Looking up the same girls on Facebook why?

[hotlikestyles]

Okay so me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year now. Our relationship is good and we get on like best friends. All his friends are mine and my friends are his too and I get along with his family and vice Versa. It's like the perfect situation. I trust him with my life and I know he's not the kind of guy to go behind my back with anything because he's just not that type of guy. Atleast that's what I thought..

 

After a drunken night out we ended up back at his house and he passed out. I rarely ever check his phone because like I said, I trust him. But it was sitting staring at me and I didn't know what else to do so I checked it. I didn't expect to find anything if I'm honest but it was what I found that shocked me the most. My previous boyfriend lasted two years and I thought he was the one, until one day I checked his phone and saw that he had been on dating sites and messaging hundreds of girls arranging to meet up with them. This is why I have this fear that it might happen to me again. Not that I have trust issues really because I've never accused or thought of my current boyfriend doing anything like that.

 

I went and checked his Facebook messages and his phone messages... There was nothing. Though I know things like this can be deleted. So I went onto his search bar of Facebook. You know the bit where it comes up what you have been searching? The same girl had appeared over five times in the last like two weeks. This girl does squats and not going to lie, I envy her ass. All her photos are just photos of her ass. He's not friends with this girl, but he met her when he was travelling I'm sure as she lives in the part he used to live a few years ago, small town. Anyway, he had been looking this girl up on Twitter and searching for her doing 'squats'.

That's not where it ends.. He had also been looking up this other girl who he follows on Twitter, he always favourites her tweets and one time I caught him favouriting a photo she tweeted, which he said was a mistake so we left it at that. He's not friends with this girl on Facebook either but he has been on her page multiple times in the last few weeks aswell. I then went onto his snapchat.. And saw that he had recently added this girl that does the squats onto his snapchat. Which confused me too. There's no signs of him snapchatting her, but he's still looking. He might not be making a move just yet, but part of me thinks that would have been the next step.

 

So basically I confronted him about it. Asked why he was doing this. Looking up the same girls over and over and why he seemed so obsessed with this one girls ass? He had been trying to find her on Twitter too. Is he obsessed with someone he doesn't even know? I don't get it. Not like she's famous or anything. So anyway, I confronted him about it and said it had broke my heart seeing these things because I genuinely didn't think he was that type of guy. What's wrong with what he has?

 

He basically blew it off and said he didn't really care that I'd seen it but he was annoyed I'd went through his phone. Said that I don't need to worry about anything and that he only wants me. That was it pretty forgotten about. This guy knows he has me where he wants me and all my friends say it too. He has no relationship experience really and so he often gets away with treating me below average and I put up with it because I love him. But is this okay? I've literally just forgotten about it and moved on like its nothing.. But now I'm paranoid. All I keep thinking about is this girl? Do I need to go and squat at the gym to get my ass looking like that?

Why isn't he happy with what he has?

 

All my friends and even his friends say that he's stupid and he doesn't realise what he has and he won't until he loses it. I don't know what to do!? I asked all my friends and they said it wasn't on and he shouldn't be looking elsewhere.. I honestly didn't think he was like this but he is looking up loads of other girls on Facebook continuous times. Just can't help but feel like he's wishing he had them and not me. Am I wasting my time here!

 

When I confronted him he said to me that he could have done worse compared to other guys out there which is true but I wouldn't even give those other guys a chance because I'm not into that. So why should I be okay with it? I feel like the trust is broken.. Or am I just overreacting? I'm not sure what to do..

My friends say to just back off a bit and let him know how much he's hurt me and let him do the chasing for once as this will make him realise what he has... I don't know?

 

Advice please.

[j.man]

He treats you below? You're the one invading his privacy. Dude likes to see the woman squat. He hasn't interacted with her in any way aside from that it would seem. You either get over it or you don't.

 

If he's so lucky to have you and you feel like your trust in his is broken (doesn't sound like it ever existed, to be honest), then break up with him.

 

Something inside me tells me you won't, though. You'll just keep holding this over him and going through his **** whenever he's dumb enough to leave it lying in the open around you. Hopefully I'm wrong.

[hotlikestyles]

Dude likes to see her squat? Surely he shouldn't be interested in any other girls ass but his own girlfriends. Sorry if I am wrong but that's just my opinion really.

 

And for being with someone almost a year, I've only ever saw his phone twice. I'm not the kind to sit and go through his personal stuff but I did this once thinking I wouldn't find anything and I did.

[j.man]

You've invaded his privacy. You don't get a cookie because you only did it twice in a year. You shouldn't do it at all.

