ParisPaulette Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 I'm with Ms. Marple on this one as well as some of the others. He handled it completely badly. And at two months in this is just simply too much drama and "assuming" you be a mind reader. Nope, block him and move on. I'm sorry, but until you both have the boyfriend/girlfriend talk you each have a right to see other people. You told him you'd deleted the account, you apologized, if he chooses to use this as a reason to now end contact then I'm sorry but it's his issue. And more than a wee tad controlling too, don't you think. A simple, "I'm sorry for assuming, okay let's be exclusive" from him would have been the way to go. I think maybe he was more on the fence than he let on, possibly his whole "talk" was simply to keep you on the hook until he decided if something was going to pan out elsewhere or not. And then he used this as an excuse to break things off. I'd also be a wee tad suspicious of his whole "I was showing a friend and found you on there..." Uh, no. I've used match.com when I was doing OLD. You have to look someone up specifically, they're profile just doesn't pop up all like "Oh, found you there by accident. Gosh, how'd that happen?" It may even be he was going to break up with you anyways and just used this as an excuse. I find his story really suspicious and his actions do not indicate a reasonable person who would have taken the opportunity to talk things out and come to agreements. Also at two months in, with no "Be my girlfriend" talk he really has zero rights to have gotten upset with you. Maybe next time he should try his indoor voice and actually have a conversation since people aren't mind readers. I've seen women do this to men and thought it was a crap thing to do. Now I'm seeing a guy do it to you and yes, it's still a crap thing to do regardless of gender. Never put up with an "I just assumed..." We all know what "assume" spells. I made an "a$$" out of "u" and "me." I'd shed this one. You have no idea what other "assumptions" he'll make then punish you over for imagined infractions caused by his own lack of communication. Seriously, way too much drama for a budding relationship. Consider this one done and move on. And put your profile back up. He has zero right to his tantrum. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 abitabove - do you have any updates? Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 What should I do? Nothing else to do. Given his less than mature approach and tantrum, you need to re-assess if this guy is the great catch you thought he was. Link to comment
SoulTaker Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 She wrote that "I did note that I was not on Match.com " But that was not true -so I can see him being upset about her lie (maybe the OP can clear this up if she chooses). Yes, I know. But, he was also on Match. So, why should she trust his reason for being on it, while he shouldn't trust her reason? Like I said before, "trust" goes both ways, and no one cares much for someone spying on the person they're dating with no clear reason. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 Yes, I know. But, he was also on Match. So, why should she trust his reason for being on it, while he shouldn't trust her reason? Like I said before, "trust" goes both ways, and no one cares much for someone spying on the person they're dating with no clear reason. To me if someone told me they were not on a certain site but they were, it wouldn't matter to me whether I was -it would be irrelevant. All that would matter to me is that a person I don't know well yet already has lied. Link to comment
SoulTaker Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 To me if someone told me they were not on a certain site but they were, it wouldn't matter to me whether I was -it would be irrelevant. All that would matter to me is that a person I don't know well yet already has lied. It's not irrelevant. It would be hypocritical of you, and mean that you lied as well. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 It's not irrelevant. It would be hypocritical of you, and mean that you lied as well. Well, no, he said he closed his account and said that The guy I am seeing texted me Saturday night stating that he was showing a friend how to use Match.com (and yes I did log on to my dating site when I was exclusive with my boyfriend now husband to help a friend by checking out a man she was communicating with - in my case my boyfriend knew that I was logging on to do that -we had not met on line, nor did he have an on line account, but I told him because he had friends on that site). Link to comment
abitabove Posted April 4, 2016 Author Share Posted April 4, 2016 Update! He did contact me last Wednesday and we met Friday evening and worked everything out. He said he was very hurt and wanted to see my reaction if he lost contact. A bit controlling...yes, but we talked it over and both want an exclusive relationship. I told him I wasn't as secure in the relationship and it made me hold back. Now that we have had the "exclusivity" conversation all is great for now. We had an awesome weekend together and we are moving forward. The bottom line is good communication between a couple is a major key to success. Especially at the beginning stages were no boundaries are set. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 Great news! Glad you talked it out!! Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 I'm glad things have worked out for you. Thanks for the update and I hope you two can keep the communication open. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 I am glad it is working out but you need to let him know playing games will not fly with you. Doing something to see how you will react is high school stuff and has no place in a relationship. Good luck and have fun Lost Link to comment
SoulTaker Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 I am glad it is working out but you need to let him know playing games will not fly with you. Doing something to see how you will react is high school stuff and has no place in a relationship. I agree. There's some immaturity going on with this guy, and it's not going to go away with a a few conversations. Update! He did contact me last Wednesday and we met Friday evening and worked everything out. He said he was very hurt and wanted to see my reaction if he lost contact. A bit controlling...yes He's not a bit controlling, but a solidified controller. Hopefully, you won't let your emotions cloud your judgement, and instincts. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 Update! He did contact me last Wednesday and we met Friday evening and worked everything out. He said he was very hurt and wanted to see my reaction if he lost contact. A bit controlling...yes, but we talked it over and both want an exclusive relationship. I told him I wasn't as secure in the relationship and it made me hold back. Now that we have had the "exclusivity" conversation all is great for now. We had an awesome weekend together and we are moving forward. The bottom line is good communication between a couple is a major key to success. Especially at the beginning stages were no boundaries are set. We teach other how to treat us and.....you just taught him that he can spy on you, lie to you about it, pitch a tantrum at you, disappear on you to punish you for his perceived slight and after all that you will welcome him with open arms..... Despite the above, I do believe in giving a person their one bad deed so to speak. So I really hope that you made it crystal clear to him that this was his one and that if he pulls something like that on you ever again, including and especially going awol because he is unhappy, then you will walk and there will be no additional chances or come backs. Link to comment
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