Making a friendship work when you have feelings

[ordinaryboy89]

Hi there,

 

I hope someone can give me some good advice on this situation as I feel I am going crazy now.

 

Its a very long story so Ive cut it down as much as I can.

 

Ive been friends with a girl for about 6 years. I really liked her when i first met her and we shared a kiss on a night out. She unfortunately met someone else who she dated for 2 years. I stayed her friend throughout this time but my feelings were really strong for her so it was very hard. I stayed friends with her because in part I really enjoyed her friendship and being honest another part of me was hoping that someday she would see whats in front of her.(Now im older and wiser I know thats silly).

 

Anyway, she split up from that guy and then met someone new. She then quickly had kids with him and they got married. ( I was upset but thought ive come this far and i do really appreciate her as a friend so ill just be her friend now and move on) However a few months into their relationship she completely cut me off. I didnt hear from her for a year and a half.

 

Then last year she got back in touch, her husband had been violent towards her and although i probably shouldnt have, i accepted her apology for deleting me out of her life, as i still cared for her and knew she needed someone there for her in a tough time.

 

Now she has been single for quite a while and we have maintained out friendship. She told me tonight that she went on a date with someone new and they kissed, and it killed me. I honestly had no idea I felt so strong for her still until she told me this. So now im in a situation where I dont know what to do for the best.

 

We have been through a hell of a lot together and she has no other friends in her life. Its just her and her kids. So if I just walk away then im leaving her all alone just because she doesnt want me.

 

But on the other hand I cant stop the awful feeling I will get when she says she has met up with someone or I have to see them together.

 

So what do I do?

 

Thank you for reading all that, and thank you in advance for your advice

 

x

[ThatwasThen]

So now im in a situation where I dont know what to do for the best.

You do what is best for you so that you can get over your infatuation for her and to stop this need to caretake her and you tell her outright that you cannot continue the friendship because you've discovered that you still very much have romantic feelings for her and if she doesn't feel the same way about you then you have no other choice but to go zero contact so that you can accept that the two of you as a couple will never be and get on with your life free in heart and mind of her so that you can find your own wife and have children with her.

 

That's what you should do.

 

If you can't do that out of fear of not having her in your life at all, then I suggest you get counseling to help you out of this addiction to her that you are in.

 

Be strong and be gone if she only wants you as her emotional tampon who she can step in and out of your life as she pleases.

[Snny]

You aren't seeking a friendship wth this woman. And if you can't keep neutral feelings around her, then maintaining a friendship will not work. You will get hurt in the long run.

 

Please go find someone who is available.

[ParisPaulette]

You go find someone who is actually attracted to you sexually and romantically instead of hoping every Hollywood cliché movie about how Mr. Nice Guy (I hate that term BTW, right up with Ms. Nice Girl) will always get the girl if he doormats hard enough INSTEAD of accepting the fact Hollywood just sells a lot of tickets playing off people's false hopes.

 

OR you be her friend and accept it's never going to happen and you focus your attention on your own life while learning how to draw healthy boundaries yes even in friendships. And you just be her friend and you accept that that is all you're ever going to be.

 

I'm sorry, but you need a dose of reality. Either really be her friend or don't and find someone available and interested in you that way, because she isn't. Those are your choices.