 

If you don't trust him, break up with him. Do you have any hobbies other than spying on his social media behavior and getting mad he hangs out with his friends?

 

And, sorry to break it to you, but so long as you keep dating men, there will always be another ass out there that interests them.

[adviceplease2]

Facebook.....downfall of modern society.

 

Does he know this girl? Is this a girl he could meet up with? Or is this just a girl he likes to look at or has looked at because she has a nice butt? Men like to look at pretty women, its genetic. Is he cheating you physically or emotionally? Is he messaging this girl with the nice butt?

 

Maybe I'm wrong, but women tend to overreact to things like this. I'd say its probably nothing, but seeing how your previous boyfriend did in fact cheat as you said, I can see how you'd have that fear and your current boyfriend needs to be more sensitive because of that.

 

And right now, he's going to be upset you went through his phone. I know some people think couples should be open books to each other and give each other their passwords and access to all their stuff...but I don't necessarily agree with that. I tend to believe people need at least a little privacy. Now, if his behavior changes to make you think he's cheating or he's acting strange then yeah, there needs to be some conversation...but going behind someones back and looking at there stuff is just not something I'd say is ok.

[mustlovedogs]

Have you ever heard the phrase, "just because I'm on a diet doesn't mean I can't look at the menu?"

 

I think Channing Tatum is sexy. Ryan Gosling, too. Matt Bomer, Zac Efron...

 

Do you agree?

 

Would it be different if he had looked up, say, Olivia Wilde multiple times and followed her on social media?

 

You invaded his privacy in a BIG way. He's allowed to be irritated.

 

And you're allowed to find other men attractive, right? Because you know you'd never act on it? Talk to him. It may be the same.

[greta96]

I am not the "cool girlfriend" type, and even I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill and are way overreacting. If anything will kill your relationship it will be your insecurities and not the girls with amazing butts!

Men will always look at other women and admire beauty, period. Just like us, women, will always appreciate a hot male body. Does it mean that we want to dump our current partners? Maybe, sometimes, but more often than not, no.

If you want to work out and improve your physique, by all means do it. But if you want to do it hoping your boyfriend won't look around at other women with great butts - yeah, that is not going to happen.

 

I think you betrayed his trust when you snooped in his phone, especially since you did it out of insecurity and nothing provoked you to do it. I sometimes agree with snooping when one of the partners notices a marked change in the other's behaviour and has a bad feeling about it. Not the case here, so he has every right to be pissed. I think it's not him who has to regain your trust, it's you. You crossed some boundaries for which a lot of people dump, so I really think you should apologize for breaching his trust and make sure you don't ever do it again.

[Wiseman2]

Try not to be jealous of others. there will always be women everywhere you go. Focus on being more realistic and trusting. Looking at sexy pictures is not cheating.

Because he is male 6555229]why he seemed so obsessed with this girls ass?

Well yes, that would get him annoyed 6555229]he was annoyed I'd went through his phone.

[Ms Darcy]

You do have trust issues from your past relationship. I think what you did invading his privacy was inappropriate. When you do that, you need to be able to deal with the consequences of that action. If you find something you don't try to guilt the other person into doing what you want. You walk away.

 

He's following others. There's a big distinction between that and talking to other women. I would advise you stop talking to your friends about this one and deal with it only with your boyfriend.

[Knot2loud]

Dude likes to see her squat? Surely he shouldn't be interested in any other girls ass but his own girlfriends. Sorry if I am wrong but that's just my opinion really.

 

And for being with someone almost a year, I've only ever saw his phone twice. I'm not the kind to sit and go through his personal stuff but I did this once thinking I wouldn't find anything and I did.

 

LOL... Uh-huh... Tell the truth... You were snooping. Look, you're human. Your BF is human. So he looked at another woman's rear end. You said yourself that you envied it. Heck, look at television... My gawd! There's hot bottoms all over television. Some shows even let you tweet.

 

I'm not justifying anything. Just suggesting that you relax a bit.

[Pixels]

Dude likes to see her squat? Surely he shouldn't be interested in any other girls ass but his own girlfriends. Sorry if I am wrong but that's just my opinion really.

 

And for being with someone almost a year, I've only ever saw his phone twice. I'm not the kind to sit and go through his personal stuff but I did this once thinking I wouldn't find anything and I did.

 

Your opinion is not only unrealistic, it's also self-centered, likely self-oblivious, and wreaks of insecurity.

 

He has no relationship experience really and so he often gets away with treating me below average and I put up with it because I love him.

 

It's not a person's lack of relationship experience that lets them get away with treating their partners poorly...

