cuts both ways (as I always see). I'm not attracted to heavier women, people like what they like.

 

I'd be curious to know if your fiance on the inside is as really secure with the whole height thing (and being called names) as he seems? I'm not suggesting that he's not, and you're his fiance, you'd know better than anyone. But I know many short men, myself included, who do a good job of portraying that we don't care to the rest of the world, but we're not exactly ok with certain comments. Maybe we won't get bent out of shape the way some guys do (or try to overcompensate), but it can be annoying.

 

I am a bit over 5"2 and my husband is about 5"6. He is not ok with disparaging comments about his height -why should he be ok with that -it's rude and in certain cases, discriminatory. I've never been ok with disparaging comments about women or any other category I am a part of. My husband is secure in himself and has dated women taller than he is without any issues.

[John John]

I am a bit over 5"2 and my husband is about 5"6. He is not ok with disparaging comments about his height -why should he be ok with that -it's rude and in certain cases, discriminatory. I've never been ok with disparaging comments about women or any other category I am a part of. My husband is secure in himself and has dated women taller than he is without any issues.

 

The thing is Batya, we as men are expected to be confident 24/7/365 and not care about such comments. The interesting thing about a man's height is that it seems to be the one thing that is always fair game to openly mock. You can't say anything a woman (her age, weight, etc. - nothing), can't say anything about a person's race, can't say anything about a person's sexual orientation...but a man's height is always fair game, all the time. It's just...interesting, is all.

 

No one should be allowed to make mean comments about anyone. People come in all shapes, sizes and colors? Why do some people have to be so mean-spirited?

[IAmFCA]

The thing is Batya, we as men are expected to be confident 24/7/365 and not care about such comments. The interesting thing about a man's height is that it seems to be the one thing that is always fair game to openly mock. You can't say anything a woman (her age, weight, etc. - nothing), can't say anything about a person's race, can't say anything about a person's sexual orientation...but a man's height is always fair game, all the time. It's just...interesting, is all.

 

No one should be allowed to make mean comments about anyone. People come in all shapes, sizes and colors? Why do some people have to be so mean-spirited?

 

Nobody I know would think that comments about height are okay to openly mock -- except among those friends to whom everything is fair game. When talking smack, all comments are fair game of course, height is just low hanging fruit but comments about much more intimate traits are obviously fair game too. When not talking smack? Nobody I am friends with makes fun of any of these traits, height included.

 

When I hear people mocking traits that we can't change, I hear it as that person having a harsh sense of humor. Some people grow up in households where that sort of humor was celebrated as funny and learned/used as an intimacy avoidant way of expressing affection. A passive aggressive way of being intimate. An example from my life: I used to make fun of my dad for being fat. My dad was sensitive about his weight as an ongoing health issue about which he felt a certain shame. My family later told me when I did this, it helped ease the tension in the house. I remember that when I did it, as a young child, it was a way of both expressing my power over my control-freak father, and expressing affection, at the same time. The way people think that teasing one another is fun. I did not learn to express affection to my father in a direct, kind manner until I was about 30 years old. The sense of humor that became a family-wide coping mechanism certainly colored my understanding of humor for decades. It wasn't until my 30s or 40s that I began to understand how that sort of humor isn't funny at all, because others can hear the pain underneath to which I had long been immune.

 

Like everything else we say, the humor always reflects on the speaker more than the object.

[IAmFCA]

And PS, neither women nor men are expected to be confident 24/7. On the other hand, we are expected to filter out messages that aren't helpful. Humor that is not witty is one of those things is best to filter out.

[Batya33]

The thing is Batya, we as men are expected to be confident 24/7/365 and not care about such comments. The interesting thing about a man's height is that it seems to be the one thing that is always fair game to openly mock. You can't say anything a woman (her age, weight, etc. - nothing), can't say anything about a person's race, can't say anything about a person's sexual orientation...but a man's height is always fair game, all the time. It's just...interesting, is all.

 

No one should be allowed to make mean comments about anyone. People come in all shapes, sizes and colors? Why do some people have to be so mean-spirited?

 

I don't agree about what you wrote about expectations. It's not how I treat my husband or son. I agree that people feel more comfortable commenting about height. Already adults have said in front of my shorter son "what? he's 7??" Last time this happened I smiled and said to the woman "I know- right- you thought he was 15, right?" She was so clueless and said "um, um he is 7?" and I repeated "I know, you probably thought he was 15, right?" Still no clue so I said "and how old is your daughter?" "4". Oh, how lovely she is, enjoy your day".

 

As far as the "can't say" about the other categories -believe me it is said and believe me many people do know not to comment on height (including my son).

 

Why do some people have to be mean spirited? Because life isn't fair.

[IAmFCA]

I don't agree about what you wrote about expectations. It's not how I treat my husband or son. I agree that people feel more comfortable commenting about height. Already adults have said in front of my shorter son "what? he's 7??" Last time this happened I smiled and said to the woman "I know- right- you thought he was 15, right?" She was so clueless and said "um, um he is 7?" and I repeated "I know, you probably thought he was 15, right?" Still no clue so I said "and how old is your daughter?" "4". Oh, how lovely she is, enjoy your day".

 

As far as the "can't say" about the other categories -believe me it is said and believe me many people do know not to comment on height (including my son).

 

Why do some people have to be mean spirited? Because life isn't fair.

 

Agree completely. Glad you added this acknowledgement.

[John John]

I don't agree about what you wrote about expectations. It's not how I treat my husband or son. I agree that people feel more comfortable commenting about height. Already adults have said in front of my shorter son "what? he's 7??" Last time this happened I smiled and said to the woman "I know- right- you thought he was 15, right?" She was so clueless and said "um, um he is 7?" and I repeated "I know, you probably thought he was 15, right?" Still no clue so I said "and how old is your daughter?" "4". Oh, how lovely she is, enjoy your day".

 

As far as the "can't say" about the other categories -believe me it is said and believe me many people do know not to comment on height (including my son).

 

Why do some people have to be mean spirited? Because life isn't fair.

 

Agree with everything you said, but...whether or not you agree that men are expected to be confident all the time and just have things roll of their shoulders, doesn't make it any less real. Confidence is something that is expected, no, demanded of men by women. I've always wondered why. Confidence in women is nice, sure, no one wants to date someone who's always questioning herself. But I feel like most men view confidence in women as a "nice to have," not a dealbreaker like all women make it of men.

 

And my therapist told me an interesting theory as to why he believes women demand confidence in men much moreso than men do women. I thought about making a thread about it, but figured it would start a war, so...best not to go there.

 

A poster on here sort of hinted at it. She said something to the effect that she'd tease her husband about things, but told him that he'd better not ever tease her because she's ULTRA sensitive. So yeah, feel free to make fun of/tease us...we're expected to just "take it." Reminds of me of a few relationships I've been in. They couldn't take jokes, but I always was expected to.

[IAmFCA]

I am one who demands confidence in my guy. I have a responsibility to own up to that and weigh in. I expect it of myself as well, so I don't see it as a gender issue. That said, I agree that there is a gender-specific pattern.

 

I think of confidence in terms of how my man relates to the world, that he is confident he can be effective in his dealings with others. With me, I think of confidence in terms of knowing he is okay just as he is. I look for him to open up about what he is feeling and thinking, because that helps him be effective in building a relationship with me.

 

If I am with someone who interprets confidence as unfeeling, then I am not interested.