Overwhelming sadness reigns even after reconciliation

[poque22]

After a month of no contact (which worked for both of us) we've come to meetup and agree that we would take the steps to reconciliate one day at a time. Which is great. I see now that he was in just as much pain and anguish as I was. However I still feel an overwhelming sense of sadness to tears about it.. I cant tell if its fear, sadness, relief or dread.. Is this a normal reaction? or am I just emotionally exhausted?

We are both in our 50's.

[Clinton]

At least from my experience no, it's not normal.

 

The one time in my life I reconciled it brought overwhelming joy.

[Pixels]

Sounds like you're still sitting on some issues silently.

 

You might benefit from having some form of mediation to guide things...

 

Or maybe reconciling isn't what you actually want?

[ThatwasThen]

Why did you breakup? Knowing that is important because it may be the very reason why you're so melancholy about being back together.

[poque22]

Why did you breakup? Knowing that is important because it may be the very reason why you're so melancholy about being back together.

 

Actually a few things - we met 6 months ago and it was whirlwind.. We had a huge social life running 2 social clubs as well as visiting family and friends from the Christmas period on to the end of summer. This included partaking in 2 exercise groups during the week. It was exhausting. He was also working full time and renovating his new property on the weekends. He seemed to cope quite well but it was different for me. The amount of alcohol, rich food, lack of exercise really knocked me around mentally and emotionally.. I would get angry (not overly) and couldnt sleep which is an important aspect in his life. Im on antidepressants so its not surprise really. But I think he'd had enough and just ended it. But the month of no contact was fantastic in as much as we both had 'time' for ourselves individually. But in that time it was incredibly painful. We are the best of friends so there was a huge gap.

 

Im so looking forward to the next chapter and I hoping Im just tired from all the emotions Im feeling with the first meeting. Which was definately awkward. I was so nervous - was like being with a stranger. I just cried and cried when he left my house. He was there for only 30 mins and we only chatted about social clubs and his kids.. When he got home the conversation flowed better on FB. Agreed that while we were both so happy in seeing each other that one day at a time would be the wisest plan going forward. We said that we would talk about issues when we had time. Im ok with that given Im probably the issue..LOL..

 

Perhaps it was relief - I just cant tell. Maybe in the morning Ill feel more elated about it.. it was a big moment.

[Wiseman2]

Doing this to each other is a good thing? Unfortunately "breaks" rarely solve problems and merely weaken the relationship. This is because there was a lack of communication and/or resolve to address the problems and now running away-"taking a break" has become an option when lack of communication or resolution occurs.

he was in just as much pain and anguish as I was.

[Clinton]

 

Im so looking forward to the next chapter and I hoping Im just tired from all the emotions Im feeling with the first meeting. Which was definately awkward. I was so nervous - was like being with a stranger. I just cried and cried when he left my house. He was there for only 30 mins and we only chatted about social clubs and his kids.. When he got home the conversation flowed better on FB. Agreed that while we were both so happy in seeing each other that one day at a time would be the wisest plan going forward. We said that we would talk about issues when we had time. Im ok with that given Im probably the issue..LOL..

 

Perhaps it was relief - I just cant tell. Maybe in the morning Ill feel more elated about it.. it was a big moment.

 

I would be cautious. Because unless I'm missing something, it doesn't really sound like a reconciliation. It sounds more like let's talk a bit and see where it goes. And the whole, we'll talk about issues when we have time is troubling.

 

Usually, if you haven't resolved issues, the relationship heads right back to another breakup sooner than later.

 

Maybe you left out a bunch of stuff but it sounds a little off.

[ashley828]

It's hard to say just from the bit that you've mentioned, but I also find it troubling that you feel sad upon reuniting. Maybe that is your gut telling you that things still aren't right? I'm not one of those people that say people can't ever get back together, but for the most part, I think it takes longer than a month apart. Ask yourself what has changed in the past month? Or is it that you guys just miss each other? If that's all it is (and I'm not minimizing that, because I know you much missing someone you love hurts) then I fear that you will be right back in the same place in a month or so (or less).

[allibaidoo4]

I actually understand what you mean. You are still hurt about the break up.You guys need more time a part in order for you to heal and for you to evaluate if you really want to get back together.