 

I honestly didn't think he was like this but he is looking up loads of other girls on Facebook continuous times.

 

If it's literally loads of girls, to the point where this is his pass-time hobby, that's a problem that's completely unrelated to you or your influence/presence in his life.

 

My friends say to just back off a bit and let him know how much he's hurt me and let him do the chasing for once as this will make him realise what he has...

 

Waiting for a guy to chase you when you think there's a problem is a pretty solid way to make sure he stops caring at all. Especially if he clearly thinks you're overreacting to begin with... Might as well play emotional games, that'll resolve this, right?

[Ms Darcy]

Your friends are giving you terrible advice.

[adviceplease2]

Indeed, stop playing emotional games. Guys can't stand it. Backing off for him to chase you??? Sure fire way of ending the relationship all together. Sounds like something teenagers would do.

[crowleysgirl]

You are completely in the wrong here, and waaay overreacting! And this is coming from a lady who caught her now ex-fiance of five years actually sexting and arranging to meet up with random girls by looking through his phone. I was wrong to look at his phone and I invaded his privacy. I did it because I did not trust him. I was right not to trust him and I don't regret it, but you need to realize what this implies. It means you do not trust your boyfriend. Even after going through all that betrayal with my ex, I have now been with my current boyfriend for a year and have never ONCE looked in his phone. You know why? Because I trust him! He's not my ex. And I trust him. You do have trust issues if you still felt the need to look at your boyfriend's phone when he hadn't even given you a reason not to trust him.

 

And what did you find? You found out he likes to look at butts. So what?

[Doc Blaze]

"All my friends and even his friends say that he's stupid and he doesn't realise what he has and he won't until he loses it.

 

 

^^ some of the biggest BS sugarcoated answers people can give to each other... almost ad bad as "if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

[Loriana]

The fact that he left his phone on the table (or wherever he left it) shows he has nothing to hide. If he had something to hide then he would be keeping his phone out of your view.

 

I think he probably gets turned on by watching this girl do squats that's why he keeps watching her videos and looking at her pictures. He is human, he is going to be sexually attracted to other people, but it doesn't mean he wants to meet up with that girl for sexy time behind your back. To think that because you are his girlfriend he should only be attracted to you is as someone else said on here a very unrealistic point of view.

 

And gurl, please don't take your friends advice they really don't know what they are talking about. Playing games never actually works. You say you don't have trust issues, but your actions tell me otherwise. If you don't change your way of thinking you're going to lose him.

[Wolfshook]

Didnt read the whole post but are you mad if he is watching porn?

[hotlikestyles]

Didnt read the whole post but are you mad if he is watching porn?

 

Nah not really, I know he probably watches porn which is fine, whatever. But this girl is someone who he knows from where he used to live and it seems he's just fantasising over her.

[hotlikestyles]

I've read everyone's comments above and thank you all for your input. It really does put things into perspective. However I am finding it really hard to actually think that what he has done is okay. I know in this day and age, and the social media that exists, this kind of thing happens all the time. I just don't know why I shouldn't feel crappy about seeing what I had seen. I already now don't feel good enough for this guy and like he would rather have someone else who flaunts their body all the time.. I don't really do this. Only with my boyfriend.

[reinventmyself]

After a drunken night out we ended up back at his house and he passed out. I rarely ever check his phone because like I said, I trust him. But it was sitting staring at me and I didn't know what else to do so I checked it. I didn't expect to find anything if I'm honest but it was what I found that shocked me the most. My previous boyfriend lasted two years and I thought he was the one, until one day I checked his phone and saw that he had been on dating sites and messaging hundreds of girls arranging to meet up with them. This is why I have this fear that it might happen to me again. Not that I have trust issues really because I've never accused or thought of my current boyfriend doing anything like that.

 

.

 

Reread your own paragraph.

You say you don't have trust issues yet you violate his privacy. You didn't expect anything - yet you violated his trust.

The best reason you gave for doing so was because the phone was staring at you?

 

Come on! At least admit you have trust issues. Please. I don't see he did anything to warrant your looking in the first place.

He looks at girls that squat. . .seriously?

Now you want him to chase you?

Be prepared for him to grow tired of this and run the other way.

[omnigeode]

Hey OP, I know you've had issues with a cheater in the past and so I think checking is phone, though I highly advise you don't do it again, can be put down to that.

No trust will not only cause issues in your relationship, but it will drive you crazy, trust me.

