He is Claiming Suicidal Thoughts/Tendencies... Help

[moodindigo91]

A short back story: my boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend, whatever he is) and I broke up almost a year ago. He initiated that break up. Since then, we've been still living together (I lost my job and he'd just gotten out of the military, neither of us could actually afford to move out) and I spent many long months trying to be okay with the whole situation. Once I finally got to that point, he tells me he wants to "try again". I said I wasn't sure, this was a few weeks ago. He kept putting on the moves (being very nice, attentive, caring, etc...) and during one conversation I asked if I could have space, he said sure, then proceeded with the advances. Our relationship was and is tumultuous. We argue a lot, sometimes it gets physical, and he's done and said some pretty crappy things that I've not reconciled with yet. I keep telling him that I'm not ready to just jump back in like he wants and he doesn't seem to understand. He let me know a month or two ago that he was "severely" depressed and thought about committing suicide. I had also stumbled across some letter he wrote to me that he snatched away and hid before I could read it... but it didn't sound good.

 

This past weekend was my 25th birthday and he took me to a play. But before that, we spent the entire day arguing because I didn't want to have sex with him when he woke up. He went into a speech about how he's a man and he has needs and that I never want to have sex and it's been so long since we last had sex, and I mentioned I stopped sleeping with him because he BROKE UP WITH ME. Then he said that if I won't sleep with him he'll HAVE to go "somewhere else"... okay fine. That I don't care about. But it only escalated from there. Things were dug up from the past and thrown in my face. At one point during the argument I was laying on the bed and I covered myself with the blankets while crying, and he came into the room and said he wanted to cut himself and I didn't say anything at first (I was crying) and he said "I'm not even worth an acknowledgment" and I lifted the blankets to try and console him and I saw he was standing over me with a kitchen knife in hand. I immediately got up and sprang for the knife at which point he went into the bathroom. I got the knife eventually. But I will never be able to forget that image, or some of the things he said to me. And later that day I saw he had text messages from two women, some stranger and his ex-girlfriend (who cheated on him while he was deployed).

 

I finally felt okay with myself until this all started to happen and now I feel like I'm plummeting downhill again right back to where we were before. A lot of the time we were together I've felt like used and disposable trash. When he dumped me I was devastated and it took me a long time to get to the point where I accepted things and where I even was able to look back and see I deserve better. But now it seems like I'm stuck, I don't know whether I should give him another chance or leave, and I'm afraid to tell him either way because I don't know what he'll do. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

[abitbroken]

You have options - is there a family member you can temporarily stay with for a few months - even if its on the sofa? One of you needs to leave. If you are broken up - you need to be broken up instead of this constant dance of him trying to have sex with you, etc. This is not a healthy situation to say the least. In the meantime, do not accept offers for him to take you out! Be two ships passing in the night and if unemployed, hit the job skills/unemployment office daily to get yourself out of the house away from him

[Wiseman2]

You need to move out asap and stop being in a neither-here-nor-there abusive relationship. This is coercive and manipulative at best. Call the police if you see a knife being wielded, this is out of control. Move out and cease all contact.

ex-boyfriend and I broke up almost a year ago. He initiated that break up. Since then, we've been still living together.

 

Our relationship was and is tumultuous. We argue a lot, sometimes it gets physical.we spent the entire day arguing because I didn't want to have sex with him when he woke up.

 

I lifted the blankets to try and console him and I saw he was standing over me with a kitchen knife in hand. I immediately got up and sprang for the knife at which point he went into the bathroom.

[Hollyj]

Get the hell out of there! There must be a friend or family member you can turn to!

 

This is a highly dysfunctional relationship, and always has been. This should have been done long ago.

 

Dangerous!

[ThatwasThen]

This is dysfunctional to the nth degree. Get yourself your own place to live and if that means that you work at the local Walmart to make money then so be it. There is no good to come of you living with someone you are broken up with. A guy that needs psychological therapy to help him with what ails him.

 

Call social services and find out what options you have to tide you over until you get that Walmart job (or any other job where they are hiring for that matter).

 

Quit relying on him to keep you. Once you do that, perhaps you'll have the confidence to leave and not look back.

