Do women like the "sappy romantic" stuff?

[sonicfan287]

This is a question that popped into my head recently, for whatever reason. Actually, I know the reason, because it was Valentine's Day =p

 

I meant to post this then but I never got around to it, so I figure I will now, while the question is still on my mind.

 

I think the one thing that had me bummed out on Valentines Day the most (as weird as this will sound) is that I had no one to buy a candy heart for, nobody to pamper or treat as my Valentine. Thing is, when I'm in a relationship, I usually do this stuff often anyway, I like to be the sappy romantic who brings flowers and chocolate. I still have yet to fulfill my generic romantic fantasy in which I take a woman to carnival and win her a giant stuffed bear.

 

Anyway, while I didn't have anybody to shower with gifts or even just show love to, it got me to thinking, "do women even really like that stuff?" I realize everybody's different and some do and some probably don't. I have a very small frame of reference, having only been in 3 real relationships and only having a gf on Valentine's Day a handful of times. In those times, I feel like they appreciated my gestures but at the same time, I don't know how much of it was them "faking it" for my benefit. I seem to derive more joy from this than they do, if that makes sense. I will admit, my gf's were completely different people in that regard. My 1st made it very clear she wasn't into that. She liked that I was a nice guy but she didn't want or need flowers or anything over the top. I only tried it once and got a lukewarm reaction. My last gf however really had her breath taken away when I gave her this big stuffed lion (who I named Lionel) for our first Valentine's Day together. In retrospect, I realize this may be because she was 18 at the time (I was 21) because for our next 2 V-Days together, she seemed less impressed and almost bored.

 

So back to my original question, I feel like I've spent years selfishly wanting a gf thinking that my romantic fantasies would also be hers, but of course it takes two to tango, so I wonder how much women really like these things and how much is invented by movies and pop culture.

 

Also, don't misunderstand me, there's no substitute to being a good partner. I'm not suggesting that buying gifts and stuff is an acceptable alternative to a loving, open, communicative relationship because I realize it isn't. I just wonder how much being a romantic person really matters to most women. Any thoughts?

[mhowe]

Not for me. Over the top is just too cheesy.

[Ms Darcy]

Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don't.

 

I enjoyed when my husband and I went to see Deadpool and laughed a bunch together.

[thejigsup]

I like real. I hate cheesy, crappy, sentimental things. So no. No to candy, flowers, cards, etc... Taking my car in to get the oil changed for me is my kind of gift.

[mhowe]

I got a card, single rose....and. Homemade dinner with champagne. It was lovely.

I would not have appreciated a teddy bear, a singing telegram or balloons at my office.

[Gloworm]

I like some sappy romantic stuff.. but I like it when guys switch it up. Maybe flowers and chocolate one occasion, a nice weekend getaway with dinner, trip to the carnival, etc. We only need so many stuffed bears before we decide if your the one for us and then we are wondering if we will ever get a real commitment and a ring?..

[boltnrun]

No sappy here.

 

Sure, flowers are nice. They're pretty.

 

BUT...the way to my heart is through my stomach. I'd love a home cooked OR restaurant meal. Something new I've never tried before. Preferably spicy food. Love spicy food. Followed by dessert.

 

Then, after I've digested, some "couple" time. If you get what I mean...

[sonicfan287]

Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don't.

 

I enjoyed when my husband and I went to see Deadpool and laughed a bunch together.

 

Deadpool was such a great movie!!! I've seen it twice already. I'd love to have a woman who would love to go with me

[sonicfan287]

No sappy here.

 

Sure, flowers are nice. They're pretty.

 

BUT...the way to my heart is through my stomach. I'd love a home cooked OR restaurant meal. Something new I've never tried before. Preferably spicy food. Love spicy food. Followed by dessert.

 

Then, after I've digested, some "couple" time. If you get what I mean...

 

I do, and I have used food that way before, either to cook or bring over something. I guess when I said 'sappy romantic', I didn't just mean to limit it to flowers and chocolate, those were just the first couple that came to mind, but yeah, I definitely try to mix it up as much as possible. I've definitely been called cheesy before though

[Seraphim]

I prefer time being spent with me .

[Ms Darcy]

Deadpool was such a great movie!!! I've seen it twice already. I'd love to have a woman who would love to go with me

 

Yeah - we're going again this weekend! Dude, luckily they are coming out with a sequel so you still have time to find that lucky lady.

