Inkedjak14 Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 Me and my ex, have been in a loving relationship... Full of love, happiness, excitement... There was up and downs .. Due too me working away for a year.. Anyway I recently moved back home too be with her properly... And after a few days she's left me... We've been through so much bad stuff together an we beat the odds of what people thought about us.. I met her when I was 21 and she was 16 at college... Lots of people was against us, due too age gap, she's 18 now an I'm 23 .. Anyway, it's been a rough 15-20 days since she's left me, so I decided too visit her because she's blocked me on everything... So I can't contact her, we got talking she said she's missed me, she also said she's loves me but is no longer in love, she said she had doubts about a month ago, and she's adament were not getting back.... She said certain things I did in the relationship upset her... And because of certain things I did, she put up walls, an she said she pushed away, I treated her well, an love her so... We went everywhere, trips out, camping, shopping restaurants, living with me for a few months ... The certain things she said what upset her was me not liking certain friends of hers because they was guys... And the time I decided too call an end too the relationship because I was so stressed from work, in a stressed rage I said too her I was unsure if I actually loved her .. Which I know was horrible too say.... She knows I love her very much, and would do anything for her . After speaking with her a further more yesterday, she just seems too want too party with her old friends she was once 50/50 about.. She says she feels better alone, an just wants too stay as friends.... A friend of a friend also said the current people she's back chilling with used too say too her on a regular basis too break up with me ... So I don't know what too do now, I want her back so much.. I don't want too walk away, because we've been through so much together, an I have a bond with her family... So I really need help on what to do ... I want her too feel the same way she did 2-3 months ago, because she was in love & happy... Link to comment
shiner501 Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 I know it is painful but there is not a whole lot you can do other than giving her the space away from you. Sounds like she is pretty sure what she wants, and regrettably, that is not with you. You saying you were not sure you loved her is the most crazy thing you can ever say to a lover and almost impossible to take back. Those words will stick. All you can do is go 100% no contact with her and see if the time and distance apart gives a fresh perspective. There is little else you can do. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 Leave her be pestering, hovering, unannounced visits will only backfire. Remain no contact, full block. It sounds like she settled down too soon and wants to experience life on her own. But don't accept the friendzone. I decided too call an end too the relationship because I was so stressed from work, in a stressed rage I said too her I was unsure if I actually loved her. She says she feels better alone, an just wants too stay as friends.... Link to comment
kbbcoop77 Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 For your own sanity cut her off completely. Friend zone never works and you'll feel awful Link to comment
Inkedjak14 Posted July 5, 2016 Author Share Posted July 5, 2016 I know leaving it is all I can do.... She did say seeing me yesterday made her happy an she did enjoy seeing me... Also what do you mean don't accept the freind zone, just walk away? Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 this can't be mended. i'm very sorry. she is done for good. stop all contact, and with her family as well. it won't help to resist acceptance and hope for change. this is done. done. stay strong. distract yoursellf with friends and summer activities, the season is on your side, offering plenty of chance to fill your time with outdoor activities. post here instead of contacting her or call a friend, an aunt or godparent who hasn't heard from you in ages, repaint your room, help someone move. anything to divert your attention. Link to comment
Inkedjak14 Posted July 5, 2016 Author Share Posted July 5, 2016 I know, I feel terrible about the things what were once said... She knows I love her... Her previous relationship, she dated someone who was 18 who used too hit her an mentality abuse her, verbal abuse... I know I've gotta leave her now, but it's just so hard... After everything we've been through an too be reunited with her only 3 weeks ago, an too be over after a few days ... It's just haunting .. I want her too feel the way she did a few months ago, and I'm so scared she won't Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 Yes, precisely. Don't hold her hand through all her new bfs. it's insanity.what do you mean don't accept the freind zone, just walk away? Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 I want her too feel the way she did a few months ago, and I'm so scared she won't she won't go back to feeling like that. i'm really sorry. the only change you can trigger in her feelings now is a flight response because she will feel pestered that you're not accepting things aren't going back to how they were; and will simply decide she needs to cut you off in whatever way it takes. if she has also been traumatized by her ex she would be even more likely to feel extremely distressed by your persistence, and it's a short way from there to a restraining order. please don't do that to yourself. it has serious consequences to have something like that in your record. it honestly isn't an uncommon occurence at all, look at the threads on here, there's no shortage of guys who got called the cops on because they thought they could change their ex's mind. we are here for you when you need to survive the abstinence crisis or talk things out. Link to comment
Clinton Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 It's over, it's done. The fat lady has sung She's not coming back Her heart has gone black Love for you she does lack So keep moving on because her friendships a con She's all over you so there's nothing to do Accept that it's done and go heal my son. (why you may ask. Because I'm tired of saying the same thing, the same way, over and over. So I'm going to give advice in poem from now on) Link to comment
Inkedjak14 Posted July 5, 2016 Author Share Posted July 5, 2016 I hear everything you're all saying I don't wanna live in hope, that'll she take me back.... But I do want her back so much, I've never had a real relationship before... Only had breif dates, I've been upset by girls messing me about but never in love with anyone... Untill I met her ... I think too myself, if she says she's missed me or misses me is there a chance for a re spark of love, will she come back if I move on... I have friends who are now in there twenties, what have been with their school girl love an going strong... But I just don't know anymore... She always used too say when I'm home, she wants us too get our own place, and be happy... Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 There's always a first, but certainly not your last. Many fine girls will come along when you open your mind/heart/eyes again.I've never had a real relationship before. Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 your feelings won't change immediately. simply don't act on them. when the shock lessens a bit you will come to accept things are over in your feelings as well- temporarily count on your rational mind to guide your behavior until your heart catches up. what better distraction than the spectacle of Mr.President dedicating this phase of your life a special poem? Link to comment