[moodindigo91]

He makes me feel so guilty for wanting to leave... I can't seem to overcome. I'm employed now but he is not and he doesn't have money either. Unfortunately, no family to stay with I moved to CA from FL three years ago to live with him.

[gigiselle]

Brienoch:

Why are you having sex with this guy. He's clearly confused. So--what are you roommates with benefits? You need to find more suitable living arrangements ASAP!!!! He sounds like he has issues you can't fix. Don't walk...RUN!!!! He is taking your signals(willingness to have sex) as an indication you're are in a relationship. This is NOT a well person. He more than likely has Borderline Personality Disorder. STOP sleeping with him and MOVE out. Look up borderline personality disorder....that'll give you a glimpse. You don't owe him anything. You are off by thinking you are responsible for his feelings.

[ThatwasThen]

He makes me feel so guilty for wanting to leave... I can't seem to overcome. I'm employed now but he is not and he doesn't have money either. Unfortunately, no family to stay with I moved to CA from FL three years ago to live with him.

He is NOT your responsibility. You are not his mother and he is not your son. Tell the police or the mental health services where you live that he's threatened his own life and have him committed if he's as bad as you think he is.

 

Start looking for affordable apartments or even boarding in a room if that's what it takes for you to get out.

[Wiseman2]

That's part of the abuse and manipulation. The suicide threats are to control you. Just start a permanent exit plan secretly.You can and should leave and live a peaceful nonviolent life. Find a room, get a po box and safety deposit box and plan your departure...call the domestic violence hotline for tips and info. Wielding a knife and coerced sex? You have a job and no excuse to stay and allow yourself to be mentally and physically tortured.

He makes me feel so guilty for wanting to leave.I'm employed now but he is not and he doesn't have money either.

[Hollyj]

That's part of the abuse and manipulation. The suicide threats are to control you. Just start a permanent exit plan secretly.You can and should leave and live a peaceful nonviolent life. Find a room, get a po box and safety deposit box and plan your departure...call the domestic violence hotline for tips and info. Wielding a knife and coerced sex? You have a job and no excuse to stay and allow yourself to be mentally and physically tortured.

 

Totally agree.

 

You also need to seek out therapy for the abuse. This is a sick situation.

[DoF]

That's part of the abuse and manipulation. The suicide threats are to control you. Just start a permanent exit plan secretly.You can and should leave and live a peaceful nonviolent life. Find a room, get a po box and safety deposit box and plan your departure...call the domestic violence hotline for tips and info. Wielding a knife and coerced sex? You have a job and no excuse to stay and allow yourself to be mentally and physically tortured.

 

Ding Ding Ding

 

And in time, figure out what made you stay with such person for so long......you need to address yourself here (at some point).

[ThatwasThen]

Brienoch:

Why are you having sex with this guy. He's clearly confused. So--what are you roommates with benefits? You need to find more suitable living arrangements ASAP!!!! He sounds like he has issues you can't fix. Don't walk...RUN!!!! He is taking your signals(willingness to have sex) as an indication you're are in a relationship. This is NOT a well person. He more than likely has Borderline Personality Disorder. STOP sleeping with him and MOVE out. Look up borderline personality disorder....that'll give you a glimpse. You don't owe him anything. You are off by thinking you are responsible for his feelings.

 

She's NOT having sex with him as she stated when she said this in the opening post:

But before that, we spent the entire day arguing because I didn't want to have sex with him when he woke up. He went into a speech about how he's a man and he has needs and that I never want to have sex and it's been so long since we last had sex, and I mentioned I stopped sleeping with him because he BROKE UP WITH ME.

 

Anyway: I'd hazard a guess that he's suffering from PTSD but that's still not your responsibility Op. Urge him to get the therapy he needs and you start working on your exit plan.

[No1]

You are in an abusive relationship.

There are plenty of womens shelters in your area that can help you and even give you a place to stay until you get on your feet. As far as your X, tell a family member of his what he is doing. Remember that you must look out for you not him. And yes you can overcome, you can find the strength to do it. Ask yourself if not finding the strength is an option? Because staying with him might have you end up floating in a swamp.