[Pixels]

We try to ignore V-day as much as possible... If every couple does something special, then whatever you're doing isn't really that special, it's just a social norm...

 

We spoil each other at random sometimes.

 

Unspoken rule is it has to be something that you put part of yourself into... Anyone with money can buy flowers... Buying flowers and arranging them yourself takes some personal involvement... Anyone with money can take you to dinner... Cooking a meal yourself involves a real investment.

 

To put your examples into context... Anyone can buy a stuffed animal, so learn to sew and make a stuffed animal after something that has some real sentimental meaning, rather than "look, I got you some silly sh*t".

 

When we're totally uninspired and just want to do something nice, we'll randomly offer money towards something important that the other would be hesitant to afford, or just surprise each other with something small that we're been trying to get.

 

PS. SOOOO jealous about seeing Deadpool... I had to rewatch all 6 StarWars movies with her to see Force Awakens... I think I'm still on the block for that one...

[boltnrun]

I was at the local supermarket Sunday night (buying myself a steak and some brussels sprouts, I made myself dinner) and it was hilarious to see so many men there frantically buying flowers and candy for their wives and girlfriends.

 

So, SO unimaginative! But at least they got something! Hopefully their efforts were appreciated, even if it was unimaginative and last minute.

 

That's why I HATE to buy gift cards for people. No effort or thought goes into gift cards. To me, they say "I had no idea what to get you and couldn't be bothered to find out, so here, go get yourself something".

 

I would enjoy a special dinner (as mentioned), a trip somewhere or a visit to see something unusual (this upcoming weekend I'm going to a symposium given by criminal detectives and I can't wait), or something small but unusual in a format I like (for example, I love wind chimes and snow globes).

 

And when I give gifts, I try to keep the person's interests in mind. My brother is a sci-fi and sports fan, so he gets something along those lines. My teenage niece likes clothes, so I get her something from Hollister or Hot Topic (NOT a gift card!). My best friend likes accessories, so she gets a pretty bracelet or a charm. And so on.

 

Thoughtfulness counts. And so does effort.

[sonicfan287]

Yeah - we're going again this weekend! Dude, luckily they are coming out with a sequel so you still have time to find that lucky lady.

 

I'm so glad they're making a sequel, and I suppose I could always cuddle up with someone and watch the first one on DVD when it comes out

[sonicfan287]

I was at the local supermarket Sunday night (buying myself a steak and some brussels sprouts, I made myself dinner) and it was hilarious to see so many men there frantically buying flowers and candy for their wives and girlfriends.

 

So, SO unimaginative! But at least they got something! Hopefully their efforts were appreciated, even if it was unimaginative and last minute.

 

That's why I HATE to buy gift cards for people. No effort or thought goes into gift cards. To me, they say "I had no idea what to get you and couldn't be bothered to find out, so here, go get yourself something".

 

I would enjoy a special dinner (as mentioned), a trip somewhere or a visit to see something unusual (this upcoming weekend I'm going to a symposium given by criminal detectives and I can't wait), or something small but unusual in a format I like (for example, I love wind chimes and snow globes).

 

And when I give gifts, I try to keep the person's interests in mind. My brother is a sci-fi and sports fan, so he gets something along those lines. My teenage niece likes clothes, so I get her something from Hollister or Hot Topic (NOT a gift card!). My best friend likes accessories, so she gets a pretty bracelet or a charm. And so on.

 

Thoughtfulness counts. And so does effort.

 

You sound like me in terms of gift giving, I love to think of the most innovative and still relevant gifts I can every holiday or birthday. I think it's great that you don't "cop out" and get gift cards or money for people. That thoughtfulness is surely appreciated by your friends and loved ones.

[Pixels]

I was at the local supermarket Sunday night (buying myself a steak and some brussels sprouts, I made myself dinner) and it was hilarious to see so many men there frantically buying flowers and candy for their wives and girlfriends.

 

So, SO unimaginative! But at least they got something! Hopefully their efforts were appreciated, even if it was unimaginative and last minute.

 

That's why I HATE to buy gift cards for people. No effort or thought goes into gift cards. To me, they say "I had no idea what to get you and couldn't be bothered to find out, so here, go get yourself something".

 

I would enjoy a special dinner (as mentioned), a trip somewhere or a visit to see something unusual (this upcoming weekend I'm going to a symposium given by criminal detectives and I can't wait), or something small but unusual in a format I like (for example, I love wind chimes and snow globes).