Inkedjak14 Posted July 5, 2016 Author Share Posted July 5, 2016 I know my feelings we take long too change... It's just so hard... She's been my life the past 2 years my family kicked me out because of the age gap... An only the past 6 months my family accepted it... And the only people who did accept it was her family, and they welcomed me in... Link to comment
Inkedjak14 Posted July 5, 2016 Author Share Posted July 5, 2016 I don't want you too lie too me, but why do you think she left me... I know we had up down an silly arguments, but the love an happiness we shared overpowered any bad in my eyes.... I would take her everywhere, spoil her, clothes, dresses, restaurants, tattoos, gigs, meals out with her family, everything... when I came back 3 weeks ago an I walked through her house, she was in tears of joy telling me too not go back, shaking kissing me... Just overwhelmed in joy Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 Yes, because she was a minor. And unfortunately they were correct that she was too young to settle down the way you wanted.I met her when I was 21 and she was 16 at college... Lots of people was against us Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 you were possessive (jealous of her male friends) and acted out in anger under stress. that is a need for control that doesn't support a healthy relationship. people need trust and freedom and equal power in a relationship, not to be a possession, or a subordinate on a leash. you may not feel like that was your intention, but in effect, that is what it is. it is detrimental and extremely painful for the other person. you may spoil and pamper them- but a golden cage is a cage nevertheless. her feelings for you may have been strong, but she was able to make the distinction between love and possession/dependence, and is acting accordingly. honestly, while she is young, it was a mature decision on her part. she insists there is no going back because this sort of blending of partnership with objectification takes a lot of time and self-reflection for a lasting perceptual and behavioral shift to take place. she is aware these problems would still be present if you tried again. her friends noticed the unhealthy dynamics and became concerned. pause. reflect. talk to a trustworthy adult or counselor. read. you are young- it would be a good outcome if you learned what functional and healthy emotional investments are so early in life. try not to look at this as a failure, but a major step in learning and maturing-progress. that is what it is if you allow it to be. you will do better next time with this experience. Link to comment
luisannalui Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 Good morning. You have no idea how much friends influences n this type of situation especially if she is partially deciding to stay away from you. They are just giving her the strength she needs to walk out of your life. I suggest you leave her alone for a while, allow her to balance the benefits of staying away from you and staying closer. That's the only way she can figure out exactly what she wants. Best of luck! Link to comment
Inkedjak14 Posted July 15, 2016 Author Share Posted July 15, 2016 Been 4-5 weeks now since she's left, she's been acting wreckless partying, trashing her home an sleeping around..... I bumped into her about a week ago, she invited me hers, we discussed our problems, she said she feels as if she pushed away because of the bad arguments we had... An doesn't feel in love any more... But we had nice time with each other and enjoyed the day together.... Few days later I see her again, an omg, her attitude has complexly changed, she screamed in my face she hates me an doesn't care that's she's slept around, an she rather me sleep with someone else to get over her... Anyway a few more days pass i saw her mom, got talking her mom was emotional about us breaking up an told me she knows we had bad times, but the bad times was when we was apart not together... Told me too be strong an try make myself feel better an give her time... I've recently heard that she's making out too oeople I was a nasty controlling boyfriend, what's put her through ... But our relationship was full of passion an love, I supported her through her work, an at home, gave her anything she wanted, helped with anything I could ... we never argued at all in person, the only bad we had, was when we was apart... But I don't see why she doesn't see that.... I've also found out she's back with certain friends who totally bullied her months ago, made malicious rumours about her, an made her cry... An it's killing me too know she's on a doward spiral... I just want her safe an back with me, her mom, her brother, an she knows I love her but she's being so cold and hateful towards me... Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted July 15, 2016 Share Posted July 15, 2016 i take everything back. she has a serious mental health problem. she can't be "saved" and made stable by your affection. she needs treatment. you wouldn't benefit from playing a savior. i hope you stop contact, but i feel you won't. the lessons best remembered are empirical, and repeated often. let us know how we can be of help. Link to comment
Inkedjak14 Posted July 15, 2016 Author Share Posted July 15, 2016 I'm trying my hardest too keep distant but it's so hard... I don't know if she's in a rage/re bound about the times we did have ... Or if it's her fake friends bringing up the bad times we had too keep her the way she is.... I just really don't know... I am really worried about her, I don't wanna see her get drunk, an taken advantage of, or hurt... My friends an family keep saying that if I leave her, she'll realise an come back... But I seriously don't see it happening now.. It seems like she's treating me the way, she feared me treating her, she once told me, the thought of me being touched by another woman haunts her an made her feel sick, an the thought of me flirting with others, would make her feel the same ... But I never cheated or flirted... But since the break up, she's thrown in my face she's done both ... Link to comment
Inkedjak14 Posted July 15, 2016 Author Share Posted July 15, 2016 At the start of the break up too, she did say 3 different things, why she's broken up... She said its not you its me.... The feeling of missing you has gone because your home.... An then the bad times part.... But that's all she seems too be telling people how, "the bad times" is the reason... Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 15, 2016 Share Posted July 15, 2016 They usually are the reasons."the bad times" is the reason... Link to comment
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