Beccy Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 OMG!!! For those of you who read my recent threads... A while ago I began to hear from my friend Beren regularly again. He was in his hometown and hadn't been able to contact me. I finally managed to get a hold of him through a friend who let him know I wanted to speak to him, and he bought a phone just so he could talk to me (which I now feel kind of guilty over, but dang, am I happy he's not ghosting anymore!) I let him know of what happened with my parents and he said he wanted to come back, said his job would bring him back within a few days. He wrote me the most beautiful song, and apologized profusely for poofing previously...said I was the most important person in his life aside from his younger brother and sent me some ADORABLE pictures of himself dressed up as Jack Frost and holding his little brother About three days ago he messaged me saying "hello beautiful, I'm waiting to hitch a ride on a trailer, some drivers go down all the way to *my town*" I freaked because it's so dangerous here in Mexico, with so many recent killings and kidnappings, and he doesn't believe in hitting back so that even if they tried to hurt him and he knew how to defend himself he probably wouldn't. I told him "No, don't do that! Why don't you take a bus?" And he said he had only fifty pesos in his pocket and the bus cost nearly 600. He said the family he'd been staying with here was taking care of his money for him and he couldn't contact them just then, so I offered to lend him some for his ticket. He at first said no because he didn't want to give me any trouble, but I said it would be no trouble as long as he was safe. I did tell him to at least get a key, pen or other sharp object so that he could defend himself at need. He then said, "Okay, I will accept, but on one condition." I asked what it was, and he said, "You have to let me pay you back and take you out to breakfast or to the movies." I about died xD but I accepted and transferred the money to his bank account. He asked me to visit him at his workplace yesterday. I would have gone, but was swamped in work and other commitments so that it wasn't even funny; so he asked if we could see each other on Monday, which is his rest day. I was quite eager to agree, but for my schedule... Monday is tomorrow and I'm moving house today, then starting school tomorrow, which means I have to get up at 5AM to be at work at 7AM, leave for school at 1PM and stay at school until 10PM, and my school isn't in the safest part of town by any means. I told him this, and that I thought it might not be such a good idea, but he was like "That's why I will pick you up after I buy the tickets, and then I will take you to your house." I about died!!! But didn't want to seem too enthusiastic, so I was like, "Okay and that was it. First time he's ever been so adamant on going out with me...usually he'll just say "We should go out to the movies soon" and I will be like "We'll see, I'm really busy" and we leave it at that (as I mentioned, I wanted to accept, but I had my reasons). I have rarely been out alone with a friend, much less a male friend, and never at night! Yesterday I bought green and black eyeliner, mascara, baby oil and eyelash curler. I am sooooo excited! Today I will buy hair cream and work on a nice hairstyle for tomorrow. Shame I have only the one dress...but it will have to do, as I will NOT go on a date while wearing my school uniform! xD Any tips!? What is likely to happen? Anything I should or shouldn't do or say!? My grandma swears that he's going to try to kiss me, touch me all over and do other things e_e She can talk until she's blue in the face, I know he would never do anything against my will. But do you think it's likely that he will try any of that? (Within respectful boundaries, of course, because I KNOW he would NEVER disrespect me!) And how should I respond? I want a kiss--nothing more. But I don't plan on initiating it, LOL. And now I don't think it would be a good idea to tell him of my feelings...yes? What do I have to expect??? And is it just posible that this is just a friendly gesture, not a date, and I'm reading waaaaay too much into it???? And I've been told not to overdo it with the makeup. No fear there! I have rarely used it, and prefer a more natural look anyway...thin line of green liner on bottom lid and some mascara, that's it. LOL...makes my gray eyes stand out decently enough, they look greenish too...lol. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 What is the different advice you are asking for as compared to the thread you met recently? My tips - show up on time, look nice, be nice. Period. He has half the responsibility to keep the conversation going. I would not overwhelm him with gushing about your feelings or overwhelm him in general. Be a good listener, be lighthearted if at all possible, and let him see how you feel by your actions (good listener, appreciative if he pays for the movie, positive comments about hanging out with him, the movie, whatever). Link to comment
Beccy Posted January 17, 2016 Author Share Posted January 17, 2016 He's picking me up at school, he said...so not much for showing up on time lol. I'd be there half an hour before, if I had my way xD Keeping in mind this is a guy I've been best friends with for a while now... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 Yes, friends typically do not date. Link to comment
Iggy5129 Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 I understand you are excited but I don't really see why. He says just enough to keep you around. Nothing about this says date to me. He doesn't ever directly say he likes you or asks you out on a date. What has he said or done that explicitly shows you this is heading in a romantic direction? It seems like a lot of guessing on your part. Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 I understand you are excited but I don't really see why. He says just enough to keep you around. Nothing about this says date to me. He doesn't ever directly say he likes you or asks you out on a date. What has he said or done that explicitly shows you this is heading in a romantic direction? It seems like a lot of guessing on your part. Yeah i kind of agree with this, he doesn't call it a date date, but more to pay you back. Keep your expectations in check, keep calm and don't get ahead of things! At your "date" you do finally have the chance to tell him about your feelings and then see how it goes but don't call it a date already because i don't think he means it that way at the moment. Just have fun and take it from there. Link to comment