 

And when I give gifts, I try to keep the person's interests in mind. My brother is a sci-fi and sports fan, so he gets something along those lines. My teenage niece likes clothes, so I get her something from Hollister or Hot Topic (NOT a gift card!). My best friend likes accessories, so she gets a pretty bracelet or a charm. And so on.

 

Thoughtfulness counts. And so does effort.

 

If you've nailed the fashion sense of your close ones, good on you, man!

 

I honestly can't recall how much perfectly good clothing and accessories I've thrown into the salvation army dumpster that well-meaning relatives got me...

 

But seriously... Brussel sprouts and a steak, that's some fine selection there... Try throwing some bok choy in with the sprouts towards the end. Real simple, simmered in broth with some pepper. Excellent lean meal. Good on you!

[ParisPaulette]

I think the whole overhyped Hallmark "gots to get you a giant dustcollector of a stuffed animal" thing is wayyyy overrated. As in I'd be happy to see it go away altogether. I have always thought Valentine's Day was a bit of a holiday for the haves vs the have=nots plus mostly just about selling crap.

 

That said, do I as a woman love real romance. Well yes, but for me that means things like taking me outside at night to show me the stars, buying me yellow roses for no other reason than they remind me of my father's rosebushes he always grew and was so proud of, that cup of coffee brought out to me when I'm in the barn freezing with a sick horse, the lovely little gift slid under a breakfast or dinner plate or other place for me to find.

 

But there are other women who love the whole Valentine's Day thing, so I think this is one of those individual things.

 

I will let you in on a little secret though, real romance is when someone notices you enough and pays attention to what you like or love enough, to give that to you -- both on holidays AND on nonholidays too. Holidays really are more about just kind of showing you care on the same day everyone else sort of does, some people find that special, some like me not so much. But to make it personal, now that's great romance. Boquets have never been my thing, flowers die. But the one suitor who once brought me a lavender plant that you could smell from halfway across the house? That was romance, because he'd noticed me commenting that I loved the smell of lavender. In fact, he told me to close my eyes then smell what he'd brought me, and it was heavenly.

 

That's romance. My husband is good at too. He spent a few days photo stalking the bobcat family on my property to bring me pics of the mommy and cubs, he's taking them to get developed and I will likely have a framed photograph of them before the week is out. Now THAT is love.

[boltnrun]

Thanks, Pixels. But I'm actually female

 

I already ate the steak (ate it Sunday night) but I do love some bok choy as well. Sounds delish.

 

I do have a pretty good idea of what young teens are wearing, only because I work with a lot of late teens/young 20s and I see what they wear. As for the older folk, I pay attention to what they usually wear and get a variation.

 

Funny example...I wanted to get my (now ex) husband's uncle a sweater vest for his birthday. My husband insisted his uncle NEVER wore sweater vests and decided to get him a flannel shirt instead. On the day of his uncle's birthday party, guess what the uncle was wearing? A sweater vest! And my husband had known him all his life and I'd only known him about 3 years, but apparently I pay better attention Oh, and said uncle didn't EVER wear flannel shirts.

 

I really appreciate it when someone gets me something related to one of my interests because it means they care enough to pay attention. BUT...I always appreciate any effort. I mean, they didn't have to get me anything, but they cared enough to try. So I say thank you graciously.

 

PS: The only time I get a little upset is if someone gets me candy with nuts in it. I am deathly allergic to nuts and I make sure to let everyone in my life know in case one of them has to grab my Epi-Pen and use it on me. I have received candy with nuts in it from a couple of family members, and I joke to my kids (later on, when I can't be overheard) that that particular family member must think they figure in my will. LOL

[milly007]

I can appreciate sappy, sometimes. But what I really appreciate is when a guy has put thought and effort into a gift - when he personalizes his efforts/gift giving. I.e. - I once had a guy re-frame some paintings that were painted by my grandmother. It meant the world to me, as it was something I had been wanting to do for a while. And he knew this. He listened.

[Pixels]

Thanks, Pixels. But I'm actually female

 

I already ate the steak (ate it Sunday night) but I do love some bok choy as well. Sounds delish.

 

I do have a pretty good idea of what young teens are wearing, only because I work with a lot of late teens/young 20s and I see what they wear. As for the older folk, I pay attention to what they usually wear and get a variation.

