Made a huge mistake....

[cipd11]

I found this site and the people on it such a great help last July when my ex broke up with me. I've got myself into a bit of a pickle and really could do with some any advice anyone has....

 

I won't go into too much detail but my ex broke up with me back in July last year. Even though I knew it wasn't right, at the time I was devastated. The months that followed were possibly the hardest months of my life. But with help from my friends, family, this site and no contact.... I started to get my life back together.

 

I got a new job, moved to a new city and rarely thought of him! That is until I accidentally sent a package to our old address.... I ended up changing the delivery address, although they did attempt to deliver the package to him and left a slip. He then contacted me to let me know....

 

This was the first time we had spoken since the break up and it was strange but at the same time it was nice to catch up and to tell him about my new job and to show him I was okay without him. I know it was stupid of me but we remained in contact for the next three months.... I thought I could be friends with him.

 

He came down to my new city for work and asked if I wanted to go for a drink... I stupidly said yes and one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together and me confessing I still had feelings for him.....

 

Now since then he has barely spoken to me and when he does hes really not very nice to me at all. I'm not sure how I can come back from this. Whilst I know it is my own fault, I'm embarrassed that I let that happen after I had been doing so well for months. I feel like I've gone right back to the start and am going through it all again..... He was so nice to me before we slept together... I started to think he might potentially want to give things another go because we get on so well.

 

I know this is my own fault and I really don't want any messages reminding me of how silly I have been. I just don't know what to do

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm sorry that happened, but your only option is to pick yourself back up, start over and take the lesson with you. When all is said and done, you'll still land on your feet.

[Waraqqa]

This was unfortunate, but trust me, you are not the first one and not the last one to have done something like this. Lots of people have. I pretty much have. Stayed no contact over winter and even started seeing new people, and then in March nearly got hoovered again. Didn't sleep w him, but entertained. And to add insult to the injury, at the end he pretty much told me he was looking mostly for fwb kind of thing. Last year I also went back to him though knew he was bad news for me. Each time it happens it only gets worse. This year I felt so discouraged, frustrated, and hopeless about myself. Well, this is not much of a consolation for you probably, but just so you know you are not alone. I can relate to a situation where you do a lot of work trying to start a new life, even moving etc, and then in a short time crumble everything with one mistake and have to restart again. Well, what other choice do we have? However many times we fall, that many times we have to rise back up! This time stick to NC and so on.

[Hollyj]

All you can do, is start over.

 

I suggest you read your old posts, on how he related to you in the relationship. This should help in finally letting go.

 

I also suggest that you block all forms of contact. People rarely change.

[bulletproof]

If it means anything, my guess is that the healing will be quicker this time around. You've already done it once. Cut off contact immediately, and remember that you have control.

[Tanzi]

From my own experience, when I am over someone .... and I mean REALLY over them .... I am totally indifferent towards friendship. If there is one small piece of me that still thinks about forging some kind of friendship with them then I know I am not nearly over them as much as I think I am.

 

The truth is, if he had wanted to start over it wouldn't have taken a misdirected parcel for him to have reached out to you. He would have done so anyway .... but he didn't. I think he ceased the opportunity for ex-sex thinking that was what you wanted too (or possibly not caring what you were wanted).

 

Don't be so hard on yourself. You aren't the first and you won't be the last to fall into the "ex" trap.

 

I know you've had a setback but that is all it is ... a setback. You will recover broken ground quicker than you realise .... and at least you'll know for next time. Sometimes the only way to learn is the hard way.

[Hollyj]

If it means anything, my guess is that the healing will be quicker this time around. You've already done it once. Cut off contact immediately, and remember that you have control.

 

So true. After my second go around, I finally saw him for who he was, and moved on. Sometimes, a bit of humiliation is a good thing.

[catfeeder]

I'd consider the healing skills I learned first round and trust my ability to use those again to heal even faster this time.

 

Meanwhile, I'd congratulate myself on learning another important skill--to avoid playing 'friendzies' with exes. If it doesn't end in the kind of heartbreak you're feeling AGAIN, it only interferes with your potential to date new men, because really, what self-respecting guy would voluntarily involve himself with anyone who still keeps an ex in the picture?

 

Head high, you can do this.

[cipd11]

Thank you everyone for all of your advice. You have no idea how much your words help me.

 

I know I made a mistake and I will try to stop beating myself up over it. The main thing that I regret is stupidly sending him a long email telling him I still loved him. When he didn't reply I text him begging for another chance to which he responded that I was crazy and to stop bothering him. I feel so unbelievably embarrassed and stupid about this. For someone reason it feels worse than when he broke up with me

[Wiseman2]

Now you know for sure that you made the right choice moving on from him. He played on your emotions for a hook up so all you lost was a jerk. Next step...find a caring mature guy.

he responded that I was crazy and to stop bothering him.

[cipd11]

Today has been the first day back on NC! I will remember how I **** I feel right now so that I won't make the same mistakes in future. Having gone through this before I know that its terrible at the start but that time and NC will heal everything and I will be back on track to where I was before we spoke again.

 

Its almost a year since he ended things. Since then I haven't been on a single date.... is that bad? Should I be putting myself out there? I just feel like I can't imagine myself having the same connection with anyone else.

 

I'm going away with my parents to visit my brother who lives in another country tomorrow. I was thinking I might just switch my phone off for a week and just enjoy myself. But at the same time that idea fills me with anxiety that I will feel alone. I am over thinking everything at the moment and all I want to do is message my ex!!! How can I be so drawn to someone who actually does not give a **** about me at all? How can I take him off this pedestal and see that what he did was cruel?

[Wiseman2]

Yes and no. Had you been starting to see someone or dating this whole episode may not have happened. You would have declined and not had the vulnerability of a void. However, if you are not ready to date only you know for sure. A year is a long time to not even get on a dating app and browse a bit.

Its almost a year since he ended things. I haven't been on a single date.... is that bad?