Lotusavx Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 I posted here yesterday about how I wanted this guy to "chase me"...so basically he was a friend of my best friend who she introduced me to and we all hung out a few times before the hook up actually happened. The other night we were all drinking and obviously that is what made me have the hook up. I knew I wasn't ready especially after the 4 year relationship I got out of 2 months ago. So before and a little bit during the hook-up I made the huge mistake of being insecure... but in my buzzed mind I was really just letting him know "I am out of practice and just getting over having sex with the same person for 4 years", and I also asked him if he wanted to do it again sometime after sex. I know now I should have shown NO ounce of insecurity and I shouldn't of texted him the next day saying "text me whenever you want to hook up again"... wow do I feel stupid... but this was my first hook up, especially during a really weird time in my life. The reason why I am writing is because my friend told me today that he said that he doesn't want to do anything again because I was "weird" about the whole thing. Understandable. But reading that I almost cried... I feel like and this whole thing is just hitting me way too hard..I obviously wasn't expecting anything like a relationship from him.. and I obviously wasn't ready to just have casual sex. So how do girls just have casual sex? What frame of mind do you have to be in? I'm feeling pretty bad, and I almost feel like texting him and saying I wish I never did anything with you..but my friend advised me not to. Should I text him and just stick up for myself? If so what should I say? Link to comment
Clinton Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 I'm not getting it. You say yourself you weren't ready for a relationship and were just looking for a hookup. So why care if it wasn't that great? Casual sex for a lot of people really isn't a positive experience. A lot of people need to form emotional ties to sleep with someone and one night stands just leave them feeling sad and empty. It doesn't seem like it's for you so why do it? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 No. Do not text him. Please don't make yourself look like the psycho who thinks a one night stand means the guy "owes" her something. You can't get yourself to be OK with casual sex if you're not. And why would it be a goal of yours anyway? Link to comment
Lotusavx Posted June 21, 2016 Author Share Posted June 21, 2016 it was my first "casual hookup" so i really had no idea if it would be for me or not. Link to comment
Clinton Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 it was my first "casual hookup" so i really had no idea if it would be for me or not. Well now you know. It's not for you. Chalk it up to a learning experience. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 Well, I'd say no, it's not. It's not for me either. And there's nothing wrong with that. I do (or did) have a go-to "guy friend" who I'd hook up with occasionally. It worked because we've known each other long enough to know we don't want to be in a relationship with one another, so there are zero hurt feelings. He's now in a relationship so that's never going to happen again. But instead of being hurt that he didn't choose me (because I don't want him either), I'm happy for him. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 So? he's was just a ons, who cares what he thinks? No you weren't 'weird', just not used to the hook-up scene. You should try regular style dating instead rather than allow yourself to get desperate for sex/affection and jump on the first warm body around. he doesn't want to do anything again because I was "weird" about the whole thing. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 If you don't like hooking up, just don't do it. You've made a mistake. Brush it off, you'll make plenty more. Just don't let it control you and define you. You might want to refrain from any contact or dating until you've had time to heal a bit. Healing is tough enough without throwing new emotions into the mix. Link to comment
greta96 Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 So how do girls just have casual sex? What frame of mind do you have to be in? I'm feeling pretty bad, and I almost feel like texting him and saying I wish I never did anything with you..but my friend advised me not to. Should I text him and just stick up for myself? If so what should I say? Who cares how other girls do casual sex? I don't see casual sex as something worth aiming towards! Besides, you're either wired for it (meaning, you are able to do it as a contact sport without involving your feelings one bit), or you aren't - and not being able to have casual sex is perfectly normal and healthy. Sex will always be much better with someone you know will be there in the morning, and the next day, and the next, someone you have stuff in common with and who cares about you. As for texting him, absolutely not. I don't think the guy meant you were "weird" in the true sense of the word, I think he realized you were not the 'hook-up' type and that you would have gotten attached, if he had sex with you again. He made it clear he is only looking for casual hookups, and he is afraid you'd want more, since you're fresh out of a long term relationship and not entirely over your breakup. Never, ever offer yourself as a f*ck buddy though, to anyone. Some may take you up on your offer, and you'll only torture yourself. Aim higher. You deserve a boyfriend, someone to care about you and do stuff with you outside of the bedroom, don't you? So don't ever sell yourself so short again, and say 'hey next time you want a vagina, take mine". No. Respect yourself, because this is the only way others will respect you. Chalk this up to experience, and move on. Forget about this dude. Who cares what he thinks? And telling him you shouldn't have hooked up with him would accomplish nothing, he'd just laugh and tell everyone who listens that you're coo-coo and to be avoided. Let this fade, and it will all soon be forgotten. Link to comment
Itchy Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 This is why it's imperative that we think before we act. So we don't end up in situations like this. Some women can have casual sex because they are able to suppress or have no emotions for the people they sleep with, it works for some women and not others and the problem here seems to be that you aren't over your previous relationship and you will probably see this guy again as he linked to one of your friends. Talk about an own goal. I'm sorry but you need to get over it, what's done is done, get a grip, sort yourself out and move on with your life and next time try thinking before you act. I do it and I don't end up in these kinds of situations. Link to comment
Lotusavx Posted June 22, 2016 Author Share Posted June 22, 2016 Thanks everyone for being so helpful...turns out I'm feeling a lot better about it than I was yesterday when I posted this. Link to comment
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