 

Funny example...I wanted to get my (now ex) husband's uncle a sweater vest for his birthday. My husband insisted his uncle NEVER wore sweater vests and decided to get him a flannel shirt instead. On the day of his uncle's birthday party, guess what the uncle was wearing? A sweater vest! And my husband had known him all his life and I'd only known him about 3 years, but apparently I pay better attention Oh, and said uncle didn't EVER wear flannel shirts.

 

I really appreciate it when someone gets me something related to one of my interests because it means they care enough to pay attention. BUT...I always appreciate any effort. I mean, they didn't have to get me anything, but they cared enough to try. So I say thank you graciously.

 

PS: The only time I get a little upset is if someone gets me candy with nuts in it. I am deathly allergic to nuts and I make sure to let everyone in my life know in case one of them has to grab my Epi-Pen and use it on me. I have received candy with nuts in it from a couple of family members, and I joke to my kids (later on, when I can't be overheard) that that particular family member must think they figure in my will. LOL

 

Screw your gender, you have good taste in food.

 

I need some new clothes, can I PM you my address and significant dates? I'll be friendly and stuff in-between.

 

I also collect exotic orchids, so if you ever want a unique bouquet....

[boltnrun]

Hilarious, Pixels.

 

Nah, I think I'll just send you a gift card. LOL

 

I have only brothers, so I am not at all a "girly girl". I like sports (especially football), cars, racing and true crime stories. I also love suspense and scary movies and CANNOT STAND "chick flicks".

 

I have friends who DO love all that "girly" stuff, however. Their ideal day is a pedicure followed by a coffee and pastry break, then a Rom Com. Kill me now.

 

OP, it's a good idea to gauge what a particular lady is in to, then get gifts based on her interests.

[IAmFCA]

It depends.

 

That's my answer.

 

How, with whom, when... sometimes I hate it more than anything.

[Pixels]

Hilarious, Pixels.

 

Nah, I think I'll just send you a gift card. LOL

 

I have only brothers, so I am not at all a "girly girl". I like sports (especially football), cars, racing and true crime stories. I also love suspense and scary movies and CANNOT STAND "chick flicks".

 

I have friends who DO love all that "girly" stuff, however. Their ideal day is a pedicure followed by a coffee and pastry break, then a Rom Com. Kill me now.

 

OP, it's a good idea to gauge what a particular lady is in to, then get gifts based on her interests.

 

Ok ok ok... Tell you what... You cover me in the fashion department and I'll arrange a fragrant orchid bouquet, no name on the tag, credit's all yours.... I roast my own coffee as well, just tell me their roast and I'll have you scoring brownie points 'till next year... Last but not least, we can read "Manson in His Own Words: The Shocking Confessions of 'The Most Dangerous Man Alive'" together. You know, light funzies....

[boltnrun]

I like plants but I have the thumb of death. I apologize to plants when I buy them, because I know it's highly likely they will die very soon. I don't know what I do wrong, but they hate me. The ones that live look very strange...all sprawly and asymmetrical.

 

Yeah, I can take a look at someone and figure out their favorite style. OR, I can tell what all their friends are wearing and I get them the same look. I can't put together an ensemble for myself but darn if I can't get anyone on the "Best Dressed" list. My nephew looks like a catalog model thanks to me.

 

And...we're way off topic.

 

Some women like "sappy" and some don't. Get to know her and you should be able to figure out if she wants to see "This is 40" , "Fifty Shades of Grey", "The Hulk" or "Race" (can't wait for that one, also anything scary).

[Pixels]

I like plants but I have the thumb of death. I apologize to plants when I buy them, because I know it's highly likely they will die very soon. I don't know what I do wrong, but they hate me. The ones that live look very strange...all sprawly and asymmetrical.

 

Yeah, I can take a look at someone and figure out their favorite style. OR, I can tell what all their friends are wearing and I get them the same look. I can't put together an ensemble for myself but darn if I can't get anyone on the "Best Dressed" list. My nephew looks like a catalog model thanks to me.

 

And...we're way off topic.

 

Some women like "sappy" and some don't. Get to know her and you should be able to figure out if she wants to see "This is 40" , "Fifty Shades of Grey", "The Hulk" or "Race" (can't wait for that one, also anything scary).

 

Sounds like not enough light and bad watering practices...

 

Now, do I have to read Manson by myself? Or am I getting a new sweater.... I've already had dinner so it's too late for American Psycho, but if you're into Rwanda Bourbon I can play the banjo while making eggs benedict, or perhaps the zoo? I like animals....