 

I'm an insecure person and I do tend to worry that my ex's behaviour will emerge in my current relationship. He didn't cheat but it's the same principle. When I hadn't been with my boyfriend for too long, he liked a photo of some girl on social media. I didn't even go through his phone, I just came across it when I was on my phone, using my account and it was hurtful for me. I felt insecure and horrible that this man who I saw through rose tinted glasses who only had eyes for me would even look at another girl and find her attractive. It really bothered me to the point I felt upset and sick and mad all in one. I approached him about it and basically said...even though I know it's okay for us both to find other people attractive it just really kinda hurt me to see it, am I being stupid? He replied apologetically and said it would have upset him the other way around. Basically, I just accept now that instead of liking/favoriting photos he's just getting a good look. We both know we do this and we talked about it more...it's natural to get a little bit jealous over your partner but there's looking and there's acting and you need to realise that looking is okay (even if us insecure people really really really hate it because we know we do it too.) If we trust ourselves we need to trust our boyfriends too. If we cannot trust them/they give us valid reason not to trust then leave, or seek therapy if the trust issues comes from you.

 

I UNDERSTAND how crappy it makes you feel. When you're anxious and insecure it feels so horrible because you immediately take it as a reflection on you and how he feels about you. If it makes you feel any better, what you're feeling isn't uncommon but it isn't healthy for us. I think that you should try and just have a discussion with your boyfriend where you address your hurt, but that you realise you were in the wrong for checking his phone and that you only checked because you got cheated on before and you WILL NOT do it again.

 

If someone loves you they DO only want you and nobody else will make them want to leave you. But they will find others attractive and they will appreciate other sexy people. I find male celebrities attractive, and I also find men I know in real life attractive, but I know that I love my boyfriend and the very thought of being with these other men (no matter how attractive they are) is sad to me because I love my boyfriend. Men might well be sexual, visual beings who appreciate butts and boobs but they can exercise the same level of control and love that we can and be faithful and love their partners very much no matter who else is out there

[hotlikestyles]

Hey OP, I know you've had issues with a cheater in the past and so I think checking is phone, though I highly advise you don't do it again, can be put down to that.

No trust will not only cause issues in your relationship, but it will drive you crazy, trust me.

 

I'm an insecure person and I do tend to worry that my ex's behaviour will emerge in my current relationship. He didn't cheat but it's the same principle. When I hadn't been with my boyfriend for too long, he liked a photo of some girl on social media. I didn't even go through his phone, I just came across it when I was on my phone, using my account and it was hurtful for me. I felt insecure and horrible that this man who I saw through rose tinted glasses who only had eyes for me would even look at another girl and find her attractive. It really bothered me to the point I felt upset and sick and mad all in one. I approached him about it and basically said...even though I know it's okay for us both to find other people attractive it just really kinda hurt me to see it, am I being stupid? He replied apologetically and said it would have upset him the other way around. Basically, I just accept now that instead of liking/favoriting photos he's just getting a good look. We both know we do this and we talked about it more...it's natural to get a little bit jealous over your partner but there's looking and there's acting and you need to realise that looking is okay (even if us insecure people really really really hate it because we know we do it too.) If we trust ourselves we need to trust our boyfriends too. If we cannot trust them/they give us valid reason not to trust then leave, or seek therapy if the trust issues comes from you.

 

I UNDERSTAND how crappy it makes you feel. When you're anxious and insecure it feels so horrible because you immediately take it as a reflection on you and how he feels about you. If it makes you feel any better, what you're feeling isn't uncommon but it isn't healthy for us. I think that you should try and just have a discussion with your boyfriend where you address your hurt, but that you realise you were in the wrong for checking his phone and that you only checked because you got cheated on before and you WILL NOT do it again.

 

If someone loves you they DO only want you and nobody else will make them want to leave you. But they will find others attractive and they will appreciate other sexy people. I find male celebrities attractive, and I also find men I know in real life attractive, but I know that I love my boyfriend and the very thought of being with these other men (no matter how attractive they are) is sad to me because I love my boyfriend. Men might well be sexual, visual beings who appreciate butts and boobs but they can exercise the same level of control and love that we can and be faithful and love their partners very much no matter who else is out there

 

Thank you so much for this comment. It has really helped me understand and put light into this situation. I know he loves me and we have so much together, I know he wouldn't throw it away for someone else I guess I was just being stupid. Just hurts me thinking that he is bothered about any one else.

[omnigeode]

You're welcome I know the feelings you're having.

I know it hurts, and I still feel hurt by it sometimes, but it's good to realise that it's fine to just look Accept the feelings, even if sometimes you need to say to your boyfriend "man I'm feeling kinda jealous guhdifh". My boyfriend and I try and be open about jealousy if it arises, and we can laugh and comfort each other about it. Make it a healthy discussion, not an attack