Tom1990 Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 HEH. Yeah, calm your jets, play it cool, and have no expectations. Most of all, STAY SAFE! And stop asking us for so much advice. This is your date, not ours! Link to comment
Beccy Posted January 17, 2016 Author Share Posted January 17, 2016 He says just enough to keep you around. Nothing about this says date to me. He doesn't ever directly say he likes you or asks you out on a date. Well...he has hinted at it. And his friends have told me he talks about me all the time. He steals my photos and uses them as WhatsApp profiles, is always saying I'm so beautiful and good, etc. He would share all his life with me, offering to reopen his FB account and give me his password so I could see what his life has been like. And his referring to me ALL THE TIME as "Princess", "beautiful", "pretty", etc. is NOT something you do with "just a friend". A while back he told me there was this girl he really liked, she was the world's best girl, very smart and friendly, but waaay above him so she was an impossible dream, etc. I playfully asked who she might be and he was like "Oh I can't tell you!" Which was weird because that is LITERALLY the ONLY question I've asked which he hasn't answered. But I put two and two together when he spoke to my friend that day and said to her I was the best girl in the world and so beautiful, etc. And he's repeatedly said that he feels I'm out of his league. Maybe his sudden decision to take me out is due to my parents kicking me out??? He has many times said "I love you" to me. He says I'm the best thing that ever happened to me and he never wants to lose me. He messages me daily, even if it's only a "Good morning precious, your ugly and crazy friend Beren wishes you a beautiful day"... ...replies to my messages almost instantly if he's online... ...is always hinting to me that he feels alone, that he's sad because no women pay any attention to him because he's "ugly", etc. ...has dropped important things just to come see me ...when we worked together, would follow me around the store like a shadow and offer to help with the slightest thing, praising anything I did ...would always defend me to our co-workers' and even our boss's faces if they spoke ill of me I may be naive, but I think these are some pretty strong signals...don't you think? Link to comment
Birdie Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 Don't start intrepretting actions based on your own feelings. Take a step back and look at everything. If he wanted to date you, he would ask you out (clearly) on a date or to be his girlfriend. It seems like he's keeping you hooked, but also at arms length. Be wary of people who play with your emotions and are unclear. He's getting what he wants right now without any commitment to you. Link to comment
Birdie Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 And it could very well be you're both young and this is all new! But just remember every now and then to put emotions aside and look clearly at the situation. Link to comment
Beccy Posted January 17, 2016 Author Share Posted January 17, 2016 He's 19 and I'm 18. But yes...I've never had a relationship before, he only one and it apparently ended badly with her dumping him after his family lost all their money. He's a very timid, shy, sad person...his family history makes mine look like a bed of roses, yet he doesn't complain. I think mentally he is still a little boy, even more than I...but we are both considered children by our peers, ugh. Both of us are hard workers and very responsible so it has more to do with social skills than anything else, I believe... Also, when we met, I considered him no more than just a friend, and so I told him about my crush. I later regretted it because I began to notice how he got jealous of any attention given me by other guys, though he never did or said anything about it, he definitely didn't like it. He also remembers every little detail I say, even things so trivial I don't even remember telling him. I think maybe it might also be partly out of respect for my feelings as he still thinks I have a crush on this other guy...? And I know that because of his life experiences he is afraid of rejection and loneliness. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 I really hope you aren't setting yourself up for a major let down. You seem almost desperate to see this guy and I think you are reading far too much into your conversations with him. Please slow yourself down. If things dont go as you hope you are going to be crushed. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 18, 2016 Share Posted January 18, 2016 You are very young and sound very sweet. I would just say go and have fun on your date. Make sure you try to remember you are an independent person - don't lose yourself in a guy. If his actions don't match his words, be courageous and willing to move on. Link to comment
Iggy5129 Posted January 18, 2016 Share Posted January 18, 2016 I asked for explicit declarations such as "I like you, let's go on a date". All of the examples you give seem to me like him saying enough stuff to keep you around. You also rejected him many times so he may believe he's just a friend. I'm not sure this will work out since you seem to have problems communicating how you actually feel and usually act the opposite of what your feelings really are. I feel a lot of drama in your life stems from your inability to express your true feelings and your expectation that people will know how to read your mind. Link to comment
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