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Should I entertain him?

love1985

By love1985
in Dating Advice

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love1985 Explorer

love1985

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So I dated this guy for three months. You'll see in my last few post everything seemed like he wasn't interested. So I just went ghost after a conversation in February we had and him saying he was so busy. He called me a few times after but I didn't answer. Fast forward to now, I get a random call and voicemail of him saying he guess I'm still not taking his calls but he wanted to see how I was doing. Followed by him liking a IG post.

 

I debated about calling him back but I don't want to be a fool twice. Should I call him back keep it brief and move on, or not call back at all?

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j.man Grand Master

j.man

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Yes, I remember you posting about this guy before. He told you he was interested in dating you but was too busy to give you the attention you wanted and encouraged you to date others aside from just him. He was open and straight forward about that. That's not what you want, so why bother? Nothing has changed between your previous four threads.

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love1985 Explorer

love1985

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It sounds like you're not interested. Maybe he didn't get the hint?

 

It sucks because I know he can pull me back in but I don't know if I can trust him at this point. That's a clear sign you aren't into me like that. He wants something casual it seems despite what he says. I'm not.

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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

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It may be time to give a definitive response that it's over rather than just ignore contact. He may want a variety of women on speed dial and you are in that pack until he get a straight "not interested" response. He can't "pull you back in" if you never hear from him and block him from phones, social media,etc. and he knows for sure not to bother anymore.

It sucks because I know he can pull me back in but I don't know if I can trust him at this point. That's a clear sign you aren't into me like that. He wants something casual it seems despite what he says. I'm not.
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love1985 Explorer

love1985

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Yes, I remember you posting about this guy before. He told you he was interested in dating you but was too busy to give you the attention you wanted and encouraged you to date others aside from just him. He was open and straight forward about that. That's not what you want, so why bother? Nothing has changed between your previous four threads.

 

Very true. My thing is stop contacting me. You don't want me regardless of how you want to wordsmith it. Like go causally date others. What's the dramatics?

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love1985 Explorer

love1985

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He wants sex.

If you also want sex, go for it.

You kept your option open by continuing to have him on Instagram.

He only wants sex and you are giving him the green light.

 

Um, no. I don't follow him he still follows me because my page is open. I kept nothing open. He's not stupid. Man up and face that you got ghosted.

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love1985 Explorer

love1985

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Have you told him definitively that you are not interested in dating or hearing from him repeatly?

 

No just like he didn't directly tell me was busy and ghosted for five weeks. When I confronted him then he gave me the that's not it I'm just busy and that when I stopped answering.

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j.man Grand Master

j.man

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Do you care to elaborate? You must share the same dating and communication as this guy.
If anyone's the narcissist, it's you.

 

1) You're in a tiff because someone had the sheer audacity to not want to be in a relationship with you

2) You are upset someone isn't getting a message that you yourself can't bothered to communicate

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love1985 Explorer

love1985

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If anyone's the narcissist, it's you.

 

1) You're in a tiff because someone had the sheer audacity to not want to be in a relationship with you

2) You are upset someone isn't getting a message that you yourself can't bothered to communicate

 

Hmm not all sir. You're defending him and that's fine, I'm not mad I don't care he doesn't want to be in a relationship but leave me alone. We aren't looking for the same things and I told him that. He wants to keep lying which is even more offensive. Don't worry about me and what I'm doing. Have a nice life. He IS narcissist and I'm thinking you're similar to that as well.

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greta96 Community Regular

greta96

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Every time I dumped/cut contact with someone and then I rekindled things at a later date, it blew up in my face. This applies to both romantic relationships and platonic friendships. What does this mean? It means that my initial decision to end things was the right one, and that I had subconsciously done the best thing for myself. At the time, it made perfect sense and I had a good reason to do it. Same applies to you.

As time goes by, we tend to "forget" the bad stuff and the reasons we cut off contact to begin with, and especially if we are lonely or sad for whatever reason, we second guess our decisions and sometimes revisit them and get back in contact with the people we left behind. What that usually does is set us up for yet another fall, because we are dealing with the exact same people and the exact same issues as before. The end result is the same, we'll just end up dropping them again.

 

You had a good reason for cutting him out of your life. Don't second guess your decision and stick to it, because not doing so will only bring you more stress and anxiety.

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love1985 Explorer

love1985

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Every time I dumped/cut contact with someone and then I rekindled things at a later date, it blew up in my face. This applies to both romantic relationships and platonic friendships. What does this mean? It means that my initial decision to end things was the right one, and that I had subconsciously done the best thing for myself. At the time, it made perfect sense and I had a good reason to do it. Same applies to you.

As time goes by, we tend to "forget" the bad stuff and the reasons we cut off contact to begin with, and especially if we are lonely or sad for whatever reason, we second guess our decisions and sometimes revisit them and get back in contact with the people we left behind. What that usually does is set us up for yet another fall, because we are dealing with the exact same people and the exact same issues as before. The end result is the same, we'll just end up dropping them again.

 

You had a good reason for cutting him out of your life. Don't second guess your decision and stick to it, because not doing so will only bring you more stress and anxiety.

 

Thank you for sharing your own story and the heartfelt advice. I agree I think this has the potential to go really wrong really fast. I won't reach out but should he pull a fast one, I'll tell him upfront that the damage is already done. Have a great day.

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Robin2904 Community Regular

Robin2904

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I've had guys who ghosted on me like that resurface with those 'Hey how you been?' texts months later. No thanks.

 

I would just be abrupt with him and text something like 'I'm not interested any longer. Good luck to you' and move on, block him even. Might come across b****y but hey its worked for me, sometimes you need to be blunt, he might get a little butthurt but its straight and to the point and in a situation like this I think needed.

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